[Distortion::Lord of the Birds of the Bridge] Timmie
With Venti's help, everyone landed safely on the outskirts of the ruins.
Along the way, they encountered the main force of the Knights of Favonius, who had long been stationed there.
When the knights saw the Grand Master and Kaeya return safely, they erupted in thunderous cheers.
Eula and Jean finally breathed a sigh of relief as well.
Under Varka's command, the Knights of Favonius quickly regrouped and set off for the City of Mondstadt under cover of night.
No one spoke along the way. Exhausted, all they wanted was to hurry back to their warm beds and get some sleep.
However, when the main force passed through the Whispering Woods and returned to the fields outside the City of Mondstadt, Varka and Wei Zhenzu, who were walking at the front, stopped at the same time.
Something was off about the atmosphere.
The moonlight was bleak tonight.
Mondstadt's gates, which should have been tightly shut and on the highest alert with Diluc holding the fort... were eerily wide open.
There were no lights, no shouts from the guards.
A faint smell of machine oil, like that of gears grinding against one another, hung over the massive stone bridge, along with a few drifting gray feathers.
A small figure stood silently at the very center of the bridge.
He had his back to the group, and countless "pigeons" were scattered across the ground around him, mechanically bobbing their heads and pecking at food.
Only their eyes were scarlet, and their wings were assembled from sharp metal gears.
Wei Zhenzu's pupils abruptly contracted.
System panels popped open uncontrollably across his retina, red warning boxes occupying almost his entire field of vision.
The little boy who was always feeding pigeons on the bridge and crying when they were frightened away was now slowly turning his head.
A mad, inhuman light flickered in his completely unfocused eyes.
"My pigeons... didn't fly away today..."
The hollow, distorted voice of a child echoed faintly across the silent stone bridge.
[Designation: D-04-999] [Distortion::Lord of the Birds of the Bridge] Timmie
Timmie was no longer the little boy who stood crying at Mondstadt's bridge.
His current form was a "mechanical patchwork pigeon" as large as a truck.
The pigeon's body was assembled from a Ruin Guard's armor, and the back that had once launched missiles had become a pair of enormous mechanical wings capable of whipping up fierce winds.
The Ruin Guard's signature "big single eye" had become the pigeon's red-glowing head monitor.
Timmie himself was half embedded in the giant mechanical pigeon's chest, clutching a bag of wheat stained black with blood and machine oil.
As he sobbed, his tears turned into homing "high-explosive fowl missiles" in midair.
"Wh... what's going on?"
Kaeya's eyes went wide. He looked at the little boy in the middle of the bridge, shrouded in a bizarre aura, then at Wei Zhenzu beside him, who was braced for a major threat.
"Has your specialty spread to Mondstadt's minors now?"
"Specialty, my ass! This is obviously an emotional breakdown caused by prolonged psychological trauma, which ultimately triggered a Distortion!"
Wei Zhenzu was hopping with anxiety.
He knew all too well where Timmie's trauma came from.
Across Teyvat, how many Travelers made it their first daily task to run to this bridge and use Diluc's Dawn, Venti's Wind God's Ode, Ganyu's Frostflake Arrow, Yelan's Lingering Lifeline...
to subject these innocent pigeons to an inhumane saturation bombardment?
The pigeons didn't even get a chance to fly away before they were turned into a steaming pile of fowl.
And now, the resentment of this "number one fowl supplier in Teyvat" had completely erupted under the influence of The City's laws.
"What are you waiting for? Pillars of the Knights of Favonius, Grand Master! Acting Grand Master! Cavalry Captain! Get him! For Mondstadt's peace, hurry and take down this Lord of Fowl!"
As if grasping at a lifeline, Wei Zhenzu whipped around to look at the others behind him.
But then came a suffocatingly awkward moment.
The group who had fought so bravely side by side in the ruins all took a step back at once.
Their movements were so synchronized, it was as if they had rehearsed them thousands of times.
Grand Master Varka suddenly clutched his chest and let out a series of theatrical coughs:
"Cough, cough... oh dear, the fight with Dvalin was too intense. These old bones of mine... I've thrown out my back. Kaeya, quick, help me find somewhere to sit."
"Yes, Grand Master. Come to think of it, I was badly chilled back there too. The Cavalry Captain isn't very good at dealing with winged mechanical creatures."
Whistling, Kaeya casually helped Varka retreat over a hundred meters away.
Acting Grand Master Jean lowered her head with a guilty expression, her eyes darting about:
"Th... Liangzi, it's not that we're unwilling to help. It's just... if we trace the cause of what happened to this child... cough, it was because you roasted his pigeons to charcoal. The Knights of Favonius have a rule: you must clean up your own mess..."
Eula folded her arms and let out a cold snort:
"I won't hold this grudge for you. Timmie has it hard enough already. You people who kill pigeons every day deserve your retribution."
"You! You disloyal people of Teyvat!" Wei Zhenzu felt like crying but had no tears, isolated and helpless.
"Go, Liangzi! Use Meat, Egg, Scallion, Chicken!"
At some point, Paimon had pulled out a red-and-white baseball cap and put it on. Waving her little hand through the air, she looked just like a Pokémon trainer directing a battle.
"Meat, Egg, Scallion, Chicken, my ass! Ryoshu isn't even here, all right?! And what the hell do you mean, Meat, Egg, Scallion, Chicken? That's Da Sima's skill from next door! Don't mix things up!"
Wei Zhenzu grabbed Paimon by the cheeks and flung her aside.
There was no choice. He could only rely on himself.
Wei Zhenzu took a deep breath and prepared to summon a Limbus Bus Identity to deal with the crisis before him. Out of habit, he tapped the air to open the system panel, ready to draw Lunacy.
[Current Lunacy balance: 0]
"What the fuck? Where's my Lunacy? I haven't checked in today!"
Wei Zhenzu felt as though he'd been struck by lightning. Only now did he remember that, aboard Mephistopheles, just as he was about to connect to Wi-Fi and claim his monthly pass Lunacy, that pervert Argalia's video call had interrupted him.
Without Lunacy, he couldn't overwrite an Identity. He was just an ordinary chef in a suit, too weak to truss a chicken.
"I'm screwed. I'm going to be pecked to death by a bunch of pigeons..." Wei Zhenzu clutched his head in despair.
"Ehe, looks like the Traveler's in trouble~"
Venti appeared beside Wei Zhenzu, playing with a rectangular card that glowed gold. He smiled and held it out to him.
"This is..."
Wei Zhenzu looked closely, and his pupils instantly widened.
It was a guaranteed three-light Identity ticket for the second season!
"I picked it up in the ruins just now. I saw the strange gear pattern printed on it and guessed it was something you'd need."
Venti blinked, his smile full of mischief.