This Stupid Groundhog

After the Great Hall was completely decorated, Lockhart opened his arms and announced loudly:

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! You can send me greeting cards now.

I wonder who will be the first lucky girl to get my autograph!

Lockhart grinned at the students, flashing his white teeth, but the students' reaction was lukewarm.

Most students found him to be nothing more than a pretty face, all show and no substance.

Lockhart wasn't embarrassed and continued shamelessly, "Of course, I must remind you, you can't give me all your greeting cards. Other students or professors might get jealous and want to kill me."

As Lockhart spoke, he made a point of glancing at the professors on the main stage.

Professor McGonagall seemed to be having a wisdom toothache; she pursed her lips and bit her cheek hard, causing a muscle in her cheek to bulge out.

Professor Flitwick hunched over in his chair, wanting to make a mistake... wanting to unleash a magical riot on Lockhart;

Snape, wand in hand, would have already given Lockhart a perfect head split open if he weren't afraid of going to Azkaban.

Lockhart clapped his hands, and twelve gloomy-faced dwarves entered through the door leading to the Entrance Hall.

Dwarves are short, stout, humanoid Magical Creatures who like to live underground and mine; it's amazing Lockhart was able to find so many.

The dwarfs all had golden wings and carried harps on their backs, making them look exceptionally ugly.

"My friendly little Cupids with greeting cards!" Lockhart said cheerfully, "They're going to be wandering around the school today, handing out Valentine's Day cards to you all!"

"Of course, the professors can share some life experience with you first."

Lockhart, as if putting on a show, pointed at Dumbledore.

"If you don't know how to write a greeting card, you can ask the principal."

Dumbledore's sonnets are the best... Did you all know that back when he was the Transfiguration professor, he was quite the free-spirited poet?

Everyone was staring at Dumbledore, never expecting that the headmaster was not only a great wizard, but also a "great slut"... Wow, my headmaster is amazing.

Dumbledore blushed, coughed, and pushed up his Half-moon Spectacles.

This was the first time he had felt so embarrassed since becoming the principal.

Everyone has a dark past they'd rather forget!

A flicker of doubt crossed his eyes.

"The Great Dirty Poet" was his identity decades ago; how could Lockhart possibly know that?

Whose memories did he steal this Christmas?!

Dumbledore squinted, deep in thought.

Hearing about Dumbledore's embarrassing past made Snape happiest, and he couldn't help but laugh out loud.

Seeing Snape laugh, Lockhart shouted, "Why don't you ask Professor Snape to teach you how to brew Amortentia!"

Don't let his current appearance fool you; the professor never fails to brew Potions.

Snape's smile vanished, a strange light flashing in his eyes.

He reached into his pocket, preparing to drug Lockhart that night.

After hearing Lockhart's words, Cedric was itching to make a move.

Today is a great day to confess your feelings. Like April Fool's Day or Truth or Dare, it effectively avoids the embarrassment of being rejected.

Qiu seemed to know what he was thinking and immediately warned, "Anyone who dares to insult me with this little dwarf, I will haunt them even as a ghost!"

William nodded in approval, glancing cautiously at the girls who looked like predatory wolves, ready to pounce.

William had just seen Marietta whispering and pointing at him with a few girls.

"Let's go somewhere safer," William said.

Being confessed to in a crowded place is no different from being publicly executed.

Cedric tried to find an excuse to sneak off to the toilet, but before he could act on his plan, he was already entangled by the dwarf.

Don't let Cedric's masterful sycophancy fool you; he's very handsome, with a charmingly naive appearance that makes him quite popular with his classmates.

Students... there are both boys and girls... among them, the proportion of boys is slightly larger, about 80/20.

Hufflepuff socialites... that's not just a casual remark.

Within just one hour, Cedric received confessions of love from seven or eight boys, and even a dwarf chased him to the bathroom to read him a love letter.

Even during class, these little dwarfs didn't stop making noise.

They kept barging into the classroom, handing out Valentine's Day cards, which annoyed the teachers to no end.

During Professor Flitwick's class, twelve dwarfs took turns coming in to read love letters to William.

William had no choice but to use his Langlock to shut the dwarves up.

When Professor McGonagall was teaching, she would lock the door and not allow any dwarves to come in.

The little gnomes peered out the window, displaying their "reader" skills by reciting cheesy, stilted poems in broken London accents.

This is even more embarrassing!

In the afternoon Potions Class, Professor Snape unusually did nothing.

He had heard about what happened in Flitwick and Professor McGonagall's class and was ready to seize this opportunity to humiliate Shidake.

Sure enough, five little dwarfs rushed over just three minutes into the class.

William took out his wand and cast a spell on the dwarf if the dwarf called his name.

Professor Snape said lazily, "Stark, who told you to take out your wand? Deduct five points!"

Read it quickly, let me experience... that disgusting feeling too.

Professor Snape gave a malicious smile and made a S.P.E.W. motion.

When their own dean made a joke, the little snakes in the same class all smiled in return.

One of the dwarves strummed his harp and sang, "I have a musical message to deliver to Professor Snape in person."

Snape: "??"

Oh, Snape!

My dear old friend,

I have fallen deeply in love with you!

If you don't accept my confession

I'll kick your ass hard with my boots.

Oh, I swear,

For Merlin's sake,

I really would do that.

You stupid groundhog!

"Diffindo!" Snape's face turned bright red as he raised his wand and shattered the greeting card.

The dwarves hurriedly fled and stood in the corridor, continuing to read aloud the love letter they had written to Professor Snape.

"The twins must have done this."

After school in the afternoon, on the way to the Great Hall, Qiu said this to William and Cedric.

It was indeed the twins who did it, but they didn't do it themselves; instead, they hired Gryffindor students to do it.

The twins took out all the money they found in the sewers and formed an "adorable Snape female fan club."

The two encouraged students to write love letters to their idols, five letters for one Knut, paid daily!

The content is very simple:

Falling in love with Professor Snape

Although the pay wasn't much, the sheer volume meant that love letters could be written repeatedly. A large number of online trolls took over this job.

"Professor Snape will definitely retaliate," Cedric remarked.

"Then his target for revenge is Lockhart as well." William grinned. "He's the one who started the Valentine's Day event."

"What is that?!" Qiu suddenly raised her hand, pointed at the sky, and shouted.

All the students were looking up at the sky.

An enormous Lockhart head, composed of countless emerald green star-like things.

The words "Happy Valentine's Day" emerged from Lockhart's mouth like a python's tongue.

After it appeared, it rose higher and higher, a cloud of green smoke emitting a dazzling light, like a new constellation against the backdrop of dusk.

If you replace Lockhart's portrait with a skull and the font with a python... that's... the Dark Mark!

"Has Lockhart gone mad?!" Cedric exclaimed, speechless.

William shrugged.

almost,

That silly groundhog!

That's not just stupid, that's downright stupid.

(Thanks to the four generous donors "Hell Cat", "Fengling Shiwu", "saynol", and "Deep Sea Turtle" for their generous donations.)