Why Play in a Band If Not for a Lifetime

Of course, when choosing my subjects, I still wanted to focus on the humanities. After all, I'm more interested in history and geography, I can understand them, memorize them, and learn them better.

"No, you have to choose at least one science subject," my parents said.

I knew why. When filling out college applications, most popular majors require physics. Plus, the teacher mentioned that a certain important figure once said during an inspection, regarding the current shortage of physics and chemistry candidates, "Jiangsu and Zhejiang students should have a sense of national responsibility." Various policies also encouraged students to choose physics and chemistry.

"Didn't you do very well in physics?" Mom said.

But I really can't learn it. I'm only doing well now because everyone else is struggling too. When those who are truly good at physics get serious, I'll be finished. Besides, I have absolutely no interest in physics.

"I... want to study archaeology." Since I was good at history and geography, I gradually developed a strong interest in this field.

"Are you kidding me?" My parents couldn't believe it when they heard my idea.

"That's not a proper path," they persuaded me earnestly.

"How much money can you save doing that? Archaeology is tough... How will you survive? We just want you to have a normal life..."

My dad's face showed wrinkles. "If you can't live independently, I won't be able to rest in peace..."

They are in design and civil defense, with no connection to archaeology at all.

"Look at your brother, how well he's doing now? Didn't he just get into a good university?" Mom brought up my brother again.

But his job has nothing to do with his university major. He's an extrovert, he has friends everywhere, and I remember seeing photos of him traveling around the world on his social media. People like him are born winners in life.

"Then... what about history?" Studying history is also an option.

"People who study history mostly become teachers. Can you be a teacher?" I know myself that with my personality, I absolutely cannot be a teacher.

I don't remember what else they said. The important thing wasn't the reasons, but their attitude.

Life is so short, why can't I do what I want to do? Instead of forcing myself to learn things I'm not interested in for a future I'm not interested in, why can't I freely walk the path I want to go?

However, these words couldn't be said to my parents. I didn't need to think to know what my parents, who had their edges smoothed by life, would say. I also didn't have any friends to confide in. Among my classmates' conversations about the future, although I often heard talk of ideals, most of it was about which majors were popular and which had good prospects. As for online...

"Clearly, that's something a kid would say, someone who hasn't experienced life's pressures."

"Your parents are right."

"Disgusting, what dreams? I study to make a living!"

Well, at first glance, it was all about the daily necessities.

I couldn't get angry either, because I knew the reasons behind their thinking. After all, I sometimes had the same thoughts as them. I could only keep my views to myself. It's just that when I saw my parents haggling over trivial matters with worried faces, and when I saw netizens arguing over trivial things under the pressure of life, I thought, I don't want a life like that.

What I want is a life where I can freely pursue my dreams and constantly strive for what I truly desire.

Fortunately, my parents aren't extremely rigid. On the eve of filling out the college application form, I once again earnestly stated my thoughts. My parents and I discussed it constantly, and finally, on the college application form, I wrote down archaeology. As a price, all other choices were filled with the "promising majors" chosen by my parents.

They were all science and engineering majors.

However, there are very few universities in the country that offer archaeology. For me, the admission scores for these schools were divided into three tiers: those I might reach if I worked as hard as I did in middle school; those I could get into now but could only use as a safety net if I performed poorly; and those I didn't need to consider at all, as filling them out would be an insult to my twelve years of hard study.

It seems I can only try to replicate my middle school experience. Perhaps that miracle can happen again.

Classroom, teacher's office, cafeteria. For me, the school only needed to retain these areas. I also went to the convenience store, but I mostly bought bread and pen refills.

The miracle seemed to have really happened.

My previously messy English handwriting suddenly became neat, my vocabulary started to enrich, and I firmly remembered the fixed sentence patterns the teacher taught. I also gradually figured out the patterns in Chinese reading comprehension questions, and I began to have a clear idea of where the scoring points were. In the subjects I chose myself, history and geography were naturally as good as ever. History even had one instance of extraordinary performance, ranking second in the entire school.

