After all these years, what he wanted was still for her wishes to come true.
(I)
It was the Cold Food Festival, and There Is an Inn was a little busier than usual.
By custom, this was the time to honor the ancestors. Travelers hurried home, and some of Jiangnan's sons and daughters scattered elsewhere had returned, making this one of the inn's more prosperous stretches toward the end of the year.
A chill had already settled over Jiangnan. Fortunately, the days had been sunny lately, dispelling some of the cold.
In the main hall, group after group clustered in twos and threes. Liu Xinlü had expanded the premises and opened the second floor to customers, yet even that was packed.
The warm sun was at its brightest now. After several rounds of wine, those seated together began talking in low voices. Ordinary people discussed family affairs; people of the martial world discussed martial-world tales.
Someone said, "Brother, have you heard what's been happening in the No Return Sect lately?"
Naturally, some knew of the No Return Sect. It was a major sect that had risen unexpectedly in the martial world in recent years, drawing attention with its sect master's uncanny martial arts. Yet it refused to involve itself in martial-world affairs, making it peculiar indeed.
Its only connection to the martial world was an incident years ago, when its young sect master had gone alone to the border and slaughtered all the mounted bandits entrenched there in a single night, bringing the No Return Sect even greater fame.
The man continued, "This business with the No Return Sect is quite the steamy tale... tsk, tsk. Their young sect master is actually determined to marry the right guardian he grew up with!"
His companion set his teacup down hard, spraying a mouthful of water in shock. "The r-right guardian? Isn't that a man?"
"What man? She's a woman who spent years in disguise! But tell me, after calling each other brothers for so long, how did they take a fancy to each other? Strange indeed!"
His companion nodded. "Come to think of it, didn't the sect master have an illicit affair with his own adopted daughter? I heard that woman was even the right guardian's fiancée... a big enough forest really does have every kind of bird."
The man said, "The No Return Sect isn't some prestigious orthodox sect. Let them be a little depraved. That said, judging by the balance of power today, the four great sects have long since been reshuffled, and the No Return Sect now counts among them. The world really is unpredictable. Who knew such a little sect would attain its current standing? A pity that Jiangnan now has to rely on this little No Return Sect just to barely maintain its place in the martial world."
His companion asked in surprise, "From what you're saying, brother, were Jiangnan's forces once even more glorious?"
The man said with considerable regret, "Of course. You probably don't know this, but there used to be five great sects. The Yin Clan gradually declined and attached itself to the Gusu Ji Clan, slowly losing its standing until only four great sects remained. More than ten years ago, the Gusu Ji Clan truly stood at the head of the sects, a most illustrious family with a century-old legacy and deep roots, commanding great prestige in the martial world. What a pity..."
A pity. What a terrible pity.
Fifteen years ago, it had been erased from the martial world's long history.
What Gusu Ji Clan remained now? Nothing but an empty shell bearing the Qi Clan's signboard, sustaining the family's prosperity through a little trade, looking every bit like common merchants.
The voices of those chatting made no attempt at restraint and were quite loud, drifting up until every word reached the private room on the second floor.
At a glance, there was nothing particularly unusual about the people at that table. The half-open doorway offered a partial view inside: four people sat around a small square table, one of them the inn's owner, Liu.
Opposite her sat a woman with her back to the door, dressed in red, her figure slender and graceful. A young man and woman sat to either side. The young gentleman was incomparably handsome, dressed in white, his features refined and peaceful. The girl was lovely and lively in a vivid peach-blossom ruqun, with red lips and white teeth, utterly endearing.
Both, however, had high noses and deep-set eyes. It was less pronounced in the boy, but one glance at the girl made it clear she was not from Jiangnan.
At that moment, the four were playing madiao together.
Liu Xinlü smoothed the few white hairs at her temples and glanced around, sighing. "Who would have thought that after fifteen years apart, you'd already be a mother?"
Red Adornment leisurely played a tile. "Yes, and both of them look like me."
Liu Xinlü shook her head. "What a pity."
Ji Qingxi asked curiously, "Auntie Liu, what's a pity?"
She looked remarkably like Red Adornment, especially when her large eyes darted about. When she looked at someone like this, she appeared so innocent that she could always fool them.
Liu Xinlü said, "I was fortunate enough to glimpse your father's splendor in his youth. He was truly breathtaking..."
With a smack, Red Adornment slapped her hand. Liu Xinlü had been prepared. Seeing Red Adornment raise her hand again, she immediately lunged over the little square table like a hungry tiger pouncing on prey. "No stabbing knives into it! I just bought it! It was expensive!"
Ji Qingxi: "..."
A young man's hand reached over and rested lightly on Liu Xinlü's shoulder in reassurance. "Don't worry, Auntie Liu. Father has taught Mother very well over the years. She no longer enjoys stabbing knives into tables."
