A Second-Year's Wish to Go to Azkaban

Beneath Whitehall in the heart of London, England, lies the Ministry of Magic, the supreme governing body of English wizards.

In the Improper Use of Magic Office on the second floor of the headquarters, Mafalda Hopkirk pushed a bowl of pig's trotters and rice towards the young boy opposite her. "Speak up. What's that explosion near your home all about?"

Horatio glanced at the pig's trotters and rice before him, swallowing hard. "I was just experimenting with bombs at home. That doesn't fall under the Ministry's jurisdiction, does it? You should notify the Muggle government's Department for the Prohibition of Firearms and Explosives Abuse."

"Then why were traces of Alchemy detected at the scene?"

"Alchemy isn't magic, it's science, understand? I think the Muggle government should be in charge. Maybe they'd even give me a Nobel Prize in Physics."

Mafalda stared speechlessly at Horatio, who was arguing his case.

Horatio continued, "You know, as a wizard orphan, I need to support myself. A certain organization that likes to wear black suits and uses alcoholic beverages as codenames found me and ordered a batch of explosives. Their offer was impossible to refuse."

"An organization that uses alcoholic beverages as codenames?"

"Yes, I hear their headquarters are in Japan. They even invited me to join. What do you think about me taking the codename 'Butterbeer'?"

"Fine. I'll contact their magical authorities in Japan to investigate this. Now, explain this to me," Mafalda said, pulling a glass jar from under the desk. Inside, a black, wriggling non-Newtonian fluid was contained. "What is this thing found in your home?"

"I'm innocent! This organization gave it to me. They said it was some kind of symbiote from outer space and asked me to study it to see if it could be replicated," Horatio continued his sophistry.

Mafalda's face darkened. "Do you think I'm stupid? Can't I see the Alchemy traces on it? Do you know that arbitrarily creating life through Alchemy can get you sent to Azkaban?"

Horatio's eyes lit up. "Really? Alright, I admit I created it. Please send me to Azkaban, I beg you. I've always heard it's a great place with pleasant people, I love it there."

The thought of researching Dementors in Azkaban, something he'd always yearned for, made Horatio eagerly confess to creating the symbiote using life Alchemy.

"..." Mafalda pressed her forehead, muttering, "Which wizard kid looks forward to being imprisoned in Azkaban?"

Just as Horatio was fantasizing about conquering Azkaban, leading an army of Dementors to crush Hogwarts' kindergarten and kick the Ministry's retirement home, and wondering if he could charge his phone by plugging a data cable into Voldemort's nostril.

A communication bottle came through the pipe behind Mafalda's seat. After reading the letter inside, Mafalda regretfully told Horatio, "Minister Fudge sent a message saying Headmaster Dumbledore will vouch for you. You can go."

"Ah?! Damn it, old man, you ruined my good deed!" Horatio cried out in heartbreak, having lost a one-way ticket to Azkaban.

No, he had to take something with him. He couldn't come all the way to the Ministry and leave empty-handed.

So, he pointed at the pig's trotters and rice on the table. "Can I pack this to go?"

"..."

Finally, Horatio was kicked out of the Improper Use of Magic Office, carrying the pig's trotters and rice.

Outside the office, Horatio saw Dumbledore waiting for him in the lobby.

Before Horatio could greet Dumbledore, the latter apparated in front of him and landed two solid punches on his head. "Can you just calm down? It's not even the start of term, and you're already giving me this much trouble. Do you know you're the first student ever to be brought to the Ministry before even starting your second year?"

Horatio cradled his head with his left hand and offered the pig's trotters and rice to Dumbledore with his right. "Want some, Headmaster?"

"..."

Dumbledore led Horatio to a modest house and knocked on the door.

A red-haired housewife opened the door, looking surprised. "Oh, Headmaster Dumbledore, what brings you here? Please, come in."

"Molly, I won't come in. I need a favor," Dumbledore said, bringing Horatio to Molly. "This child almost became Azkaban's youngest prisoner. With the start of term so close, could you keep an eye on him for a while?"

Molly recognized him as the child from the station that day and patted his head. "What mischief has my little troublemaker gotten into now?"

She then pulled Horatio closer and said to Dumbledore, "Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on him. Is he really more troublesome than Fred and George?" Harry's here too, having arrived a few days ago. I'll send them all to school together."

Dumbledore replied, "Much more absurd than those two." Unable to bear it, he handed Molly a bag of Galleons.

Molly was about to refuse, but Dumbledore interrupted her. "Molly, this is just a small token of my appreciation. This child is a ticking time bomb. I know your family situation. Consider it his living expenses."

Despite her repeated refusals, Molly couldn't turn it down and accepted.

"Oh, and his home is nearby. Could you trouble yourself to go with him to pack his things later? I'm afraid he might run off halfway."

Dumbledore turned to Horatio. "And you, you will leave all your ridiculous contraptions at home. If you dare cause trouble for the Weasley family, I'll deal with you at school."

Dumbledore had realized in Fudge's office that someone like Horatio, who would climb the walls if not disciplined, couldn't be indulged. While he could still overpower him, he had to deal with him severely. Otherwise, if he couldn't beat him later, Horatio might just dance around his office.

Afterward, Molly followed Horatio to the small cottage Nicolas Flamel had left him. After packing his belongings, she, along with Hathor and two birds, led Nut to The Burrow.

In the living room, Ron watched Horatio enter the house with his luggage, feeling like the sky was falling. He said to Harry, "Do you think our house can still be saved?"

Harry looked at Ron sympathetically, shook his head, and replied, "I don't think it can be saved."

Molly led Horatio to a guest room, helped him unpack his luggage, and then went to the kitchen to prepare dinner.

Horatio went to the living room and sprawled on the sofa. He then tossed a Galleon in front of Ron, arrogantly saying, "Nut is outside. Take care of her, or you'll end up as Miss Weasley."

He then turned to Harry. "And you, House Elf Unit 2, go get me a glass of 1982 Coca-Cola, and prepare a bowl of milk for Hathor."

At dinner, Ginny complained to Molly that Horatio had been ordering Harry around.

Molly intended to scold Horatio, but he showed her Harry's contract of servitude.

Thus, she could only express her helplessness to Harry, much to Ginny's tearful frustration.