The Great Dao is simple? No, the Great Dao is salty.

Xiao Kuang slumped in a luxurious massage recliner, adjusting the microphone's angle so it perfectly framed his yawning mouth.

"Hello, hello? Can you hear me? How are you doing, friends in the back?" he tested the sound. His voice, amplified by some kind of Heavenly Dao Authority-enhanced effect, echoed through the bizarre grand hall.

Below, a crowd of mighty beings: "..." Good? Good for what! We're not good at all right now!

"Ahem," Xiao Kuang cleared his throat, trying to recall his meager knowledge reserves, and began his "preaching, teaching, and dispelling doubts."

"Fellow Daoists, today we shall discuss, what is 'Dao'?"

The crowd below perked up slightly. Finally, we're getting to the point! Even Yuanshi and Gong Gong, who had been electrocuted to a crisp, reluctantly pricked up their ears.

Xiao Kuang stroked his chin, appearing to ponder, then suddenly slapped his thigh (the armrest of the massage chair): "If you ask me, this 'Dao' is just a fart!"

Pfft--! Zhen Yuanzi, who was drinking tea, sprayed a mouthful of Innate Wutu Essence Qi all over Hong Yun next to him. The Three Pure Ones stumbled collectively, nearly sliding off their gaming chairs. Empress Nuwa covered her lips, her beautiful eyes wide. Di Jun Tai Yi almost dropped the Chaos Bell and the River Diagram and Luo Script in his hands. Jieyin and Zhunti's bitter faces grew even more bitter, as if they had swallowed a hundred pounds of bitter herbs.

Heavenly Dao: [Warning! Detected severe stigmatization of core concepts by the proxy! Recommend immediate correction!]

Xiao Kuang ignored it completely and continued to expound: "Everyone, think about it. Farts are formless, shapeless, colorless, and tasteless (sometimes). They come when they want, go when they want, are unpredictable, and mysterious. Doesn't that fit the characteristics of 'Dao'? Moreover, they can moisten things silently (stinking you out), contain the principles of life and biochemistry (food conversion), and can even drive the tribulation cycle (a case of blood caused by a fart)! This is the Great Dao simplified!"

Dead silence from below.

The expressions of all the mighty beings were as if they had swallowed a fly, a Chaos Demon God-transformed one at that.

What kind of devilish metaphor is this?! Did Father God Pangu split the heavens and earth just to hear you argue that "Dao is a fart"?!

Sect Master Tongtian covered his stomach, his shoulders shaking violently. He wanted to laugh but dared not, his face flushed red from holding it in. Gong Gong rolled his eyes, feeling that his intelligence had been insulted like never before.

"Of course!" Xiao Kuang changed the subject, "Just farting isn't enough, you also have to know how to slack off!"

He adjusted the massage intensity, making himself more comfortable: "Next, I will focus on the positive impact of the 3600 Styles of Slacking Off and the Heart Sutra of Giving Up on improving cultivation realms!"

"So-called slacking off is not laziness, but a highly advanced form of 'governing by non-action'! It is about finding mental relaxation amidst arduous cultivation, maintaining a balance between work and rest, so as to endure! For example, when you're tired from cultivating, you can watch the clouds, go fishing, count dragon scales, tease... uh, admire the clay figures made by fellow Daoist Nuwa, and so on."

Nuwa: "???" What does this have to do with me?

"The specific operations require strategy! For example, how to accurately judge whether the Master/Heavenly Dao is watching you? How to create the perfect illusion of 'I am diligently comprehending the Dao'? How to simulate the most complex Daoist rhyme effects with the least amount of magical power fluctuations? These are all skills!"

He got more and more animated, even starting a live demonstration: "Everyone, watch carefully. This move is called 'Drawing a circle with the left hand and a square with the right hand, while the divine sense is secretly watching celestial maidens dance'! The essence lies in multitasking, appearing diligent on the surface while your heart is rippling!"

As he spoke, his left hand truly began to outline the roundness of the Law of Water, and his right hand outlined the sharpness of the Law of Metal. At the same time, his eyes drifted, a lewd smile on his lips, clearly his divine sense had wandered off somewhere.

