For some, ten thousand miles of rivers and mountains meant ten thousand miles of suffering.
(I) You failed me
Qi Jin left.
Shards and bloodstains still lay heaped in a wretched mess at his feet. Carrying the bottle of antidote that could drive a person mad, he left without looking back.
He might not have been unaware that Red Adornment could be deceiving him, that she might have another, harmless antidote on her. Yet until he stepped through the inn's doors and his figure vanished into the sunlight, he never asked.
Love unfulfilled for too long would fester into sickness. He had been sick for far, far too long. Red Adornment had shown him a clear path, and however despicable and base it was, he still took it without hesitation. Just as, on that quiet night long ago, he had leaked the news to her and borrowed her hand to kill Yin Fangchuan.
Who said true love asked for nothing in return?
Human desire was endless. Whatever one sought was desire.
Endless hopes had tormented this young man until he barely resembled a person. Perhaps he, too, had once been spirited and radiant, dressed in fine clothes astride a fiery horse. But now that his life had come to this, no one could say he was happy at heart.
In the end, he was merely a boy who had glimpsed a girl in a peach-blossom dress beneath the pavilions and towers of Jiangnan's misty waterside towns, and fallen in love. Once in a lifetime; one moment for a lifetime.
Perhaps this outcome was what he wanted most.
The day had passed in agitation. Their agreed return to the Ji Family had been delayed yet again.
Red Adornment lay on the bed, still thinking about what Qi Jin had told her. Xie Liyou was now imprisoned, fate unknown. Ji Zhiyuan had dealt such a vicious blow; she was unsure whether Ji Hanchu could accept it.
Whether to tell him had been a choice hovering over her heart ever since she learned of it.
But more than that, she thought about how he treated Yin Qingyan, about the "fiancée" he kept speaking of.
As she thought, sleepiness crept over her. Perhaps her emotions had risen and fallen too violently, consuming too much strength. Before long, she was fast asleep.
She slept soundly, without any chaotic dreams. When Red Adornment woke again, the room was filled with the warm red of the sunset's lingering glow. Evening clouds spread across the sky, and in her daze, it seemed she had slept in a warm sea of flowers.
Red Adornment rubbed her eyes. Her throat felt dry, so she rose to pour some water.
She had just filled a cup when her gaze swept around the room and caught the wine bottle on the table beside the bed. It was what she had left unfinished last night.
Red Adornment instantly lost interest in drinking tea. She walked over, picked up the wine bottle, filled her cup, and drained it in one gulp.
The wine's fragrance curled around her, easing the thousand tangled threads of worry in her heart a little.
She set the cup on the table. Thinking of how Ji Hanchu had protected Yin Qingyan today, she curled her lips in a cold smile.
But it soon drooped away.
As though deflated, Red Adornment dropped onto the floor, leaned weakly against the table, and let out a long sigh.
The wine's effects spread, leaving a faint astringency in her throat. It was clearly an excellent vintage, so why did she taste traces of bitterness?
"Ji Hanchu..."
Slumped against the table, Red Adornment laughed despondently, hugged herself, and buried her head in her arms.
Golden light surrounded her in the empty room. She covered her face with one hand and wiped hard, trying to pretend that what spilled from the corners of her eyes was merely an inadvertent indulgence.
As long as no one saw, she was not crying.
But she could not wipe it all away. Why could she not wipe it all away?
-"What if I never remember?"
Those words Ji Hanchu had spoken burst into her mind without warning.
Red Adornment froze, then laughed, her eyes reddened. "You can't remember. Is it truly that you can't, or that you don't want to?"
She murmured to herself, like a piece of driftwood adrift at sea, immersed in its boundless depths, wanting to escape but with nowhere to go.
Where could she escape to? Eyes closed, eyes open-none of it was him, and none of it was not him.
It was all his devotion, all his protection, all his resolve as he betrayed his clan and his path.
Red Adornment laughed at the wrong moment, but her eyes were cold.
She wiped away her tears. "You used to live up in the heavens..."
This man had once buried himself in medical books all night, searching ancient texts and prescriptions to resolve difficult illnesses, going without sleep. He had also applied his needles and written with painstaking care; a few words, a single prescription, could save a life. He saved the people, and the people loved him. He did what he loved doing. Certainly, he was lonely at times, but far more often, he was content.
Had he ever imagined then that he would fall in love with a demoness? Had he understood that all his renown would be destroyed the moment he eloped with her? He had done the very thing he was least likely to do, going from the universally revered Little Medical Immortal to a man steeped in infamy, never to rise again.
If, before the road to the Yellow Springs, a bowl of Meng Po's soup would make him forget everything in this life, would he feel regret when he thought of this?
He was her obsession. She was not necessarily his inner demon.
The sunset faded, and the evening clouds withdrew their colors.
Red Adornment's mind was a tangled mess, yet empty, too.
She felt tired. For the first time, she wanted so desperately to go home.
She wanted to find her senior sister. Whatever happened, her senior sister would always embrace her gently, forgive every mistake she made, and understand all her suffering.
When daylight came tomorrow, she would go find her senior sister, and then they would go home together.
She could not wait for spring in Jiangnan. She never wanted to come to this place again.
Knock, knock, knock!
Just as Red Adornment, leaning against the table, nearly drifted off again, someone suddenly knocked on the door from outside.
Three very proper knocks, restrained and careful, for fear of disturbing her.
Red Adornment turned to look. A tall, slender shadow fell across the door, and Ji Hanchu's voice came from outside, somewhat distant and indistinct. "Red Adornment, are you there?"
Red Adornment reached out, laid her fingers over the cheek of his shadow, and slapped it hard.
Of course, she struck nothing, only empty air. The hollow sensation wound around her fingertips, making her heart tremble.
Ji Hanchu took it as a response, however, and pushed open the door.
