Anxiety

Lin Xiaolu sat at her desk, staring blankly at her hands.

The room was dimly lit only by the desk lamp, and the field of vision was very limited, but Lin Xiaolu didn't care about that at the moment.

We lost.

That was her only thought.

With the intention of teaching the other person a lesson and showing them "don't underestimate others," he accepted a seemingly incredibly simple competition. And, unsurprisingly, he lost.

Most importantly, even if they lose, the opponent has an unmoved expression, as if winning is just a matter of course, so calm that it's infuriating.

But what good is getting angry? A loss is a loss, and the loser has no room for argument.

What happened before she lost? To be honest, Lin Xiaolu still doesn't understand it.

All she remembered was accepting White Thistle's invitation, transforming, and then imitating his method to create a simple magic ball in her hand, which she confidently then crashed into.

Simply put, when it comes to the quality and quantity of magic, she is far more powerful than ordinary magical girls.

Being stuck at the seed level and unable to break through is certainly a bad thing, but every cloud has a silver lining. Her magic power has not stopped growing. Moreover, it seems to have created a high-pressure effect, giving her magic power a kind of "refinement" effect. Specifically, with the same amount of magic power, she can cause more damage.

Therefore, as long as a magical girl's Blossoming stage hasn't surpassed her own by too much, this "refined" magic power is theoretically no weaker than anyone else's.

Prior to this, Lin Xiaolu had always held this view.

Until after the contest with the White Thistle.

During her previous lessons with Larkspur had instilled in Lin Xiaolu a conclusion: magic is equivalent to the extension of a magical girl's limbs.

This statement is not difficult to understand. Just as tools are an extension of the body for humans, magic is an exceptionally useful tool for magical girls. The principle is the same.

At the moment the magic ball collided with the White Thistle, Lin Xiaolu remembered this sentence again.

Because she suddenly realized that Larkspur's words might be emphasizing more than just the attribute of magic as a "tool".

What kind of feeling was that? It was just a collision of magic balls, but at the moment of impact, Lin Xiaolu felt a "tingling and numb" sensation.

It was as if my fingers had touched an electrified object; the tingling, numb pain, and the subsequent stiffness, the illusory "touch" fed back to me through the magic, leading to a series of uncontrollable events.

Electric shock.

This is Lin Xiaolu's most direct feeling during the collision of the magic balls.

I've had similar feelings before, like the burning sensation when my magic comes into contact with Aberrant Beast and I'm corroded. However, this burning sensation isn't actually that intense, and it's nowhere near as painful as being hit head-on in battle, so it's often masked.

But the effects of White Thistle at this moment went far beyond that. At that moment, Lin Xiaolu even felt that her magic had become a weak point to be attacked. It was as if the feeling of "paralysis" had been amplified, causing the magic to bring the senses back to the Mana Source, and then the Mana Source would affect her True Form and be directly transmitted to her.

As a result, the magic ball that Lin Xiaolu threw with great confidence collapsed naturally in less than two seconds after colliding with White Thistle.

All that remained was Lin Xiaolu, who stood frozen in place, still holding out a hand, completely bewildered as to what had happened.

White Thistle didn't say anything, but simply shook the hand that had gathered the magic ball, as if he felt that was enough. He then deactivated his transformation, turned around, pulled his suitcase, and went into his room.

There's no need to elaborate on what happened after that.

Lin Xiaolu returned to her room in a daze, and she still hadn't recovered by dinner time, and she still has been like that ever since.

Her disappointment stemmed not only from the loss, nor solely from the opponent's dismissive attitude, but more importantly, from the "anxiety" she had been suppressing and trying to ignore, which had finally erupted.

Ever since Xia Liang successfully Blossoming's power and acquired her own Magic Armament before me, this anxiety has never stopped.

She was the one who became a magical girl first, and she was the one who started learning first. She was always one step ahead in everything, so why was Xia Liang the one who Blossoming her abilities first?

