"Your Excellency claims to be the newly appointed Deputy Director Xiuchuan?" The guard looked as though he had just heard the funniest joke in the world.
"Yes." Knowing he was in the wrong, Zichuan Xiu answered meekly. After getting wildly drunk with Sterling the previous night, he had somehow ended up fighting thugs. From the incident, Zichuan Xiu discovered two truths: first, the combined combat power of two utterly drunk first-rate experts equaled that of a pig; second, the gutters of the Imperial Capital really stank—especially for someone who lost a fight, got thrown into one, and lay there all night. After being awakened that morning by sanitation workers collecting bodies, Zichuan Xiu had rushed straight to the Administration Office without even having time to go home and change clothes. The result was...
"Where are your papers?"
"I didn't bring them. I left them at home." More likely, those thugs had taken them along with his wallet when they searched him.
"Oh, oh, left at home again." The guard wore an understanding expression as he toyed with the thick baton in his hand. "Kid, three or five people come here every month to make trouble, but someone with your look—now that really is an eye-opener!" He frowned. "What a strong smell of alcohol! God, what's that yellow stuff all over you? Shit or mud? And how did your face get beaten up to look like a panda?"
"Sorry for the trouble," Zichuan Xiu pleaded softly. "I need to report to Director Gushan. I'm already late!"
"Mm-hmm, just yesterday the Chief Director came to report to me. I'm not in a hurry, so why are you?" The guard clearly did not believe him—though Zichuan Xiu had to admit sadly that the guard had every reason not to.
Zichuan Xiu looked around. No one was paying attention to this place. He took a deep breath. "Sorry, brother!" With a light pat on the guard's shoulder, the man immediately went limp without a sound. Zichuan Xiu quickly caught him and propped him against the wall, making him look as though he were dozing off.
"Where is the director's office?"
Every staff member he asked was alarmed beyond measure and could only point wildly, all in different directions. That Zichuan Xiu actually managed to find the right place could only be attributed to a miracle.
The female secretary at the door was terrified by the wild man who had suddenly burst in. She desperately tried to stop him. "You can't go in! You don't have an appointment... Someone come quickly! Guards!"
Zichuan Xiu had already forced his way inside.
Behind a broad desk, a pretty woman was lowering her head as she reviewed documents. She did not look up in alarm at Zichuan Xiu's sudden intrusion.
Relying on male instinct, Zichuan Xiu immediately gave her an eighty-five.
"Please sit, Deputy Commander Xiuchuan. You are already fifteen minutes late." Her voice was icy, revealing neither joy nor anger, sorrow nor delight. Without even raising her head, she merely waved the secretary out.
"Oh, ma'am, I'm sorry. The reason is..."
"I have no intention of interfering in your private life, but since you are now a member of this office, I hope you will obey our rules and regulations. Be restrained in your misconduct. Do you understand?"
The score automatically dropped to thirty-five. Zichuan Xiu immediately classified her as an old spinster who craved love but, having gone too long without satisfaction, had become psychologically warped and thus brimmed with hatred for everyone else's happiness.
"Ma'am, I'm sorry. Next time..."
"Thank you for your apology. It is quite useful to us—perhaps it can even recover the time wasted by your tardiness." Director Gushan spoke sarcastically. "Also, there is something I should tell you. We are of equal rank, both Deputy Commanders, so you need not address me as ma'am."
"Yes, ma'am—oh, no, Director Ge. Zichuan Xiu hereby reports to you and awaits your orders."
"Deputy Commander Xiuchuan, there is something... would you be willing to do me a favor?"
"I await your instructions and am willing to serve you."
"Get the hell out of here immediately. Go take a bath, brush your teeth, and change your clothes before coming back to work! Because of you, we have to use three extra bottles of air freshener!"
Zichuan Xiu sat upright on the sofa. Opposite him were Shirakawa, Roger, Changchuan, Zichuan Ning, and Kadan. Every one of them looked solemn and serious, their faces taut and their mouths tightly shut—as if a frog would leap out the moment they opened them.
