Night Talk (Part 2)

"Larkspur!"

She suddenly exclaimed, "I... I actually have a rather negative, or rather cowardly, thought! I feel I have to say it!"

"Before I knew the real cause of my mother's death, I could take a calm view of the dangers faced by magical girls. But since I learned the truth, I've started to feel conflicted!"

"I can't tell if it's hatred or fear, I don't know which emotion is stronger. But I do know that I feel disgusted with my own thoughts."

Upon hearing her words, Larkspur didn't offer a direct judgment, but instead asked, "Why? Because of your mother?"

"... I've been thinking about these things for the past few days, and I'm starting to think that knowing the truth isn't so bad after all."

Lin Xiaolu replied with a complicated expression, "Just knowing that magical girls are at risk of dying is a completely different feeling from knowing that a magical girl you know has died."

"Things that I used to think were far away from me now seem to have suddenly happened right next to me, and I even start to feel uneasy in my dreams."

"Isn't it strange? I've been a magical girl for so long, but it's only in the last few days that I've started to feel afraid. In fact, more than feelings of 'revenge,' my thoughts are more about 'retreating' and 'running away.' Because I keep thinking, if one day I encounter the enemy who killed my mother, will I die like her?"

"I had thoughts of 'revenge,' but I was also afraid of the idea of 'revenge,' and even wanted to stay far away from it and continue to pretend I didn't know anything."

"But if I do this, how can I face my mother? What is the meaning of me gaining this power? Thinking about these things, even my belief in continuing to fight begins to waver."

"Doesn't it sound ridiculous? I've always wanted to know the truth about my mother's death. But after knowing the truth, I started to regret it. My heart is filled with negative emotions: fear, guilt, self-doubt... making me feel that it would have been better if I hadn't known."

"I really am a terrible person. I told Larkspur before that I wanted to become stronger and become your help, but after learning just a little bit more, I started to waver and became afraid."

"Xia Liang knew about this too, but she reached the Bud Rank so quickly, and I still don't understand..."

She stopped speaking.

She suddenly felt a slightly cold hand grasp hers.

Why should you apologize for something like this?

Larkspur looked at her earnestly. "Before becoming a magical girl, you were first and foremost just a child. Fear of death is an instinct that even adults cannot escape, so why do you belittle yourself because of it?"

"But if I don't stand up and take revenge, my mother's death will..." Lin Xiaolu said hurriedly.

"No one is obligated to step forward, White Rose."

Larkspur gripped her hand tightly, interrupting her. "Revenge is something you shouldn't be thinking about. As Sakura's teammate, revenge is something for us adults to do."

"Don't you want to think about revenge?"

Lin Xiaolu asked blankly, "In that case, how can I feel at ease? What should I do? Can I really continue to be like before, immersing myself in my own world as if I know nothing?"

"It's always like this, like playing house, defeating some weak and Aberrant Beast, and then self-satisfiedly telling yourself, 'Did I protect this city?'"

Even so, what if one day an enemy suddenly appears that I can't handle, and then I... I'll...

She felt her thoughts were in disarray.

As she herself said, a mix of negative emotions caused her self-esteem to plummet to an unprecedented low.

What she didn't know was that, in fact, the vast majority of children who become magical girls due to simple impulses or aspirations fall into a certain degree of confusion.

For Lin Xiaolu, the trigger for this sense of confusion was the truth behind her mother's death.

When she first learned of this information, she may have felt a longing for her mother. But what followed was a strong sense of dislocation.

Lin Xiaolu, who has always placed her heart in magical girl anime, has an overly idealistic and one-sided view of the term "magical girl."

It's as if everything about magical girls is filtered through her mind; as long as it's connected to something, it becomes full of fantasy and fairytale charm.

That's why she was so determined to become a magical girl and why she was so brave in fighting the Aberrant Beast —because in her mind, she had already become the "protagonist," someone who should be free from all the unpleasantness of reality and living in a beautiful dream.

