Kakashi's Shut-In Report: I Can't Lead This Batch of Genin!

Twelve noon.

The alarm clock on the training ground rang with a piercing ding-ding-ding.

It announced the official end of this farcical survival exercise.

A breeze swept past, carrying a few fallen leaves.

For a moment, the scene was utterly bizarre.

Naruto was tied to the wooden post in the very center, his own bell stuffed in his mouth, leaving him able to do nothing but whimper incoherently.

Sasuke had just been dug out of the ground. Covered head to toe in mud, he looked like a terracotta warrior, his vacant eyes questioning his entire existence.

Sakura had just awakened from the genjutsu, clutching her head as she continued to tremble in terror from being hacked to death by Sasuke.

And their jonin leader, Kakashi Hatake.

At that moment, he was securely tied to the wooden post beside Naruto.

He looked like a giant crab waiting to be sold, utterly humiliated.

Only Sen Senju remained unchanged.

He lay in his custom-made luxury recliner, sunglasses on, leisurely sipping juice.

As though none of this had anything to do with him.

"Ahem."

Kakashi gave two dry coughs, attempting to break the painfully awkward silence.

He looked at the now-empty bell pouch at his waist, then at the bells on Naruto and Sasuke.

Finally, his gaze settled on the three lunch boxes.

"Although the process... was somewhat tortuous."

Kakashi's voice was as dry as though he were chewing sand.

"You ultimately understood the importance of teamwork."

"You knew to leave your lunch for your teammates when you were tied up."

He spoke with extreme guilt, because he had never been "tied up." He had been "beaten" up.

"So..."

Kakashi drew a deep breath and forced several words out through clenched teeth.

"Team 7, all members pass!"

"Yay!"

Naruto was the first to cheer. Though his mouth was stuffed, none of his excitement was diminished.

Sakura smiled through her tears. Sasuke also let out a breath of relief, though his expression remained complicated.

Only Sen sat up from his recliner and stretched.

"Oh, we passed."

He slowly walked over to Naruto and untied him.

"Then if there's nothing else, I'll head back. I still need to water my potted plants this afternoon."

With that, he folded up the recliner and parasol with a click, slung them over his shoulder, and turned to leave.

"Hold it!"

Kakashi hurriedly called after him.

"Starting tomorrow, we'll officially be Team 7."

"Every morning at nine, meet at the bridge by the village entrance to prepare for missions."

Kakashi deliberately emphasized one point.

"No being late!"

"Got it, got it. You're so naggy."

Sen impatiently waved a hand and vanished into the woods without looking back.

Leaving Kakashi and the three little kids standing there, disheveled in the wind.

That afternoon, in the Hokage's office.

Kakashi stood before the desk with his head lowered, like a soulless walking corpse.

The Third Hokage, Hiruzen Sarutobi, leisurely puffed on his pipe as he watched him with a smile.

"So, Kakashi."

"The students I assigned you were pretty interesting, weren't they?"

Kakashi's mouth twitched violently twice.

Interesting?

That was far beyond interesting. It was downright horrifying!

"Lord Hokage."

Kakashi's voice was dry and hoarse, as if he had not had water in three days.

He slowly raised his head. His dead-fish eyes were filled with utter despair.

"I... request to resign."

The Third's hand paused as he blew out a smoke ring, and he looked at Kakashi in surprise.

"Resign? Why? Didn't you pass all of them?"

"This is the first time genin have passed your test since you began leading teams."

"I didn't pass them."

Kakashi gave a bitter smile, his voice thick with helplessness.

"They... beat me into passing them."

He reported everything that had happened on the training ground that morning to the Third, recounting it all exactly as it had occurred.

From Sen's practically cheating Wood Release Substitution to his outrageous act of making furniture on the spot.

Then there was that bizarre Wood Release technique that could absorb chakra, followed by the humiliating process of being instantly defeated in one move.

He described it in extreme detail. He did not even conceal the embarrassing fact that he had been tied up like a mummy.

The Third puffed away at his pipe as he listened.

The smile on his face not only failed to disappear, but grew increasingly radiant.

When Kakashi finished, the office fell briefly silent.

"Lord Hokage, that boy's Wood Release is not only incredibly powerful, but it can even absorb chakra..."

There was a tremor in Kakashi's voice that he himself did not notice.

"I even feel that from beginning to end, he didn't use even one percent of his strength."

He looked at the Third with utmost seriousness.

"A monster like that is completely beyond what I can teach."

"I really can't teach this batch of genin."

Kakashi took a deep breath, as though exhausting all the strength in his body to say his final words.

"I quit."

After hearing the report, the Third was not as shocked as Kakashi had imagined.

He merely leisurely knocked the ashes from his pipe.

Then he rose to his feet and walked over to Kakashi.

"HAHAHAHA!"

The Third suddenly burst into hearty laughter, so hard that tears nearly came out.

He forcefully patted Kakashi's shoulder, which was still questioning life.

"Kakashi, Kakashi, I know you've suffered."

The Third wore a crafty smile that said everything was under control.

"Who told you that I sent you to be his teacher?"

Kakashi froze, his face full of question marks.

"Lord Hokage, what do you mean?"

The Third walked to the window and gazed down at the prosperous Konoha Village, his eyes becoming distant.

"That child Sen no longer needs anyone to teach him how to use his power."

"One could even say that his mastery of Wood Release may already surpass the First Hokage's."

"I sent you to be his supervising instructor, not so you could teach him how to fight."

The Third turned around and looked at Kakashi, his expression turning exceedingly solemn.

"Your mission is to guide him."

"Guide that power, powerful enough to destroy everything, onto the proper path of protecting the village."

"Your mission is to make him form bonds with the village and his companions."

"As long as he doesn't find it boring, as long as he doesn't feel restrained, as long as he is willing to remain in Konoha..."

The Third walked over to Kakashi and handed him a document.

"Then your mission will already be complete."

Kakashi lowered his head and glanced at the document.

Written clearly on it was: "S-Rank Long-Term Surveillance and Guidance Mission." Mission target: Sen Senju.

Kakashi was completely speechless.

So after all that, he had not been sent to be a teacher. He had been sent to be a babysitter?

And it was an extremely dangerous job where he might be slapped to death by his own kid at any moment!

"Lord Hokage, shouldn't this mission's danger rating be raised a little?"

Kakashi wore a miserable expression as he tried to secure a bit more compensation for himself.

"Perhaps... Super S-Rank?"

The Third cheerfully waved a hand and returned to his chair.

"Enough, stop fooling around."

"That child may be a little lazy and sharp-tongued, but he isn't bad at heart."

"I believe that with your intelligence, you can definitely get along with him."

The Third relit his pipe and waved Kakashi away as though shooing a fly.

"Go on. Starting tomorrow, enjoy your pleasant life of 'raising kids.'"

Kakashi looked at the Third's old face, smiling like a chrysanthemum, and felt like crying without tears.

He felt that this time, he had truly been screwed over beyond measure.

"Lord Hokage, I have one more question."

Before leaving the office, Kakashi suddenly stopped and turned back.

"What question?"

"If... I mean, if."

Kakashi's tone was exceedingly strained.

"If I get tied to a wooden post by him again during the next exercise."

"Could I... get one extra lunch box?"