Liu Xinlü ignored him, devoting herself entirely to hugging the table.
The young man was named Ji Qingrang, Red Adornment and Ji Hanchu's eldest son. He resembled Red Adornment, but his temperament was the very image of Ji Hanchu's. He had learned all his deeply ingrained grace and refinement, and treated others with humility and courtesy.
When Liu Xinlü refused to budge, Ji Qingrang glanced helplessly at Ji Qingxi. She merely shrugged and spread her hands, indicating that she could do nothing either.
The four were making merry around the little square table when footsteps suddenly sounded. Someone was slowly ascending the stairs.
Naturally, the newcomer was the very person they had just been discussing.
Though Jiangnan was chilly now, it was hardly unbearably cold. Yet the newcomer wore a black cloak over his long robe, wrapping himself up tightly. He had even carried an open umbrella before entering the inn, only closing it and lowering his hood once he reached the shade.
Someone saw him and snorted, joking to his companion, "Things just get more interesting. A grown man wrapping himself up like that-is he some wanted fugitive?"
His companion turned and glanced at the man. With the hood lowered, the man revealed a handsome, refined face, a composed bearing, and gentle features. He wore a plain-colored robe, clean and neatly pressed, its cuffs and sash made of fine brocade embroidered with golden rising suns, coiling dragons, and soaring phoenixes. Such a person could hardly be a wanted criminal.
Thus, all he could say was, "Some pampered young master from who knows where. A delicate one."
He made no attempt to lower his voice, and his words reached all four people upstairs intact.
Ji Qingxi covered her mouth, her eyes curving with laughter. She slipped out of her seat, darted behind her father, and pushed him toward the table to sit down.
Ji Hanchu looked at her with gentle eyes and blinked slowly.
Laughing without the slightest decorum, Ji Qingxi ran behind Red Adornment and rested her little chin on her shoulder. "Making way for the delicate young master."
Amusement spread through Ji Hanchu's eyes. With a perfectly solemn expression, he said, "Thank you, young Miss Ji."
"Heehee, no thanks necessary." Ji Qingxi flattered him. "It's all thanks to my father's excellent upbringing."
Ji Hanchu smiled tenderly and tapped the tip of her nose. "You little imp."
Back then, Red Adornment had conceived only with great difficulty and nearly lost her life giving birth. He had snatched his wife and their son and daughter back from the gates of death, so naturally, he had treasured them from childhood, terrified that anything else might go wrong.
Fortunately, both brother and sister grew up safely. Both the palm and the back of the hand were flesh, as the saying went, and he held the bowl of water level between them. But Qingxi's temperament resembled Red Adornment's-lively, restless, and fond of acting cute. His love for the house extended to the crow upon its roof, and he inevitably doted on her a little more.
Fortunately, Qingrang was sensible and never minded.
At some point, Liu Xinlü had risen to her feet. She stared straight at Ji Hanchu without speaking.
Red Adornment glanced sideways and snorted. "What are you staring at now?"
Liu Xinlü considered briefly, pressed her lips together, then could not help sighing. "I take back what I said earlier. After all these years, Young Master Ji is as splendid as ever. Truly captivating."
"...Do you not want this table anymore?"
Ji Qingrang did not know whether to laugh or cry. "Mother, don't frighten Auntie Liu like that."
Liu Xinlü had known Red Adornment for years and knew her temperament well. If she wanted to destroy the table, she could go ahead. Young Master Ji was here now, anyway. If she destroyed it, he would compensate Liu Xinlü several times its price. She would not lose out regardless.
"Oh, right." Liu Xinlü raised her brows slightly, remembering the question she had wanted to ask earlier. "You've been gone for so many years. Why have you suddenly come back?"
"I know." A hand shot up. The girl's voice was sweet and soft, with a young girl's distinctive lilt.
Ji Qingxi said, "We came to pay respects to Grandfather. Father said Grandfather was buried in Jiangnan, and he hasn't visited him in a long, long time, so he wanted to take us to meet him."
Liu Xinlü murmured an acknowledgment and pushed her tiles away with a clatter. "I thought you were going back to the Ji Family."
At those words, two figures at the table visibly stiffened.
Ji Qingrang stole a glance, then lowered his eyes without speaking. Only Ji Qingxi, who had yet to notice, was utterly at sea. She asked foolishly, "Back to what Ji Family? What Ji Family? Our home isn't here. Auntie Liu, what are you talking about?"
Liu Xinlü's smile faded a little. She shook her head. "Yes. What Ji Family is left now?"
Ji Qingxi looked bewildered, not understanding.
A long silence followed.
After a while, Ji Hanchu stood, picked up his umbrella, and headed toward the guest rooms on the third floor. "I'll go rest first," he said quietly.