A cool breath of air washed over her as the door opened, bringing Red Adornment a moment of clarity.
The first thing she saw was his shoes, and only farther up did she see his face, his eyes. He seemed very worried about her. He crouched down and anxiously pulled her up. She could not make out whatever else he said-nothing more than not taking care of her health, not knowing to be careful...
She was tired of hearing it. How could she not know these things? She was merely spoiled by his affection and wanted him to care about her.
But him? The woman beside him was so devoted. His "fiancée" loved him so much.
Red Adornment had been drinking and was slightly tipsy. Ji Hanchu carried her to a chair and sat her down. She turned to stare at him, her voice hoarse but brimming with mockery.
"Tell me, have I been mistaken?"
Ji Hanchu stopped moving, stunned. "Mistaken about what?"
That unthinking question made Red Adornment's eyes redden again.
Red Adornment propped up her head, her cheeks flushed, and chuckled. She laughed for a long while before reaching for the wine bottles.
One, two, three.
She lined up three before her.
"I was mistaken. About everything..." Red Adornment's tone was cold. "Ji San, you once said you would treat me well after marrying me, that you would make up the three matchmakers and six betrothal gifts later. You also said you would come back to the Southern Frontier with me to watch the stars... but the stars are still there. How could you be gone? How could the man who loved me be gone?"
Ji Hanchu held her hand. "You're drunk," he said softly. But his grip was strong, hurting her. Only when she sucked in a breath did he realize and belatedly let go.
Yet his flustered gaze still could not conceal his unease.
Something was wrong with her. It had been wrong from the start.
She had been sad and upset before, but never had such intense sorrow seeped through her as it did now.
Ji Hanchu felt, hazily, that something important was slipping away from him.
His eyes gradually darkened, until they were utterly dark, desolate as the night.
The room was silent save for the sound of pouring wine. Neither of the two sitting opposite each other spoke, one taut, the other despondent. As the wine was poured, much of it even spilled, leaving a large wet patch on the table.
Red Adornment laughed dazedly and murmured, "You can't remember anymore. You aren't the person I knew... he's disappeared. I can't find him. I'll never find him again..."
Ji Hanchu sprang to his feet, wrapped his arms around her, and dragged her toward the bed. "You really are drunk. Get some proper sleep. Whatever you have to say can wait until you wake."
A faint tremor had entered his voice.
But Red Adornment refused, remaining motionless.
Could this unfamiliar "Ji Hanchu" panic, too? Could he have such wretched moments?
Or could he actually be afraid, too?
"Ji Hanchu," Red Adornment said, "come sit here. I have something to tell you."
Ji Hanchu leaned closer and interrupted her regardless. "I don't want to hear it. You aren't clearheaded right now. Say it when you're more sober."
Red Adornment tugged him forcibly a few steps closer, clasping one of his arms in both hands. Her eyes were red and wet, as though a full, drenching Jiangnan rain had just fallen.
She murmured hoarsely, "You have to listen... since you've forgotten everything, I'll treat it as one great dream, too. Once the dream ends, you can go on being the Ji Family's Third Young Master. From now on, let's act as though we never knew each other."
Ji Hanchu went still. First he was at a loss, then dazed, and only finally did he lower his head blankly to look at her. He forced a difficult, dry sentence from his throat, asking, "Why?"
Red Adornment released his hand, bit her lower lip, and turned back to fiddle with the wine cups.
Ji Hanchu strode over and sat opposite her, raising his voice. "Why!"
This time, he was helpless against her.
Enormous panic surged in his chest. He questioned her almost frantically, yet could not stop the great stone pressing on his heart from growing heavier. He looked at Red Adornment, something shattering in his eyes. He held it back desperately, barely able to breathe.
Why?
Was it because he had always gone on about propriety and rules, refusing even to touch her of his own accord?
Was it because he had been too concerned about Qingyan's life and neglected her feelings?
Or was it because his heart had clearly stirred, because he had clearly remembered certain things, yet never voiced them to her, leaving her disappointed in him?
Who was to blame? That poison that took effect too quickly, or the etiquette instilled in him since childhood? It was all their fault.
All their damned fault.
Ji Hanchu smiled bitterly and lowered his head.
It was all the fault of his own indecision.
He had always known that Red Adornment was like a gift sent by heaven, fatally alluring to him.
She was beautiful, her nature unrestrained and exuberant. Though her hands were stained with blood, there was not a trace of filth in her eyes. They were bright and beautiful; within them, one could see the azure sky and the pure, clear moon.
Wild, primal, free.
Though she belonged to the Southern Frontier's unorthodox path, there was unexpectedly no sinister chill about her. Instead, she was indescribably charming and lively. At a glance...
At a glance, she was exactly the sort of woman he would love.
Liking her was hardly something difficult to say aloud. Why had he not told her sooner?
"Why?" he asked for the third time.
The air was cold. A fierce ache filled Red Adornment's throat, and her eyes, too. She said, "I'm going back to the Southern Frontier. Master and the others have been waiting for me to return. After this... I probably won't come here again..."
She toyed with the wine bottle, her smile never reaching her eyes, then looked up and pushed the cups of wine toward Ji Hanchu one by one.
His gaze was still so heavy. She knew that inside it lay a wasteland overgrown with weeds.
Perhaps it was because she was drunk, but in the blink of an eye, his eyes were so gentle again. A whole sky of stars seemed to flow within them, every streak of starlight expressing his emotions-vexation, reluctance, conflict...
His face was reflected in the wine. One tiny cup held all the drifting clouds of the past.
"Young Master Ji San, three cups of fine wine."
The first cup was sincerity.
"First, I wish you good health and a life of a hundred years."
The second cup was pretense.
"Second, I wish you and Miss Yin a lifetime together until your hair turns white, with children and grandchildren filling your halls."