The crowd below watched with twitching eyelids, their Dao hearts suffering another severe blow. Is this really preaching the Dao? This is clearly teaching people how to muddle through life and wait for death!

"And this Heart Sutra of Giving Up!" Xiao Kuang spouted, "The core tenet is -- when you encounter difficulties, don't resist, just lie flat! Tell yourself, 'I can't do it, I'm not capable, whoever wants to do it can do it'! This way, the pressure instantly disappears! The Dao heart becomes clear, thoughts flow smoothly, bottlenecks? They don't exist! Because you never intended to break through in the first place! No expectations, no disappointment! This is the supreme state of mind!"

Old Ancestor Hong Yun listened thoughtfully and muttered, "It seems... there's some truth to it?" Zhen Yuanzi quickly covered his mouth: "Fellow Daoist, speak cautiously! Don't be led astray!"

[Heavenly Dao:... Warning! Warning! The proxy is massively spreading negative and degenerate ideas! Seriously polluting the Primordial Era's cultivation environment! Request to interrupt the sermon! Request to format the proxy!] [Request rejected... insufficient authority... ((′-﹏-`;))...]

Heavenly Dao no longer had the strength to be angry, only endless numbness and despair remained.

"Finally!" Xiao Kuang suddenly sat up straight (the massage chair lifted him), his expression "serious": "Let's talk about the most important practical application -- how to elegantly slack off and survive the tribulation!"

This time, even the most numb of the mighty beings perked up a little. Tribulations were swords hanging over the heads of all living beings.

"What to do when a tribulation arrives? Fighting and killing is too tiring! It also easily incurs karma and merit!" Xiao Kuang clapped his hands, "We can change our perspective! For example, organize the 'First Primordial Mahjong God Competition'! Decide the winner by playing mahjong! Whoever calls 'pao' bears the tribulation! Fair, just, and public! It's entertaining and solves the problem, what's not to like!"

"Or, hold a 'Primordial Voice' competition, the one with the most malevolent aura sings the worst, and they automatically get on the Investiture of the Gods! Entertain the masses and resolve hostility!" "If that doesn't work, rock-paper-scissors! Best of three! Simple and fast!"

The crowd below went completely mad.

Deciding tribulations by playing mahjong? Putting people on the Investiture of the Gods by singing? Deciding life and death by rock-paper-scissors?! How on earth did the Dao Ancestor's brain work?! Even a Chaos Green Lotus that had become sentient wouldn't be this outrageous!

The Three Pure Ones' faces turned ashen, feeling their intelligence and Dao hearts being repeatedly ground into the dirt. Di Jun Tai Yi began to seriously doubt the future development path of the demon race. Jieyin and Zhunti were already contemplating whether "playing mahjong" needed to be added to the teachings of the Western Sect. Houtu Ancestral Witch's eyes glazed over, and she began to consider whether the Underworld needed to add a few mahjong tables.

Xiao Kuang looked at the various expressions of the beings below and nodded with satisfaction, feeling that his "teaching" had been remarkably effective.

He let out a long yawn and finally concluded: "Alright, today's class ends here. The core idea is just one sentence: Effort doesn't guarantee success, but not trying will definitely be very comfortable! Meeting adjourned! Next class time... I'll notify you based on my mood!"

With that, he pressed the stop button on the massage chair and snapped his fingers: "Waiter, bring the fruit platter! I want the Chaos Spirit Root level!"

A group of Dragon Girls and Phoenix Girls, carrying strangely shaped spirit fruits (mutated by Xiao Kuang using his authority), walked up nervously.

The mighty beings below, holding spirit fruits that looked like "fire dragon fruits" but spewed Samadhi True Fire, and were called "strawberries" but had thorns, watched the Dao Ancestor who had already started soaking his feet, and collectively fell into a long silence and deep self-doubt.

Who are we? Where are we? What did we just hear? The future of the Primordial Era... is there really any hope?

The first sermon in the Purple Heaven Palace concluded in an atmosphere of extreme absurdity, nonsensicality, and severe damage to the Dao hearts of the Primordial elites.

The light of the Heavenly Dao completely dimmed. It might need a few tribulation cycles to recover.