Beneath Whitehall in central London, England, lay hidden the highest authority of England's Wizarding world—the Ministry of Magic.
In the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office on the second floor of the headquarters, Mafalda Hopkirk pushed a bowl of braised pork knuckle rice toward the little boy across from her. "Tell me, what was that explosion near your home?"
Horatio glanced at the pork knuckle rice before swallowing. "I was just testing bombs in my own home. That doesn't seem to fall under the Ministry of Magic's jurisdiction, does it? You should notify the Muggle government's Department for the Prevention of Firearms and Explosives Abuse."
"Then why were traces of Alchemy detected at the scene?"
"Can Alchemy even be called magic? It's science, understand? I think the Muggle government should handle it. Maybe they'll even award me a Nobel Prize in Physics."
Mafalda stared speechlessly at Horatio as he argued sophistry.
Horatio continued, "You know, I'm a young wizard who came from an orphanage. I need to support myself. A group that likes wearing black suits and uses liquor names as code names happened to find me and ordered a batch of explosives. The price they offered was impossible to refuse."
"A group that uses liquor names as code names?"
"Yes. I heard their headquarters is in Japan. They invited me to join them too. What do you think about me taking Butterbeer as my code name?"
"Fine. I'll contact the Magical Tokkuro in Japan to investigate this matter. Now explain what this thing we found in your house is." Mafalda pulled a glass jar from beneath the desk. Inside was a black, writhing non-Newtonian substance.
"I'm innocent! That was given to me by that organization. I heard it was some kind of thing from outer space called a symbiote. They asked me to study it and see whether I could replicate it," Horatio continued to argue.
Mafalda said darkly, "Do you take me for an idiot? Do you think I can't see the traces of Alchemy on it? Do you know that recklessly creating life through Alchemy can get you sent to Azkaban?"
Horatio's eyes lit up. "Really? Fine, I admit it. I created it. Please send me to Azkaban. I beg you. I've long heard the environment there is great, and the people inside speak so pleasantly. I'd love it there."
Thinking that he could go to Azkaban and study the Dementors he had been obsessing over, Horatio eagerly admitted that he had used life Alchemy to create the symbiote.
"..." Mafalda rubbed her forehead and complained, "What kind of young wizard looks forward to being sent to Azkaban?"
Just as Horatio fantasized about conquering Azkaban, leading a Dementor army to punch Hogwarts kindergarten and kick the Ministry of Magic nursing home, then plugging a data cable into Voldemort's nostril to see whether it could charge a phone—
A communication bottle came through the pipe behind Mafalda's seat. After taking out and reading the letter inside, Mafalda said helplessly to Horatio, "Minister Fudge sent word that Headmaster Dumbledore is vouching for you. You may leave."
"Ah??? Damn it, Old Deng, you ruined my plans." Horatio was heartbroken. He had lost a one-way ticket to Azkaban.
No, he had to take something with him. He had finally come to the Ministry of Magic—if he didn't take something away, wouldn't this trip have been for nothing?
So he pointed at the pork knuckle rice on the desk. "Excuse me, may I pack this up and take it with me?"
"..."
In the end, Horatio was chased out of the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office while carrying the bowl of pork knuckle rice.
Once outside the office, Horatio saw Dumbledore waiting for him in the hall.
Before Horatio could greet Dumbledore, Dumbledore flashed in front of him and gave him two solid punches to the head. "Can you settle down for once? School hasn't even started, and you're already giving me this much trouble, understand? You're the first student in history to be arrested by the Ministry of Magic before even starting second year."
Horatio clutched his head with his left hand and offered Dumbledore the pork knuckle rice with his right. "Want some, Headmaster?"
"..."
Dumbledore brought Horatio to a shabby house and knocked on its door.
A red-haired housewife opened the door and said in surprise, "Oh, Headmaster Dumbledore, what brings you here? Please, come in."
"Molly, I won't come in. I need to ask you a favor." Dumbledore lifted Horatio and placed him before Molly. "This child nearly became Azkaban's youngest prisoner. School will be starting soon, so please keep an eye on him for a while."
Molly recognized him as the child from the station that day and patted his head. "What bad thing has this little troublemaker done now?"
Then she pulled Horatio over and said to Dumbledore, "Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on him. Could he possibly be more troublesome than Fred and George? Harry came over a few days ago too. I can send them all to school together."
Dumbledore said, "He's far more outrageous than those two." Still, he could not bear it and handed Molly a bag of Galleons.
Molly was about to refuse, but Dumbledore cut her off. "Molly, consider this a small compensation from me. This child is a ticking time bomb. I know your family's circumstances, so take it as this child's living expenses."
After refusing several times without success, Molly could only accept it.
"Oh, right. This child's home is nearby. Please go with him later to pack his luggage. I'm afraid he'll run off halfway there."
Dumbledore turned to Horatio again. "And you, leave all those ridiculous props of yours at home. If you dare cause trouble for the Weasley family, just wait and see how I deal with you at school."
Dumbledore had figured it out in Fudge's office. For a brat like Horatio, the kind who would tear the roof off if left unpunished for three days, he could not be indulged. While Dumbledore could still beat him, he had to discipline him properly. If he could not beat him in the future, wouldn't Horatio be dancing in his office?
Afterward, Molly followed Horatio to the small house Nicolas Flamel had left him. Once they had packed his things, she brought Hathor, the two birds, and Nut by the leash to The Burrow.
In the living room, Ron watched Horatio enter with his luggage and felt as though the sky had collapsed. He asked Harry, "Do you think our house can still be saved?"
Harry looked at Ron sympathetically, shook his head, and answered, "I don't think it can."
Molly brought Horatio to a guest room. After helping him put away his luggage, she went to the kitchen to prepare dinner.
Horatio went to the living room, sprawled on the sofa, then slapped a Galleon down in front of Ron and said arrogantly, "Nut's outside. Take good care of her, or get ready to become Miss Weasley."
He then said to Harry, "And you, house-elf Number Two, go pour me a glass of 1982 cola. While you're at it, prepare a bowl of milk for Hathor."
At dinner, Ginny complained to Molly that Horatio kept ordering Harry around.
Molly wanted to scold Horatio, but Horatio showed her Harry's contract of sale.
So she could only tell Harry there was nothing she could do, making Ginny cry little pearls of tears.
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