I Want to Become the Sea (cont.)

Karuizawa Kei subconsciously squeezed Kitagawa Ryo's fingers. The familiar touch of skin against skin seemed to ease her emotions a little at this crucial moment. Or perhaps she wasn't actually that nervous to begin with, and was just deliberately trying to impress Kitagawa Ryo, who had only just arrived in London from Tokyo halfway around the world that evening.

Of course, she was also well aware that the reason she suddenly chose to move from Tokyo to London two years ago at the peak of her career was not solely due to today's award. After all, this city, which she had only visited twice, carried many of her bad memories and the many fantasies that had grown wildly over the years.

Karuizawa Kei didn't want to mention London again. All she could think of was the place where Ryo met Hiyori held her wedding with Horikita Suzune. She didn't want to be someone who traveled halfway around the world just to be a loser and a guest. Instead, she wanted to switch roles and have Ryo obediently come across the ocean as a witness to her glory.

"If I win this award today, I will be the first Asian Actor to ever win the Best Actor award."

"Even if Hui doesn't win, the nomination itself is prestigious enough. After all, the Olivier Awards have too many restrictions. Many Asian Actor aren't lacking in acting skills, they just don't have suitable roles to showcase their talents. The last time an Asian Actor received a supporting role nomination was for the musical 'Miss Saigon.' People in London aren't particularly interested in plays with Asian themes, but they also don't have much influence over local Actor in classic British plays like those by Shakespeare."

Then, Kitagawa Ryo spoke up again, affirming:

"So even if Hui doesn't win an award today, even if the domestic media announces our relationship tomorrow or the day after, the public and my family won't find it strange or even offensive."

Karuizawa Kei had told him from the very beginning that the reason she chose to go down this path was not only because of her own interest, but also to adapt to Kitagawa Ryo's sudden change in status. She wanted both face and substance. If her family couldn't provide that, she would earn the public's recognition herself so that people wouldn't think she was a nobody who had risen from humble beginnings to become a phoenix.

"Furthermore, I've seen Hui's performance; she's truly amazing, exceeding my initial expectations."

Although he possessed the "Thespian talent" that was practically forced upon him and received high praise in the industry in his early years, Kitagawa Ryo was well aware that his stage performances were more like being led by his talent itself. Neither his attitude nor his love for acting itself was particularly high. He was good at dominating in the child and youth star groups, but if he continued down that path, he would probably be criticized as someone who was a child prodigy but failed to live up to his potential, or someone whose talent had run dry and who was a wasted talent.

However, he still retained his insight in this regard. If his talent was something that Hotaru possessed without question, then Karuizawa Kei now possesses is a genuine talent honed through his long-term training and accumulation—a shining talent in itself.

Without a doubt, in the field of theatrical performance alone, she has already surpassed him, her former partner and teacher, or rather, she has now reached the point where she can teach students herself.

Karuizawa Kei didn't reply, but simply nodded slightly in response. As the lights changed, the host, dressed in a silver fishtail dress and holding several gilded envelopes, stepped onto the stage, signaling the official start of the awards ceremony.

"The power of drama lies in its ability to allow us to see the abyss and the stars of the soul. Tonight, one Actor after another will use their performances to show us how they tear down the boundaries between the stage and the audience, easily blurring the lines between reality and illusion, making every movement of the silent characters deafening, and every monologue of the excited characters resounding..."

After a long opening speech, the various awards began to be announced one by one as the host opened the envelopes in his hand. Kitagawa Ryo and Karuizawa Kei, along with the others around them, clapped intermittently, watching as one Actor, director, or other award recipient after another walked onto the stage to receive this weighty honor.

Soon, it was time to announce the winner of the Best Actor award.

The faces of the nominees flashed one after another on the large screen behind the host. The host, holding an envelope containing the list of winners, opened it piece by piece as if to provoke the audience, glancing at it casually before revealing an appreciative smile.

