Harvey Riles Roland Three Times

"Oh, crap. I've become the dark side." Roland stared into the mirror at a face so ugly even gods and demons would recoil, lost in thought.

He set the mirror down. Darkness surrounded him, broken only by the flickering, yellowish light of the candle in front of him.

Roland felt around in front of him until his fingers found a switch. He pressed it, and a television lit up a short distance away.

On the screen were a vast ocean and two ships.

Harvey Dent's voice came from the television. "There are two ships at sea. One carries three hundred people, and the other carries two hundred. That makes five hundred passengers, plus you. Suppose these five hundred and one people are humanity's last survivors."

"A large, irreparable hole opens in the bottom of each ship at the same time. Only you know how to repair the ships, but while you're fixing one, the other will sink. Which ship would you repair?"

"Wait, what?" Roland froze, then picked up the mirror to inspect himself.

Yep, still ugly in that uniquely distinctive way. This wasn't Kiritsugu Emiya's face.

"Make your choice."

Roland thought for a moment. "Contact the people on both ships and have them bid. Whoever offers more gets rescued first."

"...The ship carrying three hundred people has more people aboard, so its offer is more generous." Harvey fell silent for a while before speaking again.

"Then I'll fix the ship with three hundred people."

"The moment you decide that, the two hundred people on the other ship grab you and demand, 'Fix our ship first.' What would you do?"

"Fine, fine, fine. They've got the nerve to threaten me? They're asking for death. Obviously, I kill them all." Roland waved a hand, and the scene before him changed. He found himself aboard a ship, tied up, with someone pressing a gun to his head.

"This routine won't work on me. I'm not Kiritsugu Emiya." Roland easily broke free of his ropes and wrested away the gun pressed against his head.

One minute later.

Roland woke up and tore the device off his head, swearing furiously.

"What happened to you?" Bruce asked, puzzled.

"That bastard only said there were two hundred people! He didn't mention they had man-portable missiles, recoilless rifles, and MK19 grenade launchers!" Roland punched the bed and put the Wonderland Device back on his head. "No. I'm not letting this slide."

When he entered the dream again, Roland found himself in the bar where he and Harvey had gone drinking before.

"You don't seriously think I can't do anything to you in a dream, do you?" Harvey sat beside him, showing him only half his face, and poured him a glass of whiskey.

"Huh? Do you like killing people in your sleep too?" Roland picked up the whiskey and took a sip.

"Perhaps I can. The human brain is a delicate instrument, and delicate means fragile." Harvey sipped a glass of red wine. "Perhaps I could keep you here forever."

"I don't buy it."

"Heh..." Harvey gave a knowing chuckle. "Then let's find out. How about a game?"

"What kind of game?"

"The whiskey you just drank contained a deadly poison." Harvey produced two glasses filled with unidentified liquids. "One of these contains the antidote. The other contains an even stronger poison. You—"

Before Harvey could finish, Roland snatched both glasses and drained them, then flipped him off with a mocking look. "Don't think you've won."

"...Really?" Harvey didn't get angry. Instead, he watched Roland with interest. "Don't those drinks taste familiar?"

"Actually, yeah. What are they?" Roland smacked his lips.

"Elephant bodily fluids."

"Harvey Dent! You XXXX..."

Bruce pinned Roland down as he sprang up from the bed. "What happened?"

"I'm going to slaughter Harvey!" Roland grabbed Harvey by the throat and shook him awake.

"Ha! I knew you'd try this. Didn't see that coming, did you? This was all part of my plan!" Harvey flashed an evil grin.

"FXXK!"

"Calm down..." Bruce pulled Roland away, his head aching. "What did Harvey do to you?"

"Nothing much. I just offered him a drink, but he insisted on snatching my special beverages... And after drinking them, he turned into this." Harvey smiled.

"...Looks like you failed too." Worried that Roland might make himself ill with rage, Bruce turned to Gilda. "Would you like to try?"

"Yes." Gilda nodded. "Put Harvey to sleep."

"Taking sleeping pills all the time is bad for you." Roland grinned viciously. "Let me help instead."

"Don't strangle him to death." Bruce sounded concerned.

"Why would I let him die that easily?" Roland delivered a chop to the back of Harvey's head. By now, he had the move down pat. Gotham City really did whip people into shape.

Gilda put on the Wonderland Device too, took a sleeping pill, and sank into a deep sleep.

A church.

Dressed in a wedding gown, Gilda stood frozen in place.

Harvey wore a black tuxedo. Its double-breasted cut and satin peak lapels suited his figure, lending him an air of elegance, but his twisted face ruined the effect.

A coin flipped up from Harvey's fingertips and fell back down. "Everything is chance," he said flatly. "Good or bad, virtue or evil, life or death—God decides it all with a coin toss. My side has already landed. Why waste your effort?"

"Oh? Then was us falling in love just chance too?" Gilda looked straight into Harvey's eyes, making him turn his gaze away.

"Look me in the eyes. Look at me!" Gilda strode up and seized him. "Tell me, Harvey Dent. Did you toss a coin to decide whether to love me? And did I fall in love with you purely by chance?"

"You love me? Then what about him?" Harvey pointed behind Gilda, where a handsome Harvey stood in a white suit.

"He's Harvey Dent too. Of course I love him." Gilda answered without the slightest hesitation. "Your beauty and your ugliness, your kindness and your cruelty, your tenderness and your violence... I'll accept every part of you."

"A person is a whole made up of all kinds of contradictory yet independent qualities. Two natures are fighting within your mind."

"But that's all right. I'll love both of you equally!"

"In God's name, I promise that from this moment on, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, I will love and cherish you forever."

"Oh... Isn't that supposed to be the groom's line at the wedding?" Back in the real world, Roland had produced a little tape recorder from somewhere and recorded everything Gilda said.

Before falling asleep, Gilda had forgotten one very serious issue: she had a habit of talking in her sleep.

"Looks like there's hope for Harvey," Bruce said. "As long as there's love, there's hope."