Before Red Adornment could speak, he had quickly gone upstairs, his figure disappearing around the corner.
Ji Qingxi was even more confused. However slow she was to catch on, even she had noticed Ji Hanchu's dejection by now. "What's wrong with Father?" she asked hesitantly.
Red Adornment pushed her tiles away and turned her face, smiling. "It's nothing."
Since the Ji Family's fall, no one had heard any news of its patriarch.
Even after living with her in the Southern Frontier for over ten years, even with their children grown, there were still things that the passing days could not wear away.
Only when he was most exhausted, most lost, and most dispirited would he lay himself bare. Afterward, he would live as though nothing had happened.
Red Adornment herself did not actually know whether the obstacle in Ji Hanchu's heart was Xie Liyou's death, his indulgence of Ji Zhiyuan, or the Ji Family he could never return to. She knew only that it was a dark corner, one that even she, even love, could not save.
Year after year, month after month, it troubled and tormented him, over and over.
Though he seemed not to care.
Yet it stubbornly remained, never disappearing.
Suddenly, a commotion erupted at the entrance, accompanied by shattering crockery and startled cries.
"What nonsense are you spouting!"
A large saber hacked hard into a dining table. A slender young woman stood glaring furiously, her face filled with anger as she stared at the group of martial-world men talking at the table.
"Who are you calling a madwoman? Who are you calling the Ji Family's dog?" The girl brandished her saber, her expression fierce, her eyes filled with a chilling menace. "Step forward! I'll cut out his tongue right now!"
The men talking evidently knew some martial arts and were unafraid of her threats. They merely folded their arms and watched her with smiling disdain, as though enjoying a show. Someone even called out provocatively, "Miss Qi, don't be so fierce! We weren't talking about your parents. You've misunderstood!"
His companion grinned and nudged him, making a show of reproach. "What Miss Qi? Her mother said she married the Ji Family's third young master and bore his daughter. Her name isn't Qi Yinyin. It's Ji Yin."
Sunlight spilled across the floor of the main hall. Qi Yinyin stood by the door, her saber hand shaking violently, her face contorted. Towering fury showed on her face and ground across her heart, making her long to tear these people in half.
"You... you..." She raised her hand, the blade trembling, and forced the words through her lips, aggrieved beyond measure. "All of you, die!"
"Oh dear, I'm so scared. Miss Qi, hold that saber steady. Don't hurt yourself."
"Exactly. Hurting yourself would be bad. Hurting your pretty mother would be even worse."
"Hey, is that the madwoman you mentioned? This woman's still got her charms..."
Only then did everyone notice the woman standing behind Qi Yinyin, whom she had been shielding all along.
The woman was very beautiful, but every movement betrayed a simple-mindedness. Her eyes were blank, as though she recognized no one. She muttered something unintelligible, clutching her head and huddling up, trembling incessantly.
Upstairs, Red Adornment narrowed her eyes. "When did they come in? How did I miss them?"
Ji Qingxi reminded her, "Mother, you were talking to Father then. Naturally, you didn't notice what was happening downstairs."
Red Adornment watched the woman curled into a ball, the emotions in her eyes complex and unreadable.
What a coincidence. She had been back only a few days and had already encountered an old acquaintance.
Keenly sensing something, Ji Qingrang asked softly, "An old acquaintance of yours, Mother?"
Red Adornment curved her lips in a cold smile. "Yes. A very familiar one."
Was she not an old acquaintance indeed?
Between herself and Ji Jingsheng, they had killed the woman's entire family back then. How could they not be familiar?
Ji Qingrang turned and rested his hands on the wooden railing, surveying the situation with a frown. Anyone who was not blind could see that Qi Yinyin's martial arts were inadequate. She could not possibly handle those men around her.
The guards beside her looked imposing enough, but somehow, all of them seemed intimidated.
Household guards were generally reluctant to provoke martial-world travelers. These people lived on the knife's edge, and many were desperate outlaws. The guards were merely doing a job, earning money to feed their families. None wanted to throw their lives away.
Ji Qingrang asked, "Should we help them?"
Red Adornment raised a brow and smiled without answering.
The commotion below grew louder. Afraid something would happen, Liu Xinlü hurried downstairs to send an inn attendant to report it to the authorities.
Qi Yinyin's eyes were red with fury. Gripping her long saber, she stabbed viciously, slashing, swinging, striking. But those men toyed with her like a performing monkey, each speaking more indecently than the last. They dodged swiftly and shouted louder and louder, infuriating her.
The entire table's food came crashing down, scattering across the floor. The surrounding people jeered without restraint, while the guards stood caught in a dilemma.
Only then did Red Adornment slowly rise and walk toward the stairs, saying leisurely to Ji Qingrang, "Go. Settle this for her."