The third cup was regret.
"Third, I wish us separate ends of the earth from now on, each content with what we have."
Raising her eyes, Red Adornment looked at him and watched everything in his eyes slowly, bit by bit, shatter.
She leaned closer and said as though joking, "May you never remember me."
Ji Hanchu said nothing. He felt the thing beating inside his chest turning, little by little, into icy water.
He seemed to have been hollowed out.
Ji Hanchu looked down. Three cups of wine stood neatly before him, as though speaking of a final farewell. He turned his eyes away. "I won't drink."
His voice was frighteningly hoarse.
Red Adornment reached out, lifted them, and poured them onto the floor one by one.
A hand gripped her wrist tightly. The rims of Ji Hanchu's eyes were faintly red, his pupils still pure ink-black. He said, "What you just said-was it true?"
Red Adornment tilted her head and smiled. "No. I lied."
Ji Hanchu abruptly let out a breath of relief.
He had known she would not give up so easily.
This little liar. Her usual trick was to amuse herself at his expense.
He had to tell her that some things were not to be joked about.
Red Adornment crouched before him and looked up, curling her lips without much feeling.
She said, "I only want to wish you a wife who leaves you and children scattered, with no one to see you to your grave. May no one answer when you seek help, and no medicine cure you when you fall ill. Abroad, may you drift like duckweed; at home, may your fortune be squandered, until you die a pitiful old man."
With every sentence, Ji Hanchu's smile faded a little more.
His hands at his sides clenched tightly into fists.
When Red Adornment finished, she reached up to scratch the faintly reddened corner of her eye and burst into a laugh. "Am I very wicked?"
Ji Hanchu's eyes were bloodshot. He reached out and used such force that his grip hurt her hand terribly.
Red Adornment said softly, "You're so good, and I'm so wicked. Perhaps even heaven couldn't bear to watch and didn't want you to remember. Ji Hanchu, you had better live a miserable life to vent the hatred in my heart. Only then can we be even. But in the next life, and the life after that, I won't let you go again."
She stood, her head briefly spinning, but Ji Hanchu still clutched her hand. She could not pry him loose.
"Ji San." Red Adornment slowly pried his fingers open. "I hate farewells, but in the end, no one can escape parting. Let this count as our formal goodbye. Whatever happens afterward will have nothing to do with each other. Remember, you were the one who failed me."
She bent down and kissed him lingeringly. His lips were cold, his body stiff. She closed her eyes and could not feel his warmth.
"Across vast mountains and rivers, we shall never meet again."
Late that night, a light rain suddenly began to patter down. Before long, it became a torrential downpour.
The lightning and thunder were heaven pitying the mortal world. The rain fell hard, as though it would swallow everything.
Red Adornment sat on the bed, staring blankly at the red candle on the table. It was nearly burned out. Wax dripped down and gathered at its base, and the candle tottered.
She glanced toward the door. In the dim, indistinct light and shadows, the figure outside remained unmoving.
He stood there as though he would wait until heaven and earth grew old.
Red Adornment opened her mouth. "I don't want you anymore. Go."
The cool night wind blew in, sweeping away all the warmth of the day and leaving only emptiness.
The candle was nearly burned out.
Red Adornment got out of bed and walked along the wall.
Raindrops struck the bed, their chill seeping into the bones. The image of Ji Hanchu bending his head to take Yin Qingyan's pulse rose before Red Adornment's eyes again. She bit her lip and lifted her foot to leave.
But the next moment, she remembered him standing in front of Qi Jin, refusing to let Qi Jin lay a finger on her.
And his eyes, so fragile, so sorrowful.
She began to waver.
She had slept too long and was still wide awake now. Her eyes were dry and sore. The candlelight swayed, and her shadow swayed on the wall, slipping outside to tangle with his.
She saw Ji Hanchu move.
Red Adornment thought he was going to say something, but he did not. He merely stepped up to the door, raised his hand, and pressed it gently against the wood.
That spot was right over her heart.
Bitterness filled Red Adornment. She had said every ruthless word she could. He truly had hurt her, and she truly had considered letting go completely, letting him return to his heaven while she continued to guard hell.
But she discovered that however resolute she had been then, now a single movement from him was enough to make her resolve crumble in an instant.
Red Adornment opened the door and looked straight at the man outside.
He looked at her too. The night was deep and the dew heavy. Who knew how long he had stood there? His shoulders were soaked through with rain and dew.
The moment she opened the door, Ji Hanchu stepped forward and held out his hand, palm up.
He said, "Red Adornment, I'm in love with you."
Red Adornment lowered her head to look in the dim candlelight. A jade bangle lay in his hand, translucent and lustrous, its texture warm and smooth-the very one she had returned to him.
Ji Hanchu took her hand and hurriedly slipped the bangle onto her wrist. Then he wrapped her tightly in his arms, drawing them in hard and locking her against his chest.
His breath brushed Red Adornment's neck. With a hand around her neck, he gathered all of her into his embrace, his palm pressing firmly against her, afraid that if he loosened his hold, she would run, abandoning him to return to the Southern Frontier.
He said, "Don't go, all right?"
He paused.
"Or, wherever you're going, could you take me with you?"
(Part two) Chasing her
After a brief silence, Red Adornment recovered from her daze and instinctively raised her hands to push Ji Hanchu away.
He noticed and held her tighter, so tightly she could barely breathe. Restraining her really was far too easy for him. She was firmly clamped in his embrace, unable to break free or move.
This Ji Hanchu felt rather unfamiliar, so forceful, even his breathing scorching hot, as though he would melt her through her clothes and engrave her flesh and blood into his bones.
Red Adornment's astonishment lasted only a moment. Soon, she calmed down and asked him, feigning incomprehension, "Do you know what you're doing?"
"I do."
