I Couldn't Think of a Title, but I'm Going Out to See a Movie This Afternoon Hahahahaha

(This chapter contains a little Voldemort/Daiyu, Snape/Lily, and a tiny, tiny bit of Draco/Harry. Readers who can't stand those pairings, proceed with caution.)

After Christmas passed, spring gradually arrived.

The thick snow slowly melted into water, signifying new life. This opening sounded like something from an elementary school essay because the author honestly didn't know how to start.

Ever since the reveal, the people at Hogwarts and their fans had grown more familiar with one another. At least whenever someone popped up in the chat, they were no longer met with a screen full of pants covering faces.

Wood was genuinely full of high spirits. He felt that with these people's help, they were guaranteed to win at Quidditch from now on!

Wood's fans were both miserable and happy.

Although they got to see Wood's handsome, square face filling the camera every day, there had only been a handful of Quidditch matches in the original story. Even if Wood squeezed them dry, they could only offer an incomplete understanding.

Wood's number one fan, Hello Everyone, My Name Is Quidditch, went so far as to reread the original story and scour Wikipedia, suffering and enjoying herself all the while. Fortunately, she had already graduated and had a steady income, or the others in the group would have had to tell her to be sensible.

And Wood really did look good even from the most unflattering angles!

The fans were the ones suffering and enjoying themselves, while Wood was happy. The other Quidditch players were the ones suffering.

Another day of training ended. Fred, George, Harry and the others were ready to collapse as soon as they returned to the common room. Fred, in particular, summoned the strength to complain with what seemed like his dying breath:

"The Quidditch match is already over... Why is Wood still working us so hard...?"

Wood, who had just changed out of his training clothes, passed by and said earnestly, "We need to prepare for next year's matches and the ones after that!"

Even Ron, who was receiving friendly tutoring from his fans, couldn't help shaking his head in sympathy. Harry sat down on the sofa, closed his eyes and fell back, trying to get some sleep. Maybe this was a dream.

Ginny, all smiles and holding her phone, had just come downstairs when she saw Ron doing homework, Harry sprawled on the sofa, and the other Quidditch players, including her twin brothers, being held back by Wood for a discussion of tactics.

?

Ginny, who also loved Quidditch, quietly edged closer. Fred was barely holding himself up, looking as though he might collapse at any second.

When Ginny was caught eavesdropping on their tactics, George chased her out of the common room, saying she was still too young and didn't need to play Quidditch. Quidditch was a dangerous sport! A girl like Ginny wasn't suited to it.

Clearly, they had no idea that Ginny often secretly took Charlie's old broomstick out for a flight.

Angry at being chased out of the common room, Ginny went to find Luna.

The two girls, who were the same age, sat by the Black Lake and read the group chat together. It was spring now, and the snow had nearly all melted, so the grass was clean enough to sit on.

(This damn author still loved the Black Lake as much as ever.)

As they scrolled, something caught their attention. Luna pointed at a group file and asked curiously, "Voldemort/Daiyu? What's that?"

"They seem to really like pairing us up," Luna said softly. "I've seen Harry Potter with Draco Malfoy, and your brother Ron with Hermione Granger, but I haven't seen Voldemort/Daiyu before.

"I can't think who those two could be."

Ginny fell silent when she heard about her idol and Malfoy, then decisively skipped over that pairing. "Ron? My brother and Hermione? That's so weird. How could Hermione ever fall for Ron?"

Ginny's eyes widened in surprise. Luna thought for a moment and said, "Maybe... she just likes that type?"

"But I'm still curious who Voldemort/Daiyu is. Do you want to know?" Luna scrolled through her phone. "I remember they seemed to have sent some... videos or something?"

Then she smiled and showed Ginny her phone screen. "And I saved them. Want to watch with me?"

Ginny: ?

Meanwhile, in the group chat.

Tom's Bear Underpants: Honestly, I'm really curious who first came up with the Voldemort/Daiyu ship.

I Am Tom's Dog: I dunno either... And it's not just Sister Lin. Have you seen him with the Dark Fairy? How did they make it so weird and yet so good?

I Am Tom's Dog: (shocked.jpg)

Professor Snape's Potions Book: I'm dying, Voldemort/Daiyu is really popular! They're not even from the same production!

One Gay Man: Come on, they're not even from the same country, okay?

Magpie: Hahahahahaha, last time I even saw one with Voldemort and Xiaoqing. Yes, the one from The Sorcerer and the White Snake, hahahahaha.

Voldemort and Daiyu Are the Most Awesome: Saying that in a Voldemort/Daiyu discussion is a kind of NTR, isn't it?

