"Ha dada yi dala, modo nela yiduo yidie!"
Lord God: "(╯‵□′)╯︵┻━┻ Fuck you, why is there an opening theme too?!"
"Padding, dear."
-
Hongshi reached the central tower in the Forest of Death at the last moment and reunited with Yuhan and Hieimon. Seven teams passed the second exam in total: Team 3, Team Guy; Team 7, Team Kakashi; Team 8, Team Kurenai Yuhi; Team 10, Team Asuma Sarutobi; Team 13, Team Goshi Hyuga; the trio from Sunagakure; and the Sound Ninja trio.
The Third Hokage came in person to supervise, with the seven teams' Jonin instructors standing in a row behind him.
"First, congratulations to all of you on passing the second exam!" Mitarashi Anko was as energetic as ever. "However, we now have seven teams and twenty-one people. That's too many, so I've decided to hold preliminary matches."
"Preliminary matches?"
Mitarashi Anko stepped forward. "That's right. Although I said earlier that I wanted to eliminate well over half of you, I was hoping for a single-digit number. Now, I'll ask the Third Hokage to explain the things you need to know about the third exam."
Hiruzen Sarutobi stepped forward. "First, I'd like to explain why we hold this exam."
"The allied nations hold this exam together to deepen our friendly relations and improve our ninja's abilities. However, do not misinterpret those two statements."
"The Chunin Ninja Exams are a war in peacetime, a microcosm of war between allied nations."
Hongshi: "You mean the Olympics?"
Hiruzen Sarutobi: "???"
Yuhan: "Boss, could you please shut up?"
Hiruzen Sarutobi: "Ahem. Looking back through history, the nations that are allies now were once enemies. To avoid unnecessary wars, this place was chosen as the battlefield, and you are the ninja on that battlefield."
"The daimyo and prominent figures of the various nations who commission missions from us will all be invited to watch this exam. Therefore, you represent yourselves, your teams, your ninja villages, and your countries."
"The victors will earn their ninja villages greater prestige and more missions, while the opposite holds true for the defeated."
"This is a battle in which you must stake your lives for your dreams and your villages' standing."
Gaara spoke up. "Enough of that nonsense. Just tell me how I'm supposed to stake my life in battle."
Hongshi: "Oh, don't rush, Calabash Boy. You'll get your screen time."
Naruto raised his fist. "I hope I get matched against Sasuke. Then I can give him a good beating!"
Sasuke simply stared at Hongshi without a word.
"Cough, cough, cough." Gekko Hayate coughed a couple of times, then dropped to one knee before Hiruzen Sarutobi. "Lord Third, allow me to explain the rest. Cough, cough, cough."
"Very well."
Gekko Hayate turned to face everyone. "My name is-cough, cough, cough-Gekko Hayate-cough, cough. For the upcoming-cough, cough-third-cough-exam-cough, cough, cough-I will serve as-cough, cough, cough-the referee."
"('-'*) Why does this instructor look so sickly?"
"It feels like he's about to cough his liver out."
Gekko Hayate continued, "First, we need to-cough, cough, cough-have you undergo-cough, cough, cough-a preliminary round."
"Cough, cough, cough, cough..."
Hongshi: "Hey, why does it sound like he's getting worse?"
Gekko Hayate continued, "Only those who win in the preliminaries will qualify for-cough, cough-the third exam."
"So you're cutting our numbers in half again?"
Gekko Hayate nodded. "Cough, cough, cough, cough, cough. Cough, cough. Yes. We don't have much time. If you feel unwell or don't want to compete, you may raise your hand. Choosing to withdraw will not affect your teammates' eligibility. If everyone agrees, we'll begin the matches now."
"We're starting now? We only just finished the second exam!"
Hongshi raised his hand, much to everyone's surprise. "Well, Kamiaka Hieimon isn't feeling well and would like to withdraw."
Kamiaka Hieimon: "(°Д°≡°Д°) I... I'm not? But I don't want to withdraw."
Hongshi looked at Kamiaka Hieimon. "No, you do."
"No, I don't."
Yuhan also looked at Kamiaka Hieimon. "No, you really do."
Hieimon: "Do I want to or not?"
Hongshi flexed his fists, his eyes gleaming. "If you don't, you will in a moment."
The look made Hieimon's hair stand on end. "Sir, I'd like to withdraw."
Gekko Hayate took out Kamiaka Hieimon's file. "Kamiaka Hieimon of Team 13, Team Goshi Hyuga, voluntarily forfeits."
After waiting a few minutes without anyone else raising a hand to forfeit, Gekko Hayate continued, "Exactly twenty people. We'll hold ten preliminary matches, and the winners may participate in the third exam."
"There are no-cough, cough-particular rules for these matches. Fight until one side dies, loses con-cough, cough, cough-sciousness, or becomes unable to fight. If you want to live-cough, cough, cough-surrender quickly. Of course, if I believe-cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough-the outcome is obvious, I will forcibly intervene to keep deaths-cough, cough, cough-to a minimum."
Hongshi: "Buddy, if you really can't manage, how about seeing a doctor? You've coughed blood onto the files."
Mitarashi Anko pulled aside a curtain, revealing a monitor mounted on the wall. "This is your gateway to destiny!"
"Now, the first matchup is..."
"Hongshi! Versus!"
"Hinata Hyuga!"
Hongshi nearly jumped into the air. "Σ(っ°Д°;)っ What the fuck is this supposed to mean?!"
Naruto: "What? How could Hinata possibly beat Hongshi?"