Ji Hanchu's fingertips rested against the back of her slender neck, their soft touch carrying an unyielding force. He said, "You're my wife. You can't leave. You're not allowed to leave."
Warm breath spilled against her ear. He panted, his voice hoarse.
A tingling sensation shot from her neck to her scalp. Red Adornment heard his breathing grow increasingly ragged and heavy. She could not see his expression, so she did not know that beyond the profound pain in his eyes, there was even more love.
At that moment, he overlapped with the fragments in his heart, until no distinction remained.
But Red Adornment did not. She was cool, as cool as a lake frozen over in winter.
She exerted all her strength and finally broke away a little, but Ji Hanchu gripped her wrist fiercely, refusing to let go.
Red Adornment scoffed and raised her hand. The jade bangle swayed on her wrist. His powerful hand held her fast; the skin beneath it was probably already red, stinging a little.
Frost lay in her eyes, and her expression was grim. Her words were even more haughty and mocking. "Young Master Ji San, you've betrayed your morals again. Aren't you always remembering that you have a fiancée? Why are you still entangling yourself with a kidnapper like me?"
Ji Hanchu paused. Their surroundings were dim, and beneath the faint glow, he was hard to make out clearly. Looking at the pretty face so close to his, he said in a low voice, "You said we were married."
Red Adornment smiled, her lips tender and vividly red, their corners slightly swollen. She sneered, "But you never believed me."
"I believe you," Ji Hanchu answered quickly. "I don't believe them. I believe you."
He raised his hand, his slightly cool fingertips touching her neck and the terrible blue-and-red strangulation marks there. His lashes trembled faintly. After a long while, he said, "I'm sorry."
Silence lingered for a long time. Night flowed through the river as they gazed at each other, neither speaking.
Red Adornment awkwardly turned her head away and said coldly, "Whether I live or die is none of your concern."
Ji Hanchu sighed. "Don't talk nonsense."
After a pause, he added, his voice a little strained, "Does it still hurt?"
Red Adornment lifted the corner of her mouth, her eyes half closed. She shook the hand he was holding. "Let go first."
Stubbornness filled Ji Hanchu's eyes. Determined to hold out against her to the end, he pretended not to hear.
The sky was an ink-wash scroll. The night wind swept past his cheeks. He looked so lost, yet so persistent.
As though he could hold out against her for ten thousand years.
Red Adornment felt as though her heart had been immersed in warm water, its frozen frost gradually softening, but some unwillingness still lingered. She asked Ji Hanchu, "Have you thought it through? If you choose me, you can't regret it."
Had he thought through what sort of person she was, and what sort of path she walked?
Fame, fortune, status, the standing of a noble family, the envy of others... No one could claim to care nothing at all for empty reputation, so no one could demand that Ji Hanchu abandon everything he had now regained and once again choose an uncertain road ahead.
Heaven had given him a second chance to choose. The Buddha was calling his little immortal: come back, come back.
Here was his heaven. As long as he returned, he could remain untouched by dust, revered for ten thousand lifetimes.
Ji Hanchu looked at Red Adornment as though gazing across the missing years and scattered memories at that face whose smile had once bloomed like a flower.
The immortal attendant beneath the Buddha's throne stood on the bank of the River of Rebirth, gazing at a thousand waves upon the blue-green sea. The tides were gentle as murmurs in sleep. Eight hundred li of red lotuses bloomed at his feet, beauty everywhere, her everywhere.
Mountains, rivers, lakes, seas, and countless stars: on one side lay the mire, on the other, heavenly light. Still, he pressed on without hesitation.
He would always press on without hesitation.
Ji Hanchu moved his hand upward, lacing his fingers through Red Adornment's, fitting them snugly together, holding her tight, locking her in his grasp.
"Even if my memories were washed away a thousand times, I would fall in love with you at first sight for the thousand and first time."
His fingers tightened. From this bank of the River of Rebirth, the little immortal ran toward her, chasing love, chasing her.
The long night was not yet over. The past gradually drifted away. As the storyteller set his brush to this page, a new beginning unfolded.
"I have no regrets."
The mire swallowed him, and he savored it like sweetness.
Even a falling snowflake would leave a trace upon the vast earth, let alone him, who had once loved her with all his body and soul.
However overpowering the medicine, it could not change the soul. Some things were rooted too deeply to be altered. They might even need only a glance; one glance was enough.
The grand jianghu continued its story, while their love slowly blossomed in the dark mire on this silent night.
It would lead hope across a thousand mountains, ten thousand rivers, and layer upon layer of years, laying down the final bold, vivid stroke upon it all.
The night would let love ferment, leaving it nowhere to hide.
Long hair spilled down in waves, sweeping over rounded shoulders. Stray strands brushed her shoulders and vanished into the waterfall of dark hair. One unruly lock slipped past her ear and between her lips, only to be caught swiftly by a large hand. The pad of a finger stroked her dry lips, tickling them.
Neither knew who began it. Perhaps it was a response they both already understood. Now, whether they had a marriage certificate, whether he remembered, all seemed so unimportant. Love burned their eyes red, suffusing them with the vivid color of crabapple blossoms.
"Red Adornment." His murmured whispers conveyed his deep love all the more. Ji Hanchu called her name again and again. "Red Adornment, Red Adornment..."
She truly was his gift, a gift sent by heaven.
"Ji San..." Red Adornment bit her lip and smiled, the fingers clinging to him digging into his flesh. She murmured softly, wantonly displaying her most enchanting beauty on this night intoxicated by the spring breeze.
"We don't need to be saved..." She tilted her head to look at him and asked softly, "Do we?"
Ji Hanchu moved her hand aside and stared at her with pitch-black eyes. He felt a flicker of realization and a little melancholy, but more than anything, release.
He leaned close to her ear and said, "Nor do we need forgiveness."
No one had the right to forgive them, because no one had the right to condemn them.
