The Anemo Archon's "Didi Sliding Service" and the Little Red Mushroom Beneath the Cryo Regisvine

Early the next morning... no, to be precise, when Wei Zhenzu's eyes snapped open on the familiar hard bed in the Knights of Favonius' infirmary, glaring sunlight was already streaming through the wooden lattice window onto his face.

Wei Zhenzu sprang upright, grabbed the pocket watch by his bed, and took one look. His whole mood soured.

"The sun's already this high? Weren't we supposed to set out with Kaeya's advance party to investigate Stormterror's Lair first thing this morning? How come there wasn't even a wake-up call?"

As Wei Zhenzu hurriedly pulled on his red Dante-style coat, he mentally tore into the Knights of Favonius' timekeeping system. They deserved a performance deduction.

"Stop yelling. Your main party is long gone."

With a crisp crunching sound, Davidai (Paimon) floated leisurely over through the air.

She was hugging an apple bigger than her face and eating it with relish:

"The tone-deaf bard came running to the Knights' headquarters early this morning. He told Kaeya to let you sleep a little longer and have the scouting party set out first. He said he had a special way of traveling to teach you in private."

"A special way of traveling?"

After quickly washing his face with cold water, Wei Zhenzu hurried out of the infirmary with Paimon.

The moment he stepped outside, he saw Venti sitting on the stone railing outside the Knights' headquarters, tossing an apple in one hand and swinging his feet idly in the air.

"Good morning, Traveler. Did you sleep well last night?" Venti hopped down with a smile, showing no awareness that he was late.

"Like hell I did. Kaeya and the others are already out of sight. If we leave now, we won't even get to eat an Abyss Mage's exhaust." Wei Zhenzu rubbed his temples irritably.

"Don't worry, don't worry. The Anemo Archon is watching over you." Venti stepped forward, extended his fair right hand, and solemnly touched a finger to the back of Wei Zhenzu's left hand.

A surge of pure turquoise energy, carrying the scent of a gentle breeze, flowed from Venti's fingertip into him.

Wei Zhenzu looked down and saw a faintly glowing Anemo mark on the back of his hand.

"What's this?" Wei Zhenzu clenched his fist experimentally, puzzled.

"It's a little backdoor I left on you."

Venti lowered his voice, a flicker of complicated emotion passing through his emerald eyes,

"When you enter Stormterror's Lair and truly face Dvalin, and the situation becomes beyond saving... activate it. It will say a few things to that child in my place."

Wei Zhenzu's heart sank, and he nodded solemnly.

It seemed Stormterror's situation was even more complicated and dangerous than it had been in the game's story.

With the serious business taken care of, Venti pulled an exquisite little wooden cup from beneath his cape as if by magic and handed it to Wei Zhenzu.

The cup contained a viscous green liquid with a rich fruity fragrance and a faint smell of alcohol.

"What is this, Fairy Gentleman's bathwater?" Wei Zhenzu leaned back warily.

"Ehe, what a thing to say. This is a special catalyst drink I made by combining the Green Light Fruit extracted last night with Anemo energy."

Venti patted his chest proudly,

"Kaeya and the others are traveling on two legs. Drink this, and I guarantee you'll not only catch up with the main party, you'll even be able to get ahead of them and have lunch."

Wei Zhenzu accepted the cup, half skeptical.

Considering that Venti was the Anemo Archon, at least, and surely wouldn't poison him, he pinched his nose and tilted his head back, gulping down the green liquid.

"The taste... is a little like mint-flavored menzi soup?" Wei Zhenzu smacked his lips. Aside from a warm feeling in his stomach, nothing seemed to have changed.

But when he tentatively stepped forward with his left foot, something strange suddenly happened.

The sole of his boot, which had been resting on the rough stone bricks, suddenly became as though it had been coated in the slipperiest lubricant in the world, losing all friction.

It felt just like he had two pieces of green jelly spinning at high speed under his feet!

"Holy shit!"

Wei Zhenzu instantly lost his balance and shot forward in a comical pose.

With a whoosh, he left an afterimage on the stone road and slammed straight into a huge pile of empty cardboard boxes on the street corner.

The boxes flew everywhere. Wei Zhenzu lay sprawled in the pile of waste cardboard, a box with a hole in it perched on his head.

