The Kitchen Alchemy Sage and Chef Tobirama

Hashirama Senju had personally verified that fruit produced by Wood Release was inedible. Even now, that painful memory still left him shaken.

Back when he was a boy, the very first thing he had done after awakening Wood Release was grow a vast field of grain resembling rice. Tobirama had complained that he was acting more like a farmer than a shinobi, but to Hashirama, filling bellies with grain was far more interesting than skewering people with wood.

If using Wood Release that way could keep people fed, he would gladly spend his whole life as a farmer!

Unfortunately, what happened next dealt Hashirama a devastating blow, shattering his dream of farming.

After the cheerful young Hashirama and a group of equally cheerful Senju boys and girls worked hard to harvest the rice, cook it, and eat it, every last one of them threw up.

The grain only looked like rice, and cooking it went smoothly enough. Only once they actually ate it did they discover that this "rice" was dry and hard, like old tree bark steamed in hot water. Its texture was downright atrocious.

Even so, no matter how horrendously this so-called "rice" tasted, Hashirama and the others forced themselves to eat it for several days straight. In those impoverished, chaotic times, having anything to eat was already a blessing. They could hardly ask for more.

And eating it made every last one of them sick.

After several days, Hashirama Senju, who had eaten the most, was diagnosed with malnutrition. The ordinary Senju clanspeople had it even worse. Not only were they malnourished, but consuming too much yang power and Wood Release chakra had hyperactivated their bodies, nearly leaving them crippled!

According to the rigorous, meticulous investigation conducted afterward by Gold Medal Scientist Tobirama Senju, these plants grown with Wood Release merely had the appearance of edible produce. Eating them provided a sense of fullness and temporarily relieved hunger, but they contained no nutrients and could not be digested by the human body. Essentially, it was no different from eating dirt or air.

Worse still, Hashirama had poured enormous quantities of chakra and yang power into the produce as he grew it. Eating it himself caused no real trouble beyond malnutrition if he ate too much, but anyone else who ate it was in for serious trouble!

Even his fellow Senju clanspeople could not withstand it. One could easily imagine what would happen if ordinary people without chakra ate it.

In short, eating grain grown with Wood Release was essentially eating pure chakra. A little did nothing, and too much overwhelmed the body. It was practically like eating nothing at all.

With Hashirama's experience as a warning, Shingetsu had been forced to throw up every strawberry she had just eaten to avoid the effects of Wood Release. But after finally getting a little food down only to bring it all back up, she was already half-dead.

Sprawled limply across the dining table, the miserable Shingetsu waited for Madara Uchiha and Hashirama Senju, who were doing who knew what in the kitchen, to bring her something to eat. Yet she felt a peculiar twinge of unease.

She knew what Madara Uchiha's cooking skills were like. Saying he had no skill whatsoever was putting it mildly; he was utterly clueless. It seemed she could only pin her hopes on Hashirama Senju.

Time ticked by, and the two in the kitchen grew increasingly enthusiastic. Their chopping rang out louder than thunder, while frying oil crackled and popped. Gradually, the smell of burning drifted out of the kitchen.

Thick black smoke and tongues of flame rose in uneven bursts, sometimes leaping higher than a person, accompanied by muttered words like "Fire Release" and "Wood Release." The sight made her heart tighten. That unfortunate kitchen seemed headed for disaster at any moment.

Shingetsu stared in stunned disbelief. Why did this look like they were refining pills?

Were they trying to blow up her kitchen?

Fortunately, Shingetsu's kitchen somehow survived the ritual-like cooking process of these two supreme powerhouses without being blasted to ash. Its resilience was truly admirable. Their food, however, had not been so lucky.

When the... uh, rice porridge was brought to the table, its outer crust burned charcoal-black and its insides nothing but mush when poked open, Shingetsu's mouth twitched twice.

Wouldn't eating this make someone ascend straight to heaven on the spot?

Not yet eager to send her soul back to the Pure Land, Shingetsu silently pushed the failed alchemical concoction aside. She tilted her head up and stared with wide, innocent eyes at Madara Uchiha, whose face was black as coal, and Hashirama Senju, who was sweating and smiling awkwardly. Her eyes conveyed just one thing-

This is what you're feeding a sick person?

The three stared at one another in silence for a while, and the atmosphere became rather awkward.

Really, it was hard to blame the two of them. Calling what they had done "ruining food" was already generous, but honestly, the fact that they had entered the kitchen at all was astonishing!

In the Uchiha Clan, cooks always prepared Madara Uchiha's meals and brought them to him. No one would dare ask the clan head to cook. As for Hashirama Senju, Tobirama Senju had always handled the housework and cooking at home.

"Wait here. I'll be right back."

Looking at the scorched food, Hashirama Senju slapped his forehead and suddenly had a brilliant idea. If I can't cook, why don't I bring someone who can?

With that thought, he ran into the courtyard and clapped his hands together. An enormous Wood Dragon wound its way out of the ground!

The Wood Dragon shot skyward at tremendous speed. Hashirama leaped into the wind and landed atop its head, and amid the startled cries of the Uchiha clanspeople, the dragon carrying him raced toward the Hokage Building.

