Xiao Kuang had just announced, "Meeting adjourned," when the Heavenly Dao Will in his mind jolted awake like someone sitting bolt upright from a dying illness and blared a piercing alarm:
[Error! Error! Lecture duration severely insufficient!] [The first lecture must last a full three thousand years to complete the operation of the Heavenly Dao laws! Only... three quarters of an hour have passed!] [Please, Acting Executor, continue immediately! Make up the class hours! Otherwise... severe consequences (merit deduction, benefits revoked)!]
"What?! Three thousand years?!" Xiao Kuang had just stuffed a fire-breathing Fire Dragon Fruit into his mouth and nearly choked. He shot up from his footbath, splashing foot-washing water everywhere. "Are you kidding me?! Lecture for three thousand years? Even a production team wouldn't work a donkey that hard! Do you think my throat is made of steel?"
Making him seriously expound the Great Dao for three thousand years? That would be less painful than making Gong Gong smash his head into Buzhou Mountain again!
The great powers below, who had been about to flee this den of demons as though granted a pardon, vaguely sensed the Heavenly Dao's urgent urging and saw Xiao Kuang's expression instantly collapse. Their hearts skipped a beat.
Could it... not be over yet?
Xiao Kuang's eyes darted wildly, glinting with mischief. He was clearly brewing another bad idea. Stroking his chin, he looked over this group of "high-quality talents" below, then suddenly grinned as inspiration struck.
"Ahem!" He picked up the microphone again, his tone becoming "earnest and heartfelt." "Fellow Daoists, what I explained just now was the general outline of the Great Dao—concise and comprehensive, with emphasis on comprehension."
Everyone below: "..." That was concise and comprehensive? That was utter nonsense!
"However," Xiao Kuang abruptly changed tack, "the Great Dao is profound and cannot be comprehended in a single day. Therefore, for the next two thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine years, eleven months, twenty-nine days, and several more hours..."
He counted on his fingers for ages until he confused himself, then simply waved a hand. "Anyway, it'll be a very long time! We'll be conducting in-depth... after-class practical exercises and exchange discussions! The goal is to consolidate theory, connect it with practice, and improve together!"
After-class practical exercises? Exchange discussions? A sense of foreboding rose in every great power's heart.
"As for the practical activities, after careful consideration, I have decided as follows!" Xiao Kuang swept out a hand, brimming with lofty ambition. "The first Purple Cloud Palace team-building event now begins!"
"Activity One: Board and tile game competitions! The Primordial Sparrow God Competition I mentioned earlier officially begins! Automatic mahjong tables have been prepared in that corner! Four per table; losers get slips of paper stuck on them and pay a small merit penalty!" "Activity Two: Song and dance performances! Primordial Voice and the Purple Cloud Dance Forest Convention will hold auditions simultaneously! Show off your talents—education without distinction! Outstanding performers will receive a plate of Chaos Spirit Fruit!" "Activity Three: Outdoor barbecue social! The barbecue grills in the backyard are ready, and there's plenty of Chaos Spirit Charcoal. As for ingredients... uh, don't touch the animals in the backyard zoo! Bring your own or conjure them with spiritual energy! Self-reliance brings abundance and promotes friendship!" "Activity Four: Hot spring wellness symposium! Soak in the hot springs, drink tea, chat about life, discuss ideals—isn't that wonderful?" "Activity Five: Free Dao discussion... uh, forget that one. You can handle that yourselves."
As he spoke, several jade mahjong tables actually materialized out of thin air in the hall. Microphones and stage lights—crude versions—also lit up. In the backyard, the barbecue grills roared to life with chaos flames, while the hot spring pools began bubbling even more vigorously.
Every single great power of the Primordial Chaos was petrified.
Mahjong? Singing and dancing? Barbecues? Hot springs? This... this was the Dao Ancestor's so-called "after-class practice"? How was this any different from mortal playboys eating, drinking, and having fun?! We came to hear the Great Dao for three thousand years, and this was what we got? And now we had to play with him for three thousand years?!
[Heavenly Dao: ...(((;￢＿￢)))...] [Detected that the Acting Executor has transformed sacred Dao lectures into... large-scale entertainment team-building...] [Core code: ...has given up treatment... entering power-saving standby mode... estimated wake-up time: three thousand years later...] [Note: ...destroy it all, I'm tired...]
The Heavenly Dao's radiance went completely dark, as though someone had pulled the plug.
"What are you all standing around for?" Xiao Kuang looked displeased at the dumbstruck crowd below. "Do I have to teach you everything step by step? Move it, move it! Where's the atmosphere team? Start the music!"
He snapped his fingers, and an incredibly addictive, strongly rhythmic BGM—something like one of those viral short-video songs—began echoing through the hall.
Under his "tyrannical intimidation"—mainly because they feared getting struck by lightning—and driven by those seemingly unreliable yet genuinely tempting rewards, the great powers began to "move" in an exceedingly awkward, reluctant fashion.
