In the cafeteria of Shrek Academy, eleven people sat around a long table.
They were supposedly sitting together, but the divide between them was unmistakable. The Shrek Seven Devils were crammed onto one side, while the four strange men who had fallen from the sky sat on the other. At least three empty seats separated them, as if an invisible chasm lay between.
Tang San decided to break the deadlock.
He stood up, cleared his throat, and put on his trademark gentle smile. "Friends, since we'll be spending time together from now on, why don't we formally introduce ourselves?"
The four glanced up, then each looked away again.
Han Li was studying a crack in the ceiling. Xiao Yan was picking dirt from beneath his fingernails. Shi Hao was doing fingertip push-ups. Wang Lin had his eyes closed, resting.
Tang San's smile stiffened slightly, but he decided to ignore it.
"This is the Douluo Continent, and this is Shrek Academy." Tang San's voice was gentle and patient. "My name is Tang San. My martial soul is Blue Silver Grass, and I'm a twenty-ninth-level Control-Type Battle Spirit Master."
He paused, then added, "I'm currently one of the Shrek Seven Devils."
Silence.
The four didn't react at all.
Tang San kept smiling. "Would you mind introducing yourselves?"
Xiao Yan was the first to speak, his voice full of undisguised disdain. "Twenty-ninth level? You're only twenty-ninth level? I... ahem, back when I was thirty, I was already a Dou Zong."
Tang San blinked. "Dou Zong?"
Realizing he'd let something slip, Xiao Yan waved a hand. "You wouldn't understand even if I told you, rookie."
Tang San's smile began to crack.
Shi Hao tilted his head and studied Tang San. His eyes seemed able to see through anything. Then he suddenly said, "There's something odd about your body. Seems like you're hiding something."
Tang San's heart jolted.
Did he mean the Mysterious Heaven Skill? Or the Hidden Weapons? Or... the Eight Spider Lances? How could this man tell?
He forced a smile. "You're joking, Brother Shi Hao. I'm just an ordinary Soul Master."
Shi Hao curled his lip. "Ordinary my ass! Whatever's inside you is on a much higher level than Soul Power."
Tang San's smile froze completely.
Wang Lin finally opened his eyes. His pale gray eyes swept over Tang San, and his thin lips parted. "I've seen useless people before, but never anyone this useless."
Tang San: "..."
Han Li still hadn't said a word. He quietly observed everything, his gaze lingering on Tang San for a few seconds before shifting away as he made a note to himself.
Blue Silver Grass? A Trash Martial Soul. But this man is far too friendly, and his words and behavior don't resemble a native of this world. There must be something suspicious about him. I'll keep an eye on him.
Tang San drew a deep breath, doing his best to preserve what little dignity he had left. "Um... may I ask where you four are from? Why did you fall from the sky?"
All four looked at him, then turned to look at one another.
For a moment, some strange understanding passed between them.
All four mouths opened at the same time, uttering the same words: "No comment."
Tang San: "..."
Under the table, Xiao Wu kicked Tang San and whispered, "Third Brother, stop asking. This is awkward."
Tang San silently sat back down, wondering if he should have kept his mouth shut.
Just as the atmosphere reached absolute zero, someone kicked open the cafeteria doors.
"Move aside, move aside! Let me see what's going on!"
A figure came flying in—or, more precisely, a middle-aged man wearing round glasses and a tattered robe, his hair as disheveled as a bird's nest, soaring through the air in a thoroughly undignified pose.
It was Dean Flender.
He staggered two steps after landing and grabbed the table to steady himself. His eyes gleamed behind his nearsighted glasses like searchlights as he scanned the room from side to side, finally fixing on the four newcomers.
"You're the ones? The strange phenomena in the sky? Four of you fell down at once?"
Flender began circling the four.
On his first round, he appraised Han Li.
Flender leaned in close to Han Li's face, his lenses nearly touching Han Li's nose.
Han Li remained expressionless and utterly still.
Flender looked him up and down and smacked his lips. "You've got... a rather distinctive look."
The corner of Han Li's mouth twitched.
Distinctive? What did that mean? If you think I'm ugly, just say so.
Flender had already started his second round, this time targeting Xiao Yan.
He circled Xiao Yan once, then again, finally stopping in front of him and stroking his chin. "You've got a lively look about you, kid. Shame your mouth stinks."
Xiao Yan glared. "Who are you saying has a stinky mouth?"
Flender pointed at his own nose. "I can smell it. Were you cursing someone just now?"
Xiao Yan: "...What's it to you?"
Flender: "See? That's exactly what I mean. Your mouth stinks."
Xiao Yan's face turned livid, and his Heavenly Flames nearly burst out.
Third round: Shi Hao.
When Flender saw Shi Hao's bare torso, his eyes lit up even more.
He reached out and squeezed Shi Hao's biceps, then patted his pectorals. Finally, he knocked on his abs, producing a series of thuds, like he was tapping on an iron plate.
"Those muscles are great," Flender exclaimed. "You'd make a fine punching bag."
Shi Hao looked puzzled. "Punching bag? What's a punching bag?"
Flender didn't explain. He'd already moved on to the fourth round.
Last came Wang Lin.
Flender stopped in front of Wang Lin, his eyes going wide behind his lenses. He studied him from every angle, over and under, left and right, front and back. His expression grew more and more complicated.
"Prettier than a girl..." Flender muttered. "What a waste."
