Sirius: I Am the Older Brother

The wind by Black Lake hadn't stopped, and ripples spread across the surface, the gray-blue hue pushing towards the shore in layers.

Regulus and the others remained silent, all looking towards the other side of the lake.

The group on the other side has a bad reputation; everyone in Hogwarts knows it.

Playing pranks, bullying people, poking the old man in the Portrait with a magic wand, turning the armor in the Corridor into dancing figures.

The younger wizards in Gryffindor found it amusing and joined in the commotion, while the other houses, which hadn't been targeted much, just watched the spectacle without much fanfare.

Slytherin has suffered quite a bit at their hands, especially the few who were left out.

Walking down the Corridor, you suddenly trip over something, your robe inexplicably turns pink, and a bunch of snails spray out of your wand. These things happen every now and then; they're probably the ones who did it.

Regulus didn't care; he wasn't on the list, and James didn't dare touch him.

The small group was fine; with the family crest on Avery's robe and Hermes's face on display, no one would dare to provoke them.

As for Alex, he seemed honest enough that you'd feel guilty if you bullied him.

However, Slytherin's overall impression of the Marauders couldn't be worse.

As the four people approached from a distance, Avery's lips curled into a downward smirk.

"These few again," he muttered, his face full of disgust.

Alex didn't react much, he just pulled the scarf up a little higher.

Hermes didn't even look in that direction; his gaze remained fixed on the lake, as if he were thinking about something else.

Lina and Samuel stood on the far side, Lina's chin still tucked into her scarf, and Samuel with his hands in his pockets and his head down.

The group stopped about twenty meters away from them.

James stood to Sirius's right, Lupin to his left, Peter huddled at the back.

Then Sirius walked on alone.

Avery and Alex exchanged a glance and shrugged.

I see now. The two Black need to talk, and it's inconvenient for them to be present, I guess.

But no one moved.

Regulus glanced at them sideways. "Let's go back."

No one moved.

Avery moved two steps to the side, not far, just enough to make room for him, as if to say, "I've stepped back," and then stopped moving.

Alex also moved two steps, to about the same position as Avery.

Lina and Samuel exchanged a glance, and Lina took a step forward, ready to leave.

This situation seems to be an internal matter for the Black family; they are not core members, so it's inappropriate for them to stay.

Alex reached out and stopped her, a small movement, his arm sweeping across to block Lina.

Lina looked up at Alex; his expression was quite relaxed, with a hint of anticipation in his smile.

Lina glanced at Samuel again, and Samuel nodded slightly.

The two stopped, said nothing, and followed Alex, taking two steps back to stand slightly behind him.

Hermes remained rooted to the spot.

Regulus turned to look at him, Hermes glanced back, giving a slight smirk. "It's windy."

Then she moved a few steps toward Alex and stood with them.

The venue has been cleared, and no one has left.

The group stood at a distance that wasn't too far, giving off an air of "I'm not watching, but I am," and a look that suggested they could rush in at any moment should Regulus be bullied.

Regulus didn't care anymore; let the wind blow as it pleased.

He's long been immune to the cold.

Star Orbit Meditation refines the physical body layer by layer, so that even wearing only a single layer of clothing for a stroll in winter is no problem. It can even block out the wind in the Forbidden Forest at midnight, and this bit of cold wind by the lake won't affect him.

He turned his gaze back to Sirius.

He took long strides, walked with a swagger, his robe billowing behind him—still the same flamboyant way he walked, head held high, looking exactly like he always did.

But their expressions Taiyi.

He didn't cause any trouble, didn't get angry, and didn't have his usual fighting spirit.

He'd calmed down, his brows slightly furrowed, and the corners of his mouth downturned, much like when they were chatting by the window in the Corridor last time.

Regulus glanced at them, then looked away and turned to the three people not far away.

James Potter stood at the front, his hands in his robe pockets, the robe billowing against his legs in the wind.

The look in those round-framed glasses wasn't friendly; Regulus could see it clearly even from this distance.

That wasn't just ordinary displeasure; it was more like the kind of anger that comes from believing you're in the right.

His eyebrows were furrowed, his lips were pressed tightly together, and his chin was pushed forward.

He leaned forward, shifting his weight to his front foot, as if he were holding back a burst of energy to charge forward.

Lupin stood half a step behind him, his hand outstretched and resting on James's arm as if pulling him back, his lips moving as if trying to persuade him.

Peter was at the very back, peeking in this direction with half his head sticking out, glancing at it twice before pulling back, then peeking out again.

Regulus glanced at it.

James's expression was as if he were looking at a bad guy who deserved to be judged.

In his eyes, Regulus was probably just a Little Viper who bullied his brother, Sirius was bound to get hurt if he went alone.

Regulus averted his gaze, not even deigning to glance at it again.

Regulus averted his gaze, not even deigning to glance at it again.

Sirius stopped three steps away from him.

"Sirius." Regulus nodded, his tone as usual.

"Regulus." Sirius nodded as well, his tone similar.

The two stood there for a while without saying a word.

Regulus turned to face the Black Lake.

The wind swept across the lake, darkening the water and obscuring half of the mountain range on the opposite shore.

The sky was thick with clouds, and only occasionally a sliver of sunlight would peek across the lake before being covered by the clouds again.

Several trees by the lake were bare, their branches outstretched like black bones.

The edge of the Forbidden Forest in the distance was pitch black, the treetops swaying in the wind, making a rustling sound that could still be heard from this far away.

Sirius turned around and stood half a step to his left, shoulder to shoulder with him.

The two brothers stood side by side.

Regulus stared at the lake for a moment, then suddenly spoke up, "I thought you came here to fight."

After he finished speaking, he tilted his head slightly towards James.