However, I truly couldn't learn math and physics well. It's not that I never did well, but it was completely unstable. If you were to calculate the variance of my scores a few times, it would definitely be terrifyingly large. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't understand why the solution was like that, or how it was derived. When the teacher explained a problem, I seemed to have a sudden realization, but when I actually tried to solve it, I was still lost.

I didn't want to admit that my talent only went this far. I didn't give up.

But this time I failed. Not by a narrow margin of one point like in a story, but by 5 points. Exactly the score of one multiple-choice question in math.

"After all, I'm not good at taking tests."

So, I walked into university with no expectations. The university was also a century-old institution, a genuine 211 university, like an extension of high school. I was admitted into the school's advantageous major, with a postgraduate recommendation rate exceeding 50%.

However, I had no passion for this major. Even if I wanted to transfer majors, there was nothing else in the school that interested me more. By the time I get to graduate school, I might be able to steer myself towards a field of interest, but even if I succeeded, it would only be barely related to my interests, far from the aspirations of my youth.

It was around this time that I became more fanatically addicted to idols than before.

"It was at a time like this that I arrived here," Shiko said.

The sea, vast and boundless, was refreshing.

Accompanied by the person she admired.

Chapter 32: About the Blue Sky of the Future

In the sea breeze, Shiko opened her status panel.

Keyboard Technique Lv7, Music Production Lv7. She was gradually embarking on this path. The further she went, the more she believed in the correctness of her choice. Only here could she unleash her passion and utilize her talent. However, there was still an obstacle in front of them: how to return to reality. Only in real society could her dream, and their dreams, have the possibility of being realized. This was not only her hope, but also the hope of everyone, including Miss Marina and Miss Niiki.

Ichiri quietly breathed a sigh of relief. The corners of her eyes relaxed.

"Does this mean Shiko will continue on the current path?"

Shiko nodded. "Yes."

"That's good..." Ichiri sighed. After some hesitation, she asked again, "Um... after we return to reality... could you take me to see your hometown?"

Shiko was a little surprised. "I didn't expect Ichiri to want to travel... Although I don't want to say something like a 'flag' (jinx), but it's okay."

"Hehe... I'll work hard..." Ichiri started to giggle foolishly.

"Huh? Work hard on what? Starting now?" Shiko realized Ichiri seemed to have drifted into her own world again. What is she thinking about? Because I'm going abroad, I need to work hard on learning a foreign language and also try to survive normally in an unfamiliar environment... Is that it? But I don't think it's a matter of whether Ichiri can speak a foreign language...

Shiko also gradually drifted into her own world.

"I'm sorry to bother you, Wu-san," Yukina patted Shiko's shoulder. "Could you come here for a moment? I'd like to discuss our transportation."

"Huh? Oh." Shiko flicked her right hand, and the glass bowl with the remaining shaved ice scattered into particles. She stood up, stretched, and eased the numbness from sitting for too long, then followed Yukina to sit at the table.

The discussion from inside, Ichiri could still hear. Because it was only separated by a wall, and they didn't deliberately lower their voices, the sound reached Ichiri's ears even if she wasn't interested, and was then processed by her brain into information. However, most of the information would flow away in the river of forgetting, and only a small portion would hit reefs and remain at the bottom of the subconscious river, waiting to be accidentally retrieved at some unknown time in the future, making her realize, "That thing happened too."

So Ichiri just listened quietly, without trying to cover her ears.

Her mood was joyful. Before, there was always a worry in her heart; Shiko's joining the band wasn't smooth, would she leave one day? Now, she had received confirmation from Shiko that she would stay in the band. This trivial assurance, cast into the bottomless lake of Ichiri's heart, stirred up small ripples of happiness. From the outside, did her expression look silly? Fortunately, no one was watching. No, no, Kita might be hiding in some corner... But if it were Kita, it seemed okay...