This anxiety reached its peak after Bai Jingxuan awakened her Magic Armament.

If Xia Liang's situation can be explained by "stronger talent," then why is Bai Jingxuan, who became a magical girl more than two months later, still ahead of her?

Yes, she remembered that she had been able to use that special White Magic Power, but she had only used it twice, when she encountered extremely dangerous enemies.

How exactly did it work? Will it work so smoothly next time? Why can't it be used normally?

Even if the quality and quantity of magic power far exceed the seed level, and even surpass the ordinary Bud Rank, without awakening its own Magic Armament, the seed level is still just a "seed".

No matter how much you try to hypnotize or soothe your mind with phrases like "accumulated knowledge and experience" or "special physical condition," your anxiety continues to grow unchecked.

This growing anxiety will eventually erupt, and the battle against White Thistle will become the final spark.

Lin Xiaolu realized something, something she had been deliberately ignoring, but which was probably fast approaching.

Will I remain stuck at this level forever, unable to catch up with others?

Forget about standing next to Larkspur; even Xia Liang and Bai Jingxuan will drift further and further away. At that point, would there really be any point in staying in this team, given that I've remained at the Seed level?

The thought of this makes my heart feel like it's being squeezed, and a feeling of suffocation washes over me.

She wanted to go find the Larkspur.

I want to cry and tell myself about my frustration after losing, I want to confide in you about all the anxiety I've been feeling, I want to seek comfort, I want to seek encouragement, I want to get help.

I long for that feeling I had back then, when the Larkspur held my hand and told me, "It's okay."

This feeling cannot be expressed to a father who was once quite strict but is now just an ordinary person; nor can it be expressed to teammates who are even younger than him.

She didn't know when, but when she felt sad and had no one to confide in, her first choice had become Larkspur.

She is both an admired senior and a reliable elder. The gentleness beneath her indifference has long since changed Lin Xiaolu. For her, who has lost her biological mother, Larkspur is undoubtedly the person closest to the role of "mother" in her current life.

However, the Larkspur is ultimately not the "mother".

She had been trying to find out why Larkspur showed concern for her, and even came up with the absurd conclusion that "he and her father are in love," which made her want to cover her face and scream, just to confirm how strong her relationship with Larkspur really was.

It's unlikely that there's a strong sense of dependence between ordinary seniors and juniors.

In a typical teacher-student relationship, it's impossible for the teacher to do everything for the student.

Only a stronger, closer, and more unbreakable relationship... otherwise, this one-sided dependence of one's own will undoubtedly cause trouble for the other person.

That's why Lin Xiaolu held back from opening the door and refrained from expressing all her feelings.

Because she didn't know what the bottom line was for how much the Larkspur tolerated her.

To overestimate one's own abilities, to accept others' provocations and suffer a crushing defeat, to give others a hard time at the dinner table, and then to go to Larkspur to cry and seek her comfort... that would be far too improper.

Even if you just imagine it yourself, if you had such a troublesome junior, you'd probably think they were a nuisance, right?

She didn't want to, and dared not, further disappoint Larkspur. Recently, Larkspur had already shown considerable favoritism towards Bai Jingxuan. If Cui Que were to become completely disappointed in her and abandon her, she might as well just retire as a magical girl.

A jumble of thoughts swirled in her mind, and she sat at her desk for what seemed like an eternity, losing track of time.

After a long while, as the waning moon climbed high into the sky outside the window, there was another knocking sound at the door behind me.

Knock knock knock.

The crisp sound broke the silence, pulling Lin Xiaolu back to reality from her thoughts.

Has the Larkspur come again?

That was her first thought, but she quickly shook her head, ashamed of such a weak idea. Taking a deep breath to compose herself, she pretended nothing was wrong and began:

"Who?"

She had some guesses about who would come at this time. It was unlikely to be Larkspur, so it was either Xia Liang or Bai Jingxuan. Could it be that idiot Moko? It couldn't possibly be those people from Bai'an City... She had already given them such a cold shoulder, so they certainly wouldn't be so kind as to come looking for her.