Mirror of Erised: Hahahahahaha, but Voldemort/Daiyu really is such a good ship! Their fanfiction is delicious too!

Bug Ming: Why do all the talented creators these days like such weird stuff? (shocked.jpg)

Bug Ming: Though I like reading it too, hehe~

Raid Gringotts at the Start to Buy a Wig for Voldy: Speaking of... Harry and the others are in their second year now. Will Voldemort still come back to life? This guy shouldn't get a phone, right?

[Admin] !: ...Good question.

My Handsome Tom: No! My happy ending with everyone together! Voldemort mustn't get one. It's fine if Tom does, though~

Harry's Third Pair of Glasses: Wow, they're not the same person at all, huh?

Tom Riddle's White Moonlight: No! I'll never admit Riddle and Voldemort are the same person. (crying humbly.jpg)

My Younger Brother Isn't as Handsome as Me: ? Aren't they?

Fred had finally escaped Wood's clutches and had a moment to look at the group chat.

Wasn't Riddle that guy? Why were they saying he wasn't? Fred was intrigued.

Magpie: How can they count as the same person? Look how handsome Riddle was when he was young, sob...

Tom's Bear Underpants: Now look at Old Voldy. Men fall silent and women weep, okay?

My Younger Brother Isn't as Handsome as Me: ...

Fred was speechless. What kind of damn reason was that?

Beside him, George scrolled up through the chat history and discovered they were talking about something very new.

"Voldemort/Daiyu? What's that now?"

Rather than wait for their answers, George chose to investigate the group files himself. Ha! He could use his phone even better than those fans now.

Meanwhile, Ginny and Luna had fallen into thought after watching the video that had just shaken their worldview.

One person in the video was extremely familiar and widely known, but as Ginny remembered it, that person was supposed to be terrifying and cruel. Why did he look so... silly in the video?

Forgive Ginny for not being able to find the right adjective.

"I think you mean goofy," Luna stated calmly. "We've never seen You-Know-Who, but I didn't expect him to be like this either."

Ginny shook her head. Voldemort's terrifying image collapsed in her mind in an instant. "Maybe we can skip this topic... Speaking of which, who's the other girl? She looks so delicate."

"I don't know, but the description here says her name is Lin, Dai, Yu? She seems to be from the East?" Luna pronounced Sister Lin's name with a less than perfect accent.

"She doesn't look like a witch, so how on earth was this pairing discovered?!" Ginny was stunned.

Luna didn't understand either, but for some reason she found the video a little addictive. "I don't know, but it's pretty good, isn't it? How about we watch another?"

And so the two girls went further and further down the road of shipping bizarre pairings-(of course, they themselves would never become one; the author was firmly committed to the canon pairings.)

Though Ginny was a little hooked, she remained firm in her belief that she liked Harry.

George was practically laughing his head off. These strange videos were just too funny. How had someone as serious, terrifying and cruel as You-Know-Who turned into such a goofball?

By comparison, the other girl, whose name was Lin Daiyu according to the description, was completely different...

My Older Brother Is Farting: Oh my god, how did you come up with so many weird pairings? Hahahahahahahaha

Wants to Make Friends: ? What weird pairings?

Harry didn't understand. Could there be anything weirder than him and that Malfoy???

He clicked in to take a look...

Harry: ... (old man on subway looking at phone.jpg)

I Swallowed the Key to Draco and Harry: Hahahahaha Harry, don't look!!!

Professor Snape's Underpants: I think you're too late, pfft...

Butterfly Dance Enchants the City: Hahahaha, oh no, Harry's gone quiet.

Ravage Little Dragon Every Day: Hehehe

Kerun: ? Holy Crap, the ID right above me was the first thing I saw when I opened the chat. My whole family is shocked.

[Admin] Yan: ...Put some pants on. The actual person is in the group, you know.

Zabini: ...Impressive.

Mrs. Zhabini: ! Blaise, aaaaah! Look at me!!! I like you!

Theodore Nott's Official Wife: Sob... Why doesn't Little Duo have one?! I want to talk to Little Duo, sob...

Zabini: ? Little Duo? You mean Theodore? Hahahahaha! That guy has such a cute nickname too?

"Hahahahaha, Theodore, come see what your fans call you! Little Duo-" Blaise was laughing so hard he nearly fell over backward. He turned and showed his phone screen to Theodore, who was sitting on the bed reading.

Theodore didn't say anything, but his expression was full of exasperation... Could someone throw this guy out?

He didn't particularly want to recall that brief minute that had turned his worldview upside down.

