The Privilege Called "Willfulness"

The matter of "becoming a Magical Girl" had been like a ray of light shining into Xia Liang's former life, allowing her to find a way to save herself.

So she had agreed without any hesitation, without even considering what price she might have to pay.

"Because for me, it was the first time in so many years that I felt needed."

Looking at Larkspur, Xia Liang's eyes flickered slightly. "I was very fortunate that Xiao Lu and you invited me at that time. Being able to become a Magical Girl was an incredibly surprising experience for me, like a dream."

"Then why do you feel troubled now?" Larkspur nodded and continued asking calmly. Yet after hearing Xia Liang's "story," she was far less composed inside than she appeared.

The reason she did not immediately offer comfort was because she knew very well that for Xia Liang to have come this far from her past, and to retain her current character rather than being utterly consumed by her past experiences and bleak life, she must have endured countless trials of the heart. What she needed was not "sympathy."

She had not told her this story to seek such useless feelings. When it came to a person's suffering, sympathy was the lightest, most irresponsible, and cheapest form of kindness.

If she had not known Xia Liang and had merely learned of some tragedy through the news, she would have expressed her sympathy without hesitation. But she knew Xia Liang. Xia Liang was the Magical Girl she had chosen for Fangting City and for her daughter's future team, a child who truly existed before her and awaited guidance. She had to genuinely help her.

"Why am I still troubled? To be honest, I'm confused by my current feelings too."

Following Larkspur's words, Xia Liang unconsciously touched her chest, her expression lost. "There's no doubt that I feel happy. This past month has been more meaningful than the entire year before it. But where is this emptiness coming from?"

...At its core, it was probably still loneliness, wasn't it?

Larkspur said nothing, but she reached a conclusion inwardly.

Putting herself in Xia Liang's shoes, if she were living alone in this house that held memories of both happiness and misfortune, then returned to face solitude after every day of Magical Girl activity... she would likely feel lonely too.

Since that was the case, she knew what she needed to say.

"Little Brocade."

After thinking and organizing her words, Larkspur spoke. "What kind of feelings do you have toward your mother now?"

Without a doubt, the person who had influenced Xia Liang the most during her upbringing was her biological mother. Yet the idea of "being a good child" that her mother had instilled in her had, in turn, caused Xia Liang's current doubts about herself.

Larkspur believed that she might not be able to erase the influence of that idea on Xia Liang in just a few words, but at the very least, she had to tell her what was actually right.

"My mom? Honestly, I don't really know either."

Thinking over Larkspur's question, Xia Liang lowered her head blankly. "I probably still have some attachment to her? That's why I kept wanting an answer from her. But ever since then, no matter how many times I've gone to the prison, she's completely unwilling to see me."

"Then, forgive my bluntness."

Changing her posture to sit properly, Larkspur looked solemnly at Xia Liang. "I think what your mother said was wrong."

"...A lot of people have told me that."

Xia Liang raised her head with a bitter laugh. "But no one has ever explained why. What do you think, Senior?"

"Because being 'obedient' and being 'loved' do not have a causal relationship." Larkspur's face remained cool, but her tone was extremely serious.

This was something she had to help Xia Liang sort out, to make her recognize the difference between the two.

"Haha, that's true. Though I'd actually thought of something that simple a long time ago."

After being stunned for a moment, Xia Liang said bitterly, "I know that being obedient is useless. If I had stood up sooner, before that day, maybe I wouldn't have become a child without a home, right? When you get down to it, I was only satisfying and consoling myself back then."

"The human heart is complicated by nature, so don't blame yourself for something like that. You've already done very well."

Shaking her head, Larkspur interrupted her self-reproach. "Besides that, what I want to say is that there's nothing wrong with being obedient. Good children should be praised and commended. But at the same time, being 'willful' is actually a child's privilege."

"Willful?" Xia Liang froze for a moment.

"Willful." Larkspur affirmed it calmly.

Xia Liang's eyes widened slightly in confusion. "But if I'm willful, adults will definitely find me annoying and dislike me, won't they?"

"You're imagining adults too one-dimensionally."

