How the Xiu Battalion Was Established

On August 13, Imperial Year 779, beneath the blazing sun, a group burdened with the mission of rescuing the family from "dire straits" departed the Imperial Capital. Their destination was Mosuofu, Jixin, and Anxing Provinces in the heartland of the family.

"My lord, we're dying of heat! Making us travel in weather like this—are you trying to kill us?!"

"My lord, does President Commander Luobo Minghai have some grudge against you? Sending you to handle the most grueling task of mustering the militia—and dragging all of us into it too!"

"Stop talking. That idiot isn't listening at all—look, he's grinning foolishly at that copy of the Imperial Capital Daily again! My lord, what could possibly make you so happy?"

"Oh, Shirakawa, look! I made the papers—and I'm on the front page! It's been years since I last made the headlines!"

"Let me see... 'According to a certain childhood-to-adulthood friend of the famed general Lord Sterling: "Lord Sterling was an outstanding child in both character and studies from an early age. Every year, he was named a model student and received scholarships. From childhood, he had set his heart on the lofty ideal of serving the family. Like a shining beacon, this sacred ideal guided Lord Sterling's path forward, giving him the courage to overcome every hardship and obstacle until he finally became a great general of his generation! Lord Sterling's journey of aspiration teaches us that where there is a will, there is a way; ideals are the lighthouse and direction of one's life! He is an example and model for countless aspiring young people to learn from..." My lord, I don't see your name anywhere?"

"Oh, that 'certain friend' is me—but that wasn't what I originally said! I told the reporter Sterling had been a bad student since childhood. He often skipped class to play Street Fighter with Di Lin. If he lost, he'd shamelessly refuse to pay and run off! He copied Di Lin on exams too—but Di Lin was no better, so the two of them failed every year. Their teacher often scolded them: 'Even your wrong answers are identical!' How did it get written like this?"

Two days later, the group arrived at the provincial capital of Jixin. Jin Chang, the Vice Banner Captain in charge of the province's Reserve Armed Forces Department—abbreviated as the Reserve Forces Department—gave them an enthusiastic reception. Jin Chang was around thirty, with regular features and refined speech. The first time they met him, Roger, Shirakawa, and the others all found him strangely familiar—and intensely irritating. His smile looked far too much like someone else's!

"Vice Banner Captain Jin, how is the assembly of your province's reserve militia going?"

"Oh, Lord Zichuan Xiu, rest assured! Our province has never delayed in matters of national defense. We adhere to weekly drills and training, implementing military-style management! Everyone is high-spirited and brimming with confidence, ready at any moment to answer the family's first call and rush to the battlefield for the nation. Their blood boils; they would spare no sacrifice..."

Zichuan Xiu cut off his endless stream of words. "Yes, yes. What I'm asking is: how many people have already assembled?"

"Ever since we learned that chaos had erupted in the Far East, with vile and shameless scoundrels ravaging the sacred territory of our family, this subordinate has been filled with righteous indignation, my blood boiling! I wished I had wings upon my shoulders so I could fly ten thousand miles to the Far East and fight the rebels to the death myself! But alas, this subordinate is a family garrison officer. Without orders, I cannot abandon my post, so I could only pour my passionate devotion into the intense work of organizing the reserves, expressing my wholehearted loyalty to the family through practical action..."

"Fine, fine, I fully understand your lofty patriotic sentiments—but exactly how many reserve troops have you assembled?"

"Through the tireless, sleepless efforts of every member of our Reserve Forces Department, the assembly of the reserve armed forces has made tremendous progress, with remarkable results! Of course, no one is perfect, and our work inevitably has all sorts of flaws and shortcomings. But we must see that this is a matter of nine fingers versus one finger: achievements and contributions are primary, the mainstream, the larger picture; flaws and shortcomings are secondary, they are..."

"Exactly how many troops have you assembled?!"

Jin Chang hesitated, then whispered something into Zichuan Xiu's ear.

Zichuan Xiu sprang up. "That's all?"

"Heh, a wise man such as yourself should understand the hardships of reserve forces work at the lower levels. Office funding is severely inadequate, benefits cannot be distributed, bonuses cannot be guaranteed. Even for official dining and drinking, we can only stipulate that each person claim reimbursement no more than thirty times a week... It's hard! Yet even in such harsh conditions, the broad staff of the Reserve Forces Department have carried forward a spirit of arduous struggle and achieved these results. It truly hasn't been easy!"

"But that's still far too few..."

"I have long heard that Lord Zichuan Xiu is well-versed in military affairs. A wise man such as yourself surely knows that soldiers should be valued for quality, not quantity! Though the troops we have assembled are, in terms of numbers... that small, we possess an absolute advantage in quality! A hundred elite soldiers are worth more than a thousand mediocrities! The average age of our assembled soldiers is thirty-one! Their composition is scientifically balanced: there are seasoned veterans, battle-hardened and rich in experience, as well as brave young lads, calves newborn who fear no tiger—an absolutely elite force!"

"In that case, have them come and drill for us."

Jin Chang was about to leave to carry out the order when Zichuan Xiu called him back. "Let me ask you something—surely you weren't an active-duty Vice Banner Captain before this?"

"Oh, this subordinate was originally in the reserves. I only joined active duty after the Far East incident. My lord, you...?"