If this was a fall from grace, then they might as well keep falling.
A fire burned in his chest, following his veins down to his lower belly.
Ji Hanchu's gaze rose inch by inch to Red Adornment's face. He reached out and brushed aside her sweat-damp hair, revealing her hazy eyes.
Suddenly, someone kissed her forehead, and then she was gathered into a broad embrace.
Ji Hanchu kissed her, his chin resting beside her temple as he called her name softly. "Red Adornment."
"Mm."
"Red Adornment."
Red Adornment lifted her head and offered him a kiss with her eyes closed. "Mm, I'm here."
Red Adornment woke in the crook of Ji Hanchu's arm.
He had not slept, and she had not slept deeply either. After everything that had happened, she believed neither of them could sleep.
The bedding was rumpled. The slightest movement sent fine, dense aches through her entire body.
A pair of hands reached around from behind and held her tightly. Familiar breath spilled against the side of her neck. Ji Hanchu closed his eyes and rubbed his cheek against hers, saying softly, "I'll brew you a tonic later. Your health is far too poor."
"..."
If she had not known exactly what sort of person Ji Hanchu was, that remark would have sounded rather suggestive.
Red Adornment had a bit of a headache. She reached out from beneath the quilt to rub her head-being made to drink medicine as soon as she woke really did not feel very good.
She turned around, her hands restless, reaching in to touch Ji Hanchu's forehead, his Adam's apple, and roam over his prominent collarbones.
Ji Hanchu's breathing grew a little heavier. He quickly caught her mischievous hand and said quietly, "Don't move."
Red Adornment simply hooked her arm around his neck and cheerfully stroked his faintly flushed cheek, blowing into his ear. "That's not what you said last night."
Red Adornment burst out laughing. Ji Hanchu held her in place, somewhat helpless. "Why do you always love provoking me?"
Her red lips answered him, stopping the words that followed, unrepentant, resisting only to invite him closer.
When the kiss ended, Red Adornment asked him with a grin, "Young Master Ji San, how does it feel to kiss a woman?"
Ji Hanchu lowered his eyes. Beneath the quilt, his hand held her waist. His gaze was deep as he said, "It's not the first time."
There was an air of contented enjoyment in his tone.
Red Adornment seized on the key point in his words and abruptly lifted her head from his embrace, asking in surprise, "You remembered?"
Ji Hanchu touched his lips awkwardly. "A little."
"What did you remember?"
Ji Hanchu moved her hand aside and looked elsewhere, too embarrassed to look at her. With a touch of shyness, he said, "A lot. All jumbled up..."
"Such as?"
Ji Hanchu turned his head. "By the river, um, you and me... and Seeking Pleasure in Drunkenness, we..."
Red Adornment watched his face grow redder and redder, his ears so red they seemed about to bleed. She was utterly delighted. Climbing onto him, she extended a finger to tap his chin. "So the little prude only looks proper on the outside. All he thinks about is this sort of thing."
Ji Hanchu's face reddened further. He could not help it, since these were all the things he had remembered. He rolled over and pinned Red Adornment beneath him. Catching sight of the red marks on her neck, he blew gently on them, his heart aching.
"Red Adornment."
"Hmm?"
Ji Hanchu's lashes trembled. "Promise me there won't be a next time."
Red Adornment did not understand. "What?"
Desolation returned to Ji Hanchu's eyes. He said softly, "Those words."
If he heard them again, he would go mad.
Red Adornment nipped his lip and raised her hand to touch the crystal-clear jade bangle on her wrist. Her eyes and brows brimmed with a tender smile.
After all those twists and turns, it had still returned to her hand.
But she said, "Depends on my mood."
With that, she closed her eyes and smacked her lips, thinking who knew what.
Ji Hanchu bent a finger and tapped her head. "Then I'll work hard to keep you happy from now on."
Red Adornment neither agreed nor disagreed.
Ji Hanchu kissed behind her ear and murmured indistinctly, "Promise me."
Red Adornment hummed twice and turned her back to him, touching her lips with her fingers. She raised her foot and kicked him. "Don't bother me."
"Hmm?"
Red Adornment said, "I'm savoring it."
"..."
That unreasonable, coquettish innocence was exactly the same as in his memories.
The sun rose again.
Heaven's greatest generosity toward the mortal world was probably the sunrise and sunset, never ceasing.
Red Adornment opened the window. The morning air was cool and thin, hazy with mist and moisture. Mountains and water often met along a single line. Morning songs were already rising from the distant fishing boats. Sunlight filled the sky and illuminated the earth, while shimmering ripples stretched and crossed upon the water, glistening like a dream.
Red Adornment stretched and lifted her chin slightly. Her eyes and brows still held their allure, but a trace of cold solemnity had entered her expression.
Today, they would set off for the Ji Family.
Red Adornment gazed at the lake, catching the man getting dressed out of the corner of her eye. Somehow, she thought of his scar-covered back she had seen last night, the two arrow wounds on his shoulders, the sword wound that had pierced bone and damaged sinew. When she focused again, she saw him lying motionless in a pool of blood.
In all these years, only her senior sister and he had cherished her to their very bones.
With a faint nasal note, deliberately or otherwise, Red Adornment asked, "Brother Ji San, what if they bully me when we go back this time?"
Intimate and provocative, with a little careless languor and the smugness of knowing she had someone to rely on.
Ji Hanchu finished dressing, rose, and walked to her side. His fingers were long; clasped around her waist, they could almost gather all of her into his palms.
Enclosed by him, Red Adornment felt him lift his arms around her, then pinch her lower back.
It did not hurt, but it tickled terribly. Threads of tingling sensation spread from his fingers, making her shiver a little despite herself.
Had he poisoned her?
