Douluo: Everyone Has a System? Everyone's Absurd!
Chapter 26

The Titan Giant Ape's Matchmaker System? What the Heck?

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(A beautiful picture of Xiao Wu)

"The king of the forest, the Titan Giant Ape?!" Tang San's voice rose to a squeak and cracked.

His heart pounded. Good thing Grandmaster taught me about it!

Zhao Wuji took a deep breath, stepped forward, and spoke in a deep voice:

"Honored king of the forest, we mean no offense. If this is your territory, we are willing to leave at once."

His tone was deferential and his posture respectful, as though he were trying to reason with it.

But the Titan Giant Ape did not even lift an eyelid. It continued striding toward them.

Boom! Boom! Boom!

With every step, the ground trembled three times.

Everyone panicked. Ma Hongjun's legs shook uncontrollably, Oscar's face turned pale, and even Dai Mubai instinctively took half a step back.

Oscar turned and saw Xiao Jue standing where he was, hands in his pockets, his face utterly calm. He even yawned.

Oscar's eyes widened. "Xiao Jue, how are you not panicking?"

Xiao Jue glanced sideways at him, his tone lazy. "What's there to panic about? Would panicking help?"

Oscar's mouth twitched, and his face grew even paler. "It's over. Xiao Jue's already given up struggling and is waiting to die."

Xiao Jue thought, He's just here for Xiao Wu, and you're all running around like chickens and dogs in a frenzy...

Zhao Wuji gritted his teeth and said in a deep voice, "I'll hold it off. Eat Oscar's Mushroom Sausages and get out of here immediately. I probably can't hold on for long. You have to be quick."

With that, Zhao Wuji took a deep breath. The seven rings of light around him blazed, and he charged toward the Titan Giant Ape.

Meanwhile, a system panel had popped up in front of the Titan Giant Ape.

[Ding, Matchmaker System notification: arrived at the matchmaking market. Task progress: 10%]

The Titan Giant Ape Er Ming thought, What is all this nonsense!

Lately, the thing that kept floating in front of him had been annoying him so much that his head felt ready to burst.

Irritated, he beat his chest with both fists, pounding it with a boom, boom, boom until it felt tight.

When he saw Zhao Wuji charging straight at him, he raised a hand and punched him!

Zhao Wuji's pupils contracted. "Holy crap, I... Evasive Step!"

No matter how smoothly he had mastered Evasive Step, he could not dodge a fist as big as the Titan Giant Ape's!

Zhao Wuji immediately activated his Immovable Wisdom King True Body, but how could he withstand an attack from a Hundred-Thousand-Year Soul Beast? He flew toward the horizon, farther and farther away, until he gradually became a shining star.

"I'll be back!!!"

His voice grew fainter and fainter, finally disappearing beyond the horizon.

The others were scared silly.

A long strand of snot hung from Tang San's nose, and his legs shook like jelly. "Let's scram! What are we waiting for?!"

The Titan Giant Ape shook his body, sending a wave of tremendous force outward that blasted everyone away!

Amid the chaos, the Titan Giant Ape grabbed Xiao Wu, then turned and ran.

Oscar scrambled up from the ground, his face contorted. "Xiao Wu's been taken!"

Tang San, who had been blasted to the ground, turned to look, his eyes widening into saucers. "Th-this..."

Dai Mubai, who had been blasted onto a tree branch, swayed as he hung upside down. "Little San, Xiao Wu's been taken. Aren't you going to save her?"

Tang San gritted his teeth and sniffled. "Damn it! Xiao Wu!"

He chased after them.

In the distance, Xiao Jue stood elegantly, watching the scene.

He had already scooped up Ning Rongrong and Zhu Zhuqing and moved to the side. Now he set them down and dusted off his hands.

Xiao Jue narrowed his eyes. Here it comes, the Man Faced Demon Spider! You can have the Soul Ring, Tang San, but not the Soul Bone!