However, this filter was shattered when she learned the truth about her mother's death and realized that her progress in cultivation could never match that of her companions.

The concept of "magical girl" increasingly overlapped with reality in her mind, making it impossible for her to regard the word as a source of imaginative spiritual sustenance. Instead, it brought with it much reflection on her current situation.

Responsibility, crisis, loss, death... a host of unavoidable negative concepts come over from beyond the filter, becoming new troubles for Lin Xiaolu.

That's why, in situations like this, she would subconsciously turn to Larkspur, to the magical girl in her heart, for help. After all, for her, Larkspur is the place where this "filter" is best preserved.

Larkspur couldn't think that deeply about these things, but that didn't stop her from sensing that Lin Xiaolu desperately needed her help.

These worries and anxieties seem to stem from two common sources—a lack of security and low self-esteem.

So, what should I say to my daughter, and what can I do to make her feel better?

Once she understood this point, she knew what she needed to do. In short: patch up the gaps and make improvements.

"White Rose, there's no need to rush."

After sorting out her thoughts, Larkspur spoke up, "I've always told you not to aim too high. This attitude should not only be reflected in honors and abilities, but also in the meaning of life."

"Take a moment to feel it carefully, do I really exist here?"

Extending her other hand, Larkspur gently grasped Lin Xiaolu's hands with both of them. "Can you feel it? I'm standing right here in front of you, holding your hands."

Lin Xiaolu looked down at it, then nodded blankly.

"Then you should understand that this is your true feeling, this is the reality you have."

Larkspur met her gaze, his tone earnest. "You are not alone in facing hatred, enemies, and unknown crises. The fact is, I am here. I will guide you and protect you, so you will be alright."

If you feel lost right now, don't rush. Take your time to think things through and make a decision.

"If you're afraid of fighting, I'll take care of the enemy; if you don't want revenge, I'll avenge Sakura; you can think about things you can't understand slowly, because you're still a child, and you have plenty of time to grow up."

Even if you say you no longer want to be a magical girl, and want to stay away from dangerous battles and be an ordinary girl, well...

She suddenly stopped talking.

Seemingly remembering something for a moment, Larkspur pursed her lips slightly, a hint of struggle in her expression, but this expression was fleeting. Her cool gaze softened into a slightly kind look when it met Lin Xiaolu's. "That's fine too. After all, you know I'm a 'big shot,' and I can handle things like this."

What she didn't say was that, generally speaking, if a magical girl wants to return to being an ordinary person, there are only two paths she can take: reporting to the Royal Court or retiring normally. The former is practically a formality, and almost no one has ever gone through it.

Lin Xiaolu wouldn't know this, nor would she need to know.

She remained dazed, but after hearing what the Larkspur said, she slowly shook her head:

"No, I want to continue being a magical girl."

"Is this what you really think?" Larkspur asked softly from the side.

"... Um."

With her unfocused gaze refocusing, Lin Xiaolu nodded firmly and said, "This is the only thing I'm sure of, because even now, magical girls are still my dream."

Even with all sorts of distracting thoughts in her mind, what confused and bewildered her was always "how to become a good magical girl," not "whether or not to continue being a magical girl."

As for what the Larkspur said about staying here with him...

"But, Larkspur, you'll be leaving, won't you?"

Thinking of this, a few more thoughts arose in her mind. "You are a big shot in the Magic Kingdom, and your visit to Fangting City is only a short stay. No matter how long you stay, you will leave here one day, right?"

"When that day comes, after you've left... will I only be able to watch you from afar, like I'm seeing a mayor or some other official?"

The Larkspur fell silent.

She tried to loosen her grip, only to find that Lin Xiaolu had somehow grabbed her hand from behind, and she couldn't pull it away.

Without struggling to break free, the two remained locked in this stalemate for a while before she nodded, feigning calmness. "Yes, I will leave. This is the only thing I cannot lie to you about."

However, the reason was different from what Lin Xiaolu had imagined; it wasn't because she was an "Inspector."

"As expected, they still do."