Sirius was taken aback at first, then looked in the direction Regulus was looking.

James's expression remained the same, as furious as if Regulus had just betrayed his brother, his brows furrowed into a knot, as Lupin pulled him forward by the arm.

Sirius looked at it for two seconds, sighed helplessly, and looked away.

I wanted to come by myself.

Regulus smirked. "What, afraid I'll bully you?"

Sirius grinned, revealing a little bit of his teeth, his mouth twitched to the sides, and his eyebrows lowered.

He's had that expression since he was little; he always looks like that when he's defiant, like a puppy whose tail has been stepped on.

His voice rose, his tone indignant, but more like an emphasis. "Regulus, I am the older brother."

He was stunned for a moment after saying that.

That's what they said, but they lacked conviction, and their words quickly dissipated in the wind.

The word "brother" came out of his mouth as if he hadn't said it in a long time; his tongue was a little clumsy.

After he finished speaking, he realized something was off, but he didn't try to fix it.

Regulus glanced at him sideways.

elder brother?

The word spun around in Regulus's mind, but he couldn't find the corresponding word.

From the time he could remember, Sirius was Sirius, and he never had the identity of an older brother.

When he was three, he taught Sirius how to make the Broomstick float, saying that he wanted it to be light.

At his fourth birthday tea party, he reversed Sirius's Transfiguration, turning an earthworm back into a knife and fork.

In the years that followed, in Grimmauld Place, he was the older brother who caused trouble everywhere, and he was the younger brother who quietly followed behind.

Sirius called him his brother, but he never considered himself the older brother, and Sirius never considered himself the younger brother.

It seems that this order is reversed from birth.

Sirius went to Gryffindor, while Regulus stayed in Slytherin, and the two never discussed it again.

Now he calls him the older brother, but it sounds like he's only saying it because he's afraid I'll bully him.

Regulus turned his head to look at the lake and gave a faint reply, "Oh."

Sirius has remained silent again.

He opened his mouth, but said nothing. The expression on his face changed from baring his teeth to helplessness, and from helplessness to an indescribable sense of frustration.

A breeze blew by, rippling the surface of the lake. His reflection flickered on the water for a moment, then returned to normal.

Regulus didn't ask him why he was there.

I could probably guess, but I just didn't want to ask. I just wanted to watch Sirius struggle with himself.

Regulus stood there, looking at the lake.

Sirius was beside him, not saying a word, just shuffling his foot on the ground once, then again.

After a while, he took a breath and exhaled, a puff of white steam rising from his mouth.

I took another deep breath, then exhaled, inhaled, exhaled, inhaled, exhaled, as if I were trying to mentally prepare myself, but after several attempts, I couldn't manage it.

Sirius turned to look at him, a little anxious. "Aren't you going to ask me why I came?"

Regulus's lips twitched slightly, which was considered a smile.

He slowly turned his head to look at Sirius, drawing out his words in a drawn-out manner, as if Sirius was insisting he ask a question and he would comply.

"Oh, what brings you here?"

Sirius stared at him with his mouth open for a long while, then closed it.

He was so frustrated, it was written all over his face.

He turned his head to look at the lake again, his brows furrowed, his hand clenching and unclenching in his robe pocket, then clenching again, then unclenching again.

After a few seconds of silence, he took a breath, held it, and then slowly exhaled.

I want to go home.

Regulus looked at the lake, somewhat surprised, yet not entirely.

He probably knew what Sirius was thinking.

Sirius wants to go home, but it's definitely not because there's anything about his home that makes him want to go back, and it's even less likely that he's figured out the Pure-bloods thing.

He couldn't understand these things, and he couldn't understand them anyway. Those things had become like a piece of dead flesh in his heart; cutting them off wouldn't hurt.

He wanted to go back, probably because his own previous logic had cracked for the first time.

He used to hate that family, hate it so much that he didn't want to stay there for even a moment longer.

This hatred led him to make all his choices.

Choose Gryffindor for your school, make friends with people like James, and adopt the most flamboyant and domineering style.

He thought it was the path he had chosen.

But after our last conversation, he probably started asking questions, maybe like this--

Were these choices really his own?

He hates that family. Is it a hatred that came after he truly understood it, or has he hated it since childhood, and thus has always harbored it?

Did he choose James as a friend because he was worthy, or because he was the complete opposite of that family?

Is everything he's doing now what he wants to do, or simply the opposite of what his family wants him to do?

If one day that home is gone, will he still have his own direction?

Once you start asking these questions, you can't stop.

He couldn't confirm the answer, so he had to go back.

He wanted to go back to the place he desperately wanted to escape, the place he didn't want to stay in for even a moment longer.

After he left, Regulus had to stay behind and take on all the responsibilities that should have been borne by him as the eldest son.

He wanted to look closely with his own eyes so that he could know whether he was hating or rebelling.

Regulus glanced at him, then looked away.

This counts as growth, and it's a rare kind of growth.

When children Sirius's age encounter problems at home, they either go along with it or they go against it; there is no third option.

Those who follow the rules are part of that family their whole lives; those who go against the rules are the opposite of that family their whole lives.

The opposite is also a kind of dependency, because the opposite needs the positive to define it.

Sirius was originally going to take the second path.

Now he wants to go back and take a look, and try to find the third one.

He hasn't found it yet, but he knows he needs to look for it.

With this step taken, he can be said to have truly begun to grow. The road ahead is still long; this is only the first step, and whether he can finish it is another matter.

Sirius could go home whenever he wanted; he hadn't been expelled from his family yet.

The Tapestry on the wall, Sirius is still hanging there perfectly.

The door to 12 Grimmauld Place won't close to him, Kreacher won't stop him, and Orion won't chase him away.

He just can't get over that hurdle himself.