[Salty Fish System: Fine, fine. You two have already mangled this juicy bit of gossip beyond recognition. I'll just go back to telling you gossip about the Li Kingdom.]
The ministers: No, no, no! Little Lord Yun and the Little Commandery Princess might be tired of it, but this is our first time hearing it!
Unfortunately, neither of the two girls nor the system could hear the ministers' wails.
[Salty Fish System: Right, let's keep talking about your emperor.]
The emperor, seated on his dragon throne: ...
Can't this damned girl leave me alone for just one day?
Who shears wool by grabbing one sheep and plucking it to death?
The ministers: Your Majesty, sacrificing you alone will bring happiness to us all. May you rest in peace.
[Salty Fish System: Ever since your emperor tasted potatoes last time, he's fallen in love with them. Unfortunately, the remaining potatoes have to be saved for planting. So last night, he dreamed he was eating the potatoes he'd been longing for. Just as he was happily munching away, someone slapped him awake. Only then did he realize he hadn't been gnawing on a potato, but on the Empress's foot.] [Pfft, hahahahahaha! Poor Empress! She was sleeping peacefully when she suddenly felt someone gnawing on her foot. The fact that she didn't kick him out of bed shows just how deeply she loves His Majesty.] [Yunjian: Sure enough, potatoes can win over anyone who's tasted them.]
The ministers all sneaked glances up at the emperor. They had never imagined that their normally stern, unsmiling emperor could have such a hilarious side.
Had they all forgotten how the Empress had kicked the emperor out of bed five times in a single night?
Under everyone's gazes, the emperor's old face flushed red.
But then he reconsidered. They were all human, so why couldn't he have a favorite food?
Once he figured that out, his expression immediately regained its calm composure.
Under the emperor's serene gaze, everyone felt like an ignorant child and lowered their heads in shame.
[Salty Fish System: Oh, right. Did you know the Eldest Princess lost a gemstone ring she really loved?]
The Eldest Princess, who had just been enjoying the gossip about the emperor, immediately pricked up her ears when the system mentioned her ring.
That ring was her current favorite, yet it had vanished without a trace. She had practically turned the entire Princess's Residence upside down looking for it.
[I've got it! Did the princess mistake the ring for a hair ornament and keep wearing it on her head?]
Yunjian immediately rejected my theory.
[If the Eldest Princess had been wearing it as an ornament, her maids couldn't possibly have failed to tell her. So the truth is that a mouse stole it.]
Wenren Luoshui found that unlikely.
[Could the ring thief be Jerry? Is he going to use it to propose to Tom?]
The ministers: Who's Tom? And who's Jerry?
Why did mentioning a mouse make them think of Jerry?
Why did Little Lord Yun and the Little Commandery Princess have so many strange things in their heads?
[Yunjian: If you're going to put it that way, go get a bottle of vinegar from the kitchen, dip your index finger in it, and put it in your mouth. It won't help you find the ring, but it'll leave a sour taste in your mouth.]
Everyone: What kind of logic is that now?
Can't you say something we can understand?
Or at least something we can figure out!
[Salty Fish System: I seriously suspect you two are messing with me! For every sentence I say, you've got a whole basketful waiting for me.]
The system was on the verge of a breakdown. Did these two want to hear the gossip or not?
[All right, all right. Go on. We'll try not to say anything else.] [Salty Fish System: You said it! If you interrupt me again, I'm going off to play with my system friends.] [Yunjian: I'll keep an eye on her.]
Everyone: You're six of one and half a dozen of the other!
The system decided to trust us one last time. It cleared its throat before continuing.
If time could turn back, the Eldest Princess would rather the two girls and the system had kept rambling off on tangents.
Because the truth the system revealed was rather disgusting.
[Salty Fish System: The Eldest Princess's missing gemstone ring was actually stolen by the commandery princess from Prince Chen's Mansion.] [That can't be right. The day the Eldest Princess discovered the ring was missing, she had everyone present searched. Does the commandery princess from Prince Chen's Mansion know magic?]
The Eldest Princess nodded inwardly. She had practically dug three feet into the ground that day.
But she simply hadn't found it. She had even wondered whether a crow had carried it off.
Didn't people say crows loved shiny things like that?
[Salty Fish System: Because she hid it somewhere nobody would dare imagine, the Eldest Princess naturally couldn't find it.]
Hearing that, Wenren Luoshui and Yunjian immediately had their curiosity piqued.
[Somewhere unusual? Did she hide it in a tooth? Like how you hide a pinhole camera?]
Yunjian couldn't help sucking in a breath. [Wouldn't hiding it like that hurt the commandery princess's tooth? How big would the cavity have to be to fit a ring inside?]
Wenren Luoshui refused to concede and immediately offered an example.
[Don't some assassins hide poison in their back molars? Once they fail their mission, they bite down and crush the poison hidden there.]
Yunjian couldn't help pressing a hand to her forehead. [How big is a ring? And how big is a dose of poison?]
The eavesdropping ministers: Exactly! To hide an entire ring in a back molar, she'd probably have to lose a whole row of teeth.
[Salty Fish System: Of course she didn't hide the ring in a back molar. She hid it up her butt instead.]
The ministers: ...
Wenren Luoshui: ...
Yunjian: ...
[Salty Fish System: Was that beyond your wildest imagination?]
Wenren Luoshui couldn't help asking.
[Why would she hide it somewhere so filthy? Don't girls have breasts? Couldn't she hide it in her cleavage? Besides, Prince Chen's commandery princess has a massive bust. What perfect natural advantages!]
Yunjian couldn't understand it either. Following Wenren Luoshui's train of thought, she dredged up her memories of that commandery princess.
[Yunjian: Don't tell me she likes nine-turn braised intestines too?] [I only eat intestines braised nine times, and only wear rings hidden where the sun never shines.] [Yunjian: If you can't rhyme, don't force it!] [Oh, get lost! All you ever do is put me down!]
At that moment, the Eldest Princess stood in the Golden Throne Hall feeling as though she had swallowed a fly.
Now she knew who had her gemstone ring, but...
Should she get the ring back or not?
After it had been hidden somewhere like that, she might have been fine if she hadn't known. But now...
Now she simply couldn't get past that mental hurdle!!!!
The emperor, seated on his dragon throne, cast his eldest daughter a sympathetic glance.
Still, as long as it wasn't his embarrassing secrets being dug up, he was quite happy.
Wasn't it just a gemstone ring?
Now that the Imperial Treasury had money, the emperor no longer needed to be stingy. He decided to give his eldest daughter an even better ring after court ended.
As the saying went, if the old didn't leave, the new couldn't come.
[Speaking of which, why did the Little Commandery Princess from Prince Chen's Mansion steal the Eldest Princess's ring?] [Salty Fish System: This Little Commandery Princess has fallen for a man, but Prince Chen's Mansion only looks prosperous on the surface. She doesn't even have the money to buy her lover a gift. When she attended the Eldest Princess's banquet last time and saw that ring, her first thought was that it would suit her lover perfectly.] [Yunjian: Wow~ It looks like she really does love this man. She's even willing to steal for him.] [Heh. If those two really get together, I reckon they'll go hungry for nine meals in three days.]
The ministers: What a vicious curse! What a venomous tongue!