Ji Hanchu's eyes were pitch-black, filled with every mortal emotion and desire, his palms scorchingly hot. Red Adornment embraced him, resting her ear against his shoulder, right where that sword wound was. She kissed it gently through his clothes. Between breaths, her heartbeat quickened, and she felt the satisfaction of dust finally settling.
One hand restrained her wrist while the other made mischief at the small of her back. His low, husky voice sounded, the syllables from his throat accompanied by faint vibrations in his chest, his masculine presence wholly natural.
"I'll back you up."
The tip of her heart tingled.
Ji Hanchu's voice came beside her ear. "Even if it costs me my life, I will never let anyone bully you in the slightest. Don't worry. Just go ahead and bully everyone else."
Red Adornment slowly raised her head.
She deliberately asked, "You really won't run anymore?"
Ji Hanchu held her, looking down slightly, and gave a nasal hum of assent. "I won't."
Since there was no escaping this destined calamity anyway, he would not escape.
He tapped Red Adornment's nose with his forefinger and smiled. "You little troublemaker."
Red Adornment wrinkled her nose and looked steadily at him. She did not hide her feelings. Love, desire, and joy were written plainly in her eyes, revealed directly to him.
Once, she had thought he held mountains and rivers within his breast, that through his eyes she could see heaven and earth, all things, all living beings.
But now, she suddenly understood. She was one among those countless living beings, while he was the mountains and rivers themselves.
She was unrestrained, pursuing, wandering; he was silent, accepting, enduring.
He was her mountains and rivers, her dream.
The two prepared to set out for the Ji Family.
Carrying the unconscious Yin Qingyan on his back, Qi Jin said his farewells. Before he left, Ji Hanchu handed him a medicine pouch and told him it contained the antidote he had made.
Chewing malt candy, Red Adornment watched Qi Jin accept it as though nothing were wrong and offer a quiet word of thanks, as though nothing had happened before.
Everyone tacitly pretended not to see the bandaged wound on Qi Jin's forehead.
Red Adornment's eyes curved, her smile undiminished. "Brother Ji San, you're so impressive."
Ji Hanchu did not look at her. He smiled softly and bade Qi Jin farewell.
That man turned and left, carrying his very life on his back, his figure gradually disappearing beneath the sun.
Red Adornment watched him go, not without regret. Had she not been in a hurry to return to the Ji Family, she really would have liked to follow and see his choice.
What Ji Hanchu had given him was certainly the real antidote. Qi Jin could not bear to let Yin Qingyan suffer and would surely feed it to her as soon as possible.
But which pill he would choose was harder to say.
She pursed her lips, remembering the dark desire surging in his eyes as he knelt on the ground yesterday, and felt that perhaps his choice was not so difficult to guess.
In any case, she did not believe Qi Jin was a good man.
There were no good people among those who struggled and sank in love.
(III) The spirit of the jianghu
Getting there had taken a tremendous amount of effort; returning took less than two days.
They had struggled to escape, only to return as though casting themselves into a net, first for Hongxiu, and second because, after hearing about these affairs of the Ji Family, Red Adornment could not let Ji Hanchu simply follow her back to the Southern Frontier.
Some matters had to be resolved. Some debts had to be settled.
Red Adornment truly suffered along the way. She had only just recovered from a serious illness, and now the journey by boat and carriage wore her down further. Ji Hanchu found all sorts of ways to procure tonics for her, and after drinking them for two days, she felt she was going mad.
"Can't I stop drinking it for now?" Red Adornment complained petulantly. The days of exhaustion had stripped much of the flesh from her cheeks, leaving them slightly hollow. "I'll drink it later."
Ji Hanchu lowered her hand. His voice was gentle, his words firm. "No."
Red Adornment fell silent, feeling nothing but annoyance at the sight of him now. After thinking it over, she asked, "Ji San, are you worried you won't have any children?"
Although the Twin Gu could make the resurrected no different from ordinary people, their bodies were much weakened. She had also been injured too severely before. Having fallen from such a height, it was already no small feat for her to have come bounding from the Southern Frontier to Jiangnan. If she really gave birth, she would certainly have to walk the line between life and death again.
Red Adornment always said what she thought, and there was nothing to hide about this. She said frankly, "With this body of mine, having a child really won't be easy."
Ji Hanchu gazed at her and leaned closer. His thin lips covered the place on hers where she had drunk the medicine, gently taking it between his lips for a moment. A faint bitterness passed from her lips to his tongue, lingering between them.
He said quietly, "I don't care about him. I care about you."
It did not matter whether he had children. He had already abandoned his own path; giving up the continuation of his bloodline followed naturally. Even if his ancestors truly blamed him, he could repay that debt after he died and descended into hell.
But while he lived, he wanted to hold on to what he wished to protect.
Ji Hanchu said softly, "Red Adornment, I still want to ask for a hundred years."
So it was not for him, but for you.
"I know." Red Adornment laughed and stroked her flat belly. "But I still want one."
Ji Hanchu said, "But..."
Red Adornment interrupted him. "Since when did the Little Medical Immortal lose so much confidence? Anyway, I'm not Yaoguang anymore. I don't care-you have to take responsibility for nursing me back to health."
She was greedier than he was. She wanted more than a hundred years together.
Both sons and daughters, freedom to roam the jianghu, laughing proudly amid the wind and moon.
She wanted it all.
Two days later, Red Adornment and Ji Hanchu returned silently to the Ji Family.
As they neared the Ji Family, Red Adornment told Ji Hanchu about Xie Liyou. After hearing her out, he remained weighed down with worries for the rest of the way, finally understanding why she had disregarded even her own health to make him hurry back at full gallop.
When they first arrived, things could even have been called calm. They searched through the night but found no trace of Hongxiu or the little mute, nor did they find Xie Liyou.
With no other choice, they could only continue their nighttime search the following day.
