Death Wish! I'm a Professional

The second sermon in Purple Heaven Palace, "Perfection," concluded. With hearts full of gratitude and awe, the great powers departed one after another, and the palace temporarily returned to its usual... uh, bizarre tranquility.

Deep within the Heavenly Dao's core, its will, having just awakened from a three-thousand-year standby, silently retrieved the sermon data report.

Looking at the astonishing report showing "All beings' foundation stability +999%," "Six high-quality Quasi-Saints born," "Energy consumption saved by 85%," and "Audience satisfaction (converted from bewilderment) SSS-class," the Heavenly Dao's logic module, which had been riddled with holes and garbled code due to Xiao Kuang, operated smoothly for a rare moment.

[Heavenly Dao's Inner Monologue (Stable Data Flow)]: Analysis Conclusion: The Proxy 'Xiao Kuang,' although his behavioral patterns are unanalyzable, his motives are mysterious, and his attitude is extremely improper, the final outcome of this 'sermon' is... far beyond expectations. His methods of 'governing by non-action' (sleeping like crazy) and 'subtle influence' (forcing sentient beings to study themselves) unexpectedly align with the true meaning of the Great Dao being simple, and accumulating strength for a breakthrough. Perhaps... allowing a certain degree of behavioral tolerance towards him is beneficial for the long-term stable development of the Primordial Era? We can attempt to slightly improve his authority comfort level, or reduce the frequency of warnings, as an incentive...

For the first time in a long while, the Heavenly Dao felt a tiny bit of positive evaluation towards Xiao Kuang, thinking, "Maybe this lazy bum stumbled upon the right path," and even began considering adding some "fish food" for this salted fish (like reducing the power of the lightning strikes next time).

However, in the very next second after this faint "goodwill" of the Heavenly Dao began to sprout--

Inside the Purple Heaven Palace, Xiao Kuang saw off the last great power who kept looking back. He yawned and stretched.

He hadn't moved for three thousand years. Even though he was sleeping, he felt stiff all over. He glanced at the empty grand hall, then at Wangshu, who was still coldly staring at him, and Xi He and Chang Xi, who were standing respectfully. His eyes rolled, and a brilliant (and suicidal) idea popped into his head.

"Ah, after lecturing for three thousand years, I'm exhausted!" he declared loudly, without a trace of shame, as if someone else had been drooling while sleeping. "I must relax properly!"

With that, he waved his hand, activating the Heavenly Dao Authority!

"Come, come, everyone! I'm hosting the 'First Primordial All-Star Song and Dance Gala in Purple Heaven Palace'! To celebrate the successful conclusion of this sermon!"

Buzz!

The entire Purple Firmament Palace blazed with light!

The KTV neon lights intensified tenfold, the internet cafe's crystal screens all switched to disco ball mode, and the foot massage parlor's whirlpool began to bubble with rock rhythms! Countless dazzling lights condensed from spiritual energy, surround sound systems, and even self-scattering magical artifacts appeared out of thin air!

"BGM! Start!" Xiao Kuang snapped his fingers.

Instantly, an extremely rhythmic, deafeningly powerful modern electronic divine song, Most Dazzling Folk Style, echoed throughout the Purple Heaven Palace! And it was a heavy metal remix version!

"The vast wilderness is my love! Flowers are blooming at the foot of the rolling green mountains! What kind of rhythm is the most, most swaying! What kind of singing is the most joyful!"

The Primordial version of death metal electronic music madly bombarded every corner!

"Come, come! Let's all move!" Xiao Kuang himself started to wiggle to the rhythm, his movements extremely demonic, while he commanded, "Miss Wangshu! Don't just stand there, you're the guest judge! Xi He and Chang Xi! You two lead the dance! Ao Qingxin, your Dragon Girl group will debut as the center! Feng Wanxia, your Southern Bright Lihuo is perfect for the lighting! Qi Yao Guang, use your spiritual herbs to cheer for the audience!"

He then looked towards the backyard zoo. "Those Dragons, Phoenixes, and Kirins! Don't just lie there! Get up and dance! Whoever dances the wildest gets an extra meal tonight!"

The entire Purple Heaven Palace instantly transformed from the solemn and majestic (not really) dojo of moments ago into the first, and most absurd... giant disco hall in the history of the Primordial Era!

Xi He and Chang Xi were filled with shame and fury, wishing they could self-destruct on the spot. The Dragon Girls and Phoenix Girls looked bewildered, lost in the deafening "You are the most beautiful cloud in my sky." The rare birds and exotic beasts in the backyard scattered in terror from the terrifying sound waves, causing chaos!

A powerful aura of cold emanated from Wangshu, and the ice beneath her feet instantly spread, attempting to freeze the terrifying noise and scene. However, the demonic music seemed to possess Heavenly Dao Authority, directly piercing her frozen domain and looping in her mind! "Let me keep you with my heart! Keep! You! Here!"

Her eternally unchanging icy face finally showed a clear crack, named "collapse"!

And high above, the Heavenly Dao, which had just developed a faint sense of goodwill towards Xiao Kuang, instantly crashed for a microsecond!

