The Dao Ancestor's New Revenue Stream

The wind over the East Sea carried a salty tang and... the scent of ink?

The billions of immortals and demons stood in utter silence, watching their leaders and generals bend over their writing. Time slowly passed. For mighty beings who could enter seclusion for tens of millions of years at a time, writing a few thousand words should have taken no time at all. Yet at this moment, this three-thousand-word self-criticism was even more difficult than facing the Chaos Bell.

They had to reflect deeply on their mistakes, even if they were unconvinced inside; they had to sound sincere, even if they wrote through gritted teeth; they could not use magic to write for them—everything had to be handwritten! Worse still, that shameless Dao Ancestor kept offering remote commentary from time to time, nitpicking every little thing!

"Di Jun! I told you your handwriting is ugly! Rewrite it! Use regular script! Give it some of the dignified bearing of a Heavenly Emperor!" "Taiyi! Stop using clichés like 'a moment of confusion' and 'led astray'! Be specific! Be profound! For example, describe in detail how the violent impulse in your heart grew and spread when you raised the Chaos Bell!" "King Father of the East! Why are you secretly using spiritual power to smooth your writing brush again? One warning! Do it again, and the word count doubles!"

Xiao Kuang's voice was like a demonic chant drilling into their ears. The three big shots wanted nothing more than to snap their brushes, but they did not dare. They could only rewrite again and again with dark faces, their handwriting changing from wild and uninhibited at first—messy—to cautious later on—neat—and finally to numb and mechanical.

At last, after several hours that had tested their Dao Hearts to the utmost, the first self-criticism was complete—Eastern Emperor Taiyi's.

Taiyi practically trembled as he used his spiritual power to lift the jade slip filled with words of remorse—and inner complaints—and sent it into the sky.

A golden flash of Heavenly Dao light passed by, and the jade slip vanished. The next instant, it appeared in Xiao Kuang's hand within the Purple Cloud Palace.

"Hmm, let this teacher take a look." Xiao Kuang put on a pair of gold-rimmed glasses he had obtained from who knew where—without lenses—and theatrically unfolded the jade slip.

"Mm... the opening is acceptable: 'Respected, great, supreme Dao Ancestor'... Mm, the flattery is a little stiff, but the attitude is passable." "The middle section... 'I should not have acted on a moment's courage, disregarded the overall interests of the Demon Race, and rashly started a war'... Tsk, avoiding the important points. Why not mention how you have disliked King Father of the East for a long time?" "The final promise... 'In the future, I shall remain calm and restrained, prioritize the harmony of the Primordial Chaos in all matters, and strive to build a new Heavenly Court with Demon Race characteristics'... Not bad. At least you have elevated it somewhat."

Xiao Kuang commented as he read, while Tongtian, Yuanshi, and the other "gamblers" gathered around to watch the spectacle, clicking their tongues in amazement.

"Overall rating: B-minus!" Xiao Kuang picked up a seal engraved with the character for "reviewed," dipped it in cinnabar—possibly some spiritual beast's blood—and slapped it onto the end of the jade slip. "Your emotions are not sincere enough, and your reflection is superficial, but you met the word count and your handwriting is neat—because you were forced to be. Approved! Next!"

Upon hearing the word "approved" from below, Taiyi inexplicably let out a breath, as though he had survived some peerless heavenly tribulation. His whole body seemed to go limp.

Soon, Di Jun and King Father of the East's self-criticisms arrived as well.

Di Jun's self-criticism was steady and conventional, stuffed with bureaucratic phrases such as "taking the overall situation into consideration," "deeply recognizing the damage war causes to economic development," and "devoting himself to the joint development of the sea of stars in the future." Xiao Kuang judged it to be "full of a Heavenly Emperor's hypocrisy" and gave it a B.

King Father of the East's self-criticism, meanwhile, was filled with tears and sobs—on paper. He deeply analyzed how he had "been blinded by power," "overestimated himself," and "failed the Dao Ancestor's teachings," even though the Dao Ancestor had never taught him anything. He declared that he was "willing to disband the Immortal Court, turn over a new leaf, and become a good person from now on." Xiao Kuang judged it as "overacted, but with an acceptable attitude," and gave it a B-plus.

As for the self-criticisms of the other Golden Immortal and Grand Unity Golden Immortal generals, they came in every possible style. Some were written like cultivation manuals, with neat sections and clauses; some read like lyrical prose; others tried to flatter Xiao Kuang and ended up kicking an iron plate... Xiao Kuang read them with great interest, assigning grades ranging from C to A and demanding that all failures rewrite theirs.

