Have You Ever Hated Yourself

"Hmm... let me think."

Nan Feng sat up, pretending to count on his fingers, "From the time you were a child, taken in by Qian Xunji as a disciple and raised like a child bride, to when you grew up and met that... trash named Yu Xiaogang."

Upon hearing that name, Bibi Dong's body stiffened abruptly, a flash of pain and hatred crossing her eyes.

"Oh, right, you two flirted right under the nose of Martial Soul City for five or six years, even went to Sea God Island together, experienced a so-called brush with death, and let your feelings heat up..."

"Enough!"

Bibi Dong interrupted sharply, her voice cold and bone-chilling, "Nan Feng, some things are better left unsaid. Otherwise..."

"Otherwise what? Kill me?"

Nan Feng was completely unfazed, becoming even more energized, "I just don't get it, Bibi Dong. Was your brain filled with mush back then?"

"Qian Xunji was the Pope, the uncrowned king of Martial Soul City. You and Yu Xiaogang were dating right under his nose; did you actually think he didn't know? Or... did you think he was tacitly allowing it?"

Bibi Dong did not speak, only gripping the bedsheets beneath her until her knuckles turned white.

Nan Feng continued, "Actually, you vaguely guessed it yourself. As the master of Martial Soul City, with you being his direct disciple and Yu Xiaogang being the son of the Blue Lightning Tyrant Dragon Clan head, Qian Xunji was bound to know."

"With so many eyes on the Holy Maiden, to say he didn't know would be nothing but self-deception."

"But you figured that since Qian Xunji knew and hadn't said anything, he must have already implicitly agreed."

"So, after returning from a crushing defeat at Sea God Island, you broke through to the Soul Saint realm and obtained your seventh soul ring, thinking you could use this good news to tell Qian Xunji and incidentally get him to approve of the relationship."

"You just didn't expect that Qian Xunji would not only refuse but also berate you relentlessly and heap scorn upon Yu Xiaogang."

"You were stunned at the time."

"After all, Qian Xunji had never scolded you before. From childhood to adulthood, you had always been the Pope's most outstanding disciple, the pride of Martial Soul Hall that surpassed the so-called Twin Stars of Haotian."

"Not to mention that you were in the heat of passion with Yu Xiaogang at the time, having just survived the life-and-death ordeal on Sea God Island, a moment when your feelings were at their peak."

"When Qian Xunji lashed out at Yu Xiaogang like that, especially mocking him for being nothing but trash who could never break through level thirty, you lost your head."

"In a fit of anger, you threatened him, saying you would rather leave Martial Soul Hall than be apart from Yu Xiaogang."

"You thought Qian Xunji doted on you, and that once he saw your resolve, even if he looked down on Yu Xiaogang, he would eventually agree—after all, Yu Xiaogang had been in Martial Soul Hall for many years and was known as a master of theory at the time."

"But you didn't expect that on the very night you said those words, Qian Xunji would drug you."

"Shut up."

Bibi Dong's voice was very soft, yet it carried a chill that made one's marrow freeze, "Nan Feng, I warn you, do not challenge my bottom line."

That was the deepest, most painful, and dirtiest scar of her life.

Even after taking her revenge, even though Qian Xunji was already dead, the mere thought of that night's despair and humiliation still brought her suffocating pain.

However, Nan Feng, within her Sea of Consciousness, did not stop.

"Bottom line?"

Nan Feng sneered, "Bibi Dong, your so-called bottom line is nothing but a fig leaf you use to escape reality."

"You tell me to shut up—is it because I touched a nerve, or because... you simply dare not face your own foolish self?"

"Think about it carefully."

Nan Feng's voice became stern and sharp, "You are a genius with Twin Martial Souls, the Holy Maiden nurtured by the full resources of Martial Soul Hall, having received the most elite education on the entire continent since childhood."

"Are you telling me you don't know what the control freak nature of a superior is? Do you not know what kind of person Qian Xunji was?"

"Why did he dote on you?"

"Was it because you were cute? Because you were pretty? Or because he truly raised you like a daughter?"

"Wake up!"

Nan Feng ruthlessly tore apart her delusions, "It was because you were obedient! Because you were the most perfect work in his hands! You were the one who gave his vain self-esteem the greatest satisfaction!"

