Configuring Windows Updates

[Configuring Windows updates...]

[99% complete]

[Do not turn off your computer]

Sawada Hiroki's only wish in this life was to live a peaceful, quiet existence like a plant.

Bask in the sun, daydream, stay out of things, take no initiative, accept no responsibility, and quietly carry out photosynthesis until his life cycle came to an end.

This was the one and only correct life plan a transmigrator had devised for himself after spending nine years with a progress bar stuck at 99% and observing this world, where danger lurked everywhere.

Fuck! Nine years!

From the moment Hiroki opened his eyes and realized he'd gone from being a corporate wage slave nearing forty to a war orphan in Konoha, that damn progress bar had hovered in his mind, never once changing.

[Configuring Windows updates...]

[99% complete]

[Do not turn off your computer]

At first, he'd been overjoyed. What was this? It was a Golden Finger! A system, the standard equipment for transmigrators! It was his foundation for making a living in this dangerous Naruto world!

Then came the long wait.

He waited a day, a week, a month.

The progress bar didn't budge.

He waited a year, three years, five years.

That "99%" seemed welded in place, taunting him with its eternal constancy, day and night reminding him that he had a Golden Finger, but it would never finish loading. Wasn't that infuriating?

Today, Hiroki was nine years old.

And he'd been waiting for nine whole years! Even a Windows update shouldn't take nine years! At any rate—Hiroki had given up all hope in the thing.

It was just a bug, a defective soul fragment that had come with him when he transmigrated, a compressed file that could never be extracted.

In the end, he'd have to rely on himself.

And for an ordinary war orphan who was neither an Uchiha nor a Senju, and didn't even have red hair, the best way to survive in this world, where bloodlines reigned supreme, was to—lie low completely and avoid all trouble.

Especially people whose names had appeared in the original story, with a "plot character" label hanging over their heads.

"Hey! Sawada Hiroki! You're spacing out in the hallway again!"

A spirited shout—one that sounded unbearably grating to Hiroki at that moment—cut off his thoughts.

He didn't even need to turn around to know who it was.

A mane of fiery red hair, as flamboyant, hot-blooded, and full of life as its owner.

She was Uzumaki Kushina, the "outsider" in the Hidden Leaf Village, his classmate in name, and the number-one name on his list of "high-risk plot characters to avoid."

Because she was the future Nine-Tails Jinchuriki, the future mother of the story's protagonist, and the wife of the man hailed as the Shinobi World's most perfect ninja: Uzumaki Kushina.

Her influence on the plot was practically number one in this era.

"Watch where you're going, Shorty." Hiroki didn't even lift his eyelids. He stepped aside, deftly avoiding Kushina as she came charging toward him, and unconsciously used the nickname that had caught on in class.

He generally didn't like giving people nicknames.

But everyone else used them. If he didn't, wouldn't he stand out as antisocial? And if that somehow affected the plot, how was he supposed to get by?

"Don't call me Shorty! You beanpole!"

Kushina immediately flared up. She hated people making a fuss about her red hair and round face.

She stopped in front of Hiroki, puffed up with anger, and put her hands on her hips like a furious little kitten. "The teacher told us to meet at the back hill for an extra throwing practice session. Are you going to slack off and sneak away again?"

"That's not slacking off." Hiroki adjusted his nonexistent glasses and spoke with the weary air of someone who'd seen it all. "It's called 'strategically avoiding group activities.' It's essential for maintaining inner peace."

"I don't get it! Just come with me already!" Kushina ignored his twisted logic and grabbed him by the wrist, her strength astonishing. "If you dare sneak off again today, I'll... I'll pluck out every last one of your hairs!"

The warmth of her hand on his wrist made Hiroki's brow furrow instinctively.

This wouldn't do—he'd been hiding here to avoid interacting with the plot characters in his class!

After all, he wasn't in an ordinary class. More than half his classmates were war orphans, and more importantly—Namikaze Minato and Uzumaki Kushina, both war orphans, were in this class too.

Hiroki tugged at his arm, but couldn't break free.

Even as a child, the Uzumaki Clan's physique was far beyond what an ordinary person like him could manage.

Hiroki tugged again, still unable to free himself. He could only sigh helplessly. "Fine, let go. I'll walk on my own."

Getting involved with Uzumaki Kushina was the biggest unexpected complication in his life plan.

As a war orphan, he'd deliberately kept a low profile and stayed unnoticed in class. Meanwhile, Kushina had become the focus of the class's exclusion and bullying because she was an outsider with red hair.

Hiroki didn't want trouble, so he never joined in. He neither bullied her nor helped her. He just wanted to be a quiet plant.

But the little girl always dragged him into her world without asking, making him go along with her antics.

Who knew why? He'd even gone along with everyone else and called her Shorty.

Perhaps, to Kushina, who was also an orphan, this quiet, harmless-looking, solitary fellow was the only person who didn't look at her strangely.

Hiroki sighed inwardly and finally gave up resisting, letting Kushina pull him toward the back hill behind the Ninja Academy.

Whatever. It was only throwing practice. Nothing dangerous should happen.

However, he had clearly underestimated the trouble-attracting nature of "plot characters."