Over there, Qi Yinyin had overturned the dining table and still had not vented her anger. But she was a physically weak young woman and truly had no strength left to fight. Several men seized the chance to surround her. Seeing things turn ugly, the guards finally stepped forward to intervene, only to have their limbs twisted and restrained until they could not move.
There was no shortage of louts among these men, bold enough to misbehave in broad daylight. One reached out and stroked Qi Yinyin's face before slipping away swiftly. Still unsatisfied, he held his hand beneath his nose and inhaled deeply, intoxication written across his face. Qi Yinyin flushed crimson with rage.
"What are you trying to do? You-"
The man roared with laughter. "What am I trying to do? Hahaha, you, of course, Miss Qi-oh, no, Miss Ji Yin..."
As he laughed, he suddenly stopped.
A gleaming silver weapon was lodged in the top of his hair, barely more than an inch from splitting his skull.
"Tormenting a young woman for no reason is not the conduct of a true man."
On the steps stood a slender, elegant youth with his hands behind his back. Straight and tall as fine bamboo, he possessed a gentleman's bearing.
Ji Qingrang approached and pulled out the U-shaped nail. The man was already deathly pale with fright. Even with Ji Qingrang standing before him, he only trembled, not daring to move.
There was no other reason: this young gentleman's martial arts were truly formidable. A single glance was enough to tell that killing him would be as easy as turning over a hand.
Yet Ji Qingrang merely retrieved his hidden weapon, carefully wiped it clean, and tucked it into his robe. He then stepped back a few paces to make room, gestured toward Qi Yinyin, and said gently, "Apologize to her."
Knowing they had encountered someone they could not afford to provoke today, the men had no choice. They lowered their heads, cupped their hands, and bowed. "We're sorry."
Qi Yinyin lifted her chin and said harshly, "Get lost."
The young gentleman simply stood there quietly, watching them apologize, watching them pay, then watching them leave for good.
A little later, the crowd dispersed, and everything looked as though nothing had happened.
Liu Xinlü counted the money nearby. Ji Qingrang bowed and said gently, "You've had a fright, miss."
Qi Yinyin put away her saber and bent to help her mother up. Having traveled far and wide on business with her father, she was hardly timid. She could deal with rough men, but faced with such refined elegance, she was so embarrassed she did not know where to put her hands or feet. Rather at a loss, she said, "Thank you."
Ji Qingrang chuckled. "You're welcome. If you wish to thank anyone, thank my mother. She was the one who asked me to help."
Qi Yinyin nodded and asked, "Where is your mother?"
"Here."
A clear, melodious female voice sounded behind her.
Qi Yinyin turned and saw a woman in red standing nearby, her black hair cascading like a waterfall, her skin smooth as congealed cream. Though she was somewhat older, her allure remained unchanged. Her eyes in particular held three parts enchantment and three parts liveliness, almost drawing anyone who looked into them.
Even Qi Yinyin, who prided herself on having met countless people, had to admit inwardly that this was a rare exotic beauty.
"So alike," she said.
Qi Yinyin froze and blurted, "What?"
Red Adornment smiled. "You and Qi Jin."
Qi Yinyin asked in confusion, "You know my father?"
Red Adornment nodded. "Not only your father. I know your mother too." As she spoke, she turned and gently crouched down.
The woman, who had been hugging herself in a ball all this time, had never loosened her arms, refusing to move even when Qi Yinyin tried pulling her up. She whimpered, her eyes squeezed shut, her eyeballs trembling beneath her lids. Large tears fell, her expression frightened and pitiful.
Red Adornment reached out and gently touched her head.
This movement also put Qi Yinyin on her guard. Narrowing her eyes, she stepped forward with some displeasure. But after only two steps, a young girl laughing sweetly blocked her path.
"Don't worry, big sister. My mother won't do anything," Ji Qingxi said with a bright smile. "She only wants to say a few words to your mother. We'll leave once she's finished."
Hearing this, Qi Yinyin frowned deeply. She glanced back at Ji Qingrang's gentle smile and ultimately did not advance, merely staring fixedly at Red Adornment.
The whimpering woman did not open her eyes. Her expression was full of misery, as though she were truly terrified to the utmost.
Red Adornment embraced her tenderly, her slender white fingers stroking inch by inch behind her ear.
"Little white rabbit, long time no see."
In a corner no one could see, with her back to the sunlight, her smile was icy and full of malice.
"Do you still remember me? I'm Red Adornment." As she spoke, she leaned close to Yin Qingyan's ear and enunciated every word. "The Red Adornment who killed your mother and stole your Third Brother Ji."
Yin Qingyan trembled, her eyes tightly shut, refusing to raise her head or answer no matter what.