At first, they naturally couldn't let themselves go. The Three Pure Ones sat beside the mahjong table with faces as dark as water, feeling that even drawing tiles was desecrating the Great Dao. Di Jun Tai Yi stared at the barbecue grill as though it were some demonic altar. Nuwa opened her mouth before the microphone several times, yet had no idea what to sing. Jieyin and Zhunti looked at the hot spring pool and felt that even soaking in it would taint them with worldly karmic sin.
But... time was on Xiao Kuang's side!
Three thousand years of "team building"!
Under Xiao Kuang's threats, temptations, and personal example of shameless fooling around as a "demon coach," the entire affair gradually went off the rails.
A hundred years later, Sect Master Tongtian had become the undefeated champion of the mahjong tables. His skill was exquisite and his calculations flawless; he had even developed an "Immortal-Slaying Tile Formation." Primordial Lord of Heaven, red-eyed from losing, had several times wanted to bring out the Pangu Banner and flip the table. Old Ancestor Kunpeng discovered the joys of barbecue and became especially skilled at grilling Chaos Spirit Mushrooms, though when he occasionally burned them, they gave off an aura of annihilation. Zhen Yuanzi, Hong Yun, and several female immortals became regulars at the hot springs, often soaking until their faces were flushed as they exchanged "wellness tips." Zhunti Daoist unexpectedly became an overnight sensation on Primordial Voice. His rendition of The West is Truly Bitter made listeners weep and audiences grieve, earning him the inaugural championship. Quite a few great powers even began researching how to cheat at mahjong with divine abilities, how to use Samadhi True Fire to control the heat of grilled skewers, and how to use primordial spirit power to make their opponents sing off-key during karaoke...
The entire Purple Cloud Palace became smoky and chaotic, filled with laughter—forced laughter—demonic music, and deafening noise, a full-fledged Primordial Chaos version of a massive center of decadence and corruption.
Of course, many great powers still kept the Great Dao in their hearts and tried to find opportunities to consult this "unconventional" Dao Ancestor about genuine cultivation problems.
An old Daoist gathered his courage and respectfully asked while Xiao Kuang strolled over to "inspect" the mahjong game, "May I ask, Dao Ancestor, I have been stuck at the middle stage of Da Luo for a long time. My primordial spirit refinement has been unable to reach completion. How should I..."
Xiao Kuang was staring at Tongtian's tiles and did not even turn his head as he waved dismissively. "Completion? Why do you need to be so complete? Even the moon waxes and wanes! Good enough is good enough! Look at me—I never pursue perfection, and aren't I living just fine? Next!"
The old Daoist: "..." His Dao heart suffered a devastating blow.
A Demon Saint asked about body-tempering techniques. Xiao Kuang glanced at him. "Body tempering? What's the use of training a body full of dead muscle? Look at Gong Gong—his muscles are big enough, right? Didn't he still get struck by lightning? You need to understand how to use four ounces to move a thousand pounds, borrowing force to counter force. For example... using clever tricks to swap tiles while playing mahjong?"
The Demon Saint: "..." His worldview collapsed.
Empress Nuwa had also tactfully asked about the deeper mysteries of the Dao of Creation. Xiao Kuang was gnawing on a grilled skewer, his mouth glistening with oil. "Creation? Making little clay people? Just make them look good! Don't always think about making them so perfect. A few flaws are beautiful—that's called... uh... imperfect beauty! Look at this skewer I made. It may be ugly, but it smells great!"
Nuwa: "..." The Dao of Creation fell into bizarre contemplation.
Over those three thousand years, similar questions arose one after another. Yet without exception, Xiao Kuang brushed them off—or even led them astray—with all sorts of crooked logic, slacker philosophy, and methods for loafing around.
Yet, incredibly strangely...
Within this seemingly utterly unproductive, absurd, and decadent environment, under the constant impact of these heretical "crooked theories," the rigid thought patterns and worldviews that many great powers had held for countless cosmic epochs were actually shaken and broadened!
Though the process was painful and awkward, a certain kind of "Dao comprehension"... was genuinely taking place.
It was just that the "Dao" they comprehended... was probably more than a hundred thousand miles away from what the Heavenly Dao had originally envisioned.
Inside Purple Cloud Palace, the chaotic, addictive BGM still blared. Mahjong tiles clacked, songs rang out, barbecue sizzled, and hot spring water flowed, weaving together a bizarre symphony of Primordial Chaos decadence.
As for the culprit, he was crossing one leg over the other in a massage chair, enjoying Dragon Girl's leg-pounding service while secretly using Heavenly Dao Authority to peep at Empress Nuwa soaking in the hot springs—only for the Heavenly Dao to forcibly censor it. He hummed as he sang:
"Us common folk, today we're so, so happy~" "Loaf around for three thousand years, and the benefits just keep rolling in~"
Heavenly Dao, sleeping: Zzz... (its code occasionally twitched, as though it were having a nightmare)...
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