"Tonight, we honor a performer who brought to life one of Shakespeare's most complex female characters in a heartbreaking way."

After saying this, Kitagawa Ryo could clearly feel Karuizawa Kei tighten her grip on his left hand, since the work she nominated was a classic by Shakespeare, which also matched the host's description.

Of course, Karuizawa Kei wasn't the only Actor nominated for a similar role on such a stage, so the suspense hasn't been completely resolved yet.

It can only be said that Kitagawa Ryo wasn't particularly nervous at first, but when he turned his head slightly and caught a glimpse of Megumi's unconsciously pursed lips and flickering pupils, his mood instantly became tense. He also focused his gaze intently on the stage, hoping to hear that familiar name from there.

The host didn't linger in suspense for too long, as if to build up to the incredible performance the award-winning Actor would deliver for the audience and judges. Suddenly, she lightly tapped the microphone and announced in a Scottish accent:

"Then let all the praise and curses be dedicated to that woman whom the audience both wants to embrace and strangle, to the Actor who, with a one-woman show, still portrays Lady Macbeth as noble yet dangerous, fragile yet powerful—"

"The winner of this year's Laurence Olivier Awards for Best Actor in a Drama is Karuizawa Kei for her Lady Macbeth!"

As the winner's name was announced, a corresponding performance clip appeared simultaneously on the large screen behind the host. It was a performance that made every audience member wonder, before leaving, whether their hands were also stained with King Duncan's blood, making them accomplices to the winner.

Just as Kitagawa Ryo was still staring at the screen showing Karuizawa Kei, whose pupils had widened into a pitch-black abyss, whose neck veins were bulging with morbid bruises, and who was muttering the line 'Wash away the bloodstains,' a stark contrast to her usual self, a huge spotlight had already shone on them.

The next instant, the winner Karuizawa Kei, and her male partner sitting next to her, who was even holding each other's hands tightly, were projected onto the big screen.

Karuizawa Kei herself seemed a little slow to react, but Kitagawa Ryo was equally experienced in this area, and immediately and gently pulled her up from her seat, whispering in her ear during the hug and congratulations:

"Let's go, Hui should go up on stage to receive your honor."

If this award hadn't truly only allowed one winner to go on stage, Kitagawa Ryo wouldn't have doubted that Karuizawa Kei would have so readily pulled him onto the stage as well. But even so, the duration of their embrace far exceeded the bounds of a polite congratulation. Karuizawa Kei finally let go just as the host was about to speak again, and then, under the spotlight and amidst the surrounding cameras and thunderous applause, walked towards the stage.

At this moment, she was almost unrecognizable from her character in the play. A custom-made emerald green satin dress accentuated her elegant curves, and diamond hair accessories styled her beautiful honey-colored long hair into a classic updo. Although the skirt was not long, it seemed as if an invisible maid was following closely behind, holding up the non-existent hem of her skirt as she swayed with each step.

At the age of twenty-something, Karuizawa Kei is in one of the most beautiful years of a woman's life. Her long career in theatrical performance and past experiences have endowed her with a unique charm. Even in a foreign land, this charm that exists in the essence of the human soul can still infect everyone present.

Kitagawa Ryo watched from below the stage as Megumi walked up the steps one by one, then reached out and took the golden statue. The trophy gleamed slightly in her palm, as if she were holding a burning flame.

Having long harbored the idea of developing her career in London, Karuizawa Kei had begun learning the language long ago, naturally began her acceptance speech in fluent London English. When the host playfully quipped, "Has Lady Macbeth returned from hell tonight?", she responded with a smile:

"It's probably because I've thoroughly washed the blood off my hands."

As she uttered these words, Karuizawa Kei naturally raised her hands, which were holding the trophy. The camera lens followed her hand, giving a close-up of the engagement ring on her left middle finger, which made Kitagawa Ryo, who was still sitting in the audience, unable to suppress a smile.