Red Adornment's gaze was dark and cold as she spoke softly into her ear, too quietly for anyone else to hear.
"I guessed his choice correctly." She lifted her clear black-and-white eyes and smiled. "But is this drug really so potent that its effects haven't faded even after more than ten years? I truly can't work out whether you're pretending to be mad or really are mad." She paused, then looked as though realization had dawned. "Actually, being mad must feel rather nice, mustn't it? Hiding inside this shell, with no need to concern yourself with anything else. But this won't do. Look, your enemy is right before you, yet you don't dare move a muscle. At least you dared to kill me back then. How have you become so timid now?"
Yin Qingyan's face turned deathly pale. A muffled growl of pain escaped her as she curled up, hugged her knees, and buried her head, shrinking back. Her voice was full of bewilderment, sorrow, and fear.
Red Adornment gently brushed the hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear, saying languidly, "Hide if you want, but there's something I think you have to know. You probably don't know yet..."
The woman trying to escape suddenly began shaking her head frantically, as though pleading with her not to speak.
Had she really gone mad?
Red Adornment sneered, every word perfectly clear:
"When I went to kill your mother back then, the one who told me she was home alone, isolated and helpless, was your dear, darling husband."
(II)
For an instant, the woman before her seemed to have lost her soul.
Only a moment passed before she silently, slowly raised her head. Perhaps it was a trick of the eye, but apart from resentment, all that remained in those tear-filled eyes was a vacant daze.
Fifteen years had flashed by, yet Yin Qingyan was no different from before. Qi Jin truly was a good husband. He knew when she was cold or warm, understood her thoughts, and held her in the palm of his hand, cherishing her beyond measure.
So when she heard those words, there was bewilderment alongside her hatred, profound sorrow alongside the utmost shock in her eyes.
He had turned her into a madwoman, then loved her to death.
How laughable.
Red Adornment touched her temple, revealing that once-familiar, mocking smile. Her pitch-black eyes watched Yin Qingyan, who was steeped in sorrow.
"Let it end here."
Sunlight scattered brilliant shadows across the hem of her skirt, mottled and fragmented as it swayed.
"You regained your senses long ago, didn't you?" Red Adornment closed her eyes and sighed as though in regret. "What, have you finally fallen in love with him?"
For a long while, no one answered.
Yin Qingyan's brows drew tightly together, her long lashes wet. She stared fixedly at Red Adornment, then suddenly gave an incoherent, unprompted cry, pushed Red Adornment aside, and ran out the door.
Qi Yinyin cried out in alarm, "Mother, what's wrong-"
She grabbed her saber and was about to follow when she caught sight of Red Adornment looking utterly at ease, even brushing nonexistent dust from her skirt. She gritted her teeth and held herself back. Remembering that this woman was, after all, her benefactor, she forced the harsh words back down.
Qi Yinyin's expression was so obvious that Red Adornment could hardly miss it. But she was not angry; she even lifted her chin toward Qi Yinyin quite gently. "Go after her."
Qi Yinyin's expression darkened further. She stamped her foot and hurried out.
But as she passed Ji Qingrang, she caught sight of the young gentleman in white still watching her with a silent smile, an effortless elegance in his features. Her hurried steps faltered. Turning sideways, she asked, "What's your name?"
Ji Qingrang smiled faintly. "Ji Qingrang."
Qi Yinyin pressed her lips together and turned her head away awkwardly, saying softly, "Qi Yinyin, from Gusu."
With that, she ran out without looking back. But her faintly flushed face did not escape anyone's notice. Had it not been for the sound of her footsteps, perhaps they could even have heard the girl's pounding heart.
Red Adornment folded her arms and scoffed. "Exactly the same taste as her mother."
Fine rain suddenly drifted down from the clear afternoon sky, growing heavier and heavier. Before long, it was pouring in torrents, thunder crashing overhead as heaven and earth changed color.
Qi Yinyin finally found Yin Qingyan crouching beneath an eave, hugging herself and trembling, her face impossibly pale.
With no time to spare for anything else, she hurriedly ordered people to bring Yin Qingyan home.
When they reached the Qi Clan's residence, Qi Jin had yet to return. A maid reported that something had gone wrong with the money house's business and he had gone to deal with it. But he had been very worried upon hearing of Qi Yinyin's clash at There Is an Inn that day and was already on his way back.
Qi Yinyin nodded and dismissed everyone else, leaving only herself and Yin Qingyan in the bedroom.
Yin Qingyan had changed into clean clothes and sat blankly on the edge of the bed, her thoughts unknown.
Qi Yinyin was very familiar with this side of Yin Qingyan. For more than ten years, her mother had almost always been like this, sitting alone in a daze, occasionally doing childish things that made people laugh.