Hinata Hyuga was very shy. "Um... Hongshi-kun, it's been a long time."
Hongshi had occasionally played with Hinata when he was little, but the Hyuga Clan's restrictions meant he had few opportunities. Moreover, Hongshi was so dark-skinned that, although Hinata didn't mind, the main family's bigwigs couldn't stand it.
Hongshi held his head. "Oh, what am I supposed to do?"
Hinata was still very shy, standing before Hongshi at a loss.
Naruto shouted from the stands, "Hey, Hinata! Hongshi's really slow! Knock him flat with your Gentle Fist!"
Temari frowned. "Hey, hey, hey, the difference in their builds is ridiculous. That baldy on the left is already two meters tall at his age, and he's so muscular. How could this little girl possibly beat him?"
Gaara said flatly, "Ordinary punches and kicks would have trouble penetrating his defenses, but the Hyuga Clan's Gentle Fist can. Gentle Fist can bypass external defenses and directly damage the internal organs."
Kankuro shrugged. "Even so, that little girl's stamina probably won't last long."
Hongshi seemed to make up his mind and sighed. "Hinata-chan, don't be shy. Give it everything you have. This is a battle for your personal honor and your clan's honor. The entire Hyuga Clan stands behind you."
Hinata thought for a long time before finally making up her mind. "All right, then I'll attack with everything I have!"
"Byakugan!"
Hongshi nodded. "Ox-Hare-Tiger. Earth Release: Rock Gauntlets!" He touched both fists to the ground, and rocks gathered around them to form gauntlets. He attacked Hinata, but his speed was far too slow.
Hinata accelerated forward, gathering chakra in her feet as she dodged Hongshi's attack.
"Gentle Fist: Pressure Point Strike!" She extended two fingers on her right hand and struck a pressure point at Hongshi's waist. The Gentle Fist chakra acted directly on the pressure point inside his body.
"Pew."
Lord God: "Why are there sound effects again?!"
"Ow!" Hongshi's body shuddered, his expression twisting as though he were in great pain. "Gentle Fist really is powerful."
Gentle Fist could indeed penetrate Hongshi's physical defenses, but what he felt wasn't pain. It was... a little ticklish.
The few people in the stands who knew Hongshi's strength were all shocked. "What?! Hongshi's weakness is actually Gentle Fist?!"
Kakashi, who had seen Hongshi's absurd defensive power, thought it over and accepted it. "That must be it. No defense is perfect."
Hongshi: "My defense really is perfect, though."
Seeing that her strike had worked, Hinata stepped forward with her right foot before Hongshi's body could react. "Hongshi-kun, I'm sorry! Gentle Fist: Eight Trigrams Thirty-Two Palms!"
"Smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack."
"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow."
Every palm struck Hongshi's body, and his massive frame swayed incessantly like a dead leaf in the wind.
Lord God: "You're one hell of an actor."
"One palm, two palms, four palms, eight palms, sixteen palms, thirty-two palms!"
All thirty-two palm afterimages struck Hongshi. Just as the assault was about to end, Kiba and Neji shouted from the stands:
"Hinata, keep going!"
"Hinata, you can go further!"
The corners of Hongshi's mouth curled up slightly. "Let me give you a hand. Spirit Transformation Technique: Spirit Transfer."
A strand of invisible chakra flew from his fingertip and flowed directly into Hinata's body.
Hinata merely felt her chakra suddenly surge as though it had exploded, becoming extraordinarily abundant.
Only the Third Hokage and Orochimaru, disguised as the Sound Ninja's Jonin instructor, noticed a clue. "The Spirit Transformation Technique?"
"Not yet! Eight Trigrams Sixty-Four Palms!"
"Ow, ow, ow, ow..."
"One Hundred Twenty-Eight Palms!"
"Ow, ow, ow, ow! Spare me, beautiful!"
"No! I hate bald heads!" That "beautiful" truly frightened Hinata. She gathered all her remaining chakra into her right palm and thrust it out through the air.
"Gentle Fist: Eight Trigrams Vacuum Palm!"
Boom! The tremendous blast from her palm sent Hongshi flying straight into the edge of the arena.
"Pfft!" Hongshi spat a stream of blood as he flew, spraying it all the way onto the ceiling. "Gentle Fist really is powerful! I... I'm fainting!" With that, his head tilted to one side, and he lost consciousness.
Kakashi: "Hey, hey, hey, isn't that way too much blood?!"
"Yeah!" Shino and Kiba Inuzuka laughed. "You even managed to knock Hongshi down! Hinata, you're amazing!"
Yuhan, who was on Hongshi's team, also gave her a thumbs-up. "Well done, Hinata! He really is asking for a beating!"
The three members of Team 7 cheered as well. Naruto even jumped down into the arena and hugged Hinata. "Hinata, you have no idea how badly we've wanted to beat Hongshi!"
Hongshi: "Just you wait till I deal with you bastards later!"
Gaara: "Does this Hongshi guy really make people hate him that much?"
Kankuro: "Hmph. Looks like Konoha isn't all that united either."
Temari: "I never expected this Hongshi to move so slowly. He only threw one punch the whole time."
"N-Naruto-kun... uh." Hinata's face turned bright red, and before long, she fainted.
"Hinata! Hinata, don't pass out! Did you use up too much chakra?"
Kakashi shook his head helplessly.
Gekko Hayate raised his right hand high. "First match, Kira Hongshi versus Hinata Hyuga. Hinata Hyuga wins and qualifies for the third exam."