"Besides thanking the audience and judges for recognizing my performance, I would also like to give special thanks to the most special person to me when I receive this award at this moment."

"He is not only my mentor on the path of drama, but also my partner with the most collaborations in my acting career to date, and also my husband who will accompany me for the rest of my life... I hope that when I receive this honor again, the ring on my left hand will be on my ring finger."

Karuizawa Kei made her statement, the camera immediately switched to the audience. Kitagawa Ryo, who was already used to the camera, did not panic at all. He even smiled and mouthed "I love you" to the camera with great ease.

After all the award ceremonies were over, the two, who were quite exhausted both physically and mentally, returned to their hotel immediately.

The commemorative trophy was set aside, and after taking a shower, they lay together on the double lounge chairs on the spacious balcony, gazing at the deep night sky, which actually had no stars at all.

"When I came out just now, a reporter asked me if I had any plans to write an autobiography, and even said they could help me find a ghostwriter with a good reputation in the industry."

"After all, Hui has reached a level of fame where she can publish an autobiography."

"But I don't think any ghostwriter could write my story well. If it were possible, the only ones qualified to write it would be myself and Liang."

"Of course, I have no plans to write an autobiography at the moment. After all, no one would believe the true story between us, but if it were all lies, it wouldn't have any meaning as an autobiography, and I don't think my autobiography would be the kind of content my fans want to see."

As she spoke, Karuizawa Kei reached out and touched Kitagawa Ryo again:

"Ryo, tell me what I did most often in my life? Don't say things like 'practice hard,' because Ryo is the one who knows best what I was like at the beginning."

Do you really want to hear it?

"Listen."

"That's hiding your inferiority complex, avoiding jealousy, and pretending to have self-respect, portraying yourself as the heroine in some tragedy, a fake flower that I pretend will wither away if I stop watering you."

"Although it was very ruthless, there really wasn't anything wrong with it."

"And now?"

Looking into her eyes, he felt a flood of embellishments and metaphors he had used to describe her surge through his mind. But as he spoke, those words—roses, bride, leading lady, K&K—vanished in an instant, leaving only a few simple words:

"It's my favor."

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Personal Side Story: Ichinose Honami: Everything is Ready

When Ichinose Honami was very young, she read a heartwarming story in a magazine.

During the Great Depression, the mother always emphasized to her children that they still had savings. Every week when reconciling accounts and calculating the income and expenses for the following week, she would carefully show a savings book to her family. It was with the help of this seemingly real savings that, no matter how poor they were, no one lost hope and fell into a vicious cycle of anxiety and despair. Instead, they worked together to overcome the difficulties.

It wasn't until the narrator grew up, started working, and earned his first paycheck, and wanted to repay his mother by having her deposit the money into the savings account, that he received the reply with a smile, "Actually, Mom has never been to a bank in her life."

If we analyze this story solely from a psychological perspective, it is undoubtedly a performance that artificially constructs a sense of family security. By creating an anchor of economic security, it provides positive psychological intervention and guidance to family members, making the children believe that they have a way out, thus enabling them to focus more on their studies and work, ultimately achieving a genuine improvement in the family's financial situation.

But Ichinose Honami obviously didn't think that far ahead at that time. Moreover, her mother's initial actions were completely opposite to those of the mother in the story. Growing up in an environment where well-intentioned lies simply couldn't exist, her first thought upon seeing this story was probably closer to the idea that lying is wrong or that it would be great if our family really had savings.

Of course, this doesn't mean that Ichinose Honami has any resentment towards her mother. After all, in her past life, she has put herself in her mother's shoes countless times. If she were her mother, there are some things she definitely couldn't do better than her. She might be more stingy, more frugal, more worried about the future, and might not even be able to afford the living expenses and tuition fees for her two daughters.

It is precisely because of this that, after reviewing her past life experiences and choices through Hotaru, Ichinose Honami also felt at peace with her past self.