In truth, she knew her mother was "ill" and had been since giving birth to her. The illness was called madness, and it left her unable to recognize anyone, including her father.
Yet her father had always loved her mother deeply. Even when her mother gazed vacantly at him and called him "Third Cousin," he would merely answer her softly after a moment of disappointment.
Qi Yinyin felt her father must be unhappy. She had never heard of her parents being cousins. Yet her father did not seem to mind; he could even be called content.
Qi Yinyin said, "Mother, you..."
A hand rose, cutting her off.
In the candlelight, Yin Qingyan looked bewildered, deeply bewildered. Amid the flickering light, the gaze she fixed on Qi Yinyin was profound, yet somehow unreal.
"Mother, what's wrong?"
Yin Qingyan lowered her head and remained silent.
Light shone across the earth, dust flying like the rolling dust of the mortal world.
A journey through life lasted mere decades; love was bewildering, and hatred was bewildering too.
"Yinyin."
Those sudden words from Yin Qingyan rooted Qi Yinyin to the spot. For no reason she could name, unease rose in her heart like ten thousand ants crawling over it, filling her with dread.
Yin Qingyan had never called her "Yinyin." From childhood onward, she had always been "Ji Yin" in her mother's eyes.
For a moment, Qi Yinyin could not even tell whether Yin Qingyan had called her "Yinyin" or "Yin-Yin."
"You're my daughter..." Yin Qingyan smiled, tears in her eyes. "My daughter."
Qi Yinyin was truly frightened. "Mother..."
Yin Qingyan raised her hand again, but this time, she did not interrupt her. Instead, she slowly rose and walked over to her.
In the silence, Yin Qingyan gently embraced Qi Yinyin's slender body.
She sighed softly. "You're my pride, my treasure."
Rumble-
Thunder suddenly tore through the quiet night sky.
Pale light illuminated the face before her. Yin Qingyan looked so sorrowful, yet so resolute. Beneath her gaze, Qi Yinyin's heart pounded ever harder. Dimly, she sensed that something was about to happen.
It would surely be something she did not want to see, so she said nothing and merely stared fixedly at Yin Qingyan.
"Child," Yin Qingyan slowly released her and looked into her eyes, "go outside for now."
Suppressing her unease, Qi Yinyin stubbornly raised her head. "No. I'm staying here with you. I'm not going anywhere."
Yin Qingyan sighed. "Be good. I'll wait here for your father to return. I want to speak with him alone."
Qi Yinyin stood where she was, that sense of unease growing ever more frightening. Almost instinctively, she refused. Her thoughts were a tangled, buzzing mess, and in her agitation, she blurted out, "About what? That Third Cousin? But didn't he leave Jiangnan ages ago? What's there left to say..."
"...Yinyin."
Yin Qingyan looked at her, her lips trembling and her face pale. "Don't say any more. Go."
Qi Yinyin stood in Yin Qingyan's way. Perhaps because she had suffered grievances that day, and because Yin Qingyan was behaving so unusually "normally," she momentarily forgot that Yin Qingyan really was a "madwoman."
"Mother, what's so good about that man? Could he possibly treat you better than Father does?" Qi Yinyin demanded, raising her voice. "Don't you know how Father treats you? Why bring this up with him when everything's fine? Don't you know Father can be hurt too?"
"I know," Yin Qingyan said softly.
She turned her head away, her gaze so deep that nothing within it could be discerned.
How could she fail to understand Qi Yinyin's questioning, her unease making her bare her teeth and claws like a little beast?
Her heart trembled violently. Within her muddled awareness, there was so much she could not distinguish. Over the past decade and more, she sometimes knew the man before her was Qi Jin, and sometimes thought he was the figure in white she had once loved most. She had lived in a haze, awake today and drunk tomorrow, squandering the years like that.
If not for Red Adornment, perhaps she would never have forced herself to wake.
Qi Yinyin had asked whether she truly knew how Qi Jin treated her.
Deep within her soul, an answer had long existed. It was a gentle voice, telling her: You know. How could you possibly not know? Yin Qingyan, put your hand over your conscience and ask yourself: that man, your husband, has he treated you well? Has he been sincere toward you... With heaven above and the bright moon as witness, do you truly not know at all?
Impossible.
You know better than anyone.
He would die for you.
Only after a long time did Yin Qingyan shake her head. Smiling, she stroked Qi Yinyin's long hair. After that initial confusion, she had grown somewhat weary. "When your father returns, I'll say these things to him myself."
"But I want to..."
"Be good. Listen to me." Yin Qingyan's brows knitted, sorrow settling over her smooth face.
She, too, was past thirty, yet she was almost unchanged from those days. Qi Jin had spoiled her to the heavens. Though he no longer held any standing in the jianghu, he had used his money to build her a golden house, sheltering her from wind and rain for over a decade. In truth, her life was far, far better than that of ordinary people.