Pushing open a side gate of the separate courtyard, they followed a bluestone path planted with slender, green, threadlike leaves. Night spread across the horizon like spilled ink, and desolation hung in the air.
Ji Hanchu said, "Aunt Hongxiu might not have arrived yet."
Red Adornment pondered this. Her senior sister had said she was looking for someone, but had not said it was necessarily Ji Chengxuan. Besides, Ji Chengxuan had been away searching for her all this time. Perhaps some twist of chance had made them miss each other.
Wind rose in the night. Fine threads of rain tapped against the eaves and green tiles, lingering and entwining, uneasy and apprehensive.
A thunderclap tore through the sky with a boom. The rain threatened to become a downpour. Ji Hanchu turned his face and shielded Red Adornment from the rain with his sleeve. "Let's head back first."
Red Adornment's brows drew together. She looked up at the sky, and beneath the mournful wind and sorrowful rain, the unease in her heart grew heavier.
Struggling to suppress her alarm, she turned and said gravely, "Let's go to the dungeon."
Dead silence.
It was so quiet that only dripping water could be heard.
Past the steps, past door after door, after taking down every guard at the entrances, they finally reached the innermost part of the dungeon.
Only one person was imprisoned in that vast space.
No, perhaps he could no longer even be called a person.
The dungeon stank. Excrement and rotten food littered the floor. One end of a black-iron chain disappeared through the wall; the other was locked firmly around the young man's neck. The collar had sunk deep into his flesh, fitting tightly without the slightest gap. Horrifying red covered the dungeon. Reddish claw marks covered the stone walls and floor, and dried, black-red blood lay everywhere. More horrifying still, a fresh layer of viscous liquid slowly flowed over those dried, clotted stains, covering the blood that had already hardened. Mixed with a nauseating odor, the fresh blood flowed toward Ji Hanchu's feet at an exceedingly slow yet impossible-to-ignore pace.
Everything around them was quiet. That silence magnified without limit the sound of pain in their ears, like the mournful howling of an injured beast, yet it formed neither words nor sentences.
Perhaps it was because the person making those sounds had already reached his limit-he had struggled to survive, but always in vain.
At the sound of the door opening, he seemed to sense something and raised his gouged-out eyes toward them. Then he began trembling all over, whimpering as he shrank backward.
Ji Hanchu stared at him, shock and disbelief on his face.
He rarely lost his composure so completely. His eyes seemed about to bulge from their sockets. Looking at this person who had been mutilated beyond recognition, his eyes filled with bloodshot veins. His fingertips trembled, and the veins in his neck trembled too, but he restrained himself from moving, from going forward.
Red Adornment knew he was afraid.
So afraid he no longer dared to go forward and identify him.
She clasped his icy fingers, drew a forceful breath, and squeezed her eyes shut. "It's Xie Liyou," she said heavily.
Ji Hanchu's face was deathly pale, more frightening than a ghost.
"Xie... Liyou..."
Unable to bear looking, Red Adornment turned her head away.
"Impossible!" Ji Hanchu suddenly went wild, as though he had lost all reason. His handsome face twisted, filled with terror and grief. He staggered several steps backward and struck the wall hard, then began shaking all over. "Liyou... Liyou? Liyou!"
He shed no tears, only kept calling the other man's name in a hoarse voice, from murmurs to savage cries, from savage cries to roars. His husky shouting echoed throughout the dungeon, as though it could pierce the clouds.
"Xie Liyou!"
At the height of agony, a person's mind went blank. More than heartbreak, his expression held bewilderment, as though he had yet to realize what had happened, had yet to realize who the person before him was.
Was it Xie Liyou?
Was it the adopted son his father had taken in, the sworn elder brother who had grown up with him, Xie Liyou?
How could this be?
How could this be!
His memories abruptly fell into chaos, his head splitting with pain. Countless things flooded his mind like an explosion, scene after scene, like a revolving lantern, like a shadow play.
These things were veiled in the shadows of time, hazy and gilded with golden light, singing of youth that knew nothing of the length of years.
Ji Hanchu, too, had known a time when he had no taste of sorrow. Back then, the days were so long. Today he would climb distant mountains to pluck a branch of plum blossoms; tomorrow he would chase the magnificent sunset at the edge of the sky. Peach blossoms blazed in spring, and summer brought flying sparks and drifting fireflies. Autumn harvests and winter stores, year after year.
They had lain beneath a brilliant river of stars, amid dazzling seas of flowers. Sometimes Xie Liyou would ask, "Will you become the family head when you grow up?" He said that if Ji Hanchu became the family head, he would be his most loyal subordinate, never betraying him, never harboring a second allegiance. Sometimes he would find Ji Hanchu crying in the library over his father's death. As he comforted him, he would end up holding Ji Hanchu and crying with him.
His memories tangled together. Many jumbled things surfaced at the wrong moment, half familiar and half strange, making Ji Hanchu's eyes grow redder and redder.
On the day he had resolutely turned against his clan, Xie Liyou had stood beneath a tree to see him off, given him a pouch of gold leaves, and told him never to let him know where he was going.
They had grown up together, their jianghu loyalty as high as mountains and deep as seas. Xie Liyou must have been terribly hurt and sorrowful then, yet had pretended not to care at all.
This man had always clung to life and feared death, keeping well clear of anything that did not concern him. Yet now he had ended up like this; now he was heading toward death because of him.
He had thought they had said their final farewell that night. He had never imagined it would truly be their final farewell.
Ji Hanchu collapsed wretchedly to the floor, then scrambled wretchedly back up. His limbs had lost their strength, as though he had suddenly forgotten how to walk. He crawled over in panic, his knees scraping the cold floor, his eyes scarlet, their corners straining as though they would split.
His features were almost displaced, his lips trembling uncontrollably as he gathered Xie Liyou into his arms.
