You're Not Fat, You're Swollen

"Teacher! I report him! He's cheating!"

Uchiha Ling complained to Teacher Yamano as Akimichi Takashi actually pulled out earplugs and stuffed them into his ears.

Teacher Yamano said, "There is a very obscure ninjutsu called sound-wave ninjutsu. Plugging your ears is also a way to deal with it. Uchiha Ling, this doesn't count as cheating."

Uchiha Ling was helpless. Not listening to his trash talk was an epic-level nerf to him.

He stared at the smug Akimichi Takashi and recalled one of Jiraiya's techniques.

Jiraiya had modified his hair, allowing him to use it to perform ninjutsu such as Needle Jizo and the Wild Lion's Mane Technique.

This practice of using chakra to alter the body had something in common with the Akimichi Clan's Multi-Size Secret Technique.

Could it be that Jiraiya preferred voluptuous women?

After being rebuffed by Tsunade and failing to get what he wanted, had he discovered that Akimichi Clan women were also very well-endowed, then started peeping on them?

Lord Jiraiya, you...

Wait, could Jiraiya have used peeping as a cover to secretly learn ninjutsu and secret techniques?

How could anyone be that improper and also that strong?

Between liking to peep and being skilled at researching ninjutsu, one of them had to be fake.

How cunning, Jiraiya!

Since he had already acquired the Nara Clan's Shadow Secret Technique, and Akimichi Takashi had delivered himself right to his door, he might as well try to collect the Akimichi Clan's secret technique too.

"Form the Opposing Hands Seal!"

After Teacher Yamano shouted, Uchiha Ling did not move, nor did Akimichi Takashi across from him.

Those earplugs were really good. Akimichi Takashi could not hear a thing.

Uchiha Ling dashed toward Akimichi Takashi.

Akimichi Takashi instantly tensed up, raising both arms in front of his chest, ready to defend at any moment.

He saw Uchiha Ling form a hand seal. Then, a cloud of white smoke suddenly appeared before him.

Two Uchiha Lings rushed out of the white smoke.

Akimichi Takashi nervously looked from side to side, unable to tell which was the real body and which was a shadow clone.

Ebisu curled his lip from the side. Was there even any need to distinguish the shadow clone? Why was he so nervous, as if he could beat Uchiha Ling's shadow clone anyway?

Wait!

Ebisu suddenly realized that his thoughts sounded a little like Uchiha Ling's. Did being near ink make one black? After sparring with Uchiha Ling so many times last year, had he become a vicious person too?

This is bad.

Still, he somewhat missed those days last year when he had constantly challenged Uchiha Ling.

As Akimichi Takashi turned his head to the left, he suddenly felt heat by his right ear.

The real body is on the right! So fast!

Akimichi Takashi felt someone remove his earplug, lean close to his ear, and murmur something.

"Akimichi Takashi, you can't just rob pig feed because you like eating pork belly. Look how fat you've gotten."

In the original story, Akimichi Choji's trigger word was "fat pig." Whenever someone said it, Akimichi Choji would fly into a rage and lose his composure.

Uchiha Ling tried the phrase too.

However, Akimichi Takashi was not Akimichi Choji. He was not sensitive to those words at all.

"I'm fat. So what? Being fat is my pride!"

Uchiha Ling froze. Akimichi Takashi was broad-minded and fat-hearted; trash talk did not work on him.

Akimichi Takashi swung his arm and smashed an elbow toward Uchiha Ling.

Bang!

White smoke appeared. It was a shadow clone.

The real body appeared from the other side and kicked Akimichi Takashi away.

In pain, Akimichi Takashi rolled around on the ground before getting up, clutching the ear without an earplug.

Nara Saku had taught him nothing but useless stuff. At a time like this, he was still covering his ear so he would not have to hear Uchiha Ling's trash talk.

"The spar is over! Form the Reconciliation Seal!"

Uchiha Ling stared at Akimichi Takashi, pondering how to make him lose his composure.