However, the sound coming from outside the door was still beyond her expectations.

It's me.

It was a voice that Lin Xiaolu initially found unfamiliar, but she quickly realized who it belonged to.

You can hear the maturity in the voice's owner, yet there's still a touch of girlish lightness within it, along with an incredibly pleasant tone.

"I heard one of my underlings caused you some trouble. I'm sorry, would you like to come out and have a chat?"

--That was the voice of Margaret, the senior magical girl who had only appeared before him today and seemed to be Larkspur's old partner.

On the fourth floor of the Secret Base, there is a large public balcony.

Although it's called a balcony, its size was designed to accommodate a small Garden. However, none of the Magical Girl Squad in Fangting City had any interest in gardening, so it was left unused as a regular balcony.

Lin Xiaolu rarely comes here.

Rather, if it weren't for the invitation from this woman named Margaret, she probably wouldn't have come here for months at a time.

Not only because her room wasn't on this floor, and she rarely ventured to the fourth floor, but also because it was simply too spacious. Even if she wanted to find a place to sit and soak up the sun, this was hardly a good spot.

Not to mention it's the dead of winter now, making this balcony especially cold, and no one would dare to come here for no reason.

Of course, if a relatively private conversation is to be held, such conditions actually become a natural soundproof wall, effectively preventing eavesdroppers from hearing.

This is probably why Margaret chose to speak here.

"... So cold."

Lin Xiaolu touched the railing on the outer edge of the balcony, instinctively gasped for breath, and then quickly withdrew her hand.

She looked around, but the balcony was completely empty, with nothing to draw attention to, so she turned her gaze to the woman not far away. "So, may I ask what brings you here?"

The words were far from friendly or respectful, but the use of the word "please" was already a sign of considerable restraint on Lin Xiaolu's part.

"It's nothing, I'm just a little curious about you."

Asō Madoka smiled and pressed down with one hand, signaling Lin Xiaolu to relax. "Don't be so nervous. I didn't come with hostility. In fact, I'm on your side."

Lin Xiaolu remained silent, but the meaning conveyed in her eyes was quite clear. "What nonsense are you spouting?"

"Hard to believe?" asked Asō Madoka.

"... Is that guy your student?"

Lin Xiaolu said with a complicated expression, "She won the fight against me, and you're telling me you're on my side?"

"Yes, without a doubt, White Thistle is indeed my student, or more precisely, my most satisfactory student."

Turning slightly to the side, Asō Madoka gazed at the night sky. "But precisely because of that, it's impossible for me to side with her in this matter today."

"Why?" Lin Xiaolu asked, puzzled.

"Because she made a mistake in this matter."

Asō Madoka sighed, "Given that the other party is clearly a partner, magical girls shouldn't engage in pointless infighting, especially since she provoked them first. In some more disciplined teams, this behavior would already warrant the minimum punishment."

"No... I don't think what we did could be considered a fight or 'internal strife'..." Lin Xiaolu hesitated.

That is battle.

Asō Madoka stated definitively, "Regardless of the degree or scale, when magic is used in the struggle between us, then we must treat everyone equally."

After saying that, seeing Lin Xiaolu's slightly bewildered expression, her voice softened slightly. "Is it hard to accept?"

"I don't quite understand..." Lin Xiaolu shook her head.

"Because in this world, there are quite a few magical girls whose impact is difficult to define using the 'amount' of magic power they employ."

Asō Madoka explained, "Although your contest only used a very small amount of magic, for some magical girls, even such a tiny bit of magic is enough to kill their colleague. So, at that point, if she argues, 'I only used a little bit of magic,' will she be forgiven?"

"... cannot?"

"Of course not."

Asō Madoka smiled again, "So, for magical girls, the 'quality' and 'quantity' of magic are important, but not that important. Because in battle, what's more important than magic itself is 'how magic is used'."