Practice was just as dull as ever.

Hiroki hid himself perfectly among the crowd with his thoroughly average performance.

Kushina, eager to show off, did so poorly that a few boys in class started laughing at her again.

By the time practice ended, the sky was growing dark.

In tears, Kushina ran out of the group alone, heading deeper into the forest, away from the village.

"Forget about her, that Red Pepper."

"Yeah. Let's just go home."

The students left in small groups. No one went after her. The teacher in charge had something to take care of at home, so after a few reminders to be careful, he headed back to the village first.

Hiroki remained where he was, staring in the direction Kushina had vanished, his brow furrowed.

His rational mind screamed at him: Go! Sawada Hiroki! This is a sign of trouble! She's the future Nine-Tails Jinchuriki, a natural trouble magnet! Get involved with her and your peaceful life as a plant is over!

He turned and started walking.

One step, two steps...

He stopped.

The image of the red-haired girl surfaced in his mind. At school, she'd shoved a piece of bread into his hands and snapped, "You're so skinny you look like a beanpole. It's not like I feel sorry for you!"

He also remembered how she'd secretly wiped away her tears after being mocked, only to lift her chin and pretend nothing had happened the moment she saw him.

Hiroki realized he couldn't simply turn around and leave. After all, he was an adult from modern society.

Adults couldn't bear to watch children cry.

"...Damn it."

Why did she cry so easily? It was only a few insults.

Hiroki muttered a curse, then resigned himself to turning around and chasing after her into the forest.

Just think of it as... watering a plant.

The light in the forest grew dimmer and dimmer, and the surroundings grew quieter and quieter, until all he could hear was the rustling of leaves in the wind.

Hiroki moved lightly, following the traces on the ground as he cautiously pressed forward.

He wasn't worried about Kushina. She was full of energy, did extremely well in Taijutsu, and had a terrifyingly strong physique.

He was only afraid she might break down emotionally on her own and get into some kind of trouble.

Suddenly, a faint whistle of something cutting through the air came from the treetops behind him and to the side.

Years of caution made him react without thinking. He dropped to the ground and rolled!

Whoosh! Whoosh!

Two gleaming Kunai scraped past his scalp and embedded themselves where he'd been standing!

Hiroki's heart leaped into his throat, and an icy chill shot from his feet to the crown of his head.

Not a beast! A ninja!

He jerked his head up. Three ninjas in unfamiliar flak jackets, Forehead Protectors on their heads, dropped from the trees like ghosts and surrounded him in a triangle.

Their Forehead Protectors bore three parallel lightning bolts—the symbol of Kumogakure!

"Oh? There's still a straggler." The leading Cloud Ninja spoke in a hoarse voice, his tone tinged with the amusement of a cat toying with a mouse. "What rotten luck, kid."

Hiroki's mind went blank.

Cloud Ninjas? Why were they here? Could it be...

A terrifying thought rose in his mind.

Their target was Kushina! They wanted the powerful life force and unique chakra of the Uzumaki Clan! This was... a kidnapping!

Right, this was the Cloud Ninja kidnapping incident!

The Cloud Ninjas had slipped through Konoha's barrier and were heading to Kushina's home to capture her, hoping to make her the Eight-Tails' Jinchuriki!

At this time, Jinchuriki were essentially human nuclear bombs for each country!

Damn it! Why did he have to run into them right now?

Why did he always manage to stumble into the plot?

Statistically speaking, Konoha had a population of two or three hundred thousand. The odds of him running into a plot character of the right age should've been less than one in ten thousand. And in terms of timing, there had only been a handful of dangerous incidents since Konoha's founding.

How could he hit those astronomically low odds? Why wasn't he this lucky when he pulled for characters!?

"Grab him. Don't let him make a sound." The leading Cloud Ninja gestured, and the other two immediately closed in.

The blood in Hiroki's body was practically freezing.

He was only a nine-year-old student at the Ninja Academy who couldn't even use the Three Basic Jutsu properly. His opponents were three experienced ninjas from another village!

Run? Where to?

Fight back? With what?

The overwhelming difference in strength brought suffocating despair. For the first time, the shadow of death loomed over him, more real than ever.

"Wait!"

Just then, Kushina's trembling, tearful voice came from a nearby thicket.

Oh, she hadn't been caught? She hadn't gone home yet!?

Hiroki froze! No, what were you doing coming out now?! If you'd seen them, you should've reported it to Anbu or gone to the Hokage's office to call for help!

But the red-haired girl had already stepped out. She clutched a Kunai tightly in one hand, her face deathly pale, yet stubbornly stood in front of Hiroki.

"You... You can't... You can't bully him!"

The leading Cloud Ninja spotted Kushina, and greedy delight flashed in his eyes. "Red hair... A descendant of the Uzumaki Clan. We thought it'd take a lot more work to find you! This is perfect. You've practically fallen right into our laps!"

It was over.

Now it was really over.

Hiroki stared at the small, trembling back before him. What surged in his heart wasn't gratitude, but a deep bitterness at being dragged into trouble.

See? This was what happened when you got involved with plot characters!

