"Absurd! That female ghost has gone too far! Brother Xu, don't worry. I'll climb a mountain of blades and dive into a sea of fire, even sell everything I own, to help you exterminate her!" Xiao He slapped the table and shot to his feet, so envious that he had resolved to uphold justice.
Having a brother haunted by a female ghost could be a good thing or a bad thing.
If it was a bad thing, he couldn't bear to stand by and watch his brother die.
If it was a good thing, he could bear it even less.
So the female ghost had to be dealt with, and the sooner the better.
"Xiao Forty, how are you planning to subdue the ghost? Should I go report it to the authorities right now?" Xiang Yuan perked up. Xiao He came from a distinguished family, so he must have some sort of evil-repelling treasure on him.
"No need. She's just a female ghost. A little trick will be enough to subdue her."
Xiao He said to Xu Jixian, "There's a ghost in the well in the backyard. Xu Residence isn't safe. Come stay at my place for a few days."
"Absolutely not! What if Widow Wang follows us to Xiao Residence and moves into your well? Where would that leave me? ...I mean, what if she hurts you? Where would that leave me? We have to exterminate her here at Xu Residence." Xu Jixian refused. He was somewhat blinded by desire, his mind bewitched by the female ghost.
Xiao He gave a cold snort and gritted his teeth. "Fine, we'll exterminate her at Xu Residence. That menace can't be allowed to stay—not even one more night."
He told Xiang Yuan, "Brother Xu and I are scholars, with Vast Righteous Qi in our chests. Female ghosts can only use a few tricks to fool the eye. They can't hurt us. Getting rid of her will be a piece of cake."
"Exactly. Ordinary people run into a female ghost and get drained dry in no time, but we scholars have Vast Righteous Qi to protect us. It's anyone's guess who'll drain whom!" Xu Jixian chimed in as proof. After fighting with a female ghost all night, he was living proof—an extremely convincing example.
Don't sully the reputation of scholars. The two of you barely qualified as readers. Whether you counted as men was another question!
Xu Jixian had been entangled with the female ghost all night, yet he was healthy and full of vigor, with no apparent ill effects. That showed a scholar's constitution could indeed withstand a female ghost's torment. But that wasn't the point. Being able to take the torment didn't mean he could torment the ghost in return, much less torment her to death.
This wasn't Strange Tales from a Chinese Studio. For proper ghost-busting, they needed a professional.
Xiang Yuan shook his head slightly. "Just to be safe, let's find a real scholar."
"Very well. Since Brother Yuan isn't convinced, I'll invite the old man over to take charge. He's highly skilled. A little female ghost like this can be wiped out with a wave of his hand," Xiao He said confidently.
Finally, they were getting to the point!
Xiang Yuan was intensely curious. The books said that "music, chess, calligraphy, and painting" could also cultivate Qi, each corresponding to its own Martial Path. They could all lead to Acupoint Opening and Foundation Establishment, returning the acquired to the innate. Wang Wenxu was so learned—could he be a Martial Path expert who had switched over from one of those four arts?
He wanted to see.
The three settled on how to deal with the ghost, and Xiao He was about to take a carriage to the academy to invite Wang Wenxu. Afraid the female ghost in the backyard might hear the three brothers discussing their plan and immediately launch a stomach-filling assault on Xu Jixian, he ignored Xu Jixian's protests and dragged him into the carriage in the name of keeping him safe.
Xiang Yuan knew Xiao He wasn't afraid the ghost would overhear them. He was afraid that when they returned, they'd catch Xu Jixian and the ghost in the middle of something.
They couldn't let the ghost get a taste of suffering, and they certainly couldn't let one of their own brothers get mixed up in that filth. Either way, it was out of the question.
On the road, Xiang Yuan got a full taste of their comedic chops. He figured that even without powerful fathers or rental income, the two could make a comfortable living just by performing comedy—and still have money to spend on lovers.
"I won't hide this from you two, brothers. I once had a score to settle with a ghost myself."
"Really? Brother Xiao, tell us what happened."
"I dreamed a female ghost chased me for three whole streets. Then I thought, it's my dream, so there's nothing to be afraid of. I turned around and chased her for three streets, but couldn't catch her. Hmph. I woke up angry."
"Then you're no good. Widow Wang is far more impressive. Look at her ample bounty!" Xu Jixian said smugly.
"You're on about that again." Xiao He gritted his teeth in anger.
Though the female ghost hadn't harmed Xu Jixian's vitality, he hadn't come away entirely unscathed either. He'd certainly been bewitched; whenever Widow Wang came up, he couldn't help blurting out something good about her.
