Xie Ji glared at him. "You're asking me?"
You treat me like your precious wife every day, hugging and kissing me all the time, and now you ask me what kind of relationship we have?!
Xie Ji licked his back molars.
Nantong is indeed full of scumbags who play with straight men's feelings!
Lu Xunji lowered his eyes and said in a low voice, "I asked you this question before. What was your answer to me then?"
Old memories flooded back to Xie Ji's mind almost instantly.
"In intimate relationships, kissing is a secret, so it's okay."
Xie Ji: "..."
"It was you who toyed with me, Xie Ji." Lu Xunji began, "I am a patient with emotional deprivation. My psychologist said it's difficult for me to establish any intimate relationships, but that time, I was the one who asked first. But you not only brushed me off, but after brushing me off, you continued to approach me, seduce me, and control me as if nothing had happened. Because I am a patient, I lack love, and I cannot resist any emotions you impose on me."
Xie Ji was instantly filled with guilt. He opened his mouth, wanting to explain, but he didn't know how.
He did do that, even if it was unconsciously.
"I didn't mean to," was all he could say. He moved his lips, then stammered, "I'm sorry, I didn't know at the time."
Lu Xunji hummed in agreement and said calmly, "I forgive you."
Xie Ji scratched his ear. Lu Xunji casually avoided the question without giving any answer, but he didn't have the courage to ask further.
When the surroundings quieted down, Lu Xunji suddenly spoke up, "I don't know."
Xie Ji gently turned his eyes. "What?"
"I need time." Lu Xunji frowned. "To confirm the core source of this desire. Xie Ji, I don't understand what 'like' means, but you'd better not have too high expectations of me. I'm not that strong when it comes to emotions."
Xie Ji responded with an "oh," not understanding, but judging from the tone, it didn't seem like he liked it.
So Lu Xunji probably just used him as a convenient tool. When he craved intimacy, he happened to be there, so he used him, nothing more.
A subtle unease rose in Xie Ji shook his head to shake off this inexplicable thought.
Speaking of which, he should be the one who benefited from kissing Lu Xunji, after all... Lu Xunji is a patient, and he may not be able to control his behavior sometimes. Psychologically, he is the stronger one.
Xie Ji looked at Lu Xunji and said earnestly, "I'm sorry."
Lu Xunji looked at him, chuckled after a while, and leaned close to Xie Ji's ear to whisper, " Xie Ji, I can allow you to control me."
Xie Ji pulled himself away, looking at Lu Xunji: "... Why should I control you?"
"According to your 'straight male' thinking, being able to control a sufficiently outstanding, beautiful, and obedient member of the opposite sex would give you immense psychological satisfaction, right?" Lu Xunji tilted his head. "Except for gender, I meet all the criteria for the perfect partner, and I'm very easy to control."
Xie Ji was completely bewildered. "No, can gender be 'removed'? Also, don't you have some misconceptions about yourself? What exactly makes you 'easy to control'?!"
"Because I'm sick," Lu Xunji said. "I lack love. Social research shows that people who lack love are far more likely to be mentally controlled than normal people. Xie Ji, give me lots of love, and I'll be at your beck and call."
"You—" Xie Ji looked at him, his deep purple eyes devoid of any mockery, and he didn't seem to be joking.
Xie Ji suddenly remembered a passage from the various materials he had specifically sought out to gain a deeper understanding of Lu Xunji's illness.
He couldn't understand or remember some very academic things, but this sentence was the only one that he found particularly insightful.
The book says:
Patients are lonely at all times. Most of them grow up in an environment full of hostility, chaos, and indifference. Their emotions are rarely paid attention to, which makes them crave love but unable to get it, let alone express their anxiety, emptiness, despair and other emotions.
For them, the ultimate cure for loneliness and anxiety is surname; it becomes a readily available anesthetic.
Lu Xunji glanced at Xie Ji, then lowered her head and nuzzled his lips, whispering, " Xie Ji, you can play with me, control me, and train me as you please. You can enjoy every part of my body as you like. Anything is fine with me. I'll be very obedient, okay?"
Xie Ji quickly grabbed Lu Xunji's shoulder and pushed him back, saying seriously, " Lu Xunji, you are a person, don't objectify yourself, and I have no intention of controlling you! You have no friends, and I am your first friend. Let's get along well, get well, and one day you will get better. You are so outstanding, so great, so amazing. When you go out, people will look up to you. You are good, you don't need anyone to control you!"
Lu Xunji narrowed his eyes, leaned back against the tree trunk, turned his head, and said softly, "Is that so?"
"Of course!" Xie Ji grabbed his hand. " Lu Xunji, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it before. I'll never say that to you again, and I won't be perfunctory with you anymore, really! You're the best. I've always been happy to be your friend!"
Lu Xunji didn't look at him; his dark hair fell down, obscuring half his face.
Neither of them spoke again. Xie Ji leaned over and hugged Lu Xunji tightly, saying once more, "I'm so sorry."
After a long pause, Lu Xunji finally said in a muffled voice, "I said I forgave you."
Xie Ji patted his back reassuringly, his heart overflowing with guilt, to the point that he had to get up in the middle of the night to give himself a major sinus exam.
Good heavens, how can there be such a strong yet lovable man in the world!
Lu Xunji leaned against him, closed his eyes to rest, but before long he suddenly opened them again, grabbed Xie Ji's wrist, and whispered, "... It's getting foggy, let's go quickly."
Xie Ji didn't ask any further questions. He picked up his bag and quickly left the place with Lu Xunji. The surrounding white fog grew thicker and thicker. Only then did Xie Ji manage to ask, "Wait, isn't it normal for fog to come at night? Why are we leaving?"
"It's not ordinary fog, it's miasma." Lu Xunji's voice was low. "The vegetation here is lush, the rainfall is abundant, moss covers the ground, and there are large areas of swamps and wetlands; the environment is extremely humid."
He grabbed Xie Ji's hand, snatched the bag from his body, and quickened his pace.
"This humid environment accelerates the decomposition of plant and animal remains, easily producing toxic gases such as hydrogen sulfide and ammonia. At night, plants also release carbon dioxide, which accumulates in valleys, low-lying areas, and other poorly ventilated places. There are also carrion-eating microorganisms... All these things mixed in the air form miasma. If you inhale too much, you won't be able to get out. Faster!"
Xie Ji glanced back at the white mist that was rapidly approaching them in the darkness. The rock they had been sitting on was no longer visible. A cold wind filled his throat, and he felt dizzy and lightheaded, perhaps because he had inhaled some of the miasma.
--
Thank you, Qizi and Jiemo, for your doting love.
This chapter is a bonus chapter for 100 gift points.