Shaula blinked.
"Master and I have been here all along. Didn't we just get back from the Water Gate City?"
"No."
Natsuki Subaru's voice suddenly grew hoarse.
"We were just... we were just in the royal capital."
The smile on Shaula's face faded a little.
Natsuki Subaru let go of her little finger and took half a step back.
He touched his chest, then his neck, as though checking for some trace.
No wounds, no blood, no pain.
He only remembered the instant of darkness that had flashed before his eyes at the very end in the royal capital.
Then he had returned here, to after he had made his promise with Shaula.
Natsuki Subaru's eyes slowly widened, and his expression began to twist.
"No..."
"This isn't right."
Shaula stepped forward.
"Master? You look so pale."
Natsuki Subaru did not hear her.
He staggered around, practically throwing himself at the notebook beside him.
The pages rustled loudly as he flipped through them.
Names fell into his sight, one after another.
Reikin.
Otto.
Garfiel.
Anastasia.
Ricardo.
Mimi.
The names he had crossed out were still there.
The things that had already happened were still there, too.
Natsuki Subaru's fingers stopped on the page, his knuckles tightening little by little.
"You've got to be kidding..."
His voice was so quiet it was almost inaudible.
"Why here?"
Shaula stood behind him, for once not immediately throwing herself at him with a smile.
"Master?"
Natsuki Subaru whipped his head around.
"Why here?!"
His voice rang through the tower.
Shaula flinched, her shoulders drawing in, but Natsuki Subaru seemed unable to see her anymore, his expression crumbling.
"Wasn't it supposed to be earlier?"
"Wasn't I supposed to go back to the very beginning?"
"I was so close to doing it."
He clutched his hair, his voice growing more and more distorted.
"I'd already come back."
"I'd come back."
"Then why..."
His knees hit the floor hard.
"Why couldn't it be when there was still time for everything?"
Return by Death had activated.
But it had not taken Natsuki Subaru back to the beginning.
It had only sent him back here, to this place where he had just felt a trace of warmth.
No, it was no longer warmth now.
Natsuki Subaru only felt unbearably cold all over, an overwhelming wave of nausea rising within him.
Return by Death sent me back this late.
Back to after Reikin had already died.
Back to after the village had already been slaughtered.
Back to after Otto, Garfiel, Anastasia, and the others had all become Books of the Dead.
Back to after he had made his promise with Shaula.
Natsuki Subaru knelt on the floor, his shoulders heaving violently.
Suddenly, he slammed his head hard against the floor.
Thud-thud-thud.
Once, then again.
"I was wrong."
"All wrong."
"I killed wrong."
"I read wrong."
"I waited wrong."
Shaula finally reacted, hurriedly throwing herself at him and holding him tight.
"Master! Don't do this!"
Natsuki Subaru began to struggle.
"Let go of me."
"No!"
Shaula held him tighter, tears suddenly spilling down her face.
"Master, please don't hurt yourself like this!"
Hearing the tears in Shaula's voice, Natsuki Subaru stopped moving for an instant.
He slowly raised his head and looked at Shaula before him.
She was crying.
The girl who had just been so happy at "Shaula at the end" that she had seemed ready to wag her tail was now holding him tightly, as though afraid he would disappear before her eyes if she let go.
Natsuki Subaru opened his mouth.
After a long time, he softly called her name.
"Shaula."
"Yes, I'm here, I'm right here!"
"Kill me."
Shaula's body went still at once.
Natsuki Subaru looked at her, an almost abject plea in his eyes.
"Please, kill me."
"Just one more time."
"Maybe next time will be earlier."
"Maybe I can go back to before Reikin died."
"Maybe I can go back to when Otto was still alive."
"Maybe I can go back to before I opened those books."
By this point, he could no longer get his voice out; only a breathy whisper remained.
"Shaula, help me. Let me die."
Shaula stared at him blankly.
Tears kept falling.
It was as though she could not understand at all.
And as though she had finally understood one thing.
Master wanted to leave.
Master wanted to go somewhere without Shaula.
She shook her head desperately.
"No."
Natsuki Subaru grabbed her wrist.
"Shaula."
"No!"
"Didn't you say you'd obey my orders?"
Shaula's eyes flew wide open.
Natsuki Subaru's voice trembled.
"I'm your master, aren't I?"
"Then do as I say."
"Kill me."
Shaula's lips trembled.
She looked at Natsuki Subaru, at the blood on his forehead, at the sight of him falling apart.
Then, for the first time, she disobeyed an order.
"No."
Her arms tightened around Natsuki Subaru.
"Shaula won't obey that order."
Natsuki Subaru froze.
Shaula was a sobbing mess, but she still held him tight.
"Master only just said it would be Shaula at the end."
"It isn't the end yet."
"Not yet."
"So Shaula won't kill Master."
Natsuki Subaru's face slowly twisted.
It was as though even his last way out had finally been blocked.
I can't go back.
I can't save them.
Even dying was something no one would help him accomplish.
He lowered his head, resting his forehead against Shaula's shoulder, and spoke in a trembling voice.
"I just wanted to save them."
"I just wanted to bring everyone back."
"I really... just wanted to go back."
Shaula held him.
She did not know who Reikin was.
She did not know who Otto was.
She did not know who Garfiel was.
Nor did she know where exactly Master meant by "go back."
All she knew was that the person before her, the person she loved most, the person she had waited four hundred years for, was crying.
Was begging her to kill him.
Was falling apart little by little in her arms.
Shaula raised her hand and stroked his head ever so gently.
Just as Master had stroked hers earlier.
"Be good, Master."
Her voice was tearful, too.
"Shaula is here."
"Shaula will always be here."
"So please don't die, Master."
Natsuki Subaru's grip on her clothes slowly tightened.
"I can't go back."
His voice finally broke.
"I killed them all."
"I can't go back."
Shaula did not say it was all right.
Nor did she say her master had done nothing wrong.
She simply held him, repeating over and over:
"Shaula is here."
"Shaula is right here."
"Master, don't cry alone."
The voices from the screen grew quieter and quieter.
In the end, all that remained was Shaula repeating herself over and over.
"Shaula is right here..."
"Master..."
In the green room, no one spoke right away.
Just moments ago, everyone had been discussing Return by Death.
But only now did they truly understand that the ability was not as all-powerful as they had imagined.
Once activated, it would not necessarily send someone back to the moment they most wanted to return to.
It could give Natsuki Subaru a chance to try again.
It could also trap him at a point where nothing could be undone.