Peeing His Pants

The late-night wind blew through the alley from both ends. One streetlamp was broken, and the remaining one could barely hold on, its yellow light flickering with a puff, puff, puff, as if someone far away were playing with a switch.

Xie Xie swaggered out from the other end of the wooded path with both hands in his pockets, shoulders slumped and feet dragging. A foxtail blade of grass hung from his mouth, its tip bobbing along with the wildly off-key tune he hummed. He had just turned out from Tang Wulin's building—before Yun Ying left, she had tossed out, "Xie Xie, if you dare lead Tang Wulin astray, I'll deal with you using the Flame-Reaver Spear." He had agreed with a grin, then stuffed Tang Wulin into the study room and slipped out himself for some air.

"Ah, this damn streetlamp is making my eyes spin..." He had only stretched halfway when his steps stopped.

Someone stood in the darkest stretch of the alley.

Not a stray cat. Not a drunk. A tall girl blocked the way, her back slightly bent as though deliberately stretching her shadow longer. She leaned sideways against an old locust tree branch. Dead leaves drifted down past her skirt, but before they could touch the ground, several purple-black Feather Blades shredded them into bits that scattered over the muddy earth.

The corner of Xie Xie's mouth slowly flattened around the grass. He narrowed his eyes.

The girl's long white-and-red hair fell loose, concealing the left side of her face. Her exposed right eye was red and reflected light in the darkness. A throwing blade spun around her fingertips, thin-edged and holding back a crimson gleam. It made no sound as it turned, save for the faint hiss of air being sliced apart.

"Ooh." Xie Xie shoved the grass deeper into the corner of his mouth, giving her a sidelong look. His voice remained as lazily punchable as ever. "Where'd this pretty lady come from, blocking the road? If you're bored enough to stop me here, why not chat with me instead—those legs are pretty long. That smile looks like fake candy. If your big brother here pats your head, are you gonna scream?"

As he spoke, he casually swayed half a step forward without taking either hand from his pockets. Classic Xie Xie behavior, asking to get beaten.

The girl's eyelashes trembled.

The fingers spinning the throwing blade stopped. Her lips had been curved in a smile, and now they curved even deeper, yet the red in her eyes darkened, like the filling beneath a candy coating suddenly sinking.

"I'm not an idler... I'm a bad girl~"

She dragged out the final note, sweet enough to make one sick. When she said "bad girl," it sounded like she was saying "candy."

Xie Xie laughed. "A bad girl? Perfect, I specialize in treating all kinds of—"

He did not get to finish.

Shadow's skill swept out.

It was not an opening stance for a fight. It was point-blank. A purple-black Feather Blade grazed past Xie Xie's ear, missing his earlobe by a hair, and the gust blew the foxtail grass from his mouth. She was already pressed close to him. In her Frenzied state, her movement and attack speed had surged. Xie Xie only saw the tips of her white-and-red hair sweep across his chin before she flung her ranged Feather Blades in a spinning arc—

The throwing blades traced an arc as they spun out, rebounded, then flew out again. The damage from three rebounds reached its peak, and a pale-purple Feather Blade mark silently branded itself onto his right sleeve like a seal—or a bite mark.

"Are you afraid of the dark?" she asked against his ear, her breath cold and faintly tinged with rust. "I can pretend to be Dongjun, the Radiant War God... Hehe, your mouth is so bright anyway. I love biting bright things to pieces and holding them in my mouth~"

Every hair on Xie Xie's body stood on end. His hands had only just reached into his pockets for his twin daggers when Shadow's second skill, Plume Storm, lunged right into his face. She deliberately held back the knockback blast, not sending him flying, only forcing his center of gravity half a step backward. At the end of her dash, her Dance state unfolded, and more than a dozen ricocheting throwing blades wrapped around him like a torrential downpour.

Every blade burst into a red flower. With each hit, Shadow hugged her arms and shuddered. Her sweet smile turned cold, and her voice squeezed through clenched teeth.

"You harassed me? Listen! Song of Decay!"

The three-hit melee combo slammed directly into the gaps in his defense. Xie Xie had only gotten his twin daggers out for half a second before the Feather Blades sent them spinning away. With two clangs, they embedded themselves in the tree trunk. His heel stepped on his slipper, slipped empty, and his whole body tipped backward as warmth spread through his crotch.

"Fuck—are you some crazy yandere bitch?! Stay away from me!!" Even his curse cracked, its ending trembling.

