The grand finale

With my third muttered remark, I covered my face with my free hand. I knew it was an even brighter red than the sky beginning to blush.

We kicked through the water, splashing as we swung our clasped hands.

Together, we walked toward the shore through the sea, red beneath the setting sun.

"I think... I might like the sea."

The person walking ahead laughed at my murmured words.

"Oh, speaking of which, where are Yuji and Junpei?"

"..."

"Huh? What's wrong?"

"Well, um... nobody expected both Itadori Brothers to end up in trouble. Ha."

"...Seriously?"

"Absolutely. After Haruka disappeared, Yuji Itadori wouldn't listen to anyone and swam way out using freestyle. He swam just like a tuna."

"Oh dear. Yuji is a physical freak, after all..."

"And now it looks like Satoru Gojo has gone to get him. Look."

I followed my best friend's pointing finger and saw a supernatural phenomenon unfolding.

"...The sea has split."

"Not Moses parting the Red Sea, but Gojo parting the sea."

We sighed helplessly at the sight of the vast sea split in two, rising like walls.

"What about a barrier?" "He didn't put one up."

"He's going to get yelled at." "Yep."

Ah, that sunset was blinding...

Haruka Itadori (black swimwear with a hedgehog pattern)

Having survived alongside his friend, he enjoyed a relatively peaceful vacation.

Teaming up with the sensible Kai also made him a little harsher toward Gojo-sensei. Still, he was gentle at heart, so there was a teaspoon's worth of concern.

An otter floating and burbling in the chest-deep shallows, tethered to a cursed tool (an anti-lost leash) because everyone had decided he would get lost.

Kai Sagami (black swimwear covered in little penguins)

The best friend who survived unscathed. A sweet boy who tagged along when his troublesome friend said, "I want to go to the beach," reasoning, "Well, if Haruka's going..."

He kept his distance from the main characters once he saw their faces and learned their personalities. That meant he could calmly kick the world-famous Satoru Gojo, and when he heard Haruka was missing, he kicked him flying and threw sand at him.

Haruka would absolutely get lost, so he needed an anti-lost leash... Ah. Right, there might be a useful cursed tool.

He definitely had a few screws loose.

Gojo-sensei

Despite being on vacation, he got kicked and had sand thrown at him. Quite pitiful.

The man who split the sea with his cursed technique to rescue Yuji, who had swum far out at tuna-like speed.

Please put up a proper barrier. That is all.

② A continuation of the Celebrity Ranking AU!

~Previously~

"Well... our Celebrity Ranking brought together the cast of the dark fantasy series Jujutsu Kaisen. This year, they got the behind-the-scenes buzz going on Blue Bird SNS before they even reached the venue. Someone refused to drink a drop during the wine-tasting segment, and Mahito picked the wrong answer with an 'absolutely not' expression, enraging a certain lord of 'I make the rules.' It's been one incident after another."

"Nice summary, Geto.

...Incidentally, Mahito left partway through, and the cleaners are currently cleaning the floor. We won't mention 'what' they're cleaning."

Once the cleaners in blue work uniforms finished cleaning the floor, the show resumed.

Naturally, the first close-up when the cameras returned was of Sukuna. After swiftly cutting Mahito, his partner on the cursed spirit team, into three pieces, he was now hugging his little brother, perhaps because of excessive stress.

"Hey, Sukuna~ It's starting."

Even with Yuji, the eldest brother, reminding him, the second brother of the idol group Three Tigers refused to let go of his security blanket. Meanwhile, Haruka, the youngest, happily nestled in that security blanket, ready to drift off to dreamland.

"Shut the hell up. Want me to slice you into three pieces too?"

He didn't even bother making it sound like a question as he threatened his eldest brother. Sukuna Itadori radiated a murderous aura that put even veteran stars to shame, forcing the production staff to arrange an emergency partner swap.

"So, with that... we've decided to change the partners."

"Whaaat~? No way~. Haruka and I finally formed the ultimate partnership..."

The popular twenty-eight-year-old superstar complained. The two hosts, both his peers, looked down at him as though he were an oversized piece of trash.

"Satoru Gojo, keep the immaturity to your face." "Agreed, from the left."

"Huh? Isn't that a bit harsh? We're peers, aren't we? We even go drinking together sometimes, don't we?"

The double blow from Suguru Geto and Shoko Ieiri was apparently a little too much. Satoru Gojo grumbled as he returned to his seat. Then, sniffling with fake tears, he reached toward Yuji, the soothing Haruka's older brother.

