This Wasn't the Kind of Pirate I Wanted

The sailing ship sailed across the sea known as Paradise. The summer breeze blew gently as people sat in a circle around the table beneath the sails in the sunlight.

A strong aura of "death" radiated from the dining table.

Everyone wore gloomy expressions as they watched A walk out of the cabin carrying chicken soup.

A looked at everyone in confusion. "No one's eating?"

"Chicken soup's here! Nobody wants any? Then I'll dig in!" A placed the chicken soup on the table and happily began picking up food with his chopsticks.

"You... dare to eat it?" B poked A, then pointed at the food on the table.

Today's dishes were completely different in style from the delicacies Wude usually made.

Wude poked one of the dishes with his chopsticks. It held a plateful of gray, sticky sludge that looked like mixed lime from a construction site.

What kind of dish was this? It was so down-to-earth.

Even the seagull resting nearby stared blankly at the plate with its beak hanging wide open.

B reached into the wooden crate and took out a steamed bun. He knocked it against the table. The bun remained unchanged, but the table was dented.

B wore an expression of horror. "Fuck!"

C reached out and lifted the lid off the chicken soup. A powerful cloud of poisonous smoke burst out, mixed with ocher-colored gas.

"Who made this food? It has to be poisoned!" everyone cried out in panic.

From the charred, blackened mass of meat, they could only find cracked chicken bones. The steamed buns were hard enough to hammer in nails, and the seaweed looked as though it had been pulled straight out of crude oil...

A News Coo had just landed beside the seagull. It stared in shock at the seagull lying on the ground and foaming at the mouth, then hurriedly flapped its wings and fled the scene.

"This was made by that lord." A chopped at a steamed bun with an axe and pointed at the air.

"!"

The tool people all panicked. That lord?

The invisible one on the ship?

Eat?

Maybe they'd better not. It was poisonous...

"Ahem. Wasting food is shameful." Wude picked up a steamed bun and stood to leave.

The tool people looked at one another with the expressions of people writing their last wills, then hardened their hearts and carried out the Clean Plate Campaign.

"A is seriously a fucking genius."

The others watched A drink the crude-oil soup and dip the projectile-like steamed bun into it, praising him endlessly.

At the stern.

Wude looked at Kuroh, who stood behind him wearing an apron. "You really shouldn't try cooking anymore. You make it look like a chemistry lab..."

Kuroh tore off the apron in one motion and crouched on the railing in a daze.

Wude tapped the railing with a steamed bun. Several dents appeared. Kuroh's cooking was truly divine.

The sunlight grew more and more scorching. As they continued sailing, a beautiful island appeared in the distance.

Clear, crystalline blue seawater surrounded the island. The summer breeze drove away the heat, and the waves rose and fell.

On the white beach, graceful figures could be seen everywhere beneath sunshades and beside lounge chairs, drinking afternoon tea.

In the shallow waters, sunken ships broke the surface, and openings close to the sea were marked with enormous wooden signs.

Simple drawings on them depicted curvaceous beauties, with a line hooked onto their high heels: "Welcome, pirates!"

Another enormous wooden sign in a different direction showed another beauty blowing a kiss. "Pirate Paradise!"

Wude had just returned to the bow when he saw the signs and the swimsuit beauties running across the beach. He felt that something was off.

The ship had not even reached shore when the beauties on the beach formed a welcoming party. One by one, they wore swimsuits and danced in formation, while the three beauties at the front called out sweetly, "Welcome to Virgin Island, pirate lords!"

At the very front stood a fair-skinned beauty in a red kimono, holding an umbrella and smiling lightly in wooden sandals. Beside her, a purple-haired beauty in a blazing qipao waved toward the bow. The wind billowed her qipao, while glossy black stockings wrapped around her perfectly rounded legs...

In the middle stood a white-haired beauty at the head of the group. The corners of her eyes tilted slightly upward, and her red lips curved into a faint smile.

Wude sized up the beauty. She really was beautiful, and her figure was even better than those of the other two women.

It was just that her outfit was far too unconventional. She wore a kimono in an eighteen-plus style, with strips of red cloth hanging from her body and fluttering in the wind. She wore black stockings and high heels.

"Welcome, lords, to Virgin Island. I am Daisis, the mistress of this island." The unconventional beauty led a group of coquettish women over and sized Wude up with her beautiful eyes.

"How long will it take to record this island's magnetic field?" Wude asked.

He had an ominous feeling that he had fallen into a den of thieves...

"Oh my, why is our guest in such a hurry? Here on Virgin Island, many gentle young ladies are hoping to get properly acquainted with their big brothers~" Daisis furrowed her brows and pouted coquettishly.

"Not interested." Wude waved his hand. Hmph. He wasn't falling for a gentle trap. How hard was it to earn money?

Daisis winked at the beauties beside her. A large group of beauties instantly swarmed forward like colorful butterflies, each reaching out her demonic claws toward the tool people. The tool people endured the enchantresses' torment with "pained" expressions, their arms sinking deep into swamps...

"No money." Wude gave the group a kingly look of disdain, passed through the sea of flowers, and walked into the distance.

He finally understood. The madam had brought a group of skilled women to the beach to drum up business.

The tool people touched their empty pockets, glanced at the lord walking away, then hurriedly pushed the fairies away in agony and chased after him with expressions of people who had seen through the mortal world.

"Oh my, this guy is really interesting." Daisis covered her mouth and giggled.

After crossing the beach and entering the town, Wude's face nearly lost its composure by the time he had finished walking around.

This island was way too much to handle.

He had originally thought he would have a hearty battle with pirates, fighting fiercely for an entire day.

But after walking around once, he discovered that the whole place was a fucking pleasure industry...

"This atmosphere isn't pirate-like at all. I'm so disappointed." Wude stood outside the town and sighed repeatedly.

What he wanted was the clanging of swords in battle, not some pink theater where female demons cried, "Guest, I want you to help me cultivate!"

A group of penniless tool people gazed pitifully at Virgin Town behind them—or rather, it should specifically be called Flower Town.

Then they looked at the lord pitifully.

"What are you looking at? No money." Wude ignored their yearning gazes and scanned the surroundings. A wooden pushcart in the distance caught his eye.

An old man was busy behind the little cart. It had wheels underneath and a countertop above, while a little girl sat on a tiny stool, watching the old man cook.

She reached out and played with the balloons hanging beneath the canopy.

This kind of cart was called a yatai—in other words, a Japanese mobile food stall.

Can't remember? It was the little cart Obake pushed in Ultraman Tiga.

"Do you have anything to eat?" Wude walked over, sat beside the little girl, and asked the old man.

"Oden, ramen, yakisoba, beer, sake, fruit juice, and all kinds of home cooking. What would you like, young man?" The old man smiled at him with his deeply wrinkled face.

"Bring us one of everything you can make. There are a lot of us." Wude smiled. A group of people stood behind him.

"Then thank you all for your patronage, haha." The old man happily got to work. He took several bottles of alcoholic drinks from the cart and handed them to Wude. "These are on the house. Don't be shy."

"Oh, thanks."

Wude accepted the drinks. When he noticed the little girl watching him, he abruptly turned his head and made a face, frightening her into letting out a cry.

"..." The tool people looked at one another. The lord had beautiful women right there, yet he had come here to eat and tease a child?

He really was a clear stream amid a mudslide.