Shi Hou moved.
In his mind, the maddening BGM had already struck up its death-knell drumbeat.
"Two tigers, two tigers..."
Gripping a massive stone knife half a person tall, his arm muscles tightened beyond his control, and the blade instantly whirled into a gray storm.
"Chop-chop-chop-chop-chop-chop!"
That slab of One-Horned Pig meat met the most glorious moment of its porcine life.
Blade light poured down, weaving an impenetrable gray curtain.
Every stroke landed precisely on the cheerful beat.
Before the pork could even feel pain, it was broken down into slices thin enough to let light through.
Shi Hou's heart wept blood.
This was too humiliating!
That damned system's judging criteria demanded not just incredible hand speed, but bizarre footwork too!
To strike a piece of cartilage that had flown away, he was forced onto his tiptoes, his waist twisting into a strange curve. His left hip thrust to the right, leaving him in an outrageously sultry Su Qin Carrying the Sword vegetable-chopping pose.
Shi Hou felt as though his soul had already fled his body.
"Running fast, running fast..."
The tempo suddenly accelerated. As though controlled by invisible strings, Shi Hou began jerking violently.
His left hand snatched at the air, drawing a handful of emerald-green wild scallions into his palm, then casually tossed them upward.
The stone knife in his right hand traced a dazzling flourish through the air. He spun sharply in place, caught the falling scallions with perfect steadiness, and followed with a backhand Looking Back at the Moon!
"Swish, swish, swish!"
Emerald-green scallion pieces burst apart in midair, becoming a precisely aimed shower of fragrance. Not one strayed; every piece fell into the bubbling broth.
By the time he finished that sequence, Shi Hou felt his social life was already dead.
This wasn't cooking-this was dancing at a disco over a cooking pot!
Yet in the eyes of the watching villagers of Stone Village, the scene took on an entirely different meaning.
The cane in Chief Shi Yunfeng's hand hit the ground with a clatter. His whole body trembled violently, and tears glimmered in his clouded old eyes.
"The Dao... this is the Dao!"
The old chief extended a withered finger toward Shi Hou, who was currently "shaking his hips and convulsing," his voice cracking with excitement.
"Look at Skinny Monkey's movements! They seem deranged, but every motion secretly accords with the supreme principles of heaven and earth! That twist dissipates force, avoiding the wind's resistance! That turn borrows momentum, drawing the vital essence of the Great Wilderness into the pot!"
Shi Linhu's eyes went perfectly round, his jaw nearly dropping out of its socket. "Chief, you mean Skinny Monkey... isn't having some kind of fit?"
"Idiot!"
Shi Yunfeng whacked Shi Linhu on the calf with his cane.
"What fit? This is the long-lost Primordial Sacrificial Dance! He uses his body as a conduit to resonate with the Dao, extracting the ingredients' most fundamental essence through a unique rhythm! This is a Divine Art, a heaven-granted Divine Art!"
"Hiss-!"
The burly men of the hunting team all sucked in a cold breath.
When they looked at Shi Hou again, their gazes had changed completely.
How was this still the Skinny Monkey who usually scampered all over the place?
He was clearly a young high priest presiding over a sacred ritual!
Even Ermeng, who loved roughhousing with Shi Hou more than anyone, watched with his face flushed and his fists clenched, his eyes brimming with worship. "I don't understand it, but... but Brother Skinny Monkey really knows how to shake it!"
At the heart of the storm, Shi Hou turned a deaf ear to all of it.
He only wanted this public execution to end as soon as possible.
But the BGM reached its climax!
"One has no ears! One has no tail!"
Musical notes rained madly across his retinas, falling so fast they left nothing but afterimages.
The system forcibly sent Shi Hou into berserk mode.
He tossed aside the stone knife and seized both handles of the enormous Stone Pot.
The Stone Pot, weighing several thousand jin, felt practically weightless in his hands.
"Up!"
With a thunderous shout, Shi Hou boldly tossed the entire great pot upward!
The boiling broth and meat slices eerily hung suspended in midair the instant they left the pot, without a single drop spilling.
The crimson runic flames beneath the pot surged with a roar, becoming a fire dragon that swallowed every bit of the airborne broth and ingredients.
Boom!
An indescribably overpowering aroma swept outward from the Stone Pot in every direction like a tsunami!
This was no earthly scent of meat.
It was the ultimate delicacy, capable of burrowing straight into the depths of the soul and awakening life's most primal, most ravenous desires!
As the aroma swept past, Big Yellow Dog at the village entrance gave a whimper and collapsed, all four legs going limp, drool pooling across the ground.
The sparrows in the treetops tumbled down in a pattering shower like dumplings dropped into a pot-the aroma had actually knocked them unconscious.
"How strange! How strange!"
As the final lyric ended, the muscles in Shi Hou's arms bulged, and he caught the falling pot steadily.
"Clang!"
With a tremendous crash, the dust settled.
That damned "Two Tigers" finally stopped.
[Ding! This cooking session has ended.] [First cooking session: grade +1.] [Track completion: perfect (Perfect). Grade +1.] [Dish rating: First-Grade Spirit Food (turning decay into wonder).] [Buff effect: greatly strengthens physical vitality.]
Shi Hou remained kneeling on one knee, both hands braced against the pot, panting heavily. Sweat soaked his hide clothing and dripped from the tip of his nose onto the scorching rim, producing a faint sizzle.
Exhausted.
A weariness that came from the depths of his soul-worse than working seven days and seven nights straight in his previous life.
All around him, there was deathly silence.
Everyone stood frozen in place, nostrils fluttering wildly as they greedily gulped down the maddening aroma in the air.
Inside the Stone Pot, the once-ordinary One-Horned Pig broth had become an amber nectar, crystal clear and utterly free of impurities.
The thin slices of pork even shimmered with a faint rosy radiance, as though they were no longer mundane food, but the precious flesh of a legendary divine beast.
"Gulp."
The clear sound of someone swallowing broke the stillness.
It seemed to serve as a signal.
"These... these really are One-Horned Pig scraps?" Shi Shoushan rubbed his eyes, his voice trembling. "Why does it feel as though he stewed a pureblood Suanni cub?"
Shi Yunfeng drew a deep breath, his already gaunt face now flushed crimson.
"Vital essence contained within, rosy radiance arising on its own! He has stripped every impurity from ordinary meat, leaving only the purest essence of life! Skinny Monkey's cooking... no, this Divine Art—even the finest spiritual chefs in the manors of kings and lords would be left choking on his dust!"
While the adults remained trapped in their shock and amazement, a tiny figure moved.
"Ah! Mine!"
Shi Hao had watched the performance in a dizzying blur, but his little nose hadn't rested for a moment.
The instant the fragrance erupted, the greedy little worms in his belly had launched an all-out revolt.
His short little legs carried him to the Stone Pot like a tiny cannonball. Unafraid of the heat, he rose onto his tiptoes and reached his chubby little hand toward the meat slices inside.
"Little One, be careful!" Shi Linhu cried out.
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