Crazy Diamond, Part One

Aiya, ya-ya~~ (soft background music)

Long, long ago, when the Douluo Continent was still shrouded in darkness, humans were weak. Spirit beasts hunted and attacked them constantly.

Aiya, ya-ya~~ (soft background music)

Back then, most humans could not withstand a spirit beast attack. Come nightfall, villages became hunting grounds. This went on for ages. Countless humans died fighting back the waves of spirit beasts, and their numbers dwindled until they nearly faced extinction.

But! (A man in a hat: "But!")

"I received a revelation from the divine being who descended upon us! Now I understand everything!" a red-haired man shouted to his tribe.

Click! (The camera suddenly cuts back.)

"The god has revealed the truth! The souls of our people must be cleansed in the blood of spirit beasts before we can evolve! Everyone, you must believe me! Oh, believe me!" he continued.

"You bastard! Who is this god you're talking about?" the elders and young men asked in terror.

"Stop spouting nonsense! The spirit beast horde is coming. Another tribe is about to fall," someone said, sitting on the ground and shaking his head in despair.

"Your words are an insult to the god of spirit beasts! There's no need to fight fair with a lunatic! Everyone, get him!"

"Sacrifice him to the great spirit beasts!"

"Fools! Philistines! You ignorant lot! Today I'll make you understand the true path of evolution, damn it!"

And that was how Soul Masters came into being!

(A rousing opening theme from Part Two played.)

From the depths of silence,

the awakening pillars crossed through time.

Their burning crimson blood

brought forth a surge of courage!

The academy arc began in earnest!

"Hey! You lot, stop standing around!"

Flender descended from the sky. He folded his wings, planted his hands on his hips, and raised his head with a stern look. At the sight of the academy's true boss, the others stopped fooling around and struck poses one after another: Joestar's arched-back stance, Jotaro's hands-in-pockets stance, and Joseph's face-covering stance. Then they waited for Headmaster Flender to speak.

"Mubai, go into town and get some bedding. Pick up a few extra sets as spares, and while you're there, ask the craftsman at the village entrance to check whether the dormitory needs any work," Flender ordered.

"Oscar, help prepare lunch and dinner. It's the first day of school, so make something generous," Flender continued.

"Can we order in?" Oscar asked, his eyes lighting up.

"If you pay for it yourself," Flender said with a smile. Oscar immediately understood that was out of the question and hurried off toward the kitchen.

"Hongjun, go with Jodio and see whether he can fix your martial soul. Do your best, and don't complain if it hurts," Flender said gravely. On the way here, Jodio had told him what his newest spirit ability could do. This was a huge gamble. If it worked, Flender felt he would have no regrets where these students were concerned.

"Come on. Time for the final test." Jodio beckoned Ma Hongjun to follow.

"Yes, Prime Minister," Ma Hongjun said with a grin as he fell into step.

"Boss, we probably won't get any new students this year, will we?" Ma Hongjun asked casually as they walked.

"Who knows? It's like a student who's never achieved a thing suddenly having a shot at becoming class president. Or pulling an SSR after 648 draws. Or doing a daily pull with a free reward, expecting absolutely nothing, and actually winning. You never know." Jodio shrugged.

By his reckoning, Dai Mubai should run into Tang the God King and Xiao Wu in town. But Flender might not: he would be helping Jodio alongside Zhao Wuji later. That meant Tang San wouldn't get the gold plate. Well, Jodio had already contacted an important figure in town and sold it anyway.

Jodio imagined pasting Tang San's face over that guy from the Divine Eagle meme, then delivering the classic line: "How can you be so selfish? Back off!" His quiet chuckle turned into loud laughter until he could barely close his mouth.

"Heh. Heh-heh-heh, gura-ra-ra-ra-ra!" Jodio's laughter startled Ma Hongjun. For a moment, he thought his boss had lost his mind. Then Jodio abruptly straightened up, stopped laughing, and became serious.

"Let's go. Time to make the final adjustment to your martial soul." Jodio folded his arms and strode ahead, his face brimming with confidence again.

"My martial soul isn't even the biggest issue. Boss, what's going on with your hair?" Ma Hongjun asked, pointing at Jodio's hairstyle.

Jodio's spirit abilities had already made a mess of his hair. Silver Chariot had awakened when his Soul Power Level was only five, so he had still been able to keep it under control. At level ten, Stone Free had given him fluorescent green highlights. At level twenty, Gold Experience had added three doughnut curls to the top of his head. And now? These Stands were getting more and more outrageous.

These days, the sight of a blue, star-patterned headband did things to Jodio. It was like a cat spotting a flock of chickens, a dog finding an open latrine, a sailor at sea sighting a little lamb—or a certain shadow catching sight of a beautiful woman's hand!

Damn it! This was practically a meme infection! Jodio could only curb the craving by wearing a headband at night. Worse still was Josuke's pompadour! Damn it! Who would want that hairstyle?

Every so often, Jodio's hair quietly began to bind together and gather into a single mass. All he could do was occasionally check its reflection in his watch to see whether it had changed. No! The style might look cool on Josuke, but Jodio simply could not accept it!

Jodio figured that once his fifth Spirit Ring appeared, he would lose control of these restless hairstyles completely. His beautiful blond hair was doomed. Wait—did that mean his moldy pink octopus hair might come back someday?

Not a sliver of light entered the little house. Zhao Wuji and Teacher Shao Xin were already waiting inside. Zhao Wuji smiled and nodded when he saw Jodio, then immediately turned serious again and had the two of them sit down to wait for Flender.

"Is everyone here?" Flender asked as he bustled into the sunless little house.

"Good. Jodio, explain your plan to the other teachers. Let's see how likely it is to work."

← To Be Continued

Kōichi Hirose—JoJo! (A coin dropped.) (JoJo Part Five transition music played.)

Information currently available:

Level 40 Stand: Crazy Diamond

User: Jodio Joestar

Spirit Ring: Purple—five-thousand-year Gem Orchid Ribbonfish

Destructive power: A; speed: B+; range: D-; stamina: C; precision: C; development potential: A (increased)

Stand ability: Crazy Diamond could use its extraordinary power to repair broken objects. Combined with its strength and speed, it could also break objects first, then repair or rearrange them. This made it an unpredictable Stand in battle and a valuable asset. All the parts had to be present, though; Crazy Diamond could not restore a part that had vanished from this world.

If two parts were far apart, its user could choose which part moved toward the other. This could be used to track something down, or the user could hold on to a moving part while it was being restored and travel with it.

Crazy Diamond could smash two objects and reassemble them as one, or restore an object to its raw materials. It could also heal living beings, no matter how severe their injuries. It could not heal its user, however, and it could only repair damage sustained after birth. It could neither resurrect the dead nor heal congenital defects—the point that worried Jodio. Its healing could take effect instantly.

If Josuke used this ability while in a bad mood, a target he struck might be twisted by an improper restoration. (Jodio planned to exploit that loophole.)