Larkspur pressed one hand downward, signaling for her to listen patiently. "Being willful every moment of every day will indeed make people dislike you. But appropriate willfulness is actually a way of endearing yourself to others. Or rather, it's a form of acting cute."

"Huh?" Xia Liang cried out in shock. "Even if you say that..."

"Children who are too obedient never act willfully and never express their desires. They seem too perfect, too idealized, and that instead makes rotten adults feel their own inadequacy."

Lowering her eyes, Larkspur explained slowly, "Before such sensible children, they cannot feel like qualified adults at all. They may even need the child to comfort them, as though they themselves are the completely immature child."

"If they are ordinary parents, that is fine. They will reflect on whether they have failed in some way. But if their hearts have already become filled with darkness, they will only alienate and reject such children, perhaps even become tired of them."

"If I may make a guess, that was probably how your mother felt in the end. When you tried to comfort her, it instead wounded her pride."

"So you were not actually wrong. Your mother was not responsible enough. When you were in the roles of mother and daughter, she failed far more than you did."

After Larkspur finished that long speech, she saw Xia Liang trying to understand, so she fell silent and gave her time to process it.

As Xia Liang thought it over again and again, she found that she did not know how to refute Larkspur.

"...Then what should I do?"

After a long silence, she said softly, "Even if I realize these things now, I can't make up for them anymore."

"I already said that this was never your fault to begin with. What is there to make up for?"

Feeling somewhat troubled by Xia Liang's fixation on this matter, Larkspur sighed. "If you truly can't let it go, then store it away properly and look forward first."

Xia Liang said nothing, looking at her with some confusion.

"How about learning to be willful first, like I said before?"

Larkspur softened her tone and raised an index finger. "Not just smiling to accommodate everyone, but learning to be a little selfish and think for yourself."

"That sounds a little difficult."

Xia Liang smiled along awkwardly. "And even if I want to learn to be willful, how should I do it?"

"You can express your true feelings more often to your teammates: White Rose and me."

Larkspur turned her raised index finger toward herself. "Even now, I'm right here."

"What?"

"I am an adult who can accept and tolerate willfulness. So you can use me as your target and try saying the things you usually suppress in your heart. I won't dislike you over something like that."

Larkspur calmly analyzed, "If you think my teaching is too strict or my attitude too cold, say it first. Even if I might not accept it, it will definitely help us understand one another."

"Oh, that's amazing!"

Upon hearing those words, Xia Liang revealed an expression called "admiration" for the first time that night. Even her tone lifted slightly. "Senior, when you talk like that, you really seem just like an adult!"

"There's no 'just like.' I am an adult. I'm much older than all of you." Larkspur lowered her eyelids.

"Then where exactly should I start?" Seemingly deliberately ignoring Larkspur's words, Xia Liang, having found a new goal, began to ponder.

"Start with everyday life. School, your Magical Girl companions... is there anything you feel dissatisfied with?" Larkspur offered her suggestion.

"I feel..."

Xia Liang lifted her gaze, seemingly thinking very hard. "I feel like I'm being excluded?"

"At school?"

"...No, in the team." Xia Liang sneaked a glance at Larkspur.

"The team?"

Only after a few seconds did Larkspur realize what Xia Liang meant. She raised a brow. "Excluded? Why do you feel that way?"

"Probably because Xiao Lu is a little biased. No, Senior, you're biased too?"

As if she had suddenly worked something out, Xia Liang clapped her hands and said firmly, "That's right, both of you are biased!"

"Senior, you always act cold toward everyone, but you always care a little more about Xiao Lu. Xiao Lu is even worse. She's so enthusiastic toward you, Senior, but she's always so fierce with me!"

Xia Liang widened her eyes and spoke faster. "Even though I think she's funny when she acts like that, it still makes me sad sometimes when she always treats me that way!"

It was because you found making her angry "fun" that she excluded you so much, wasn't it?

Though she could not help thinking that, Larkspur did not say it aloud. She gave Xia Liang a somewhat baffled look, chose her words carefully, and acknowledged her point.