"Oh, I transferred over from the reserves too..."

The two exchanged glances and chuckled. It was as though they had found a kindred spirit—and as though they were saying, "So you're no good either!"

Shirakawa whispered to Roger, "Don't you think this Vice Banner Captain looks a lot like someone...?"

Shirakawa stared in stunned silence. "Why are so many old men with canes and no teeth lining up? Look at that one—he needs someone to support him just to walk. Oh no, why did he collapse after only a few steps?"

Jin Chang explained, "Oh, Elder Wang's heart condition has acted up. Let him lie down for a while and he'll be fine. My lord, look—these are all veteran soldiers who have seen countless battles and possess abundant combat experience! Some of them even took part in the Fourth President Commander's great campaign against the Liufeng Family! They are all priceless treasures of great virtue and high prestige to our Zichuan Family!"

Roger was equally dumbfounded. "There's a bunch of little brats over there too. The oldest can't be more than fifteen, and the youngest—hey, kid, stay away from me. My pants aren't for wiping your nose on!"

Jin Chang said, "These are our young warriors of the future! They may look a little green now, but once they have been tempered by a few battles, they will surely become exceptionally valiant! Young people have limitless potential! They must never be underestimated!"

Changchuan frowned deeply. "I don't think they could survive even one battle. Is this how you arrived at that average age of thirty-one? Don't you have any real, able-bodied men in their twenties or thirties?"

Jin Chang looked as though he had suffered a grave insult. "Lord Changchuan, how can you say such a thing? Look, isn't there an able-bodied man right there? Exactly thirty years old!"

Everyone followed his gesture. A one-armed man was sitting on a stool, removing his prosthetic leg...

Zichuan Xiu turned to Jin Chang. "I think you misunderstand. We didn't come here to open a nursing home, daycare center, and wounded soldiers' shelter."

Back at their lodgings.

"What do we do, my lord? The Commanders' Office gave us until September to assemble them. We're running out of time!"

"My lord, I have a suggestion. Shall we order that damned Jin Chang to finish recruiting within a week?"

"These damned bureaucrats! We can't rely on them. Looks like we'll have to find a way ourselves."

"My lord, what are you writing?"

"Shirakawa, come here. Did you bring that miniskirt?"

The next day, seductive advertisement posters of Shirakawa wearing a miniskirt appeared throughout the streets and alleys of Jixin Province's capital:

A chance that comes once in a thousand years! Men, do not miss it!

—Xiu Battalion tour group registration! Young men are warmly encouraged to join!

Three-day tour of the Imperial Capital! Famous historical sites, magnificent beyond compare! A feast for your eyes!

Miss Shirakawa, a pure and innocent schoolgirl, will pour out her heartfelt feelings to you and wishes to spend an unforgettable, passionate time with you!

Fare, food, and lodging all free! Not a cent charged!

You don't believe it? But it's the truth!

Why let your heart stir when you can act? Come on! Miss this, and you'll regret it for the rest of your life!

Please contact us with valid identification.

Address: Room 123, Fengxi Hotel. Contacts: Zichuan Xiu, Roger, Changchuan.

In less than three days, Zichuan Xiu had flawlessly completed the Commanders' Office's task of recruiting reservists, leading the family's future strongest "army" in a grand procession toward the Imperial Capital!

This operation, known to history as the "Great Jixin Swindle," also led to a consequence that greatly puzzled historians:

For the rest of their lives, the King of Light and his three utterly loyal senior ministers never set foot in Jixin Province—not even once. If they so much as encountered someone from Jixin Province, Chief of Staff Changchuan would immediately have urgent business to attend to, Commander Shirakawa's migraine would flare up, and Military Commander Roger would turn tail and run—while the King of Light's reaction would be: "The weather today, hahaha..." before he quietly slipped out through the back door.

This day was recorded in history as August 18th, Imperial Year 779—the day Xiu Battalion completed its first troop replenishment! Such an auspicious day foretold that this army's future would surely be boundlessly bright!

"My lord, the Commanders' Office approved us naming our new army!" Shirakawa said happily as she returned with a blank flag in hand.

"Good! I propose we call this unit Roger's Dare-to-Die Squad. How about it?"

"Pah! Calling it Roger's 'Rush-to-Die Squad' would be more like it!—Obviously it should be the Handsome Changchuan Group!"

"This sissy is disgusting enough! Shirakawa, which of those two names do you like?"

"I don't like either! I think Shirakawa's Crimson Beauties Army sounds much better!"

"What dreadful taste—my lord, what do you think..."

"Ah! My lord, what are you doing?!"

At some point, Zichuan Xiu had neatly written a huge character, "Xiu," on the flag.

"There! From now on, our army will be called Xiu Battalion! I have a feeling that this unit will definitely, in the future... Hey! What are you doing? Defiling the military flag is a capital crime!"

The great banner of Xiu Battalion, preserved in the Family History Museum, was an extremely valuable piece of historical research material. It looked like this:

Roger's Rush-to-Die Squad

Number One Handsome Changchuan

Zichuan Xiu, Roger is a sex maniac!

Show-off Changchuan: "Zichuan Xiu is an idiot!" Beautiful Shirakawa said.