The conversation within the walls, at some point, had extended from transportation to future arrangements.

"...Just now, you seemed to be talking about Wu-san's hometown," Yukina said.

"Yeah," Shiko propped her left cheek, gazing at the sea tide outside the door. "Speaking of which, since we're going to the estuary, maybe we can see the peak form of the tidal bore that I haven't seen before."

"Tidal bore... Maybe I'm a little interested too. After returning to reality, I might visit your place to witness the tidal bore."

Shiko's head lifted slightly. "Oh? Then we'll come with Ichiri?"

Yukina smiled and shook her head. "Not necessarily together... Speaking of reality, I wonder how much time has passed in reality."

Shiko's head lowered again. "Even if the time flow is 1:1, it's been a long time. Maybe our funerals have already been held. Oh, no one would probably hold a funeral for me." The last sentence was just a mumble, and Yukina didn't hear it clearly.

"Funeral..." Yukina thought of her family and friends left in reality, and her mood also became low. "The deadline for Future World Fes has probably long passed, right?"

"Anyway, if you miss one, there's always the next," Shiko comforted her. "Once we stand on the Future World Fes stage, Roselia will probably continue on the path of professional bands, right?"

"It's too early to talk about these things now," Yukina took a sip of water. "But indeed, Roselia might embark on the path of professional bands."

Is that so, Roselia is going to become a professional band... Amazing, but not unexpected... Ichiri let her thoughts wander outside.

"What about you then?" Yukina asked.

Shiko changed her posture, propping up the other side of her cheek with her other hand.

"Me...? I will be a member of Kessoku Band and make the band a star, that's a promise—let's aim for Budokan first. After that..." Her voice was tinged with a hint of annoyance. "I don't know."

"You don't know?" Yukina felt she seemed to have something else on her mind.

"Yes," Shiko sighed. "My attitude towards Kessoku Band is different from the others."

"I originally just wanted to be their first and most loyal supporter. It was just fate that I became Kessoku Band's keyboardist. But I always felt that Kessoku Band was best with only four members." Shiko poured out her heart to Yukina. "Ichiri, Kita, Nijika, Ryo, a band with these four is Kessoku Band. Whether one person is missing or one person is added, it makes me feel a strong... sense of fragmentation. So, I initially planned to leave Kessoku Band after everything was over. Afterwards, I might become an independent music producer, like... Miss Niiki."

Huh? Ichiri's thoughts froze.

Inside the walls, the conversation continued.

"But that was just my initial thought," Yukina noticed her wording.

"Yes," Shiko drank the juice in her hand, unconsciously shaking the cup, her eyes following the sway of the straw. "If I were to leave the band, it would mean I couldn't maintain the same relationship with the original members as before. Even if I saw them, I wouldn't know how to interact, and would just turn my head away and pretend not to see."

"I... absolutely don't want that. I absolutely don't want to become that kind of relationship with them. I want us to always be friends, a little better than ordinary friends, like family. I can't say these words to them, I can't even mention them."

"But then, I can't restore Kessoku Band in my heart to its original state."

"The two ideas conflict and clash in my heart, like my two personalities now."

"I see," Yukina pondered for a moment. "I can't give you an answer to this question. There's still a long time, I hope you can slowly find the answer. However, from my personal perspective," she put down her water glass, "I'd rather see Wu-san as Kessoku Band's keyboardist."

A ripple appeared in Shiko's eyes. "Thank you."

"Minato-senpai—" Kita walked over from a distance, her whole body drenched in seawater, her red hair stuck to the side of her face.

"Ah, it seems something has come up," Yukina stood up. "Excuse me."

"Mm, goodbye." Shiko didn't move, but tilted her head up.

Yukina walked out the door. She suddenly saw Ichiri sitting on the ground, her face ashen. She suddenly realized her existence. Ichiri had been silent before, making her completely ignore this side. Had the conversation just now been overheard? Yukina realized they had just discussed topics that were not suitable for other members of Kessoku Band—especially Gotou-san—to hear.