He was so devoted and lovesick, as if his feelings were genuine.
"Sigh, I did have some thoughts at the time, but I never meant to take advantage of her or mistreat her. I wanted to treat her well. She was already a widow; I couldn't let her live like a widow in name only!"
Xu Jixian lifted the carriage curtain. Light and shadow crossed his face, making him look like a lovesick black steed. "And I couldn't let her go begging from door to door, taking a new young man every three days and a whole crowd every five. She was a beauty, after all. How could I bear it?"
Xiang Yuan watched coldly. However much he said, a female ghost was still a female ghost.
Xiao He sneered. However much he said, sleeping with her was sleeping with her.
"Judge for yourselves. She was so learned and reasonable. If only she weren't a ghost. I was a down-and-out scholar, and she was a poor widow. We met by chance at night and supported each other. We could have grown old together—a beautiful love story."
Xu Jixian looked at the two of them, waxing poetic while boasting about himself. "Even if we hadn't spent our lives together, and her husband's elders had broken us up, I would have tasted the bitterness of lost love. From then on, I'd have become a romantic drifter, indulging in wine, poetry, and beautiful women. There'd be nothing wrong with living alone, either."
What, you wanted to be lovesick and turn into a dashing romantic hero?
Wake up. Only good-looking men get called players. A guy like you could only be called a water ghost!
Listening to Xu Jixian shamelessly brag, Xiang Yuan grumbled to himself. He could stand it no longer and said sarcastically, "Brother Xu, when you like someone, you can't just look at her appearance."
"I know."
"You also have to look at your own."
"..."
"Beautifully said! That's so satisfying!" Xiao He was delighted. He loved it. Give him more.
"Why does Brother Yuan have to rub salt in his wounds..."
Xu Jixian muttered under his breath, then broke into a mischievous grin and cackled. "Even if I'm not much to look at, I'm not much to look at, you know? Don't believe me? Go ask around the pleasure quarters. I'm quite the big name in that circle."
"Don't say such things!"
Xiao He waggled his eyebrows. "Brother Yuan isn't even sixteen yet. He hasn't weathered any storms, and he's never been to the pleasure quarters. Brother Xu, you're pointing out his shortcomings."
"Then that's perfect. I'll arrange it for another day and help Brother Yuan make up for what he lacks."
"Exactly. We absolutely have to arrange it."
"Heh, heh, heh..." The two of them laughed in unison.
As the two shameless men carried on, they turned their attention to Xiang Yuan. Laughter and banter drifted from the carriage now and then.
The carriage stopped at Yulin Academy.
Afraid he'd be punished for faking an illness, Xu Jixian lay in the carriage pretending to be dead. Xiao He went to look for Wang Wenxu, while Xiang Yuan got out and waited where he was.
After the time it took an incense stick to burn, Xiao He hurried back. He hadn't managed to bring Wang Wenxu, but he had brought back a scroll.
"The teacher didn't come?" Xu Jixian's illness vanished on the spot.
"With this, it doesn't matter whether the old man comes or not." Xiao He jumped into the carriage and unfolded the scroll, revealing four characters in still-wet ink: People Have Intentions.
The brushstrokes were forceful and vigorous, brimming with Vast Righteous Qi. The strokes opened and closed with measured grace: when they opened, they spread like a great peng taking flight; when they closed, they withdrew like a dragon diving into the deep. Seeing the writing was like seeing the writer. Wang Wenxu's broad mind and profound thoughts, shaped by his extensive reading, seemed to leap from the page.
Xiang Yuan nodded to himself. Through the influence of his refined character, the teacher had used calligraphy to instruct them, never forgetting to admonish his two students even while exorcising a ghost. Wang Wenxu truly was a good teacher.
"Fuck everyone? The old man really does understand me!" Xiao He said cheerfully.
"Brother Xiao, you're reading it backward. It says 'People Have...' Yes, yes, I was reading it backward. It does say 'Fuck Everyone,'" Xu Jixian said, laughing along.
The two layabouts with no ambition roared with laughter. Their nonsense made Xiang Yuan want to hit them. What a waste of Wang Wenxu's painstaking effort.
The teacher had suffered through Xiao and Xu for long enough. If he didn't mind, Yuan would gladly take him as his master!
"The old man has Vast Righteous Qi. Ghosts avoid him at night. With this calligraphy of his, it's only right that the three of us brothers subdue the female ghost tonight." Xiao He swept his hand grandly, looking as confident as a man with Vast Righteous Qi in his chest.
This was in the bag!
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