The Akimichi Clan's Multi-Size Secret Technique was far too useful. Among all the ninjutsu, secret techniques, and forbidden techniques in the ninja world, it was practically the most male-friendly technique of all.

A man could not possibly possess both the Multi-Size Secret Technique and inferiority.

For the happiness of both the rest of his life and his lower half, Uchiha Ling was determined to obtain this secret technique!

Over the next week, Akimichi Takashi raised his hand first every day to challenge Uchiha Ling.

A week later, Akimichi Takashi was actually smiling when he sparred with Uchiha Ling.

Uchiha Ling found it baffling. Did Akimichi Takashi have masochistic tendencies?

He knew Akimichi Takashi was always on guard against Uchiha Ling transforming into Nara Saku. He waited for an opportunity, waited until Nara Saku and Akimichi Takashi had separated, then transformed into Yamanaka Mei and approached Akimichi Takashi.

"Takashi, why have you been so happy these past few days?"

"Hehe, I've been looking in the mirror lately and found that I've gotten fatter again!"

Uchiha Ling froze. He carefully examined Akimichi Takashi's chubby face and said softly:

"Takashi, is it possible that you're not fatter? You're swollen!"

The flesh on Akimichi Takashi's face twitched.

Why did his face hurt a little?

He pulled a mirror out of Yamanaka Mei's desk.

In the mirror, his face was blotched blue, red, and purple. It really was swollen.

"How hateful! I thought I'd gotten fatter, but it turns out that skinny twig Uchiha Ling beat me swollen!"

Akimichi Takashi put down the small mirror and said, "Nothing I can do about it. Nara Saku insisted that I keep challenging Uchiha Ling. Luckily, I haven't gotten thinner. As long as I don't lose weight, I can accept anything."

Uchiha Ling understood. Making Akimichi Takashi lose weight would probably make him lose his composure.

Sparring class.

Akimichi Takashi challenged Uchiha Ling again.

This time, Uchiha Ling's goal was not to defeat Akimichi Takashi. After using a shadow clone to remove Akimichi Takashi's earplugs, he said:

"Akimichi Takashi, beating you is as easy as drinking water.

"Since you insist on provoking me, come on. I bet you can't touch me even once.

"As long as you touch me, I'll give you three months of my allowance to buy pork belly!"

The moment Akimichi Takashi heard that he might win a huge allowance, he was instantly energized.

Uchiha Ling began leading Akimichi Takashi in circles around the training ground.

It looked as though Uchiha Ling was using Akimichi Takashi to practice his footwork.

After a week of this, Akimichi Takashi was utterly miserable. Every sparring class, Uchiha Ling would lead him around by the nose.

"Akimichi Takashi, with your current strength, you can't even touch the hem of my clothes.

"If you insist on challenging me, fine, but could you at least improve your strength?

"I'm leading you around like a dog. Anyone who didn't know better would think I was deliberately tormenting you.

"If all you do is eat without training, you might as well donate your meals to the Inuzuka Clan's ninja hounds.

"You can eat, and you can shit, but if all you do is eat and shit without contributing any value, then that's not right."

Akimichi Takashi braced his hands on his knees and raised his head. Beads of sweat streamed down as he stared at Uchiha Ling, gasping for breath.

Uchiha Ling had long since taken away his earplugs, so every word of Uchiha Ling's mockery entered his ears.

When he lowered his head, the sweat on his cheeks joined into several lines and fell to the ground.

Uchiha Ling watched with satisfaction as guilt appeared on Akimichi Takashi's face.

Train. Train hard. How could you lose weight if you didn't train?

It would take some time before Akimichi Takashi lost his composure. For now, he needed to find a breakthrough with someone else.

After school, Uchiha Ling went over to Ebisu.

"Ebisu, wait for me at the training ground. Akimichi Takashi keeps challenging me, and it's made me remember how good you are. I'm going to teach you a technique!"

"What? You're going to teach me a technique?"

Ebisu felt as if the sun had risen from the west, south, and north—everywhere except the east.

This was far too abnormal!

"Trust me! This is your destined technique! Only with this technique will you truly be yourself."