Even Ram said nothing more.
Natsuki Subaru in the screen of light still had his head lowered, his fingers pressed against the Book of the Dead, as though clutching the last rope that could let him keep moving forward.
He had killed people. He had made Shaula turn an entire village into names in the Book of the Dead. He had treated those people's lives as material for piecing "Natsuki Subaru" back together.
Yet at that moment, those outside the screen saw, for the first time, what lay beneath those atrocities.
He was not a hero so arrogant that he believed he could solve everything.
He was merely someone who remembered nothing, yet was suffocating beneath everyone's expectations.
He did not want to become "Natsuki Subaru." He was doing all this only so that "Natsuki Subaru" would return.
He was begging that hero whom everyone remembered, whom everyone needed, who seemed able to find a solution no matter what happened, to come back and save him.
Natsuki Subaru watched the screen, not looking away for a long time.
He did not remember the people whose names his self on the screen had spoken.
He did not remember why Emilia had called him her knight.
He did not remember why Betty had left the Forbidden Library because of him.
He did not remember why Julius had said that the way he existed was also hope.
But he understood that last sentence.
Save me.
It had not been said to anyone else.
It had been said to "Natsuki Subaru."
And it had been said to himself.
Betty's grip around his arm slowly tightened.
This time, she did not call him an "idiot."
She simply rested her forehead against the back of his hand and did not lift it for a long time.
Emilia stood before the screen, its light illuminating her long silver hair. She watched Subaru in the image, her lips moving slightly, but no sound immediately came out.
She probably wanted to say something, but when the words reached her lips, she could not get them out.
Not only could the Natsuki Subaru on the screen not hear her.
The Natsuki Subaru sitting behind her now had not truly remembered the weight of those words either.
[Otto: Mr. Natsuki...]
This time, Otto seemed not to know what to say either.
He could not offer forgiveness on Reikin's behalf.
Nor could he lightly dismiss the lives of the villagers.
But he could no longer see the Natsuki Subaru on the screen as merely a madman who had calmly chosen murder, either.
[Julius: He no longer dares to trust his present self.]
[Julius: That is why he has placed his hopes in the "Natsuki Subaru" in his memories.]
[Julius: The hero who can solve everything and save everyone.]
After those words, the discussion area fell quiet again for a moment.
Anastasia's words appeared next.
[Anastasia: That's the most dangerous part.]
[Anastasia: He sees his present self as someone who has to be rescued by a hero.]
[Anastasia: But that hero has long since been nothing more than a name.]
Natsuki Subaru's fingers curled slightly.
Someone who has to be rescued by a hero.
That description had not appeared on the screen.
Yet he felt it was precisely what his self on the screen had never put into words.
I have to bring Natsuki Subaru back.
The real Natsuki Subaru can definitely save everyone.
This self who remembers nothing, who can do nothing, who can only piece memories together through murder and the Book of the Dead, will be replaced sooner or later.
Sooner or later, after Return by Death, I'll disappear along the right path.
"...You've got to be kidding."
Natsuki Subaru spoke in a low, angry voice.
His voice was so quiet that it was almost drowned out by the sound of pages turning on the screen.
Betty raised her head.
Emilia also turned to look at him.
Natsuki Subaru simply stared at himself on the screen, at the man who was still desperately searching for "Natsuki Subaru."
"Isn't that guy me too?"
No one answered.
Natsuki Subaru seemed to be asking others, and also himself.
"What's all this about the hero Natsuki Subaru, about coming back to help me...?"
His voice was a little strained, but he did not stop.
"He's already ended up like that, and he's still waiting for someone else to save him."
Natsuki Subaru on the screen opened the next Book of the Dead.
The light from its pages shone on his face, on that pale hair, as he still unconsciously banged against the wall when the pain struck.
But he kept reading.
As Natsuki Subaru watched him, the irritation inside him grew stronger and stronger.
He did not know how to describe it.
There was fear.
There was revulsion.
But more than anything, there was an urge to rush over and grab that man by the collar.
"Don't exclude yourself from the name Natsuki Subaru."
He said it.
"Whether you've lost your memories, taken the wrong path, or ended up like that, you're still Natsuki Subaru, aren't you!"
The room was so quiet that only the sound from the screen remained.
Emilia watched him without interrupting.
Betty said nothing either.
They had both understood.
The present Natsuki Subaru was not making excuses for his self on the screen.
He was simply including that self who had already reached the end among "the people who needed saving."
Only after a long time did Natsuki Subaru slowly let out a breath.
"I don't know whether I'll be able to do it in the future."
"And I don't know how much farther that other me will go."
He raised his head and looked at himself on the screen.
"But if I deny even the meaning of his existence..."
"That guy would be far too pitiful."
Outside the screen, no one immediately responded.
Emilia's gaze shifted slightly.
She finally understood that when Natsuki Subaru had said, "You've got to be kidding," there had been little denial of the Natsuki Subaru on the screen in it.
It had been more like anger.
Anger at his self on the screen for seeing "Natsuki Subaru" as so far beyond his reach.
Anger that, even after asking for help, he still believed only another hero could save him.
Betty lowered her head and muttered softly.
"What an idiot."
The one on the screen was.
And so was the one sitting here now.
They were all idiots.
And the images on the screen continued.
Natsuki Subaru kept his head lowered as he read through the next Book of the Dead.
He was still searching for that "hero Natsuki Subaru."
But outside the screen, Natsuki Subaru had slowly tightened his hand.
He had not figured out what he could do.
Nor had he figured out how to pull back that self who had already gone so far.
There was only one thought growing clearer and clearer in his mind.
If there is a next time.
If the screen puts other futures before me.
He probably would no longer be able to regard those images as having nothing to do with him.
Emilia, Betty, Otto, Reikin, and the people of that village were all included, of course.
But so was the guy sitting before the Book of the Dead, waiting for "the hero Natsuki Subaru" to return and save him.
Natsuki Subaru slowly clenched his fist.
Even though he could not even remember his past now, and did not even know why Emilia looked at him that way. Talking about saving everyone sounded like a joke that could not even fool himself.
Yet he still felt that he could not leave that self forgotten there.