Moments later, Hashirama returned on the Wood Dragon. But when he came back, he was carrying... Tobirama Senju?!

Under the incredulous stares of the Uchiha master and apprentice, Hashirama laughed heartily, cheerfully patted Tobirama's shoulder, and pushed him forward, looking utterly confident that he could leave everything to him.

"Tobirama's a great cook! He'll handle this just fine!"

Tobirama Senju's face was practically as dark as the black sludge on the dining table. With a sharp crack, he snapped the pen in his hand in two. His brow was furrowed tightly enough to crush a fly.

He dragged me out of the Hokage Building just to cook for this ev-this brat?

Still, Uchiha Shingetsu finally waking from her long sleep was indeed important news. This time, Hashirama had done something right.

Shingetsu, whose scalp prickled the instant she saw Tobirama Senju, clearly disagreed. Hashirama's brilliant idea left her wanting to cry, though no tears came, and she almost laughed in exasperation. Having Tobirama Senju cook for her? She would honestly rather keep eating strawberries.

Please, Lord Hashirama, just spare me! I'm still only a child!

Madara Uchiha's expression gradually twisted as well. It had to be said that Hashirama Senju possessed a mysterious power. This airheaded fool really could do things no normal person would ever imagine and infuriate everyone beyond belief.

Dragged over to prepare a sickbed meal, Tobirama Senju still deftly handled the ingredients and cooked rice porridge under Madara Uchiha's death glare. He even tidied the utterly ravaged kitchen along the way. That picture of a capable, devoted househusband left Shingetsu so astonished that her eyes nearly fell out of their sockets.

Soon, the fragrance of hot porridge wafted through the house, filling it with a comforting warmth.

Smelling the aroma, Shingetsu leaned over curiously and saw Tobirama Senju carefully chopping a handful of scallions in the kitchen.

Hmm. This is kind of weird.

Shingetsu withdrew her gaze and sat up properly. A moment later, she turned and sneaked another few looks. Tobirama Senju had already begun adding seasonings.

This is really weird. One more look!

Tobirama Senju, who was about to fry an egg as a side dish, naturally noticed Shingetsu's peculiar stare, as though she were looking at God himself. A vein bulged on his forehead, and his pale face turned livid. With a crack, the egg in his hand split open and dropped neatly into the pan, setting the oil sizzling.

Sure enough, even after awakening Wood Release, this brat was still just as infuriating!

Despite those thoughts, Tobirama continued handling the cookware briskly, controlling the heat with precision.

As sons of the Senju Clan's head, he and Hashirama certainly had no shortage of servants. But cooking was a personal interest of his, and his obsession with cleanliness also meant he disliked outsiders handling and tidying his things.

The Senju clanspeople tended to be rather careless. Compared with him, their cooking tasted bad and their cleaning was not thorough enough. All these factors had ultimately left Tobirama responsible for most of the household chores.

But the person who benefited most was, of course, Hashirama Senju. Whether it was delicious food or clean rooms, Hashirama was the one who ended up enjoying all those comforts.

Amid the mouthwatering aroma, the fried egg and fragrant, silky hot porridge were finally placed before Shingetsu.

The fried egg had tender whites and a rich, runny yolk, cooked at precisely the right temperature. It was practically flawless. In the bowl, the smooth porridge retained distinct grains of rice, and its refreshing fragrance alone was enough to make her mouth water.

The cooking skills Hashirama Senju had praised so highly certainly lived up to their reputation. Having gone hungry for so long, Shingetsu could barely restrain herself. But considering that the cook was Tobirama Senju, it was rather...

To eat or not to eat. That was a serious question!

"It's not poisoned. Eat."

Tobirama Senju's pigeon-blood-red eyes saw straight through Shingetsu's little internal struggle. He shook his head almost imperceptibly, said only those words, and returned to the kitchen. Used or unused, he washed every piece of cookware.

Madara Uchiha, who had never imagined this detestable Senju would actually do housework, could not stop his expression from twisting. He stared at Tobirama as though he had seen a ghost. Meanwhile, after a thorough internal battle, Shingetsu finally succumbed to the tempting food and her growling stomach. She cautiously scooped up a spoonful of porridge and brought it to her mouth.

Delicious!

The plain rice porridge was cooked just right. The softened grains felt smooth and refreshing in her mouth, with the perfect consistency. The golden fried egg, drizzled with a little soy sauce, tasted savory, fragrant, and crisp.

Faced with good food, Shingetsu instantly forgot that Tobirama Senju had cooked it. Happily eating the fried egg with the rice porridge, she took bite after bite. But after only a few mouthfuls, she encountered something that tasted like a mushroom. Pushing the porridge aside to look, she found sliced shiitake mushrooms inside.

Ugh. It really is shiitake...

"Shingetsu, you shouldn't be so picky."

Just as Shingetsu was about to secretly spit out every last bit of shiitake, Hashirama Senju suddenly patted her head. A vaguely familiar, coaxing expression appeared on his face.

"Aren't shiitake mushrooms delicious? Come on, try a little."

Aaaah! Why did everyone keep trying to cure her picky eating?

It was terminal! There was no curing it!