Don't Say It

(Note: This chapter is a bit painful, so read with caution. But suffering is 486's path to growth. It will only be this once; after this comes the process of breaking out of the predicament and some sweet moments.)

"Rem wants to be a little greedier... But did something happen? Why did you suddenly turn so pale, Subaru? Are you feeling unwell? Can you tell Rem? Rem will take care of you, Subaru."

Those caring, worried words came once more from his arms. Subaru lowered his head and looked at the little face full of trust and concern. Her clear, bright eyes reflected him alone, holding nothing back.

Then the image of Rem in her final moments in the previous loop stabbed into his mind.

"!!!"

Subaru jerked his head away, doing everything he could to suppress the acid churning in his stomach.

"Subaru?!"

Startled by his sudden reaction, Rem hurriedly held his shoulders. Her small hands felt warm and soft through his clothes.

No! I have to think of something! They can't die, they can't die, they can't die! I have to save them! What do I do, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?!

Subaru confirmed in his mind that everything had returned to a point where it could still be salvaged and forced his brain to race. Work out the situation, come up with a solution, quick! How can I save everything as it is now?!

First, Subaru couldn't think of any way to stop the Witch Cult from contaminating the mana. Every cultist was a source of contamination, and they had all prepared those things called "miasma magic stones" in advance.

Unless he could kill every cultist at the same instant, there was no way to stop the contamination.

Second, there was no telling how many cultists were hiding in the woods. They were like locusts; no matter how many they killed, there were always more. Even if he could find a way to gather them all in one place and have Ram wipe them out quickly, what about the encirclement outside?

Escape was almost impossible. If they broke through the innermost ring of cultists, they would run into the gigantic White Whale. Even if they miraculously got past the White Whale, the Sin Archbishop who had killed Ram in a single blow was waiting at the outermost edge.

The strongest among them, Ram, couldn't even withstand one move from him. What difference would greater numbers make?

What if the Sin Archbishop heard the commotion inside and came in of his own accord? What would they do then? Why didn't he know how to make real firearms? Why did this gun have to rely on mana to become a weapon?

Where was he supposed to find reinforcements? He had stayed in this village ever since coming to this world and didn't even know what another town looked like.

They couldn't win a fight, couldn't escape, couldn't make weapons, and had no reinforcements. It was a complete and utter dead end.

"Subaru? What's wrong? Are you all right?"

Rem looked at Subaru's face as it grew more distressed and pale, and tightened her grip on his hand.

"...Impossible... I can start over... I have to save them... There has to be a way... How can this be a dead end... Am I going to watch everyone die again... No... I can't let that happen..."

Subaru's eyes were bloodshot with anger-anger at himself. He resented himself for having Return by Death, for being able to start over countless times, and still being unable to come up with the right answer.

His head was about to burst. The gears of his mind spun madly, but couldn't catch on any hope.

"...I have Return by Death! Why can't I think of a way?!"

"...Return... by Death?"

Subaru trusted Rem completely. As he fell into the abyss of self-doubt, he didn't guard himself against her voice, and the secret slipped from his lips.

The moment his words fell, everything around him vanished.

Subaru snapped his head up. The living room, the sunlight, everything had been erased, replaced by boundless darkness.

He could hear nothing, touch nothing. Even his sense of touch grew illusory and distant, as though he had been thrown into the void before the world's birth.

"You... who are you?"

Subaru saw a figure in the darkness. He couldn't make out the face, only strands of silver hair hanging down from beneath a black robe.

"Thud."

Suddenly, all the senses that had been taken from him returned in an instant. Sight, hearing, and touch snapped back into his body. The first sound Subaru heard was the dull thud of something hitting the floor.

"...Re...m?"

"Rem-?!"

The little girl lay at Subaru's feet, vivid red blood spilling from her mouth. Her blue eyes were still open, but had completely lost focus.

Natsuki Subaru crouched down in terror and picked Rem up with trembling hands, hoping this was just a cruel joke.

But the body in his arms was losing warmth at a maddening speed, growing stiff and unfamiliar. He could still sense the black figure shrouded in distorted mist, and a pitch-black hand slowly withdrawing from where Rem's heart was, on another plane.

The girl's heartbeat was gone. Not a trace of it remained.

From his crouched position, Subaru could see those purple eyes and the long silver hair falling over the black robe. But the only person he cared about now was the one in his arms.

"...It was you! No... I did this?! Why-?!"

Subconsciously, Subaru understood everything in an instant. He had spoken the secret that absolutely could not be said aloud, and this was the punishment.

"No-!! Rem-! Why?! Why did this happen?! Why wasn't I the one who died?! Don't die-please-don't die-!!"

Screams and tears poured from Subaru's throat together. For the first time, he held Rem so tightly, almost crushing her into his own body, trying with all his strength to hold on to the warmth rapidly fading in his arms.

But Rem was already dead. Those eyes that had always watched him would never focus on his face again.

"Bang-!!"

The door was blown clean off by a violent force. Ram stood in the doorway, her chest heaving, an expression Subaru had never seen on her face. It was blankness and fear.

She saw Rem lying on the floor. The bond between the twins had let her sense her younger sister's condition immediately, but at the moment she saw her sister's corpse with her own eyes, Ram learned what it meant for the sky to fall.

Ram's senses told her that Rem was beyond saving. No matter what she did, there was no bringing her back.

"...Did... you do this?"

It was impossible to tell whether Ram's voice was choked with tears or hatred.

"I'm sorry-! I'm sorry-! It's my fault she's dead-! Aah-!!" Subaru knelt on the floor, his body curled up, tears and saliva streaming down his face.

"Aaaaaah-!!!"

Both of them screamed at once. A tremendous force yanked Subaru's body up and slammed him hard against the floor. Ram straddled him, both hands clamped tightly around his throat. Subaru's desperate face was reflected in her pink eyes, which were full of murderous intent, incomprehension, and madness.

"Why?! Why did you do this?! Give Ram's sister back-!!!"

Tears burst from Ram's eyes, falling one by one onto Subaru's face.

"I'm sorry... it's all my fault... I didn't mean to... kill me."

Subaru didn't struggle or defend himself. He closed his eyes, and tears slid from their corners into his ears. If his life could make Ram feel even a little better, she could have it.

"Are you kidding me?! Rem talked about you all day long! Do you know how much she loved you?! Why?! Why did you take everything from Ram?!"

A single horn suddenly appeared on Ram's forehead, born of her uncontrollable rage. Her hands tightened sharply, and Subaru's throat creaked under the strain of her grip.

Ram wanted to kill him. And Subaru truly wanted to end this utterly terrible loop through death.

Suffocation and agony came in relentless waves. His consciousness began to blur, and the edges of his vision gradually darkened.

Suddenly, Ram's grip loosened.

Subaru's body arched instinctively, and the unbearably sickening air that meant survival rushed uncontrollably into his lungs. Ram abandoned him and scrambled back to Rem's side.

"Rem... Rem-!!"

She lifted her sister's upper body and held her tightly. It wasn't her imagination-Rem's body had moved slightly just now.

Ram confirmed it wasn't an illusion and, clinging to her last desperate hope, pressed her forehead against Rem's.

"Please, Rem! Don't die! Don't leave Ram!"

Her tearful plea echoed through the room. But Ram knew in her heart that a miracle couldn't happen. She only hoped that, even at the very end, she could hear her sister's voice.

"...Sis...ter."

The broken syllables slipped from Rem's lips,

Ram held Rem tighter and pressed her ear close to her sister's lips, listening to her final words.

"...Don't... hurt him."

After saying those words, Rem's breathing stopped completely.