Comedian

"Hello, hello? Can you hear me?"

Xia Xia frowned as he watched a naked man-well, half-naked, wearing an utterly ridiculous bodysuit-barge into his domain.

Fumihiko Takaba.

According to the setting, his cursed technique was called "Comedian." It could turn anything he imagined and believed would be funny into reality, though he himself knew nothing about it.

This guy should be a friendly unit, right?

That was what Xia Xia thought, but his hands never stopped moving. Ten Thousand Swords Return to the Source turned any soldier who dared point a gun at him into "army hot pot."

This was the temporary base I worked so hard to clear of cursed spirits and clean up! You blew it to pieces, so who's going to replace my convenience store and Dayun truck?

All of you can join my Red Hare in the grave!

Blades had no eyes. These seemingly primitive weapons sliced the bullets fired from the soldiers' guns into iron dust, then reduced their bodies, hidden behind body armor and cover, to the same shredded consistency.

I admit teamwork matters most in large-scale battles, but I'm done pretending. I'm an immortal cultivator.

"Hey, hey, hey! Making people disappear and escape games aren't in my repertoire~ What a headache."

Takaba minced across the pre-laid Claymore minefield, dodging Xia Xia's flying blades, and approached him with a gait as comical as it was bizarre-not only was he unaffected by the domain, he seemed to be under no pressure whatsoever.

Never compare power levels with a gag character.

This man's technique was written as "Comedian" but read as "Sentry." In reality, it was an ability that took mind over matter to its absolute extreme-it made amusing imaginings real, but what exactly counted as an amusing imagining?

Maybe a god could be funny too?

Maybe a special grade cursed spirit could get run over by a Dayun truck too?

Who knew~

Following the principle that the fewer words an ability needed, the bigger the trouble it caused, Xia Xia had reason to suspect Takaba's strength had been severely underestimated. He had offered no opinion when the official material claimed this man could rival Satoru Gojo, but now it seemed that might actually be true.

Because he minced right back out of Xia Xia's domain with those outrageously ridiculous little steps.

He simply strolled right out, easy as anything.

Had he done nothing at all? Was this just pure nonsense?

No, he had intervened.

Takaba thought that getting hit by missiles and artillery only to end up with smoking hair, then opening your mouth to blow smoke rings, was absolutely hilarious.

So when missiles struck Xia Xia, only his hair smoked. When bullets hit Megumi Fushiguro, he merely let out a comical yelp before their momentum knocked him back a few steps.

Fumihiko Takaba was protecting his companions in his own way, bringing smiles to their faces.

What a shame. If you were a blonde high-school heiress with a trillion-dollar fortune, a fondness for yuri, and the lead vocalist of an all-girl band, maybe I'd give you a genuine smile.

A thirty-five-year-old comedy uncle, though... thanks anyway.

Wait, what do you mean you didn't intervene for Megumi Fushiguro?

Oh, Prisoner Megumi just couldn't withstand the bullets and went flying on his own. Never mind, then. So that's what happened...

That was a grade 2 jujutsu sorcerer for you.

After dispelling his domain, Xia Xia couldn't be bothered to collect the grunts' bodies. He simply walked over to where the helicopter had crashed.

Helicopters were strange things. In his previous life, Xia Xia had always wondered whether they had been invented specifically to kill celebrities and high-ranking figures in crashes. He was always seeing news reports about helicopter accidents on television, and the very next sentence always announced some famous person's death.

Only later had he learned: every prison had its rewards, and the dead took precedence.

If the helicopter doesn't crash, you'll need two tall buildings to act as a slingshot and hold that gravitational potential energy, won't you? Planes and twin towers-there's another dark joke. ()

"Yuji, how are you feeling?"

He entered the hotel, which could only be called a ruin now, and asked his little brother.

"I'm fine. Big Brother kept me really safe. I was never within the strike zone."

Yuji Itadori smiled and handed him a bottle of orange soda that had somehow survived.

"That's good."

Xia Xia took the soda, patted the boy's head, then looked at Megumi Fushiguro, who was lying like a corpse nearby.

"Is he badly hurt?"

"Actually, it isn't that serious..."

Hana Kurusu seemed to be struggling to keep a straight face too.

"His injuries weren't really enough to knock him unconscious, but he thought he was hurt pretty badly. Combined with all the stress he's been under lately, he fell into a deep sleep..."

As expected of someone with the [Useless Husband] skill set. Such excellent sleep quality. Youth really is wonderful-you can fall asleep the moment your head hits the pillow.

Xia Xia smiled.

He noticed what looked like a few scrapes on Hana Kurusu's hand from the battle, and an amusing idea occurred to him.

He took Hana Kurusu's hand.

"Huh?"

The girl seemed surprised, but once she saw that Xia Xia was using Reverse Healing on her, she stopped resisting and let him hold her hand.

"You got this wound while supporting Megumi Fushiguro and me from the air, didn't you?"

Xia Xia's eyes curved into attractive crescents.

"If you were hurt protecting someone, then that person certainly has to take responsibility."

Megumi Fushiguro was actually awake already.

But he kept his eyes tightly shut.

Hearing the conversation between them, he felt his face burn. Please, spare me this sort of thing. Just let me sleep. Stop bothering me.