"White Rose and I have known each other longer, so we are indeed more familiar with one another."

"I don't think that's the reason. The way you and Xiao Lu care about each other definitely isn't that simple."

Rarely showing a dissatisfied expression, Xia Liang frowned. "Xiao Lu said you saved her, so she admires you a lot. But what about you, Senior? You say you're an adult, a mature Magical Girl. Come to think of it, Xiao Lu also said before that her dad seemed to be planning to start another relationship..."

As she said this, Xia Liang seemed to realize something and covered her mouth in alarm.

But it was obviously too late for that gesture. Larkspur had already crossed the distance in two quick strides and flicked her forehead hard.

"Ow!" Xia Liang cried miserably.

"Making baseless slanders does not fall under the category of 'willfulness.' Careless words come with a price."

Larkspur returned to the sofa and folded her arms. "That was a warning. I didn't use much strength. If there's a next time, that may not be the case."

"I won't dare do it again." Xia Liang covered her forehead.

"Anyway, I acknowledge that the problem you mentioned exists. So what do you want?"

Pulling the topic back on track, Larkspur continued, "To learn to be willful, you must first face your true thoughts. You think I'm biased, so how do you want me to change?"

"Let me think..."

Xia Liang thought as she answered, "When there are questions in class, ask me too? Don't only ask Xiao Lu?"

"I'll keep that in mind." Larkspur nodded.

"And when you find an Aberrant Beast, don't always notify me last!"

"...Sorry."

"During the study session just now, there were actually a lot of things I still didn't understand!"

"I'll teach you."

"When I do well in magical power training, praise me more, because I'm actually trying really hard!"

"And also, and also..."

As though a floodgate had opened, once Xia Liang came up with the first point, she immediately made a whole string of rather troublesome demands.

Some of those demands were indeed areas where Larkspur had not done enough in ordinary times, while others were simply trivial little matters. If Xia Liang had not mentioned them now, Larkspur would never have noticed that she harbored such thoughts.

Although Xia Liang usually seemed to say whatever came to mind, it was clear that even that "speaking whatever came to mind" was the result of inner consideration.

The Xia Liang currently picking apart one little issue after another was the one who had truly opened her heart.

Xia Liang continued listing them like that, while Larkspur occasionally gave her own assessment, until Xia Liang had said everything she could think of.

"And the most important one!"

Xia Liang raised her head, the smile on her face more genuine than it had ever been before. "I want my relationship with Xiao Lu and you, Senior, to become better and closer!"

"Closer?"

This request left Larkspur slightly puzzled, and she explained, "Magical Girl companions are already close comrades-in-arms. As your experiences fighting side by side increase in the future, and even when your strength reaches my level, our relationship is destined to become close."

"No, not that kind of close!"

Xia Liang gestured with her hands. "Magical Girl companions are such important relationships. We should be closer than ordinary friends, shouldn't we? I want the kind that is more affectionate, that warms the heart more..."

The kind that could better make up for the "love" she had lost because her family had fallen apart.

Understanding what she was trying to say, Larkspur added that sentence inwardly.

Lacking love and longing for love, Xia Liang had always pursued connections with others, yet she still had not felt "love." That was why she still felt lonely.

What she wanted from Larkspur and Lin Xiaolu was not merely camaraderie, nor merely the bond between teacher and student, but familial affection that could replace the vacancy left by her family.

Perhaps this was the clearest expression she could make while still confused: she seemed to hope that this Magical Girl team could become her next "home."

They had only known one another for a month, yet she was making such an excessive request. It could be called complete "willfulness."

"Then how exactly should the closeness you're talking about be shown?"

Larkspur braced herself against the sofa and listened to Xia Liang.

But it was precisely because of Xia Liang's almost obsessive thoughts that she realized the girl before her was a genuine child, one who still held many immature thoughts in her heart.

Hearing Larkspur's question, Xia Liang paused for a moment, then pressed her hands together and revealed a sweet, obedient smile.

"I already said it before, Senior."

Her eyes glimmered as she looked at Larkspur almost pleadingly.

"Let's sleep together tonight, okay?"