Just as Karuizawa Kei foresaw a prematurely aged appearance, almost reaching middle age, in the second simulation, Ichinose Honami's attitude towards love, marriage, and even having children was also deeply marked by awkward scars from her family and childhood experiences.

Because she neither felt she could do better than her mother, nor did she believe that if the status quo were maintained, her future children would do better than her.

Therefore, Ichinose Honami cannot guarantee that she will have enough money to maintain her rationality. She doesn't know if she will bring the pressure of work home and take it out on her child, telling her that her life is like this because she has sacrificed too much for her, demanding that she study hard to get a better future, or crying and bluntly showing her the current state of the family and questioning her what will happen to the family if she doesn't study.

She also doesn't know whether her children, faced with this situation, will choose to grit their teeth and learn to be sensible early, shaping themselves into seemingly omnipotent angels, or will they cry and question themselves, asking why others have what I don't, why I haven't been given a hair clip for my birthday all these years, and why they gave birth to me in the first place if they can't do anything else.

Even just imagining these scenes in her mind still sends chills down my Ichinose Honami to this day.

From this perspective alone, she is probably the most worldly among the girls around Liang, but there's no way around it; for most of her life so far, she has lived in this most worldly and mundane world.

That's why Ichinose Honami wanted to present herself in front of everyone in the most conventional way as a successful person. This wasn't just for her mother; it also reflected her own genuine feelings.

She believed her horizons would broaden in the future.

She believes her vision will expand in the future.

She believes that she will never again be as preoccupied with the mundane details of daily life as her mother, and she has no doubt that one day she will be able to calmly face those jewelry pieces that cost five or six figures.

But at least today, Ichinose Honami is still willing to have another heart-to-heart talk with Kitagawa Ryo about this most mundane topic, since even the job she has chosen for her future is a position closely related to money.

Would Ryo really entrust the finances to someone who has a history of theft?

For Ichinose Honami, the question she posed that day, which seemed like a joke, might have also concealed a certain unease and anxiety.

But Kitagawa Ryo still gave her the most affirmative answer.

Holding onto those feelings from that time, at the end of the summer vacation when they were in their second year of high school and still at Tokyo Advanced Nurturing High School, Ichinose Honami finally gave him the feelings she had never been able to express before.

It was a passbook that had just been opened a month ago.

What was stored inside was not Private Points that could only be used at Tokyo Advanced Nurturing High School, nor the meager wages she had earned from part-time jobs in her early years, but rather the first paycheck she had earned through hard work during that month-long Summer Special Exam.

The amount wasn't much. Even though Ichinose Honami had been frugal throughout the exam period and hadn't made any extra purchases, since she was still an intern, she only managed to save 100,000 yen in the end and deposit it into her bank account.

In terms of sheer amount, this is even less than the Private Points she receives from the school each month as a student at Tokyo Advanced Nurturing High School.

However, Ichinose Honami still handed it to Kitagawa Ryo with the utmost seriousness.

If her job as a finance professional requires her to maintain a perfect separation between public and private matters, then as a housekeeper, Ichinose Honami is equally willing to do the same.

"Therefore, since Liang's money is my money, my money should also be Liang's money--"

"This is our joint marital property."

When Ichinose Honami took out the bankbook again, it was tucked inside her graduation photo album.

The three years at Tokyo Advanced Nurturing High School passed in the blink of an eye, both the first half that Kitagawa Ryo had spent with her and the second half after he left. In the blink of an eye, it was time for her to leave high school and head to university.

Without the privilege of graduating from Class A, Ichinose Honami passed the entrance exam for the University of Tokyo on her own merits. A few days later, she would officially begin the next stage of her life. It was probably while packing her things in the dormitory that she put these two items together.

She still remembered the day Kitagawa Ryo left Tokyo Advanced Nurturing High School. In fact, looking back belatedly, that festival, which was spontaneously organized and encouraged by the Student Council trio, was indeed the last chance to spend time together. After the summer vacation of their second year of high school, Kitagawa Ryo, like Ayanokoji Kiyotaka, dropped out of ANHS Advanced Educational High School.

