Big White's Dog Brain

"Big White! Go!" Chen Song lay in his chair and tossed a pine nut into the distance.

Chen Song had grown used to lazing around, so he had made himself a rocking chair. Of course, he had also given one to each of his three beloved elders, though they might not necessarily use them.

They were all busy in seclusion. Unlike Chen Song, they were not so lazy, and they had told him to calm down and cultivate properly. But to no avail.

Chen Song's original words were, "Cultivation has an end, so there's no need to rush for quick results!"

His real thought was, If I work hard at cultivating, then what am I clinging to powerful thighs for?

"Woof!" A white bolt of lightning shot out with a whoosh, precisely catching the pine nut in midair. After a crisp crunch, Big White scampered back.

"Boss, another one!" A dog was a dog—so easy to tease!

In the cowshed beside the Thatched Hut, the two cows were both honestly stuffing themselves. What they were eating were not Spirit Fruits, but failed pills Laozi had refined, or rather, pill residue.

Still, there was one thing Chen Song had not lied about when he had sweet-talked the two cows: there was enough to fill their bellies!

Kui Niu chewed on the pill residue and said to Green Ox, "Old Green, why do you think the young master is so... leisurely all day, yet Master Laozi and Master Tongtian hardly do anything about him?"

Green Ox slowly chewed his cud and answered steadily, "Moo. How could mounts like us possibly fathom the thoughts of those above us? Perhaps this kind of 'idleness' is itself a form of cultivation?"

Kui Niu half understood and snorted before continuing to eat. As long as there was enough food, that was all that mattered!

In short, Chen Song was bored out of his mind.

Ever since he had been dragged back and broken through to the Grand Unity Golden Immortal realm, Chen Song had tried just about everything day after day.

For example, Chen Song felt that Big White should not only know how to catch pine nuts and wag his tail, so he began training it to "hunt for treasure." He secretly buried a bead containing spiritual energy somewhere in the back mountain and had Big White search for it. Relying on its dog nose, Big White dug it up before long and excitedly brought it back to claim credit.

Chen Song was overjoyed. He rewarded it with three pine nuts and declared, "From now on, we'll get rich with this trick! Go find those hidden heavenly treasures and earthly treasures! You're officially a treasure-hunting dog!"

However, Big White's standard for "treasure hunting" quickly veered toward "finding food." What it brought back were either demon beast bones buried underground or Spirit Fruits stashed away by certain birds. It did not find a single truly valuable treasure.

"I've never seen such a gluttonous dog! If you don't bring me back some spirit treasures soon, I'll have Master and the others slaughter you for dog meat hotpot!" Chen Song threatened.

"Woof! Boss, you can't blame me! If this were the prehistoric world, I guarantee I'd find you plenty of spirit treasures!" Big White's dog face was full of grievance.

"Then what do you want to do? The moment we dare leave Kunlun Mountain, my Master will definitely drag us back."

"Woof! Then, Boss, you should just cultivate properly!"

"No, no, no. Cultivate? Cultivate my ass!"

But hearing those words come from Big White's mouth made him realize something. Big White had been hanging around with him for so long, yet its cultivation had barely improved! It had even eaten so much with him that even a pig would have broken through by now.

"No way." Chen Song slapped his thigh. "Just because I don't cultivate doesn't mean you shouldn't! I can't let you keep falling like this! How can Chen Song's dog be such a useless weakling? Where would I put my face if word got out?"

Hearing that, Big White stiffened its neck and protested in human speech, "Boss! I don't like hearing that! I'm playing dumb while hiding my wisdom, building up strength for a big breakthrough! Besides, all my talent points are in tracking food. Cultivation takes slow, meticulous work!"

"Meticulous work? I think you've got no work at all!" Chen Song grabbed it by the scruff. "No, I can't let you keep degenerating like this! I need to find you a proper cultivation technique and raise your cultivation, or it'll be too embarrassing to take you out!"

He dragged Big White away in a rush toward the place where Laozi was in seclusion.

"Master! Master! Your disciple requests an audience! It concerns your disciple-grandson... ah, no, your disciple-dog's lifelong path!"