"When you were a good little girl, he naturally granted your every wish. Because to him, it was like keeping an obedient canary."

"But what happened later?"

"You defied him for the sake of trash who couldn't even break level thirty, and even threatened him with something as treasonous as leaving Martial Soul Hall."

"In your eyes, this was a struggle for love, a spoiled display of affection, or at most, taking advantage of his favor."

"But in Qian Xunji's eyes, what was this?"

"This was betrayal!"

"This was a loss of control!"

"To someone as extremely arrogant and controlling as Qian Xunji, your behavior was a challenge to his authority and a test of his bottom line!"

"You never understood the relationship between yourself and Qian Xunji. You mistook him for a father, thinking he loved you. You failed to find your proper place; you were not his child! You didn't even have the plastic blood ties of an emperor and crown prince in the two great empires—you were merely a subject without even a drop of his blood!"

"To an emperor, a subject can be greedy, a subject can suppress rivals, but a subject must never be uncontrollable!"

"Even the slightest hint of it is enough to invite a death sentence!"

"What's even more ridiculous is..."

Nan Feng sighed, his tone filled with the helplessness of someone watching a fool refuse to learn. "Even if you truly wanted to leave, couldn't you have just slipped away quietly? The world is vast; by that time, you were already a Soul Saint. Who could have stopped you?"

"But instead, you chose to run right up to him, acting like a spoiled child, and shouted: 'I'm leaving! I'm eloping with that man! If you don't agree, I'm really going!'"

"If that isn't having a screw loose, what is?"

"Do you really think he's your father?"

Bibi Dong trembled all over, her breathing becoming ragged, her purple eyes filled with bloodshot veins and madness.

"Stop... stop it..."

"I will not!"

Nan Feng's voice echoed in her mind like a devil's whisper. "Do you know what Qian Xunji was thinking at that moment?"

"He thought: Since this blade no longer wants to obey me, I shall snap it in two and reforge it!"

"Since you want to run, I will lock you here permanently. Even if it means destroying you, I will keep you in Martial Soul Hall and force you to bear an heir with the strongest talent for the sake of the Hall!"

"The so-called secret chamber, the so-called assault—in his eyes, it wasn't an impulse at all. It was the harshest punishment for your disobedience, and the final means to chain you to the chariot of Martial Soul Hall forever!"

"He did it to keep you, and also to... destroy the naive Bibi Dong within your heart."

"And in the end, he succeeded."

Nan Feng's tone carried a hint of mockery. "That naive Bibi Dong died in the secret chamber. What survived was an avenger filled with hatred and pain, yet still unable to see reality for what it was."

"You hate him, you hate Martial Soul Hall, you hate this world."

"But have you ever hated that foolish version of yourself from back then?"

"If you had been able to see that what Qian Xunji felt for you wasn't love, but merely an intense desire for control, would you still have declared your resolve like that?"

"Have you ever thought about what might have happened if you had been just a little smarter, a little more tactful, or even just a little more knowledgeable about human nature and power?"

"Even if you had only pretended to submit to him while plotting in the shadows."

"Even if you hadn't used such an extreme method to threaten a superior with such a pathological need for control."

"Perhaps..."

Nan Feng paused, his voice turning hauntingly soft:

"Perhaps, none of this would have happened."

"Enough--!!!"

Bibi Dong bolted upright from the couch, letting out a hysterical scream.

BOOM--!!!

A terrifying surge of soul power erupted instantly, shattering every exquisite ornament in the bedchamber into dust!

Her purple dress billowed, her hair was in disarray, and Bibi Dong clutched her head, her nails digging deep into her scalp as tears fell silently from the corners of her eyes.

"Why did you say it... why did you have to say it..."

She knew.

She had always known.

In the countless nights she woke up from nightmares, in the countless moments she wanted to end her own life, she had asked herself: If she hadn't been so impulsive back then, if she hadn't been so naive, would everything have been different?

But she dared not admit it.

She dared not admit that the root of that tragedy was, in part, her own stupidity and ignorance.

She could only pour all her hatred onto Qian Xunji, onto Martial Soul Hall, and even onto this world.

Only then could she find a reason to keep living, a pretext for her revenge.

But now, that bastard Nan Feng had ripped away that veil of shame, tearing it off by force.