[System, did anything interesting happen to the Second Prince and the others this past year?]
The Second Prince, Third Prince, Fifth Prince, and the Young Marquis, Sui Yun, had been dragged into court the moment they returned.
Listening to the ministers argue themselves red in the face over some issue, Wenren Luoshui could muster little interest and went off to poke the adorable system.
[Salty Fish System: As a matter of fact, yes. Their trip could count as an ancient version of Lost on Journey.]
As the saying went, gossip put a spring in your step. The moment Wenren Luoshui and Yunjian heard that, they urged the system to elaborate.
We were so absorbed in the gossip that neither of us noticed the officials' arguing gradually die down around us.
The ministers: Go on, go on! We want to hear, too.
The Second Prince, Third Prince, and Fifth Prince: ...
Silence was their greatest act of resistance.
Sui Yun looked at the sky, then at the ground. Whatever happened, none of the embarrassing bits had anything to do with him.
The Eldest Princess: What can I possibly do to save you, my little brothers?
The emperor: Forget it, forget it. If these little terrors didn't stir up some trouble, I'd hardly be used to it.
The system took out a bag of paper-shell walnuts and cracked their shells open with a series of crunches.
[Well, this is a long story.]
The system switched its voice to storyteller mode and spun its tale.
[Your Second Prince has loved embroidery since childhood. During their travels, they reached a small town in Jiangnan, where he heard there was a master of Suzhou Embroidery. He insisted on paying her a visit, no matter what.] [But this embroiderer had already said she didn't want anyone coming to disturb her anymore. Whether they wanted to meet her or ask for her work, she refused to see them all. So the Second Prince smacked his forehead and decided to climb over her wall. Then his luck went spectacularly sour.]
Yunjian couldn't resist jumping in. [Did he not know she kept a big guard dog in her courtyard? Did it spot him the moment he climbed over?]
The system waved its hands repeatedly, rejecting Yunjian's guess outright.
The Second Prince lowered his head, wishing he could find a crack in the ground to crawl into.
Seated at the head of the hall, the emperor closed his eyes helplessly. Those three sons of his lacked everything, but most of all, they lacked sense.
He didn't even need to think to know that whatever his foolish son had done would make him everyone's laughingstock.
Help!
I need fast-acting heart pills!
[Salty Fish System: After the Second Prince climbed over the wall, no dog bit his backside. However, the embroiderer had planted a row of cacti along the base of the wall. His foot slipped after he climbed over, and he landed butt-first on the cacti, getting a backside full of spines.]
The ministers silently turned their gazes toward the Second Prince standing among them.
Judging by how he had walked into court today, it probably hadn't left any lasting damage.
The Second Prince: ...
All right, all right, stop talking. Any more and I'll be so embarrassed my toes will dig out an entire mansion.
But the system couldn't read his mind and continued gossiping with us with great enthusiasm.
[Salty Fish System: The Third Prince, Fifth Prince, and Young Marquis helped pull the cactus spines out of his flesh, but they had no experience with this sort of thing. They easily removed the ones that were simple to pull out, but the ones that needed to be picked out with a needle? They practically poked the Second Prince full of holes like a sieve and still couldn't get them out. Whenever he cried out in pain, his brothers even muted him by hand.]
[Hahahaha! Good thing this era doesn't have electrified fences or broken glass, or the Second Prince would've had more than cactus spines to worry about.]
[Yunjian: After all that trouble, are we sure he only wanted to ask the embroiderer for advice?]
[Salty Fish System: He really had no ulterior motives. He simply wanted to discuss techniques with her.]
With the system's confirmation, Yunjian and I were both a little speechless.
No wonder people said a pure heart and youthful spirit were the hardest things to come by.
The Second Prince: That's it. I'll never be able to face anyone again. Why can Little Luoshui dig up even something this embarrassing?
Aaaaaaah!
I don't want to live anymore!
The Second Prince kept his head down, a little figure in his heart hiding in a corner and weeping silently.
The Third Prince and Fifth Prince gave their older brother looks that said they could offer sympathy but no help. Their poor second brother.
Still, remembering what had happened that time made them want to laugh.
If they hadn't been so hard to amuse, they would have burst out laughing right then.
The ministers couldn't understand it either. The Second Prince had climbed over an embroiderer's wall purely to discuss techniques with her?
Seated on the dragon throne, the emperor pressed a hand to his forehead with a budding headache and gave a soft cough, bringing the ministers' thoughts back to reality.
Prompted by the emperor, the argument that had quieted down finally started up again.
The Second Prince was only embarrassed for a short while before recovering and continuing with court as though nothing had happened.
Whenever his gaze happened to meet his imperial father's, he could even flash his father a toothy grin.
That foolish, guileless look left the emperor feeling stifled.
He had five children, and only his eldest daughter was dependable!
Thinking of his own brothers and sisters, then of his sons and daughters, there was simply no comparison. None whatsoever.
Still, although few of his children had amounted to much, at least they were united.
Whenever the emperor lamented how few of his children had turned out well, he used that point to console himself.
[Salty Fish System: Also, one day, while the Third Prince was walking down the street, he noticed a little yellow dog walking alongside him. Once he saw it, he started competing with it. The man and dog walked around the city for an entire day, and the Third Prince even wore through his shoes.]
The ministers: Understandable, understandable. After all, these three princes were famous throughout Capital City for being unreliable.
The Third Prince: I only competed with a dog. It's not as though I went around harassing commoner girls. Father probably won't be angry, right?
The emperor: Forget it, forget it. They're all my own flesh and blood.
Just as the system was about to continue gossiping, the emperor suddenly called on her.
"Luoshui, I hear you've been doing business lately?"
Wenren Luoshui, who had been gossiping with the system: ...
[Why call on me instead of discussing proper business at morning court?]
[Salty Fish System: Hahahahaha! His Majesty must have noticed you zoning out during morning court and called on you on purpose.]
The system mocked her mercilessly.
[Heh. Has a certain system forgotten that its goddess just rejected it?]
You dare poke my sore spot?
Then none of us gets to live!
"Your Majesty, I have indeed opened a shop. If you would like to visit, I'll give you a twenty-percent discount."
The emperor: ...
What's this? I don't even get to go for free?
"And what if the Eldest Princess, the Second Prince, and the others visit?"
The emperor suddenly wanted to know whether, in that girl Luoshui's heart, she treated his entire family equally.
"You, the Empress, and the others will get twenty percent off. The Eldest Princess and the others will get five percent off."
Wenren Luoshui answered without the slightest fear of death. Hearing that he would pay a little less than his sons and daughters, the emperor was rather pleased.
When it came to the Prince of Beiping's family, you simply couldn't expect them to think like normal people.
After court ended, the emperor was still feeling delighted. Only once he had finished reviewing all the memorials did he finally realize.
Why did he, an emperor, still have to obediently pay when he visited Wenren Luoshui's shop?!