Hearing her answer, Lin Xiaolu's expression turned somewhat disappointed. "In that case, there won't be many more days like this summer, will there?"

Her first thought was reluctance, but she quickly convinced herself otherwise.

For her, the past few months since meeting Larkspur had been like a beautiful dream: she had become a magical girl, made new friends, learned her mother's true identity, improved her relationship with her father, and even made progress in her studies under Larkspur's guidance.

Even if new troubles arise now, it's not Larkspur's fault; she just can't help but overthink things.

She told herself that she had already gained so much from the other person's arrival, and she shouldn't be greedy anymore.

"However, the timing of our departure is determined by you."

To Lin Xiaolu's surprise, beneath the calm tone, Larkspur's words suddenly took a turn. "I will wait until you, you and Xia Liang, and even your entire team have grown up and can stand on your own, before I leave."

These words left Lin Xiaolu speechless for a moment.

Taking this opportunity, Larkspur quietly loosened her grip. "Does this make you feel a little safer?"

"But, but, for someone like me, wanting to become a powerful magical girl might mean not being able to until retirement..." Still shocked by what Larkspur said, Lin Xiaolu blurted out some incoherently.

"Then I'll wait until you retire," Larkspur said lightly, turning his head to the side.

Upon hearing this, Lin Xiaolu felt her heart skip a beat.

An indescribable feeling, perhaps best described as an overwhelming sense of happiness, welled up inside me in an instant.

She instinctively clutched her chest, stammering, "That would be ten years..."

"Yes, ten years." Larkspur remained calm.

This made Lin Xiaolu even more incredulous. "But there's no reason for this. Why would you go to such lengths, Larkspur? For someone like me... Even if you're close to my mother, I still don't think you deserve it."

Who said you're not worth it?

With one hand on her hip, Larkspur glanced sideways at Lin Xiaolu: "If you've already given up on expectations and stopped facing your own potential, how can you possibly become the person you aspire to be?"

"But can I really make it that far?" Lin Xiaolu was still somewhat uncertain.

"Moko say you're a genius?"

"It itself said that it was just something it said to fool me..."

"That's also Fairy; sometimes even fairies themselves can't tell what's true or false."

Looking at the distant river, the Larkspur calmly said, "The reason I chose to stay in Fangting City, as you guessed, is indeed because of your mother, and also because this is the city I once guarded, and I don't want it to be destroyed by the Aberrant Beast."

"However, I myself cannot stay here forever. After Sakura dies, we, the older generation, must pass the baton to the next generation."

"I saw you and Xia Liang here, and I got to know you both, so I believe in your potential as the next generation."

"Perhaps Moko was just saying it casually, and perhaps you don't even believe in yourself, but I believe that one day you will become a magical girl who can protect anyone."

"The so-called ten years is just a gamble and a bottom line. In my opinion, you will definitely become stronger, and it definitely won't take that long."

Larkspur's judgment was so decisive that Lin Xiaolu finally felt that the gloom in her heart had been swept away.

Her hand, which had been pressed against her chest, gradually clenched into a fist, and a light returned to her eyes. "Larkspur, do you believe me?"

"I believe the answer will be the same no matter how many times you ask."

Taking a few steps back, Larkspur calmly looked at her daughter. "So don't underestimate yourself. Hold your head high; you're no worse than anyone else."

After speaking, she turned halfway around, as if to continue walking, and finally asked Lin Xiaolu, "Is there anything else you want to ask?"

As Lin Xiaolu looked at the petite girl in front of her, the last trace of confusion in her expression gradually faded, and her originally gloomy expression became bright, even with a hint of gentleness.

She shook her head, said nothing more, and followed the Larkspur with small steps, walking alongside her.

The crisp sound of footsteps echoed again on the empty bridge, but unlike the dull sound of the approach, the current sound was light and more orderly. The footsteps moved slowly from the center of the bridge towards the opposite bank, crossing the river, traversing the long pedestrian walkway, and finally disappearing into the unknown distance on the other side.