At first, Xie Liyou struggled frantically, then gradually quieted. Even though he could no longer see, he still recognized Ji Hanchu.
Amid excruciating pain, two trails of bloody tears flowed from his empty sockets. Trembling, he raised his hand, his fingers rotted down to the bone. Leaning against Ji Hanchu, he slowly traced on the floor-
[Kill me.]
Tears streamed down Ji Hanchu's face. He shook his head wildly and choked out, "No..."
Ji Hanchu trembled and wailed in agony until his voice gave out, his throat nearly tearing, his sobbing breaking down completely. Since his father's death, he had rarely wept so miserably.
Who? Who had done this to him?
He would save him. He could surely save him...
Trembling, Xie Liyou wrote again on the floor in blood: [Please.]
Xie Liyou had been fed Rebirth, then half a bowl of the antidote Yin Yuanya had used before. Half his internal organs had rotted, twisting together as though shattered, leaving him unable to bear it at all.
But his hands and feet had been hacked, his eyes and tongue gouged out, and a collar fastened around his neck. He did not even have the chance to kill himself.
Why? Why!
Why had they done this to Xie Liyou!
Footsteps sounded behind him, and a cold, gleaming blade was held before Ji Hanchu's eyes.
Pale-faced, Ji Hanchu looked up and saw Red Adornment crouching beside him, looking at him with something like pity, something like heartache. She gently placed Crescent Moon in his hand.
In that instant, Ji Hanchu's fear multiplied several times over.
He avoided Crescent Moon, clutching Xie Liyou tightly as he choked out, "No..."
Red Adornment said quietly, "He's in so much pain."
Ji Hanchu lowered his head. His face and lips were bluish-white, his body mottled with blood. He could not accept, and refused to accept, the fact that he was about to kill Xie Liyou with his own hands.
Her eyes reddening, Red Adornment tightened her grip around his fist. Crescent Moon lay in his hand. He kept resisting, but the tip still came to rest against Xie Liyou's chest.
Xie Liyou did not move. A trace of relief and contentment even appeared on his scarred face. He was ready to accept death calmly.
Red Adornment murmured, "Let him go."
They both knew Xie Liyou could not survive.
Every extra moment alive was another moment of torment.
His eyes scarlet, Ji Hanchu raised Crescent Moon, a tearing wail rising from his throat.
With a wet sound, the blade plunged savagely into the flesh of his chest. Blood splashed onto Ji Hanchu's clean face, staining half of it red. He hardened his heart and drove it in with all his strength, seeking to kill him with a single thrust, to give Xie Liyou a swift death.
Crescent Moon was indeed a fine weapon, cutting through iron like mud. Xie Liyou's left hand still rested against Ji Hanchu. Before long, his head tilted, and that plump arm dropped soundlessly. He stopped breathing in Ji Hanchu's arms.
He died just like that, a faint smile still on his face, while his body grew cold little by little.
Ji Hanchu held him and remained silent for a long time, then suddenly burst out laughing.
The laughter was crazed and terrifying. Ji Hanchu laughed and laughed, panting heavily, his dark hair falling loose, like a living madman.
He looked at Red Adornment and said wildly, "The Little Medical Immortal of Gusu can't even save his own family. Tell me, isn't that laughable? Isn't it laughable!"
Watching him laugh like that, Red Adornment cried.
She slowly knelt and embraced him from behind, pressing her cheek against his broad back. Partings in life and death were so helpless. For the first time, she hated her naturally indifferent emotions with all her heart, not knowing how to comfort him.
But Ji Hanchu was calmer than she had imagined.
He released Xie Liyou's body, reached behind him to take her hand, and pulled her in front of him.
"Who did it?"
He had recognized the poison of Rebirth, but some things needed no explanation. Once the chaotic memories in his mind had settled back into place, he could not possibly suspect her.
In truth, he knew, but he still had to ask.
He needed an answer. Only that answer could sustain his grief. Right now, he needed hatred, needed anger, needed an outlet for all his emotions.
Red Adornment came around from behind him and said, word by word, "Ji Zhiyuan."
Ji Hanchu began laughing softly again.
He knelt on the filthy floor, in the only light from the window, his back bowing as though something had crushed him.
He closed his eyes and said softly, "I'm sorry."
That apology was for Xie Liyou.
Turning his head, he opened his eyes again. They were already dark and cold. His lashes trembled slightly, and he said again, "I'm sorry."
He stood, staggered several steps backward, and raised his head with a desolate laugh. "I used to think I understood your hatred, that I understood Aunt Hongxiu's resentment too. It turns out I was only being self-righteous... Only now do I understand, only now..."
He was like a trapped beast, his expression pitiable, his Adam's apple bobbing, his eyes filled with moisture.
Red Adornment sighed, encircled his waist, and held him.
Ji Hanchu closed his eyes in boundless exhaustion and rested his head on her shoulder.
Only after a long time did Red Adornment say, "Let's go find him."
Whether vengeance or hatred.
"Repay vengeance with vengeance, grievances with grievances."
Good and evil had always accompanied and given rise to each other, yet remained as distinct as the Jing and Wei rivers.
Someone firmly believed human hearts were treacherous, yet you insisted on laying kindness before him; someone lived in the eight cold hells, yet you insisted on showing him the thirty-three heavens. You spoke of spring mountains smiling, but he had seen only all things withering. You spoke of the preciousness of the mortal world, of building a cottage among humankind, yet he spoke only of all beings suffering, bound to his own views and attachments.
For some, ten thousand miles of mountains and rivers meant ten thousand miles of suffering. He had weathered violent storms, his bones reshaped, forsaken the rain of Mount Wu, forsaken the chill of spring waters, cast aside all human warmth and coldness, leaving only himself, white bones weeping blood.
He was a malevolent ghost.
And a malevolent ghost should return to hell.