"...Sorry," she whispered and quickly walked towards Kita.

Seeing Yukina leave, Ichiri remained motionless. Somehow, she had already stood up and looked back into the room. Shiko was listlessly refilling her juice.

Before she could think, her body moved.

Chapter 33: Shiko's Blade

This feels so bad. Ichiri took a step. She entered the room. Seeing her, Shiko seemed to realize something, her expression becoming awkward.

Shiko is going to leave the band. She only heard this sentence.

This is so painful. Her mind couldn't think of anything. The thought "(I've been betrayed.)" clung to everything that flashed through her mind.

Shiko promised to always write songs for me. Betrayed. Shiko promised to return to our hometown with me. Betrayed. Shiko is going to leave the band. Betrayed. Shiko is going to leave me. Betrayed. I can't leave Shiko. Betrayed. Life without Shiko is not life. Betrayed.

Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed.

Her body gradually stopped feeling like her own. A buzzing sound filled her ears. The world spun and distorted. Except for Shiko. Only Shiko was clear. Ichiri could only move towards her.

"...Shiko." Ichiri's voice was barely audible even to herself, but Shiko still heard it.

"...Yes." She didn't dare to meet Ichiri's eyes. "Did you hear?"

"I heard." Ichiri's voice was not right.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have kept it from you..."

"Why?" Ichiri interrupted for the first time. Unconsciously, she felt like she had broken some kind of taboo.

"Why? Why did you lie to me?" Ichiri's voice had turned into a cry. Without realizing it, she had stood in front of Shiko, grabbing her shoulders with both hands.

Shiko looked up at her. Tears of anger streamed down Ichiri's delicate face. Another drop fell onto her face, sliding into her mouth.

So salty.

"Lie? ...When did I...?"

"Liar!" Ichiri shouted with all her might.

"Didn't we promise... you'd write songs for me... we'd go to your hometown together... didn't you say you wouldn't give up your current path...?"

"I meant, I wouldn't give up on music..." Shiko explained weakly, her voice growing softer.

"Why... I just... want to be with Shiko. Shiko is my first friend, Shiko is special to me, no matter what, I want to stay friends with Shiko, never separate for a lifetime, is it the same for Shiko? Ah... If Shiko leaves the band, we won't be able to be together anymore, my life will return to its previous state, it will be so dark, so lonely, no... sob... I can't live without Shiko... Is it not the same for you? Am I just a normal friend to Shiko? Like Yukina-san? Like Ako-san? Like Kita-san? Can Shiko live without me? I just want to be a little more important in Shiko's heart, just a little, more important than Kessoku Band, just a little... really... Every time I see Shiko being so close to others, I feel so bad... pant... Shiko doesn't belong to me alone... Why? Isn't having me enough? Am I not doing well enough? Not enough for Shiko to like me? I like Shiko so much, sob... I like you, I like you a lot, I like you the most, sob sob sob... If I don't see Shiko for even a day, I'll go crazy. I wear clothes made by Shiko, eat food made from Shiko's imagination, my ears are filled with Shiko's voice, I play songs written by Shiko, and my mind is only on Shiko. So, can Shiko think about me too? Shiko? Shiko, can you say something? Don't just stay silent, I want to hear your thoughts... What do you think of me?"

Unknowingly, Shiko had been pushed to the ground. Ichiri's legs tightly locked Shiko, preventing her from escaping.