"Pfft... hahahahahaha!"

Paimon, floating in midair, burst into a honking laugh and rolled wildly through the air, clutching her stomach,

"Liangzi, you look just like a Cryo Slime that's out of the water and bouncing around on the ground."

"Keep laughing and you won't get dinner tonight."

Wei Zhenzu pulled the box off his head and struggled to get up.

But he discovered that as soon as his feet touched the ground, the slippery fairy slime effect kicked in again.

After falling several times in a sorry heap, Wei Zhenzu's skills as a gaming expert finally came into play.

Crouching halfway, he managed to grasp the essence of this "Anemo Archon-brand Didi sliding service," as if he were roller-skating.

"Here we go!"

Wei Zhenzu pushed off with both legs and glided smoothly along the City of Mondstadt's streets toward the gate. Paimon flapped her little wings desperately behind him, barely managing to keep up with the dust he kicked up.

He went faster and faster, the wind howling in his ears.

Wei Zhenzu even pulled off a flashy drift around a street corner, making passing Mondstadt citizens turn to look.

"Wahahahaha! Venti's trick works pretty well. I feel like I'm going faster than I would on a wind current!" Wei Zhenzu shouted excitedly.

But as he rushed downhill at a terrifying speed toward the famous stone bridge outside the City of Mondstadt's gate, the smile froze on his face.

"Wait... where are the brakes on this thing?" Wei Zhenzu looked down in horror at his feet, which were still accelerating.

In the middle of the stone bridge, Timmie stood with his back to the city gate, holding a handful of wheat and feeding his precious flock of pigeons with a look of devotion.

"Out of the way, out of the way! I can't stop!"

Timmie turned around in bewilderment, only to see a red afterimage hurtling toward him with a howling gust of wind.

Bang-splat!

There was no suspense at all.

Like a cannonball, Wei Zhenzu plowed straight through the middle of the entire flock of pigeons.

White feathers exploded into the air like snowflakes.

He was going so fast that several pigeons that couldn't take flight in time were smashed on the spot into an exaggerated cloud of blood mist with a mosaic-like texture.

"Aaaaaah! My pigeons!"

Timmie clutched his head in both hands and let out a despairing scream that rang to the heavens.

"Sorry, Timmie-I'll make you Sweet Madame to make it up to you later-"

Wei Zhenzu's voice rapidly faded into the distance beyond the bridge along with his sliding afterimage.

After leaving the city, Wei Zhenzu came to understand what an out-of-control wild horse was like.

The fairy slime under his feet had zero friction, and with the uneven terrain in the wild, he couldn't control his direction at all.

He was supposed to turn northwest at the fork toward Stormterror's Lair, but as he passed Windrise, he ran over a round stone and veered straight off course, racing east all the way down the slope.

"You're off course, you're off course! Liangzi, you're going the wrong way! That's the way to the Temple of the Thousand Winds!" Paimon shouted directions at the top of her lungs behind him.

"I know, but I can't fucking stop!" Wei Zhenzu desperately plowed two deep furrows through the grass.

Just as he was about to slide past the cliff below the Temple of the Thousand Winds, the layer of green slime under his feet finally exhausted the last of its energy and vanished with a puff.

Without the lubricating buffer, Wei Zhenzu's powerful momentum sent him tumbling across the ground more than a dozen times before he fell with a thud into a cold, frost-covered pit underground.

"Ow, my poor back..." Wei Zhenzu lay sprawled in the snow, feeling as though his bones were about to fall apart.

Paimon floated down dizzily, as though little birds were circling her head:

"Ugh... I'm so dizzy... Liangzi, where are we? It's so cold here."

Wei Zhenzu rubbed his aching backside and climbed to his feet.

"Obviously, this isn't Stormterror's Lair." Wei Zhenzu swallowed and lowered his voice. "We slid straight into the Cryo Regisvine's lair."

Just as Wei Zhenzu was about to turn around and sneak away, his sharp eyes suddenly caught sight of a conspicuous patch of red in the grass around the Cryo Regisvine.

It was a tiny figure acting all sneaky.

The Knights of Favonius' ultimate fighting force, Mondstadt's demolition genius, Fleeing Sunlight-Klee?