One of the Cloud Ninjas vanished from where he stood, then appeared behind Kushina the next instant. He delivered a swift, clean chop to the back of her neck.

Kushina didn't even make a sound. She crumpled, and the Cloud Ninja hoisted her over his shoulder.

"As for this brat..." The leading Cloud Ninja looked at Hiroki, murderous intent in his eyes. "Take him too. Once we're out of the village, find somewhere to get rid of him. We can't leave any traces here!"

Another Cloud Ninja grinned cruelly as he walked toward Hiroki step by step, the Kunai in his hand reflecting a deadly glint in the dim light.

Death was closing in.

Hiroki's body wouldn't move from fear. His mind raced frantically for a way out, but all he could think of was nothing.

He was going to die. Even if it wasn't right now, he'd die as soon as they took him out of the village.

After transmigrating and being cautious for nine years, he was still going to die in Kushina's flashback arc...

How ridiculous.

The progress bar that had been stuck in his mind for nine whole years finally moved, just a little.

[99%...]

It changed to...

[100%]

[Completing updates. Do not turn off your computer. This may take some time.]

Ding-dong—!

A crisp, pleasant system startup sound, as if from another world, boomed in Hiroki's mind!

The world before his eyes was instantly covered in a familiar deep blue!

His thoughts accelerated without limit, faster and faster. Everything around him seemed frozen in amber. The Cloud Ninja's cruel smile was suspended on his face, his movements unbearably slow.

[Hello]

[Getting things ready for you. This may take a few minutes]

The loading animation spun elegantly on the screen.

But Hiroki didn't feel elegant at all.

Hello? Hello, my ass! I'm about to die! A few minutes? By then it'll be too late!

Hiroki roared furiously in his mind, but the composure he'd developed by the time he was nearing forty made him realize this might be his only chance to survive.

The thing that had screwed him over for nine years had finally started up at the least likely moment, and the most critical one.

[Is this the correct country or region?]

[Naruto—Land of Fire—Hidden Leaf Village]

Yes! Yes! Absolutely! Please hurry up, will you?!

Hiroki used every ounce of strength he had to shout his answer in his mind and chose [Yes]. He didn't know what this thing was, but he had no choice now except to trust it and play along.

[Is this input method layout suitable? "(>^ω^<) Thought Input"]

Suitable! More than suitable! Can you stop asking questions?! Hiroki felt as though even his soul were trembling as he chose [Yes].

[Let's connect you to a network!]

["Ninja World Chakra Internet 1" connected]

[Please review the license agreement:]

[Last updated: Year 6 of the (>^ω^<) Era]

Next, a densely packed user agreement, long enough to make anyone's eyes water, instantly covered the entire blue screen. Hiroki's eye twitched violently.

Was this a joke?! Who had time to read this right now?! Without hesitation, he turned his consciousness into a mouse wheel and scrolled all the way to the bottom, then viciously "clicked" the sole [Accept] button.

He'd sign away his life if he had to! Anything to survive! His only option was to get through this damned process as quickly as possible!

[Let's name your device]

[Hello, Sawada Hiroki]

[Next, let's add your "(>^ω^<)" account]

[Account "Sawada Hiroki" created]

[Please create a password]

[Please confirm your password]

Password... password...

Hiroki's mind raced. With death looming, he couldn't think of any complicated combination, so he instinctively entered the birthday from his previous life, then confirmed it.

[Choose privacy settings for your device]

[Inking and typing]...[Yes]

[Tailored experiences]...[Yes]

[GGID]...[Yes]

Yes! Yes! Yes! Say yes to everything! You can look at all my private stuff! Just hurry the hell up and get moving!

Hiroki was on the verge of breaking down. He had no idea how long this blue screen could keep time paused.

If it suddenly stopped working halfway through, things would get really bad. So he had only one choice—meet every demand the system made as quickly as possible.

[Let's customize your experience]

[Gaming]...[Yes]

[Family]...[Yes]

[Creativity]...[Yes]

[School]...[Yes]

[Entertainment]...[Yes]

[Business]...[Yes]

Looking at the rows of options, Hiroki felt an absurdity unlike anything he'd ever experienced. He was a nine-year-old orphan about to be killed by a ninja from an enemy village, and the system was thoughtfully asking whether he wanted to enable "Family" and "Business" experiences?

But he had no choice. He still frantically tapped [Yes] again and again with his mind.

[Use the free trial of (>^ω^<) Hajimi 365 premium office apps]

[Free trial]

I'm about to die, and you're asking if I want a free trial of premium office apps?! What the hell would I use those for?!

Though he was cursing furiously in his head, his instinct to survive still made Hiroki choose [Free trial] without hesitation. Who knew if refusing would trigger some kind of penalty or delay? This was no time to invite trouble!

At last, the endless setup seemed to be nearing its end.

[You've finished setting up]

[Checking for updates]

[Almost done. Keep your device on and connected to power]

[You're almost there]

Almost there...

Hiroki stared fixedly at that final line, his heart pounding. He'd made every choice he could, pinning all his hopes on this inexplicable "Windows update."

But the next moment, time seemed to start flowing again.

The ninja struck in a flash and knocked him unconscious.