Natsuki Subaru had not truly calmed down.
Emilia and Betty were still holding his hands, one warm, the other gripping hard. The sensation felt unfamiliar, as though someone had forcibly dragged him back from an abyss.
Yet he still could not help recalling the scenes in the screen of light just now.
Seeing himself on the screen sitting at the village entrance, quietly waiting for Shaula to return, sent a chill down Natsuki Subaru's back.
He suddenly understood something.
If Return by Death became an excuse to think, "I can always start over anyway," it would sooner or later push someone to that point. If his own thinking became like that, becoming "him" would only be a matter of time.
Sitting at the village entrance, waiting for an entire village to die.
Natsuki Subaru slowly tightened his fingers.
He confirmed that the people beside him were still there, and that he now had his companions' trust.
"...I'll try to talk about it."
Emilia did not rush him, while Betty merely huffed and squeezed his hand even harder.
Meanwhile, the scenes on the screen of light continued.
Natsuki Subaru and Shaula arrived at the Sage's Tower, then headed toward the place where the Books of the Dead were kept.
"Please, Shaula. There are quite a few people this time." Natsuki Subaru asked Shaula to find the Books of the Dead belonging to Reikin and the others.
Shaula scratched her head. "I'm actually not very good at this sort of thing, but if it's your request, Master, I'll definitely obey. It would be even better if you could give me a hug."
Before Natsuki Subaru could speak, her voluptuous body enveloped him in an embrace. Natsuki Subaru said, speechless, "You never intended to let me answer in the first place, did you?"
Shaula feigned confusion. "Huh? You didn't agree, Master?"
Natsuki Subaru pried Shaula off with his hands. He did not mind having such a cute girl hug him, but if he let her keep holding him like this, who knew when she would stop?
"If you've had enough hugging, hurry up and find the books."
Shaula nuzzled Natsuki Subaru's hair twice before finally letting go, then struck an exaggerated salute.
"As you command, Master."
Then Shaula began searching for the Books of the Dead.
Natsuki Subaru simply watched Shaula and waited.
Times like these are wonderful, but there are still people waiting for me to return. I can't stop moving forward here.
After an unknown amount of time, Shaula raised her right hand high, holding a Book of the Dead. "Master, I found it."
Natsuki Subaru immediately went over, took it, and began to read.
On the screen of light, Natsuki Subaru froze in place. After a while, the book clutched tightly in his hands slipped to the floor.
His body trembled and his breathing grew rapid. His body went limp, and if Shaula had not hurriedly caught him, he probably would have fallen straight to the floor.
Natsuki Subaru pressed his head. "This feeling is the one thing I can never get used to, no matter how many times I experience it."
And there, prominently printed on the fallen book, was the name Regen Suwen.
"Master, let me massage it for you. As your apprentice, making you feel good is my duty."
Seeing how uncomfortable Natsuki Subaru looked, Shaula wore a worried expression and began massaging his head without asking.
Natsuki Subaru's tightly furrowed brows slowly relaxed. Seemingly oblivious to Shaula's actions, he recalled the memories he had just read.
After reading Reikin's memories, Natsuki Subaru found no clues. Natsuki Subaru and Regen Suwen had barely interacted.
In Reikin's memories, Natsuki Subaru was a strange fellow traveling with his older brother.
Natsuki Subaru began to complain.
"Hey, no matter how you look at it, wasn't that all for nothing?"
An apparition appeared in Natsuki Subaru's mind. It was Regen Suwen.
"Sorry, I've forgotten all my memories of you. Since we weren't close, the chances of remembering anything about you are rather low, so it probably isn't possible anymore."
Reikin looked displeased, believing his death had been utterly worthless. After being killed, he had not been of any help at all. Anyone would be unhappy about that.
Natsuki Subaru realized this too, so he apologized to Reikin.
"Sorry, Reikin."
Reikin waved a hand. "There's nothing to be done about being dead. But if you achieve your goal, everything will return to the way it was, right?"
Reikin smiled at Natsuki Subaru. "Then I'll hold on to that thought and place my hopes in you."
With that, Reikin waved and slowly vanished from Natsuki Subaru's sight.
Natsuki Subaru returned Reikin's Book of the Dead to the shelf, then took out a notebook and drew a line across it with a pen.
Regen Suwen's name was crossed out. Besides his, there were more than twenty names written there, all belonging to people from that village. He had prepared it to help him remember.
"What a pain. Finding books here is such a hassle."
Betty and Julius reassured him. "There's nothing we can do about that. Even if you can't find them, no one will blame you, Subaru."
"Just take your time and keep at it, Subaru."
But Natsuki Subaru said, "I don't have time to spare. I have to find the answer as soon as possible."
Ram delivered a sharp remark from the side. "Come to think of it, what are you in such a hurry for? Don't go doing something stupid in your panic."
Natsuki Subaru clenched his fists.
"I'll change it. All of this, every last bit of it will change."
Then Natsuki Subaru looked at the list of more than twenty remaining people.
Seeing the state Natsuki Subaru was in, Emilia asked worriedly.
"Will reading these people's Books of the Dead make your wish come true, Subaru?"
Meeting Emilia's gaze, Natsuki Subaru hesitated for a moment, but still nodded to her.
"Of course. Because I lost my memories, I caused everyone an enormous amount of trouble. So if I want to undo everything, this is the only way."
"Only through the Books of the Dead of people who knew 'Natsuki Subaru' can I piece together a complete Natsuki Subaru, bit by bit, then use Return by Death to bring that complete Natsuki Subaru back to the save point just after I lost my memories."
Beside him, seeing Natsuki Subaru talking to himself again, Shaula slowly let go, preparing to continue looking for books, and said quietly.
"Master looks pretty handsome when he's serious, too."
Outside the screen of light, after watching Natsuki Subaru explain things to himself, everyone gradually began to understand it all.
[Anna: So the Natsuki Subaru in this segment actually wants to acquire his memories, then activate Return by Death?]
[Otto: I see. So he chose the most extreme method because he lost his memories?]