"Yuji~ Everyone's so mean! They're splitting Haruka and me up!"

He turned and hugged Yuji of the First-Year Group behind him. The security duo beside Yuji immediately looked like furious demons, raising a hammer (Kugisaki's Hammer) and releasing his prized dogs (Fushiguro's Divine Dogs).

"Hey, you bastard. What are you doing to our Itadori? Get your filthy hands off him."

"Kugisaki, his hands aren't enough. We need to keep him from coming within five meters of Itadori."

Yet the eldest brother, unaware that the security duo was desperately protecting him, merely smiled in mild bewilderment and reached toward Satoru Gojo.

"Hmm~ I'm not really sure what's going on, but if you're feeling down, I could come over to your side?"

That was the true nature of Three Tigers' universally adored eldest brother. For some reason, Fushiguro and Kugisaki puffed out their chests in pride. Moved by his kindness, Satoru Gojo hugged him tighter.

"Ugh... Yuji really is the sweetest."

He said this self-evident truth while nuzzling up to him like a large dog.

Then an unexpected remark slipped from the gentle eldest brother's lips.

"...Also, Gojo-sensei? Haruka belongs to us Three Tigers.

Sukuna and I were the ones separated from him in the first place."

True to their surname, the Itadori Family's brothers concealed the sharp fangs of tigers. Witnessing this firsthand at close range, Satoru Gojo gulped.

"Right. Sorry."

He apologized meekly.

The teams ended up as follows.

"Coming up with team names is too much trouble, so I'll leave it to Geto. Take it from here."

"Wait, Shoko... you haven't done anything today. Ugh.

Well, first, Lord Sukuna and Lord Haruka... the Chuunibyou Team.

Then Satoru and Lord Yuji, the Sunshine Team.

As for the leftovers... the Security Team will do."

Suguru Geto's far-too-casual naming sense sent "Lord Geto has such a sharp tongue" trending on Blue Bird SNS. Still, since the names hit the nail on the head, nobody criticized him... As expected of the man called "monkey." That was probably what everyone thought.

"Hey, wait!? Isn't that way too slapdash!?"

Naturally, Satoru Gojo was the only one who could object.

"Exactly! First of all, what do you mean, 'leftovers'!? Use our names properly! I'm still an ordinary celebrity, you know!?"

Correction. There was one more: a model with a formidable presence (Kugisaki).

But the host merely shook his head helplessly, looking exasperated.

"Come on, if you're top-tier celebrities and ordinary celebrities, show some composure befitting your status. Look, aren't those brothers over there completely in control and enjoying themselves?"

And he pointed.

Lord Sukuna had run the staff ragged, making them remove the top-tier celebrity chairs... and replace them with a "sofa that ruins people." He then brazenly sat on it with his little brother in his arms. Haruka, softly snoring in a kitten hoodie, was cradled by Sukuna in his idol outfit...

"Hey, are you at home!? It's not like you just got back from work!?"

The eldest brother couldn't help calling them out.

"Well, now that we've shown that heartwarming scene... it's about time for the final question."

It was actually only the third question, but the hosts, desperate to end the show no matter what, abruptly made it the last one.

"The final test will be dance."

The celebrities present responded with an "Oh." Everyone there had experience learning dance.

Dance was an unavoidable step into the entertainment industry. Whether you were an idol, model, or actor, it was necessary for every kind of work. That was precisely why everyone accepted it as the final question.

"Since it's the last question, the scoring will be stricter too. Get this one wrong, and you'll plummet straight to 'not worth showing on air,' so be careful."

Apart from the excessively harsh scoring, it was indeed a convincing choice of test.

"This time, you'll take the test in pairs. It would be hilarious if you disagreed and chose the 'absolutely not' option... Ahem. Please choose carefully to avoid that kind of tragedy."

Once again, there were three choices: the correct answer, the wrong answer, and the absolutely not answer.

The absolutely not option was something "you could never possibly mistake for the right answer," so in theory, it shouldn't have been easy to pick... but the fun of this show was how absurdly often people picked it. Usually, they disagreed, played rock-paper-scissors, and ended up going that way.

"Hey, he just said 'hilarious,' didn't he? That definitely slipped out, right?"

The host gave a sly smile at Satoru Gojo's questioning.