And so, helping their romance along while pretending to sleep out of sheer embarrassment, Prisoner Megumi rolled over quite naturally.

You could never wake someone who was pretending to sleep.

It's all right, Megumi. You're already very strong. Your peers might all seem to have accomplished a lot, but what does that have to do with you? You still have your animal friends.

Xia Xia summoned Bruce.

"This little fellow just told me he met you before. I'm not too clear on the details, so I'll let him speak for himself."

The Divine Dog first took an epic lungful of Xia Xia's scent, then bounded into Hana Kurusu's arms.

"Huh? A big dog?"

The pure-white Divine Dog wagged his tail, seemingly checking whether the girl before him was the one he and Megumi Fushiguro had rescued back then.

It seemed she was.

But why was Megumi pretending to sleep in bed?

The Divine Dog seemed puzzled too, then gave Xia Xia a curious look.

"Forget about Megumi Fushiguro."

Xia Xia mouthed those words.

Seemingly understanding Xia Xia's mischievous intentions, the Divine Dog decisively chose to ignore Megumi Fushiguro's incomprehensible logic. He resolved to leave the club and take his talents to Xia Xia.

What misery-even this one was tired of fighting.

Still, fluffy little animals were quite popular with girls, especially when the big dog in question had saved her life-back then, eighty percent of Prisoner Megumi's fighting strength had been concentrated in this Divine Dog. A wielder of the Ten Shadows Cursed Technique started with only the Divine Dogs.

"All right, let's discuss what we'll do next and prepare our countermeasures in advance."

In the end, they decided to go elbow Kenjaku first.

But Megumi Fushiguro planned to find his sister first. No one objected to this side quest, so they added it to their schedule as one of their next preparations.

Tsumiki Fushiguro, Megumi Fushiguro's sister by marriage, was his father Toji Fushiguro's stepdaughter. She and Megumi had always depended on each other. In her third year of middle school, Kenjaku selected her, and she fell into a coma, eventually becoming a player in the Culling Game.

Though she was an innocent ordinary person dragged into this, after entering the Culling Game barrier, Tsumiki Fushiguro had actually become the incarnated vessel of the ancient jujutsu sorcerer Yorozu. Because she was an ordinary person, her own consciousness could never return.

When ancient jujutsu sorcerers incarnated and seized a body, a jujutsu sorcerer's will would only be suppressed. If they chose coexistence, as Angel did, the host could retain their consciousness like Hana Kurusu. Otherwise, they would be like Itadori and Fushiguro, suppressed by Sukuna and temporarily offline.

But if the target of incarnation was an ordinary person, as with Hajime Kashimo, Uraume, and Yorozu, the incarnated vessel would be devoured and assimilated. Their soul could never return.

It was hopeless, but that was the truth.

Even though Megumi Fushiguro noticed so many suspicious differences between his sister and the person she had once been, he remained unwilling to acknowledge them.

When confronted with a tragedy they could not change, one that had already become reality, most people chose to look away and escape, if only to preserve that last tiny shred of hope.

Megumi Fushiguro drew all his strength to keep living from that illusory belief. His sister was why he had chosen justice, why he wanted to live, and why he had entered the Culling Game-to rescue his sister, who was still an ordinary person.

If all of that was false...

Megumi Fushiguro might break down.

After a fairly lengthy walk, the group arrived at the hospital room where Megumi Fushiguro's sister had been staying.

Unable to withstand cursed energy, Tsumiki Fushiguro had fallen into a coma. It had also left her body extremely weak, forcing her to remain hospitalized for a time.

After learning that Tsumiki had been cursed, Megumi Fushiguro had come to understand deeply that "even kind people cannot escape injustice." This had inspired his determination to fight the world's inequalities-but he would never have imagined that his sister was no longer his sister.

Had you ever considered that your sister was no longer your sister? Had you heard the ancient jujutsu sorcerer's sinister laughter? Had you heard Megumi Fushiguro's anguished cry?

"Hana Kurusu, you sensed it too, didn't you?"

Smiling, Xia Xia pointed at Tsumiki Fushiguro.

"Don't hesitate. Do it for me, for Megumi. Use Jacob's Ladder on her."

"Ancient jujutsu sorcerers like this are the best at deceiving people."

As he spoke, Xia Xia also took out a cursed tool.

"All right."

After hearing Angel's affirmative answer, Hana Kurusu hesitated no longer and silently began charging her cursed technique.

Although Jacob's Ladder could erase cursed techniques and cursed objects, it took an extremely long time to prepare, leaving Hana Kurusu herself vulnerable. But preparing it beforehand would eliminate that problem.

"Megumi, you're here."

Using Tsumiki Fushiguro's face, Yorozu spoke those gentle words without a single detectable flaw.

Megumi Fushiguro was ready too. He intended to give his sister all his points so she could enter and leave the barrier and escape this horrifying battle royale.

"Are you so excited about our long-awaited reunion that you can't even speak, Megumi?"

"Can't you see she has points?"

Xia Xia walked over and held Megumi Fushiguro in place.

"Do it."

That was what he said.

[Domain Expansion: Death-Bound Curse!]

[Jacob's Ladder!]

Before Yorozu could utter her next sentence, the domain sealed off her escape, and the lethal ladder of light descended.