Laozi's expression remained calm. Chen Song hurriedly pushed Big White forward. "Master, look, Big White isn't bad, right? It's just that its cultivation has never amounted to much, disgracing our Taiqing name. Please show mercy and grant it a beginner's cultivation art, then give it a few pointers?"

Laozi swept his gaze over Big White and said blandly, "Cleverness in excess, tranquility insufficient." With that, he flicked out a wisp of clear light, and the Taiqing Still Heart Nourish Qi Chapter entered Big White's mind.

Back at the Thatched Hut, Chen Song urged, "Quick! Try it! It was personally passed down by Master!"

Big White lay down in a dignified pose and began chanting, "Reach the utmost emptiness, preserve steadfast stillness... All things arise together, and I observe their return... Hoo... ZZZZ..."

Before three breaths had passed, its snores were already like thunder.

Chen Song kicked it in anger. "Stupid dog! Are you reciting a scripture or putting yourself to sleep?"

Big White jolted awake, wiped away its drool, and said aggrievedly, "Boss, you can't blame me! The moment I recite that art, it feels like listening to a lullaby. My brain just won't obey me! When other people learn something, their brains understand but their hands and feet can't keep up. As for me, even my brain can't do it!"

"You're beyond saving! Taiqing's methods are too profound. Your dog brain can't handle them!" Chen Song cried in anguish. "Come on, let's find Second Martial Uncle! The Yuqing Immortal Method values rules the most—it'll be perfect for fixing your undisciplined temperament!"

Outside Jade Void Palace, Lord of the Beginning frowned deeply after hearing the request. "Nonsense! How can my Yuqing lineage be glimpsed by a furred and horned creature? This beast is frivolous by nature and incapable of shouldering great responsibility!"

After much pleading from Chen Song, Yuanshi reluctantly passed down the Yuqing Condense Heart Sculpt Origin Art, emphasizing strict observance of rules and the molding of one's primordial spirit.

The moment Big White tried it, it began howling, "No, no! Boss, this feels awful! The moment I cultivate, my whole body feels like it's tied up with ropes. I'm suffocating! I want to run free! I want to run in circles!"

Sure enough, it began spinning around in place irritably and nearly tripped Chen Song.

Lord of the Beginning saw that utterly improper scene through the water mirror. His face darkened, and with a sweep of his sleeve, he directly sent the man and dog away. "Forget it! Go find the third one. I can't teach you!"

Chen Song was bedraggled. Looking at Big White, which was still chasing its own tail, he gritted his teeth. "Rules? You can't even keep your own tail in line!"

Finally, they went to Sect Master Tongtian. Tongtian was forthright. "Haha, being able to speak well is also a talent! My Shangqing Spirit Induction Body Forging Technique is the most straightforward. It draws in qi to temper the body, making it perfectly suited to this dog!"

This time, Big White was energized and began frantically drawing in spiritual energy. Its body swelled like an inflated ball, floating in the air as it shouted, "Boss! I feel full of power! I'm going to transform!"

The next second, the spiritual energy lost control. With a puff, it deflated and crashed down flat on its back.

"Ow... Boss, this spiritual energy won't listen to orders. It comes and goes however it wants. I'm carsick..." Big White lay sprawled on the ground, stars spinning in its eyes.

Sect Master Tongtian held his forehead. "I'm out of ideas too."

After three consecutive failures, Chen Song looked at Big White, flattened into a dog pancake, and completely despaired. He sighed, lay back in his rocking chair, and weakly called, "Big White."

"Woof! Boss! What are your orders?" Big White instantly sprang back to life and came over with its tail wagging.

"Go!"

A pine nut flew out.

That white bolt of lightning caught it as precisely as ever. With a crisp crunch, it scampered back to claim credit.

Chen Song watched its carefree, happy expression, rubbed its dog head, and smiled. "Forget it. Just be a stupid dog."

While chewing the pine nut, Big White said indistinctly, "Exactly, Boss! Cultivation is so exhausting for a dog! I'll just be your mount. My back is pretty soft, right? If anything really happens, don't you still have your three Masters? I just need to shout 'Boss, save me!' loudly enough!"

Chen Song said, "...I suddenly think dog meat hotpot might really be worth considering."