Wang Lin opened his eyes, his pale gray gaze fixed coldly on Flender. "What's a waste?"
Flender replied earnestly, "That face of yours, of course. If you were a girl, you'd be incredibly popular."
Wang Lin's face visibly darkened. The Heavenly Inverse Bead in his sleeve grew slightly warm, and the Power of Cause and Effect nearly slipped out of control. If his cultivation hadn't been suppressed, this sharp-tongued dean might already have suffered a backlash from the laws of cause and effect.
All four men's expressions darkened, and the cafeteria seemed to grow several degrees colder.
Dai Mubai whispered to Oscar, "The dean's mouth is going to get him into trouble one of these days."
Oscar nodded. "I bet someone beats him up within a month."
Ma Hongjun cut in, "I bet within a week."
Tang San covered his face. "Could you two keep it down?"
Flender had no idea he was repeatedly dancing on the edge of disaster. He clapped his hands casually. "All right, I've seen enough. Let's talk about what to do with you."
He turned serious. "The four of you fell from the sky, and we don't know who you are or where you came from. By rights, we should hand you over to Spirit Hall."
The four reacted in different ways. Han Li grew wary, Xiao Yan looked disdainful, Shi Hao didn't care, and Wang Lin remained cold.
Flender changed tack. "But I'm the dean of Shrek Academy, and taking in oddballs is my specialty! So you'll stay at the academy for now. We'll keep an eye on you for a while, then decide whether you can remain."
Xiao Yan frowned. "Fine, I'll stay. Who's afraid of you?"
Shi Hao threw both hands in the air. "Great! Somewhere to fight!"
Wang Lin snorted. "I don't care."
Han Li gave a slight nod. "That's acceptable."
Flender nodded in satisfaction, then dropped a bombshell. "Oh, right. The academy's short on dorm rooms, so the four of you will share one."
All four froze at once.
"What?"
For once, all four managed to speak in unison again.
Flender waved his hands. "Don't get worked up. It's just one room. Sharing makes you healthier."
Xiao Yan snapped, "I'm supposed to live with these three lunatics?"
Shi Hao shot back, "Who are you calling a lunatic? You're the weakling!"
Wang Lin said coldly, "I refuse to share quarters with a brute."
Han Li didn't say anything, but his expression made his feelings clear. He was unwilling—extremely unwilling.
Flender ignored them and turned to Tang San. "Little San, you're in charge of looking after them. Arrange their accommodations and help them get familiar with the place. I'll leave it all to you."
Tang San smiled warmly and thumped his chest. "Leave it to me, Dean."
All four looked at Tang San, their eyes spelling out the same thought.
Who needs you to look after us?
Tang San's smile remained warm. "Come with me, friends."
Han Li stood and followed, expressionless.
Xiao Yan followed behind him, grumbling curses.
Shi Hao bounced along, muttering "Arbitrary Eternity."
Wang Lin walked with his hands behind his back, his steps graceful.
The five walked in single file across the Shrek Academy field.
Watching them from behind, Xiao Wu couldn't help saying to Ning Rongrong, "Rongrong, don't you think Third Brother looks like he's walking four dogs?"
Ning Rongrong covered her mouth and laughed. "And they're four different breeds, too. A pug, a bulldog, a Tibetan mastiff, and a Persian cat."
Zhu Zhuqing managed a rare smile. "A Persian cat? Wang Lin?"
Ning Rongrong nodded. "Cold and aloof, and likes to keep clean."
Xiao Wu laughed so hard she bent forward.
Tang San walked in front and glanced back at the four, silently encouraging himself. I can handle them.
I'm Tang San, a genius of the Tang Sect, a transmigrator, and the future Sea God. They're only four weirdos. Piece of cake.
What he didn't know was that four pairs of eyes behind him were studying his back in four different ways.
Han Li considered: This man is going out of his way to be friendly. He must have an ulterior motive. I'll observe him first, then decide how to make use of him.
Xiao Yan sneered inwardly: He's a nobody, and he thinks he can look after me? He should learn to look after himself first.
Shi Hao was eager to try: There's something good hidden inside this man. I'll have to make him fight me later and see what it is.
Wang Lin watched coldly: There's the aura of a deity on his thread of karma... This useless man has someone powerful backing him.
From the very first step, Tang San's mission to look after them was doomed to go anything but smoothly.
At that very moment, inside a dormitory building at Shrek Academy, a small room piled with junk and furnished with only four broken beds was waiting for its new residents.
The four men probably had no idea that this dorm room would become the starting point of their mutual disdain, endless torment, and eventual need to fight side by side.
Tang San pushed open the dormitory door, beaming. "Here we are. This is your—"
His words caught in his throat.
Inside the room were four beds: one was missing a leg, one had no blankets, one had a cracked bedframe, and the last looked fine—except that an unknown Soul Beast was sprawled across it, snoring.
Tang San's smile finally failed him.
Behind him stood the four men, four faces bearing four different expressions.
Han Li was expressionless, but his eyes were cold as ice. Xiao Yan was gritting his teeth. Shi Hao's eyes shone as he stared at the Soul Beast. Wang Lin turned to leave, but Tang San grabbed him by the arm.
Tang San wanted to say something to ease the tension, but when he opened his mouth, he found he had nothing to say.
The four words circled the tip of his tongue three times before he finally swallowed them.
My name is Tang San. Please take care of me... my ass.
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