She had no sorrows, and therefore no wrinkles. She still looked young, still beautiful and captivating.
Qi Yinyin bit her lip, wanting to shake her head. But seeing her mother's expression worsen, she could only force herself to hold back.
Her mother so rarely called her by the right name. She did not want to go against her wishes at such a rare moment and upset her.
In the end, she turned and left. Before she closed the door, she saw Yin Qingyan standing with her back to her in the dim candlelight, her thoughts unknown.
Perhaps she was thinking of Father, or perhaps of that cousin.
So just what sort of man was he? What made her mother yearn for him, remembering him for so many years even in her madness?
Suddenly, for some reason, Qi Yinyin thought of the boy she had met at the inn that day.
Like piled jade, like ranks of emerald pines; his beauty stood unrivaled, without equal in the world.
Ji. Qing. Rang.
What a pity. She did not know whether she would ever have the chance to see him again.
Soon, Yin Qingyan was alone in the vast room.
In the silent room, she stared blankly at the candlelight, then suddenly began to laugh. As she laughed, her eyes reddened and tears streamed down, yet her expression abruptly turned cold.
"The one who told me your mother was home alone, isolated and helpless, was your dear, darling husband."
Absurd.
In the lonely silence, Yin Qingyan turned those words over and over until sealed memories broke through the aged years like a glacier cracking apart, making heaven and earth quake as they came rolling forth.
Almost frantically, she covered her ears, resisting the terrifying waves surging within her heart.
The night wind blew through the cracks, making the candlelight and its shadow sway, stretching the shadow long.
It was too cold, cold to the bone.
As though the last handful of fire in the human world had gone out.
After an unknown stretch of time, the door creaked open, and someone approached.
A warm robe settled over Yin Qingyan's shoulders, and she was drawn into a familiar embrace.
"Did you suffer a grievance this afternoon?"
The man's broad hand patted her back soothingly. "I heard everything. Don't be afraid. I promise nothing like that will happen again."
Yin Qingyan did not move.
Only then did the person behind her realize something was wrong. She was trembling faintly, as though terrified.
Qi Jin grew worried. He pulled at her with greater force, asking urgently, "What's wrong? What happened?"
Following his pull, the woman in his arms lifted her head, revealing a face no longer young, her eyes swimming with tears. Yet her gaze was extraordinarily calm.
The bewilderment, distance, and emptiness of her usual expression seemed to have vanished.
Her gaze was somewhat unfocused. Only after a while did it settle on Qi Jin's face, before she abruptly turned away a mere instant later.
But an instant was enough.
She had seen the white hair at his temples and the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes. With the Yin Clan slaughtered and the Ji Family destroyed, Qi Jin's life had not been easy. He had all but hollowed himself out to sustain hers.
All these years, she had suffered no hardship. However splendid and presentable she had been in her youth, she remained just as radiant now.
After a long while, Yin Qingyan suddenly threw herself into Qi Jin's arms, her voice drifting lightly, almost a murmur.
"A-Jin."
Qi Jin froze.
She had never called him that.
No, that was wrong.
She had. She had called him that.
But that had been more than ten years ago, so long ago that he had failed to react at all.
Qi Jin was a little surprised and a little frightened. His throat tightened as he asked softly, "What did you call me?"
Yin Qingyan held him without answering.
Scenes like this had happened so many times before. Ever since Yin Qingyan had gone mad, she had often clung to Qi Jin like this. Later, when they married and had a child, her heart and eyes had remained almost entirely filled with him-with this "Third Cousin."
It had been so very, very long since she had called him "A-Jin."
Qi Jin thought he had misheard. His fingers gripped Yin Qingyan's shoulders as he stared into her ink-black eyes.
Those pale lips parted and closed slightly, weariness filling her face beneath her curved brows.
Yin Qingyan said, "A-Jin, I saw Red Adornment today."
As she said this, her gaze was calm, so calm that not a trace of pain could be seen. Yet her words were like thunder exploding beside Qi Jin's ears.
His fingers tightened abruptly, his face turning deathly pale as horror surfaced in his eyes.
Mountains crumbled and the earth split apart. It felt as though blood churned in his throat. Unable to believe it, he used all his strength to restrain himself and persisted hoarsely, "Who is Red Adornment?"
Yin Qingyan looked at him. "You should know better than I do."
All sound fell silent, and heaven and earth grew boundless and bleak.
For an instant, Qi Jin could not utter a single word.
Tears fell onto the back of her hand, drop by drop. Yin Qingyan drew her hand out of his grasp, closed her eyes, and trembled without stopping.
"Why..."
She asked softly.
Why had she been made to wake?