"Yandere?" Shadow laughed as if she had been complimented with candy. Her ultimate, Final Dance, flashed with Undying Light as she pressed in for a melee finisher. Her Feather Blades scraped across his cheek without cutting deeply, striking only to break his defense. A red line opened along his left cheek, and before blood could bead up, the crimson glow evaporated it. "That's right, a yandere only kills people who've harassed her~ Didn't you say you wanted to pat my head? Come on, I'll help you keep your head steady—"

Xie Xie fled three yards away with his hands over his head, water dripping from his trouser leg. At that moment, Yun Ying and Tang Wulin rushed in from outside the woods.

Shadow caught them in the corner of her eye, pouted briefly, then leaned out from the darkness to pat Xie Xie's pale face. Her fingertips scraped beneath his chin.

"Work's over~ Thanks for cooperating! If you run your mouth again next time, I'll cut out your tongue and soak it in Feather Blades as a wind chime."

"Xie Xie, who did you fight that made you piss your pants?"

With a clang, the spear tip stabbed into the mud beside his feet. Yun Ying's ponytail was slightly loose as she spun the Flame-Reaver Spear halfway around in her hand. The scent of rouge mixed with the lingering sesame-paste smell from a tripe stall drifted from her. She had clearly only recently come from Gu Yue's place, and her face still bore the lazy irritation of someone who had not slept and was not in the mood.

Xie Xie shook like a sieve, pointing toward where Shadow had vanished. "She, she's a yandere!! A real yandere!! She wasn't acting! Her blades left a mark! She stamped my sleeve!!"

Yun Ying lowered her head and looked at his right sleeve—a pale-purple feather mark shaped like petals, its edges still carrying the lingering heat of Frenzy. Her brows furrowed. She held the Flame-Reaver Spear horizontally, its sheath lightly tapping against her waist, then clicked her heels twice against the ground and peered into the depths of the alley.

Tang Wulin came rushing in from the woods. He did not look at Xie Xie. He only stared at the fading patch of darkness beneath the old locust tree, his voice low and steady.

"...That woman isn't from this place."

Xie Xie was still shaking. Yun Ying used her spear tip to lift his trouser leg again and curled her lip. "You pissed yourself this badly. Don't tell the teacher I'm your teammate when classes get sorted tomorrow. Embarrassing."

Tang Wulin withdrew his Golden Dragon Claw and crouched to inspect the Feather Blade mark on Xie Xie's sleeve. He pressed it with his fingertip, and the crimson glow abruptly shrank into the weave of the fabric, like a living thing recognizing its owner. He looked up. "She left something on you. It's not a wound, it's a mark. It resembles the Otherworld Soul Marks mentioned in ancient texts, but it isn't quite the same."

"Otherworld my ass!" Xie Xie's voice had gone hoarse. "She came right at me in Frenzy, had her Feather Blades rebound three times, then launched more than a dozen ricocheting blades. Her ultimate was called 'Final Dance'—that name sounds exactly like something unlocked at max affection on the yandere route of an assassin class! Is she some AI I provoked by running my mouth?!!"

Yun Ying snorted with laughter, then realized something was wrong and wiped the smile from her face. Slipping the Flame-Reaver Spear onto her shoulder, she said, "Xie Xie, it's one thing for you to run your mouth normally, but when you run into something that 'isn't from this place,' you sure piss yourself fast. If we'd arrived half a minute later, would your tongue really have been cut out and turned into a wind chime?"

Xie Xie said, "...Yun Ying, isn't your focus a little off?"

Tang Wulin stood and looked toward the darkness Shadow had retreated into. The old locust tree branch was empty. Dead leaves began drifting down again, and this time they were not shredded. The streetlamp flickered twice with a puff, puff, then finally stabilized into a dim yellow glow.

"Work's over~ Thanks for cooperating! If you run your mouth again next time, I'll cut out your tongue and soak it in Feather Blades as a wind chime."

—Shadow's words were sugary sweet, like candy wrapper residue that had not been fully peeled away, sticking to Xie Xie's eardrums.

Tang Wulin bent down and picked up another dark feather. The instant his fingertips touched it, crimson light crawled half an inch along the patterns of his Golden Dragon Claw before retreating. He released it. The Feather Blade fell to the ground and dissolved into fine motes of light. It was not cold.

"Not leaving?" Yun Ying asked him.

Xie Xie finally shuffled out from the corner of the wall. His twin daggers were still lodged in the tree, and he pulled them free and put them away. His legs were so weak that even walking in a straight line was difficult. "Will you two stop analyzing this... Can I just go back and wash my pants..."