Just as emptiness always follows revelry, the celebration also left behind a mess. Kitagawa Ryo certainly wouldn't let the Student Council members stay behind alone to clean up, so Ichinose Honami stayed behind as well.

On a wall specially hung by the Student Council with wishing plaques, many wishes and blessings were left by faculty and students Ichinose Honami even spotted a striking and passionate "I love you" at a glance, but it was unsigned and unassigned, so it was unknown who sent it to whom.

Ichinose Honami casually picked up the pen that was placed aside for writing blessings, but instead of writing on the wishing plaque, she suddenly remembered what happened on the Uninhabited Island last year, and called Ryo over, writing her name on the chest of his white shirt.

But probably because the news that Kitagawa Ryo would be leaving after the summer vacation had already spread, after seeing this scene, I don't know which idiot suddenly shouted for everyone to sign his shirt as a souvenir. In any case, a large group of students from his class and other classes crowded over, and in no time they had left their names on Kitagawa Ryo's shirt.

Even when Kitagawa Ryo officially left school at noon the next day, he was still wearing the shirt covered with names of all sizes, some written in flowing, some neat, and some scribbled characters, which were clearly visible in the midday sun.

Ichinose Honami remembers that day as a bright, sunny day filled with the chirping of cicadas, the end of a sweltering summer.

"When Honami officially enrolls in school in a couple of days, do you want me to see you off?"

However, the familiar voice coming from the side quickly brought Ichinose Honami back to her senses, and she nodded in agreement:

"OK."

"Another four years. The thought that Honami can be a student for another four years without having to think about anything, while I'm already dealing with a different group of people in society every day, makes me really want to go back to school."

"Actually, it might not be four years; it could be just a master's or even a doctoral degree."

"... That's way too much! How many years would I have to wait before Honami comes to help me with the work? I don't trust anyone else."

"Just kidding, I'm not going to pursue any more degrees. Including my internship, I should be able to work with Ryo soon. After all, I also want to save up our shared assets as quickly as possible."

As she spoke, Ichinose Honami smiled and showed the bankbook again.

"Tomorrow I'm going to visit these three places in person; you'll come with me."

Watching her direct supervisor swiftly review the collected statistical data and issue the following instructions with remarkable efficiency, the young woman, who had only joined the company last year, quickly bowed her head and replied:

"Yes, Ichinose Chief Ichinose."

"Also, regarding this loan approved in February, immediately initiate loan recovery procedures and hold those responsible accountable."

Although Ichinose Honami didn't raise her head, she didn't stop talking. Her cold tone made even a junior office worker who had just graduated from university tremble and start to sweat slightly.

"If it is found that someone abused their power for personal gain, then we request that the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department intervene and investigate, and pursue their criminal liability."

Before being transferred here, she had already heard that Ichinose was not only extremely insightful in financial matters, but also had an impressive background. This was evident from the fact that Ichinose, who was only a few years older than her, had risen all the way to the position of section chief, and had uncovered a series of shady deals within the company, such as someone embezzling low-interest loans for profit, which led to the resignation of a department head, yet nothing happened.

But after following him for a few days, the junior employee realized that the rumors were not exaggerated at all. She was the one who should be most enthusiastic about the job, but after spending a few days with him, she found that her direct supervisor was even more enthusiastic and had a better attitude than her.

We were supposed to be working people, so what? Does the company really belong to you, and every penny you recover and save for the company is your own money?

Looking up, Ichinose Honami immediately saw her assistant's somewhat tearful expression. She couldn't help but shake her head with a smile, put down her pen, and said:

"There's no need to be so nervous. I used to intern here as an assistant, and you're already performing much better than I was back then."

"Did the section chief also intern at the company?"

"Yes, once in high school, and twice more in college."