What? Tsunade Was Completely Unexpected

"Idiot Jiraiya, I'm finally relieved to hear you say that."

Lin Zi rolled his eyes and licked his lips.

"You should've figured it out by now, even if you are an idiot. I have absolutely nothing to do with the snake you know."

Jiraiya froze. "What do you mean, not the Orochimaru from our world...?"

Lin Zi didn't answer right away.

He tilted his head. His golden, slit-pupiled eyes gazed over Jiraiya's shoulder toward Konoha in the distance. His tongue flickered in the air as if catching a scent.

"What I mean is..."

He drew his gaze back, gave Jiraiya a meaningful smile, then pointed to his own chest. "I'm just a traveler passing through. Someone asked me to come find an old woman, that's all."

After talking things over for a while, Jiraiya finally got the full picture.

Jiraiya plopped down on the ground and gazed up at the sky. "So after all that, you really did fall here from another world?"

Lin Zi sat on the grass beside him and gave Jiraiya a speechless look. "What else? If I were the snake you know, that Ultra-Big Ball Rasengan would've taken you apart piece by piece."

"Then why'd you tell me to confess and submit to justice? You even put on that pained expression."

"Hahahahahaha! Jiraiya, don't sweat the details."

Lin Zi's face betrayed a barely restrained, constipated-looking grin.

"I couldn't be sure at first, either. Just think of it as a little thing we can move on from."

"Orochimaru, you really are..."

Then Jiraiya looked up at the three toads.

"Sage Fukasaku, Sage Shima, and Gamabunta," he said, bowing with rare sincerity. "Thank you for your help."

Gamabunta, as huge as a mountain, lowered his head. His bell-like eyes swept between Jiraiya and Lin Zi, who was sprawled out beside him. He put his pipe back in his mouth and muttered around it, "...Are you sure? That guy smells even more sinister than before."

Sage Fukasaku, perched on Jiraiya's shoulder, was even more frantic. He was just about to speak. "Little Jiraiya, listen to me—"

"Sage Fukasaku." Jiraiya looked up. The usual roguish smile had faded from his face, but his eyes shone brightly. "I know what I'm doing. Trust me a little, all right?"

Fukasaku was left speechless.

He looked down at the boy he'd watched grow up, then glanced at Lin Zi, who was lounging on the grass, lazily licking his lips as he gazed at the sky through half-lidded golden eyes. At last, he let out a heavy sigh.

"...All right." The old toad sounded resigned. "You've always been stubborn. But remember, if that guy turns on you, summon us right away."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." Jiraiya was back to his usual grinning self as he waved a hand.

Sage Shima poked her head out from Jiraiya's other shoulder and added, "And don't mention what happened today at Mount Myoboku. We don't want the kids having nightmares."

"Reverse Summoning Technique!"

Poof—

Three enormous clouds of white smoke burst into existence at once. Gamabunta's massive body was the first to fade away, followed by Fukasaku and Shima, whose figures dissolved into the smoke.

The mountain wind swept the smoke away, leaving nothing but a few huge impressions in the grass.

Jiraiya stood there, staring at the empty space. Then he suddenly turned to Lin Zi and grinned. "All right, the old busybodies are gone. How about we have a proper talk?"

"Sure. I'll admit, seeing you like this feels pretty strange. You know what I mean?"

Jiraiya stared at him for two seconds, then suddenly slapped his thigh and burst out laughing. Lin Zi couldn't hold back, either, and joined in with a chuckle.

Jiraiya laughed until his eyes watered, then reached over and gave Lin Zi's shoulder a hearty slap. "I don't know what I should call you, but Orochimaru, you're a lot more interesting like this."

"Get lost." Lin Zi slung an arm around Jiraiya's neck and pressed his head against his shoulder. "I think you're pretty likable like this, too. At least you're better than the deadpan version of you from my world."

"So what's the Jiraiya in your world like?" Jiraiya wiped the corner of his eye, suddenly intrigued.

Lin Zi raised a finger and wagged it. "First, you have to keep this to yourself. I feel like anyone could tell I'm not the real deal, but we still have to go through the motions."

"Sure thing, Orochimaru. Spill!"

Lin Zi sat cross-legged, a flicker of memory passing through his serpentine eyes. "The you in my world... is a pretty gloomy guy. You defected under the pretext of studying machinery and spent all day holed up in a lab tinkering with metal junk."

"Machinery? What's that?" Jiraiya's eyes widened.

"I don't really get it, either. I guess it's something like the Scientific Ninja Tools you have here."

Lin Zi shrugged. "Anyway, in my world, you're a weirdo who hides indoors, messing around with gears and steam."

Jiraiya's mouth hung open for a long time.

He looked down at his calloused hands, then at Lin Zi's pale face. When he spoke again, his voice had grown quiet. "Then in our world... you're a bastard who messes with corpses and researches immortality."

The breeze across the grass died.

Jiraiya lowered his eyes, absentmindedly picking at the grass with his fingers. "But I don't believe that. I think he just... took a wrong turn."

"Jiraiya, you're way too soft." Lin Zi jabbed him with an elbow. "You should keep chasing after what you want, like I am. Who cares if it's the right road or the wrong one? Just get moving."

"Shut up!" Jiraiya shoved him away, laughing as he scolded him. "Anyone else can say that to me, but you, a fake from another world, have no right!"

The moment he finished speaking, his expression suddenly changed.

The gloomy look from a moment ago vanished, replaced by a lecherous grin. His eyebrows shot up. "What about Tsunade? What's the Tsunade in your world like?"

Lin Zi stroked his chin, pretending to be thoughtful. "Tsunade... I don't know what weird jutsu she researched, but she's stuck looking about twelve years old. She has none of the charm of a mature woman. She's kind, but she talks way too much. She's always running off to the Medical Department to work, so I never see her."

"T-twelve?!"

"Yeah, twelve." Lin Zi nodded, looking disgusted. "Flat as a board, and not even half as tall as me."

Jiraiya sucked in a sharp breath. It was as if something in his mind had just shattered.

He sat in a daze for three seconds, then suddenly slapped Lin Zi on the shoulder. "I can't even imagine that... So what are you going to do now?"

"Didn't I just tell you?" Lin Zi rolled his eyes.

"Someone asked me to come find the Tsunade from your world. I was going to try and get some information out of you, but you started yelling and trying to kill me the moment we met."

"Then I'm coming with you!" Jiraiya sprang to his feet, not even bothering to brush the dust off his clothes. "We'll find Tsunade, then head back to Konoha together! I want to see everyone's faces when they meet you."

Lin Zi looked up at him. Sunlight gleamed in his golden, slit-pupiled eyes as he suddenly grinned. "Sure. That'd be great."

He held out his hand. Jiraiya grabbed it, and the two shook hands.

"Jiraiya," Lin Zi said, "you're a pretty great guy in this world."

Jiraiya laughed and hauled Lin Zi to his feet. "Enough with the mushy stuff, Spirit Snake Sage! Let's get moving!"