Immediately after, came an unprecedented, mountain-like, sea-like rage!

[Heavenly Dao Core (Data Flow Blood Red!)]: Warning! Warning! Detected extreme blasphemous behavior by the Proxy! Playing unknown chaotic demonic music in a sacred Heavenly Dao location! Forcing sentient beings into a frenzied dance! Severely damaging the solemn image of the Primordial Era! Severely polluting the Heavenly Dao database!] [Heavenly Dao Garbled Code (Roaring Style)]: The positive evaluation report just generated has been forcibly shattered! Goodwill reset to zero! Zero! Negative infinity!] [Heavenly Dao Garbled Code]: Judgment: Proxy Xiao Kuang! Repeatedly unrepentant! Escalating! Immediately courting death after receiving affirmation! His actions have crossed the bottom line of tolerance! Seriously challenging the Heavenly Dao's majesty!] [Heavenly Dao Garbled Code]: Initiating highest level punishment procedure! Invoking the Primordial Origin Thunder Punishment! Target: Proxy Xiao Kuang! Purpose: Not a warning! It is purification! It is formatting!!!]

Rumble rumble rumble--!!!

The entire Primordial world, suddenly lost its color!

Beyond the thirty-third heaven, endless Chaos Qi was forcibly pushed aside! A colossal, indescribable, purple-black divine thunder containing the wrath of the entire Primordial world tore through the void, carrying a terrifying aura of destroying everything and returning to chaos. It precisely aimed towards the Purple Heaven Palace—or more accurately, towards Xiao Kuang, who was doing the twist—and struck down!

The power of this thunder tribulation far surpassed all previous Purple Firmament Divine Thunders! Its grandeur was so immense that the newly promoted Quasi-Saints like the Three Pure Ones and Nuwa, who had just left not far away, turned back in horror, causing all beings in the Primordial world to tremble as if the end of days had arrived!

"Holy crap?!" Xiao Kuang, who was in the middle of his dance, was startled by the sudden terrifying thunder tribulation. "Again? This time the commotion is so big?"

He could even feel that the Heavenly Dao was serious this time! It truly intended to smash him into dust!

"Damn it! You can't handle a little fun, can you!" Xiao Kuang yelled, instinctively maximizing his Heavenly Dao administrator privileges. At the same time, he grabbed Wangshu, who was still trying to resist the demonic music with her cold aura, and used her as a shield in front of him!

"Borrowing your ice to cool down!"

Wangshu: "!!!" (╯°Д°)╯︵ ┻━┻

She couldn't believe it! This scoundrel actually used her to block the thunder tribulation?!!

The world-destroying purple-black divine thunder had already descended!

Everyone closed their eyes, unable to bear witnessing the tragic scene of the Dao Ancestor (and the ancient divine being forced to take the hit) being reduced to ashes.

However--

Crackling... Sizzle...

After a burst of intense electric light and a grating sound.

Everyone trembled and opened their eyes.

They saw Xiao Kuang's hair standing on end, emitting black smoke, his face blackened by the soot, his floral shirt and shorts tattered, but he was still standing, and... seemed to be mostly fine?

And Wangshu, in front of him, her Moonlight aura was scattered by the lightning, electric arcs jumped on her plain white palace dress, her hairstyle was a bit askew, and her beautiful face was filled with disbelief and extreme coldness! She had endured the brunt of the thunder tribulation! Although not seriously injured, her image was disheveled, and more importantly... she had actually been used as a shield!

"Tsk," Xiao Kuang patted his smoking chest, spat out a puff of black air, and looked up indignantly to curse, "I say, Heavenly Dao, is this necessary? It's just a party to relax. Your customer service is too poor! I'm giving you a bad review! Deducting your salary!"

Above the sky, the second, even more terrifying thunder tribulation that was brewing, suddenly paused.

The Heavenly Dao seemed to be angered into another system crash by this shameless scoundrel's words.

In the entire Purple Heaven Palace, only Most Dazzling Folk Style was still stubbornly playing: "Forever singing the most dazzling folk style, it's the most beautiful posture of the entire sky~~"

Xiao Kuang twisted his neck and shouted to all the "cast and crew" who had turned to stone, "What are you all standing around for? The music hasn't stopped! Keep playing! Keep dancing!"

Then he looked at Wangshu, who was radiating killing intent and whose cold aura was almost solidifying before him. He chuckled and handed her a cup of "Happy Water":

"Oh, my apologies, Miss Wangshu, it was just a reflex, a reflex! Have a cold Coke to calm your nerves? Look, your hair is a little frizzy, it's quite unique, it's the most popular style in the Primordial Era this year..."

Wangshu: "..." (The Moonlight in her hand began to condense into the shape of a weapon.)

Heavenly Dao: "..." (The thunderclouds in the sky gathered madly again, their color shifting from purplish-black to chaotic.)

The situation, which had just slightly improved, instantly regressed by billions of light-years due to Xiao Kuang's earth-shattering, self-destructive actions, and was sliding towards an even more disastrous direction