First up was the Chuunibyou Team: Three Tigers' second and youngest brothers.

"Fwaaah~ Morning, big brother~."

"Morning, idiot. The dancing's about to start."

"Okay, okay~. I'll do my best for you too."

"Just relax. There's no way you wouldn't know the difference."

After that relaxed, heartwarming exchange, Haruka Itadori straightened his back slightly and opened his eyes more intently than usual. His pupils widened, exposing his unusually colored eyes to the camera. He narrowed those crimson eyes slightly and smiled.

"I'm not... giving up this sofa...!"

As expected, he wasn't particularly motivated and apparently intended to slack off completely afterward.

~After watching the dances~

"Haaah~" Lord Sukuna gave a bored yawn. Beside him, Haruka had already fallen asleep.

With the two exuding an aura of "Ah, true kings indeed...," a staff member approached with answer cards. They intended to hand both of them all three cards, A, B, and C, but each smoothly plucked only the B card from their hands.

"...Well, it's the only possible choice."

"Right? Being with you puts me at ease."

They even started explaining it right in front of the staff. What a handful. Their explanation was edited out, and a private room was prepared for the Chuunibyou Team.

The Golden VIP Room. Inside were soft sofas that ruined people (once you sat down, you never wanted to get up), along with snacks prepared for Lord Sukuna. For some reason, the snacks were senbei, a choice made with the staff's circumstances in mind.

The footage showed Lord Sukuna's senbei count steadily climbing to seventy-six, while Haruka was sound asleep. The only consolation was his adorable sleeping face.

Next was the Sunshine Team: Satoru Gojo and Yuji Itadori.

The two entered the test venue chatting amiably.

-What were you talking about just now?-

In response to the staff member's question, they spoke in unison.

"We were talking about today's after-party."

That unexpectedly sensible topic caused a stir among the staff. Apparently... Yuji Itadori's good-boy qualities had rubbed off on Satoru Gojo. Sadly, it wasn't impossible.

~After watching the dances~

"I think it's A!"

"No, I think it's C."

Just as the host had predicted, their opinions diverged spectacularly. After confirming their disagreement, they exchanged stares, going, "Hmmmm..." Then... sure enough.

"Ready!"

"Rock, paper!"

"Scissors!"

"Ha!!"

Despite being warned explicitly not to follow this sequence, they did it anyway.

The result... the winner, Satoru Gojo, settled on C. The two were escorted into the empty C room.

Last was the Security Team, in some ways the most reassuring pair for the staff.

Both answered, "A." There was no disagreement, no rock-paper-scissors, and no unnecessary detailed explanation. It ended uneventfully. But their reason, "To protect the Itadori Family from Satoru Gojo's harassment," was so overprotective that the staff all stared with dead-fish eyes.

Meanwhile, in the Golden VIP Room.

Lord Sukuna, who had brought his senbei count up to seventy-six, muttered at the monitor.

"Isn't Megumi Fushiguro coming...?"

He held Haruka in his lap like a stuffed toy. Haruka rubbed his eyes and slipped a hand into his older brother's senbei to steal some.

Crunch, crunch.

As he crunched, he waved to Satoru Gojo on the other side of the monitor.

"Gojo-sensei. I think you and Yuji are probably going to disappear from the screen."

That was what he said.

"Now, now~ No need to say that, Haruka-chan. If you're being a sore loser..."

"Because the person in option C... was Mr. Geto, right?"

"Huh?"

That dumbfounded sound rang through the C room. Yuji Itadori's face went deathly pale.

"He knew exactly what Gojo-sensei likes, so he steered you into picking C... Huh."

"Huh? No way. Wait, hold on."

"Even if you've announced your retirement, putting you in the 'ordinary person' category is way too unfair, Mr. Geto."

"Well, we saw through it ages ago."

"That's because you spent so long watching his dance videos and studying them, big brother."

The brothers laughed, while the teacher and student panicked.

Oh dear, oh my... what an entertaining ending.

Sweating after dancing three times for the first time in ages, Suguru Geto opened the door to B. He gently patted the heads of his younger Itadori Family colleagues, who were relaxing inside, then gave his former peer, who had foolishly chosen wrong, an enormous middle finger through the monitor.

"There you have it, Satoru. Be a good boy and disappear."

Top-tier celebrity Satoru Gojo disappeared from the screen... dragging Yuji Itadori down with him.

☆-Yuji Itadori was the only one who was simply unfortunate.