Why had she been made to remember?
Why could she not have remained in that haze forever?
There would have been nothing wrong with living her whole life that way.
But she had woken. She was awake, and her lifetime had come to an end.
The pain was truly unbearable. In her daze, she remembered many years ago, when she had still been a girl in her budding youth, the brightest, most captivating butterfly in Jiangnan. A young boy had always followed behind her, calling her "Miss" again and again, humble and respectful.
Sometimes, she would ask him, "Why do you always call me Miss? Aren't you the sect master?"
The young boy would answer, "Because Miss is the most precious person in the world. I must never treat you lightly."
She would frown, thinking him so strange.
Later, this strange person kept appearing by her side. When she slipped out to play, he let her step on his shoulders to climb the high wall. When she was subjected to family discipline, he stood firmly before her elders and took the punishment for her.
He protected her, cherished her, and valued her as his own life. Through every lovely season of blooming flowers, he had been by her side.
Yet this same person had become the murderer's accomplice, fed her medicine that drove her mad, and imprisoned her at his side to bear his children.
Drifting and sinking through that boundless haze, all her finest years had passed in the blink of an eye.
"A-Jin," Yin Qingyan murmured, "I'm sorry."
Qi Jin paused, then drew her into his arms again. "It's all right."
No matter what you did, it was all right.
No matter what mistakes you made, it was all right.
I would always forgive you.
You would never need to feel guilty.
It was all right.
Even if a long saber plunged into my chest and pierced my heart, it was all right.
"...I'm sorry."
Yin Qingyan let go and buried her face in her palms. The blood on her fingertips smeared her cheeks, and tears streamed down, leaving two long trails. She bit her lips tight, holding all her sobs and anguish in her throat.
But Qi Jin only watched her tenderly, without even glancing at the saber in his chest. This was the saber he had used to threaten Red Adornment back then. He had wanted to kill her, and Ji Zhiyuan had stopped him, but he had not cared. He had said he did not want Yin Qingyan's gratitude. He wanted her wishes fulfilled.
After all these years, he still wanted only for her wishes to be fulfilled.
So even if what she wanted was his life, that was all right too.
Qi Jin raised his hand to wipe the tears from her face. His eyes gradually lost focus, yet his gaze remained fixed on her.
But he no longer had the strength to wipe away the stains on her face.
In his vision, Yin Qingyan's face grew increasingly blurred. She said nothing more, only gazed at him through her tears.
She was actually very timid. All her arrogance, all her daring to act without restraint, came from having Qi Jin behind her. She could not let Qi Jin off, yet she could not bear to leave him either.
When she learned the truth, she had already made her decision.
Qi Jin's lips moved, and he softly spoke his final words:
"It's all right."
He closed his eyes. The last thing he heard was a beastlike wail.
It tore at the heart and lungs, as though someone had gouged out her heart and liver, leaving a bloody mess of flesh.
Yin Qingyan gazed at Qi Jin's corpse, her expression utterly complicated. After a long while, she pressed her lips together and stepped forward to embrace him.
Warmth covered the cold.
The long saber was pulled free. Before long, it sank into another chest.
The blade sliced through flesh, but what flowed out was tender, lingering affection.
Yin Qingyan never considered whether she truly loved Qi Jin. He was aloof and cold, arrogant yet self-abasing, highly capable and ruthless in his methods. He had turned her into a madwoman, but had he not also been driven mad by love?
She knew only that her heart was not made of stone.
People were not grass and trees; who could be without feeling?
He had cherished her for so long that, the moment Qi Jin died, she no longer wanted to live either.
I cannot forgive you, but I want to stay with you.
Hell is too cold. If I walk alone, I will be afraid.
The rain had stopped, and the moon on the horizon was not quite full.
She lay over her husband's corpse and, in a daze, thought again of long ago.
She could not remember which year it had been. Flowers bloomed like brocade, and the stars shone brilliantly. Troubled by love, she sat alone in a pavilion, despondent.
Someone approached. She turned in delight and called, "Cousin!"
But it was that utterly unremarkable face. With a long robe draped over his arm and his eyes meekly lowered, he said to her, "The night is late, and the dew is heavy. Miss, take care not to catch a chill."
She had always liked to mistreat her body. Whenever she fell ill, she could use it as an excuse to seek out the little healer immortal of Gusu and enjoy a moment of tenderness.
But she actually knew that her cousin would treat her injuries and illnesses, doing everything he could. Yet only the man before her would drape a cloak over her, worrying that she might catch a chill and develop a high fever.
So many things, examined closely, were wrong.
Yet this sincere heart alone shone ever bright as the full moon, always lighting her way home.
Outside the window, flowers withered and petals flew; lingering love was still remembered, drop by drop in the tears of those who parted.