For a time, the Purple Cloud Palace was filled with a cheerful atmosphere. The big shots passed around those self-criticisms, commenting on the handwriting and literary flair as though they were holding a unique "Primordial Chaos Calligraphy and Essay Appreciation Conference."

Queen Mother of the West watched this absurd yet harmonious scene and sank into deep thought once more. A life-and-death battle had actually been temporarily suppressed by several thousand self-criticism letters? What kind of principle was that?

Wangshu silently watched Xiao Kuang hopping about as he graded "homework," her gaze complicated. This fellow seemed to always achieve some... bizarre result through the most outrageous methods.

Once all the self-criticisms had been graded, Xiao Kuang stretched lazily in satisfaction.

"Alright! This East Sea brawl is temporarily concluded! Since you put some effort into your self-criticisms, I will not pursue the matter any further!"

Di Jun, Taiyi, King Father of the East, and the others finally breathed a complete sigh of relief, feeling as though they had reclaimed their lives—albeit in an exceptionally humiliating fashion.

"However!" Xiao Kuang abruptly changed his tone. "Though the death penalty may be spared, you cannot escape living punishment! To compensate for the mental damage you caused me—watching people fight is exhausting—and to pay the house cut and service fees, I have decided that the three of you shall jointly fund the construction of a 'Purple Cloud Palace East Sea Branch and Primordial Chaos Entertainment, Leisure, and Vacation Center' on the shores of the East Sea!"

"Requirements: it must include private rooms at a more-than-five-star Haidilao, a holographic IMAX cinema—for livestreaming the next fight—an enormous open-air dance plaza, and a super internet cafe larger than Lingxiao Hall! Construction must be completed within three thousand years! If it is not finished on time, every person in charge will come to the Purple Cloud Palace and write a ten-thousand-year self-criticism!"

Di Jun, Taiyi, King Father of the East: "..." Their freshly relaxed moods instantly sank again. Build... build a vacation center? And finish it within three thousand years?

This punishment was even more torturous than writing self-criticisms! And the three enemy factions had to work together?

"What? You have objections?" Xiao Kuang's voice turned dangerous.

"We would not dare! We shall obey the Dao Ancestor's decree!" The three answered in unison, utterly aggrieved yet left with no choice. Compared to writing a ten-thousand-year self-criticism, building houses was still preferable...

"Very good!" Xiao Kuang nodded in satisfaction, then added, "Oh, right. Once the vacation center is complete, I take ninety percent of the profits. You three can divide the remaining ten percent among yourselves! Consider it your... labor fee!"

There would even be a share of the profits? Di Jun, Taiyi, and King Father of the East froze for a moment and instinctively began calculating how much that ten percent might amount to... Wait! No! They were being punished! How had this suddenly turned into a business partnership?!

Before they could think any further, Xiao Kuang had already cut off the connection.

Over the East Sea, the tribulation clouds dispersed, and sunlight fell once again.

But Di Jun, Taiyi, and King Father of the East stared at one another, then looked at the billions of troops behind them, and then thought of the "Primordial Chaos Entertainment, Leisure, and Vacation Center" that was about to begin construction. Their emotions were too complicated to describe.

The battle could no longer be fought. But from now on, they would go from mortal enemies to... fellow sufferers working for the Dao Ancestor together?

Was there not something wrong with this script?

Inside the Purple Cloud Palace, Xiao Kuang rubbed his hands together and spoke with sparkling eyes to Queen Mother of the West and Wangshu, who had yet to leave. "See? This is sustainable development! Fighting and killing are so outdated. Making money together is the true path! Once the vacation center is built, I'll treat you to a free VIP experience! Miss Wangshu, you can be the artistic director for ice sculptures! Queen Mother of the West, we can use your Yaochi peaches as specialty fruit platters, and split the profits fifty-fifty..."

Queen Mother of the West: "..." Wangshu: "..." They suddenly felt that King Father of the East and Di Jun Tai Yi seemed rather pitiful.

And in its sleep, the Heavenly Dao silently updated another record:

[The agent successfully transformed a tribulation-scale conflict into a 'business cooperation project'... killing tribulation dissipated... karmic force converted into 'construction deadline pressure'... Primordial Chaos GDP expected to increase by 0.5%... Assessment: incomprehensible... but seemingly... feasible?... Recording new methods: 'labor instead of punishment,' 'shared prosperity'... zzzz...]

The Dao Ancestor of the Way of the Salted Fish seemed to have inadvertently opened an unprecedented and bizarrely styled path for the "peace and development" of the Primordial Chaos once again.