Painful Memories

I, Sirius, have always lived in that night, the night James died.

My only reason for living is to atone for my sins.

After all, Peter, who killed James, and Voldemort, who killed his family, are both dead. All I need to do is atone for my sins.

Fortunately, Barty Crouch didn't put me on trial, so I didn't have to take Veritaserum or have my memories read. To be honest, I'm not very good at Occlumency.

During my years in Azkaban, I constantly recalled that painful night, which prevented me from losing my mind like others.

I knew I was innocent, which wasn't a pleasant thought, so the Dementors didn't suck it out of my head.

This way I can keep a clear head, know who I am, and better control my emotions.

Even more bizarrely, this actually helps me preserve my magical power.

So if the situation around me becomes unbearable, too unbearable, I Transfiguration in my cell into a dog, because the Dementors can't see me.

They are aware of human emotions and thus sense how to get closer to people.

I want to stay rational so that I can realize my sins.

Fortunately, although Dementors are Wisdom beings like humans, they observe life through emotions, and my emotions are mostly unlike human emotions, not so complex—I was in so much pain that later on, whenever no one was around, I would turn into a dog.

This led them to believe that I was losing my mind, just like everyone else there, so they weren't worried.

I remember Dumbledore coming a few times during this period.

He's really amazing.

He actually thought I was innocent and sensed something was wrong.

But I can't go out.

Surprisingly, he later tried to read my memories directly. Fortunately, perhaps because I was in too much pain, I managed to protect my brain, and he couldn't see anything.

How will James congratulate me now that he knows how good I am?

I've mastered the magic that the Snape is best at, haha.

But it was a pleasant feeling, and the faces of Snape and James quickly disappeared from my mind.

Before I knew it, I didn't know how much time had passed; it felt like a dream.

I think I left Azkaban, took Veritaserum, and had my memories read—like someone drilling into my brain with Muggle call a power drill.

Electric drills— Lily's annoying relatives make electric drills, or rather, drill machines. James and I learned about them together when he was preparing to visit them.

However, the meeting ended unpleasantly.

It was truly unpleasant, and what annoyed me even more was that after I left Azkaban, pleasant memories kept flooding back, which made it so easy for my memories to be read.

I've been released!

The fact that the Black House's confiscated property was returned was not my first thought, but rather because I disliked it.

The reason I did this is because I vaguely remember that these things were taken by the Ministry of Magic and my cousin Narcissa and her husband, and I was quite surprised that they were able to come back.

For some reason, almost everyone knows my story, and they all regard me as a hero.

Damn it! James' death has become my medal!

The reverent gaze in each wizard's eyes was like a red-hot iron rod, piercing my heart.

There are also some foolish old fogies who want to introduce me to potential marriage partners.

That's when I learned that Phineas Nigellus, my most hated ancestor, had played a big part in this—a portrait!

I wanted to donate it all, but Dumbledore reminded me that it might cause some people to lose their jobs, and that I would need it if I wanted to live with Harry when he came of age.

Harry! How could I forget about Harry! James's son!

For a moment, I forgot why I could only live with him as an adult, and I didn't even notice—no, I did notice, how could I not care about Snape's Snape name!

He became the Head of Slytherin!

Isn't he Death Eaters?

He was a spy!

It was even certified by Dumbledore!

What will Snape do to James's kids!

I saw Harry when I went to James's house. He looks just like James!

I'm going to Hogwarts!

Fortunately, Dumbledore me permission, and I decided to take good care of myself first and drink some restorative Potions.

But the Potions are so cheap, have prices gone down? I didn't pay much attention to it.

Kreacher is still alive, and the portrait of my foolish mother has given me another dressing down.

But it's okay, I'm going to see Harry. I need to get some rest and eat well. I heard it's the Quidditch final that day, and he's supposed to be the Seeker!

Just like James!

I didn't hear exactly which house he was in, but it was definitely Gryffindor!

Saturday arrived quickly. I changed my clothes and met with Dumbledore and the others before the match started—except for Snape!

I also saw Peeves, an old friend I hadn't seen in ages!

That old devil Filch is still alive, and so is his cat. How annoying!

I felt very unlucky, so I hid myself in a black robe and went to the Quidditch Pitch — Harry is Ravenclaw!

But I didn't care. I just felt like James was flying around the court!

As expected of James' son, he won the Quidditch Cup!

Then I spotted Peter, the Weasley brat, on his shoulder!

He's not dead! I'm going to kill him!

No, Harry is here. If it were me when I first got out of prison, I would have killed him on the spot.

But now, I'm going to let Harry live with me, and I'm going to be patient.

Everything has changed.

Potter and Malfoy, and Malfoy and Weasley, actually became friends!

Even mice can be bridesmaids for cats!

I accidentally revealed my true feelings for Lily. Will Harry agree to live with me now?

Never mind, there's still Peter!

Professor McGonagall is here. After we've done the pretense, I'm going to kill this traitor!

Azkaban is probably where I should be. I don't want people to think of me as a hero and me as a piece of trash!

That's just a mouse!

Not Peter!

Let me die!

Sirius stood frozen in place, his wand at his feet, while Professor McGonagall chased away the other students.

Harry and the others seemed to say something, but it didn't matter.

"Sirius, come to my office with Potter." Professor McGonagall shook his shoulder and handed him her wand. These words were like a ray of sunshine, temporarily dispelling the gloom in Sirius's heart.

How familiar that phrase was! It was the phrase he and James heard most often during their student days!

Therefore, his eyes were full of life again.

"Harry, you look exactly like James, but your eyes are like your mother's." Sirius ignored Professor McGonagall and knelt down to say this to Harry. "Also, I'm sorry for speaking ill of your mother and your friends and for taking up your time."