Read to Me, Blond Pops

"Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo~ Does our Longinus like reading?"

Homing sat beside Lu Ye, settled him on his lap, and opened a picture book.

"This was Daddy's favorite when he was little, the story of a little lion family."

Looking at the book full of childish colored pictures, Lu Ye's face darkened. He raised his foot and kicked it away.

Sixth Master was here to blow you up, and this was what you used to disgust him?

Lu Ye staggered to his feet and craned his neck to look at the bookshelf.

Homing dotingly stroked the fine hair on Lu Ye's head. "Doesn't Longinus like this one? Then which one do you like? Tell Father, all right?"

Lu Ye rolled his eyes.

Damn it, doesn't this old geezer know Sixth Master can't read?

What would you do if Sixth Master recited a whole set of Shakespeare to you right now?

Grabbing Homing's beard with one hand and pointing at the bookshelf with the other, Lu Ye babbled his displeasure.

Homing winced and finally understood what Lu Ye meant. He got out of bed, stood beside the bookshelf, and picked up a long black pointer to introduce the books.

Lu Ye casually bit open a baby bottle and spat the nipple onto Homing's pillow.

"The picture books are at the top. They're all from my childhood collection. Like The Lion Family, they all have adorable animals as their main characters. I just don't understand, Longinus. Do you dislike lions, or do you dislike picture books?"

Lu Ye tucked the bottle between his thighs and raised his crossed arms twice.

Of course I dislike both.

That stuff doesn't suit Sixth Master's Double-flower Red Pole image at all.

"Then these are geography encyclopedias. They describe the sights and local customs of the four seas. The world is truly vast. Would you like to learn about it? It's very interesting, Longinus."

Homing waggled his eyebrows, trying to tempt him.

Lu Ye shook his head hard. Not learning it, not learning it!

You old blond bastard are trying to trick Sixth Master into longing for life outside, but Sixth Master won't fall for it.

"Here we have poetry and history, telling of things that once happened on the seas and the heroes who shaped the course of the world.

"Oh, right, I write poetry occasionally too. I can read some to you, Longinus."

Lu Ye shook his head again.

Spare me, bargain-bin dad. After the crap you pulled, Sixth Master can already smell the rotten stench of peaceful days in those poems.

"Then here we have mathematics, science..."

Before Homing could finish, Lu Ye was already waving his hands frantically in protest.

Lu Ye had gotten excellent grades in his previous life, but after leaving school, the most he could muster an interest in were the tiny science articles tucked into the corners of entertainment magazines.

They had titles like "Technology accelerates: foreign scientists change the future" and "Amazing America: migrating to Mars in twenty years"...

Usually, two pages later, there would be ads for painless abortions and restoring male virility.

Do I have to enter the hallowed halls of science and engineering again in this life?

Trash dad, why put me through this?

Homing sighed. He had finished assessing his unfilial son's aptitude and labeled him a wastrel.

"Then all that's left are novels, but none of them seem to be for children. I don't think you'd understand them..."

Bang!

Before Homing could finish, Lu Ye slammed his bottle on the low table and nodded vigorously.

"But this..."

Bang!

Lu Ye slammed the bottle down again and let out a piercing shriek that made even the glass windows tremble.

Quit yapping, old geezer. This is what I want!

"All right, all right. I'll do my best to pick something suitable for you."

Homing's head ached. Were children really like this?

Picky and overbearing.

Unreasonable and hysterical.

He distinctly remembered that Doffy and Rosy had been easy to placate. At most, they had wanted a few pieces of candy, kisses, hugs, and to be lifted up high. Then he would have the butler take them away.

Longinus is the abnormal one, isn't he?

That's right, that's right! This child hasn't even cried once.

Most of the novels on the wall of books belonged to Lady Daisy Liana. Homing's interests lay in natural history, history, and poetry, but his son had not inherited them.

"What kind of books does Liana usually read?"

Homing muttered to himself as he leafed through them:

"Romance? That wouldn't be suitable, would it? Longinus is at the age when he should be applying himself.

"Boys had better not suffer the pains of love too early."

Lu Ye rolled his eyes. Who in their right mind starts applying themselves on the day they're born? Though I really am in no position to fall in love right now.

"School stories? That's a good subject. He can experience school life in advance.

"School romance! No, no!"

"Adventure? Isn't that too dangerous?

"Huh? They can even fall in love in an ancient tomb?"

"Military... Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo, I never knew Liana was interested in the military.

"Hmm? Even the Marine Admiral is falling in love? The Marines' budget really should be cut a little more."

"Underworld..."

The moment those words came out, Lu Ye's eyes lit up, and he began banging his bottle wildly against the table.

The rapid clinking made the bottle sound like a service bell.

This one! This is good! Sixth Master can relate to this!

Sixth Master wants to know how good the local gangs are at their business too!

Hearing the commotion, Sullivan and the guards rushed in together, only withdrawing when they found no assassin.

Why would a child like this sort of thing?!

Homing felt a pang in his teeth. There was no romance in underworld stories, but there were people hacking each other up!

He looked at his precious son Lu Ye, with his fine brownish-yellow hair, soft baby fat, big blue eyes, and body not much bigger than a cat.

Homing waved the book in his hand, a little unsure. "You... like this?"

Lu Ye nodded hard.

"'Vicious: The Martin Family of Cook Street.' Just one street? This Martin Family isn't all that vicious."

Muttering to himself, Homing sat back down on the bed, turned up the lamp's wick, and held Lu Ye as he prepared to read.

Lu Ye grabbed Homing's beard again and shrieked for quite a while before making him understand:

While reading, he had to point to each word with his finger. Skipping, omitting, or misreading words all counted as fraud.

He had to match his reading to the characters and the situation, enunciate clearly, and read with feeling. He had to lower his voice when appropriate and put on a high-pitched voice when called for.

Homing complied with each demand, his face drawn.

See? That's how self-righteous do-gooders are. You must never let them have their way. They deserve to suffer in life, and they have no one to blame when they die.

Holding his bottle, Lu Ye listened to the novel in comfort while learning the local writing system.

The Underworld had only given transmigrators a language pack. He had mastered the spoken language at birth, but his body's hardware couldn't keep up,

and there had been no written-language pack at all. If he didn't want to be illiterate, he could only teach himself.

Still, Lu Ye was confident that, with his clever mind, he would be able to read on his own before his bargain-bin Pops woke up to the hardships of life.

My foolish bargain-bin blond Pops.

You talk about peaceful days, but that's only because someone else is bearing the burden for you.

Huh? Why aren't things good now?

Hehe! Because I'm lying right on top of your head!

It may be unpleasant, but Sixth Master really is saving you from your self-righteous stupidity.

Sullivan stood guard outside the door, listening to the reading inside. Every half hour, he went in with a cup of tea and a bottle of milk. He also changed Lu Ye's diaper three times.

"Lord Saint Homing really is a good father."

One of the nurses spoke from the heart.