Zichuan Xiu sighed and waved a hand. "It's fine, everyone. Laugh if you want."
"Ha ha ha!" "Heh heh heh!" "Ho ho ho..."
Only Kadan retained some of a Demon Race princess's poise, covering her mouth as she smiled faintly.
"My lord, those two black circles around your eyes... ha ha ha, you look just like a panda."
Shirakawa unfolded a copy of the Imperial Capital Evening News and read aloud: "Today's amusing story: Today, a mental patient claiming to be Deputy Commander Xiuchuan, recently transferred back to the Imperial Capital from the Far East, suddenly injured the guard on duty, entered the Administration Office to cause trouble, and broke into Director Gushan's office, where he was driven out by Director Gushan. One eyewitness, Miss Jin Meili, a female employee of the Administration Office, stated—"
"—here appeared a photograph of an enormously fat, foolish-looking, hideously ugly woman pretending to look pitiful—"
"'So scary, so scary! He even tried to molest me! To me... oh my, how could I possibly say it...' The main party involved in the incident, Director Gushan, made no comment.
"According to Zhibu Shao's preliminary investigation, this may have been the consequence of the collapse of a mental hospital wall three days ago. An investigation is now underway, and every effort will be made to capture this extremely dangerous mental patient with aggressive tendencies and return him, so that the citizens of the Imperial Capital may rest easy. Relevant departments are advised to strengthen the maintenance and funding of such public welfare facilities. Report address: Third Office, Public Security Maintenance Section, Zhibu Shao of the Imperial Capital."
A burst of uproarious laughter followed.
Zichuan Ning said, "Brother, you've become a newsworthy figure. Give me an autograph!"
Roger grinned wickedly. "My lord, your taste is truly terrible—would you even spare a woman like that?"
Changchuan secretly asked Zichuan Ning, "Which way is Zhibu Shao?"
Zichuan Xiu asked Shirakawa, "Where was the article printed? The front page or the second page?"
Shirakawa checked and answered, "It was placed... below the advertisement for specialist treatment of syphilis and venereal disease, and above the advertisement for Ever-Hard Pills."
Another burst of laughter erupted.
Kadan, who had not spoken until then, said, "Lord Xiuchuan, perhaps I can help with the injury around your eyes."
Zichuan Xiu had long heard that the Demon Race imperial family possessed all kinds of unimaginable abilities. He became excited. "Are you a healing priest?"
Kadan shook her head.
"Do you have some special healing ability?"
Kadan shook her head.
"Can you use healing magic?"
Kadan shook her head again.
"Then how can you help me?"
Kadan took a box out from behind her back. "This will definitely be useful to Your Excellency. It can keep others from seeing the injuries around your eyes—but it is very expensive, I'm afraid..."
What could it be? A magic pill? A miraculous elixir? Recovery potion?... Never mind. Zichuan Xiu only wanted to stop being a "panda."
Without another word, he gave Kadan all the money left in his pocket—two hundred yuan.
Kadan shook her head. "Not enough."
Zichuan Xiu borrowed another thousand yuan from Zichuan Ning and gave that to Kadan as well.
Kadan said regretfully, "Ah, you're getting a bargain. If I weren't such good friends with your sister Zichuan Ning..."
Zichuan Xiu snatched it from her, tore it open, and looked...
It was a pair of sunglasses, priced at fifteen yuan. Cheap street-stall merchandise.
Historical records stated that after the King of Light ruled the whole Far East, he was often exceptionally tolerant and merciful toward the lower classes of the Demon Race. Yet when it came to Demon Race royalty, he would—take every opportunity to pull one over on them. As for why, historians held countless theories, but one point was certain: at some point, for some reason, Zichuan Xiu must have suffered at the hands of Demon Race royalty. As for the truth, that was an eternal mystery of history, forever unknown...
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