Big Monkey Leaping Through the Forbidden Forest: Even so, the Voldemort/Daiyu ship really is good. (sweating.jpg)

Oh My Mother: It's true! It's sweet in that "he can only bury flowers with you, but I can make a hundred flowers bloom across this whole place" kind of way~

Bug Ming: And the source of all this was just a creator losing a bet...

Magpie: Fuck-

My Younger Brother Isn't as Handsome as Me: ?

My Older Brother Is Farting: What kind of weird origin is that?

What's Wrong with Eating More?: ...Seriously?! You-Know-Who!??!

Slytherin's Green Apple: Hahahaha, while Old Voldy still can't come back to life, let's hurry up and torment his image in the wizarding world!

Golden Trio's Leg Pendant: ? For a moment I wondered what his image even was. (pondering.jpg)

Snape's Billowing Cloak: ? Wasn't it "Harry Potter is my dad"-

Bug Ming: Eheh-

[Admin] Yan: Damn it, get that image out of my head!

Wants to Make Friends: ??? So what are these?

Five Points from Gryffindor: ?

Snape was utterly shocked. He had thought those people joking about him was already outrageous enough, but he really hadn't expected them to force a partner on You-Know-Who too.

Even You-Know-Who, whose name the wizards on their side didn't dare mention, was someone they could freely joke about and pair up with anyone in their world...

It really was almost too wonderful...

Snape felt both jealousy and envy. If he could...

Unfortunately, there were no ifs in this world.

Severus and Lily: Sob, Voldemort/Daiyu is good, but my Snape/Lily ship is good too, sob... What an utterly bad ending! I'm bawling.

James-Brand Shampoo: I've noticed so many ships in HP have bad endings, sob...

Professor Snape's Runaway Shampoo: He regretted one slur for the rest of his life... and never said that word again.

Mrs. Malfoy Number N: ? Weren't we enjoying something sweet? Why did you suddenly stab me with angst?

[Admin] !: Well... if this discussion goes on, all of Hogwarts is going to know.

The Twins' Runaway Fiancée: !

Bug Ming: ?! Uh-oh!

Severus and Lily: Oh no, I got so caught up I completely forgot they were in the group too!

Professor Snape's Underpants: We're doomed!

James-Brand Shampoo: It's over, Professor Snape is going to block me. (despairing subarashii.jpg)

My Younger Brother Isn't as Handsome as Me: ...Wow.

Damn Muggle: ??

Zabini: ?

What's Wrong with Eating More?: Huh?!

Some of the people lurking in the chat began to get scared. Ron regretted sending his message as soon as he did. Didn't that make it obvious he'd seen it?! He was doomed.

Neville had come dangerously close to sending a message, but he was still trembling in front of his screen. They were doomed. Snape wouldn't kill them to keep them quiet, would he?

Kerun: ...Lighting a candle for all you Hogwarts wizards first. Good thing I didn't transmigrate.

[Admin] Yan: ...For the first time in my life, I think not transmigrating is pretty good too.

Magpie: I'm dying laughing.

Proprietress Number Two: ? Thanks for the invite, I just got off the train. What happened?

Stepmother Literature: ...I'm dying, help.

Oh My Mother: ? Teacher Two, why did you just get off the train?

[Admin] Holy Crap: Well, Ron, I hope you and the others will be okay in Potions Class. (holding back laughter.jpg)

Carry Away AD's GG: Daily question: when will Grindelwald get a phone and join the group?! Or have you joined already, Your Majesty Grindelwald, and you're just not saying anything at all?!

I Raise the Banner for GGAD: I'm hungry. If I don't get more content from the real people, I'm going to die... (world-weary.jpg)

Snape's Personal Puppy: Speaking of which, didn't Professor Snape just pop up?

Now... perhaps half of Hogwarts really was going to know. In front of his screen, Snape's face darkened, and he gripped his phone so hard he nearly crushed the screen.

Meanwhile, Luna and Ginny seemed to have found themselves shipping an extraordinary couple...

Why was this setup so compelling when he was the terrifying You-Know-Who???

Later, Ginny successfully became the number one leader of the canon-pairing fans!

Ginny: Harry Potter and Ginny are the perfect match! Voldemort/Daiyu is good too!

Fans who didn't know the truth: That's right!!

(After her identity was exposed)

Fans: ?

Our idol ships Voldemort/Daiyu????

Worldviews being reconstructed-

Edited at seven p.m. on the 26th:

I'm going shopping with my parents tonight, so I'll take tomorrow off and resume updates the day after. (rose between teeth)

Please forgive me~

I'll take a day to rest and look for inspiration too. I've been writing this long and I'm nearly out of ideas.