He glanced back at Ning Rongrong and Zhu Zhuqing. "Stay here and don't wander off. I'm going to take a look!"

Ning Rongrong and Zhu Zhuqing exchanged a glance and nodded.

The Titan Giant Ape Er Ming held Xiao Wu gently in his hand, but the system panel popped up in front of him again.

[Ding, Matchmaker System notification: accepted Xiao Wu, an eligible woman. Task progress: 30%] [Next task: find a suitable spouse for the woman and bring about a happy union!]

Er Ming thought, *???*

I'm not finding a match for Sister Xiao Wu! Sister Xiao Wu is so wonderful; I won't let any man touch her!

[Task completion reward: overcome the 100,000-year heavenly tribulation!]

The Titan Giant Ape was shaken to his core. "What? Overcome the heavenly tribulation???"

His eyes flew wide, and light blazed in his yellow-crystal pupils.

"Da Ming and I originally only had 1,000 years left to live after reaching 100,000 years of cultivation, but if we overcome the heavenly tribulation, we can advance toward 200,000 years of cultivation!!!"

To him, this was simply... a huge pie falling from the heavens and landing on his head!

Er Ming nodded frantically in his mind. Yes! This match has to be made-this is exactly the match to make! But I have to find someone strong who treats Sister Xiao Wu well, and Sister Xiao Wu has to like him too!

As he pondered, he raced along on his huge feet, and before he knew it, he had traveled a long way.

Held in his hand, Xiao Wu could barely keep her eyes open against the wind. She patted his finger. "All right, Er Ming, this spot will do. If we go too far, they'll start worrying."

Meanwhile.

Tang San gave chase and ran straight into the Man Faced Demon Spider. After a desperate battle of life and death, he finally took it down.

Tang San was covered in wounds, his clothes torn to rags like a beggar's, blood and sweat streaming down his body.

He dropped to one knee, gasping for breath, but his mouth curled into a ruthless grin:

"You dare fight me?! I just happened to break through to level 30 during the fight! I, Tang San, will absorb this Soul Ring!"

He sat down cross-legged where he was and began absorbing the Soul Ring.

The purple light of the Soul Ring enveloped him. His face twisted, veins bulged on his forehead, and he was in agony, but he still gritted his teeth and squeezed out the words:

"Xiao Wu! I'll definitely bring you back!"

When Xiao Jue arrived, he saw Tang San sitting cross-legged, looking as though he wished he were dead.

He glanced at Tang San, then at the Man Faced Demon Spider's corpse on the ground, and the corner of his mouth curled up:

"System, where's this Man Faced Demon Spider's External Soul Bone?"

System:

[Large quantity of Sin of Envy fragments detected] [Forcibly absorbing!]

A blue-purple object flew out of the Man Faced Demon Spider's corpse with a whoosh.

[Forcibly absorbing External Soul Bone: Eight Spider Lances!] [Envy Points +8!] [Current Envy Points: 30!] [Martial Soul Leviathan, Sin of Envy has reached level 30. Third Soul Ring automatically obtained!]

Xiao Jue looked at the system panel and laughed. "I took the External Soul Bone that Tang San was supposed to absorb, just like that? System, you rascal, can I absorb these Eight Spider Lances?"

System:

[Eight Spider Lances automatically converted. External Soul Bone obtained: Sin Wings Fallen Heaven!] [Automatically equipped for the host!]

Eight wings unfurled behind Xiao Jue with a swish, light flowing across them. As they spread, the pressure of the wind swept over the ground, sending dead leaves and bits of grass spiraling into the air.

He tried flapping them, and his whole body floated lightly upward. His eyes lit up:

"Flying doesn't consume any Soul Power! What a treasure!"

Just then, another system notification popped up.

[Ding, head out immediately to bring Xiao Wu back for a chance to recover the fragments on the Titan Giant Ape Er Ming!]

Xiao Jue folded his wings, sprang into the air, and flew toward the depths of the forest.

End of Chapter
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