"Ugh... Shiko, don't look away, look at me, okay? When Shiko first approached me, I felt like my whole world was illuminated. Those lonely days, those painful days, were no more. To me... to me... Shiko is the sun that illuminates my life. People can't live without the sun... Without the sun, you'll die... won't you? It was... it was Shiko who gave me life. Shiko, Shiko, are you listening? Don't make that face, don't be afraid of me... I'm Ichiri... I'm your first friend, I, I am Shiko's first friend, right? Let me hear Shiko's voice, let me confirm it, okay? I want to hear Shiko say 'Ichiri is my best friend', just this one sentence is enough, Shiko thinks the same in her heart, right? Is that right? I feel like I don't understand Shiko at all... Why... sob... Even if it's not true, it's okay, if I hear this sentence, I can regain my life... This is easy for Shiko, right? Just like you usually do, say it to me, please... Don't dislike me, I will always be by Shiko's side. Do you dislike my darkness? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Shiko is no longer a dark character, but I'm still so dark, I'm really sorry, living is like not living... Ugh... Give me a chance, I'll change, I'll really change, I'll change with all my effort for my entire life... You know, I practice guitar for six hours every day, I have plenty of effort, so trust me, I'll quickly become the person Shiko likes. Will Shiko accept me then? Or will she still be unsatisfied? Is my guitar not good enough? Or am I not good-looking? What type do you like? Do I need plastic surgery? Then I'll spend all my time except eating and sleeping practicing guitar... But then I won't be able to change my personality, Shiko, ah, tell me quickly, what exactly don't you like about me? Only when I know can I know how to work hard... Ugh, ahaha, speaking of which, this way Shiko is also guiding me, hehe, as expected, Shiko is the most important, I can't leave Shiko, could it be that I was born to meet Shiko? It must be, I live, I play guitar, I breathe, I eat, I sleep, I wake up, I fight, all to be with Shiko, otherwise I wouldn't like Shiko so much. I really like Shiko so much, this distance is still too far, I want to be a little closer... Can I get a little closer? Not talking? Then I'll take it as agreement? How strange, I actually want to get closer to someone, has my personality already started to change? Hehe, but Shiko is not just anyone, it's reasonable for Shiko and I to get close in any way, it's natural, everything was decided long ago, right... haha... it's all fate... It seems I haven't changed, so what should I do? Teach me, Shiko... Tell me how to change my dark personality? Haven't you changed already? Can't I do what Shiko can do? Can't I be like Shiko? Sob, can't I stand by Shiko's side? Impossible... Ahhh... Shiko, tell me it's impossible, otherwise I'll go crazy right now... Make another promise to me, as long as I work hard, I can definitely be with Shiko, please don't break your promise this time, okay? At least... I hope Shiko can stay by my side now... I like you... I love you... I can't hold back anymore... Can you hug me tightly? It's strange though... Can you? Is it really okay? Can someone like me, like a wild snake, really stay in Shiko's embrace? Thank you, thank you so much... I can live again... Can you hold me for a while? Although I want to stay like this forever... No, it's okay, just for a little while, just for a little while, I can control myself, I won't trouble Shiko anymore... But will you hug me again in the future? Will you talk to me again? While it's like this, don't just make me speak, Shiko, you should speak too, I don't normally talk this much, Shiko knows that better than anyone, right? So don't put so much pressure on me, open your mouth, even just call my name, just call 'Ichiri'... Shiko, ah? I'm calling you, are you listening? Shiko, Shiko, sob, Shiko, Shiko, Shiko, Shiko, Ughhh, Shiko, Shiko..."

Ichiri didn't know what she was saying. It was as if she had poured out all the words of her life. She just kept pouring her heart out to the only clear figure in the universe. Therefore, she didn't notice Kita, who had walked to the doorway.

Kita stood where Ichiri had been, one hand on the wall, the other covering her chest. Tears welled up in her eyes, and she managed to hold them back. Perhaps they had already fallen, but mixed with the seawater, they were indistinguishable. She had heard and felt every word Ichiri had spoken, word for word.

[Erosion Level... 30%]

However, Shiko heard nothing. Her consciousness was hazy.

Ichiri saw it. Shiko finally opened her eyes. She saw the crying Ichiri in her arms, gave a small surprised gasp, and smiled gently.