Life in Purple Firmament Palace returned to its uneventful—or rather, lifeless—rhythm of slacking off. Xiao Kuang had long since tossed aside the unpleasant memories from his previous "sleepwalking" episode and continued devoting himself to developing one hundred and one ways to barbecue chaos ingredients, while urging the maid troupe to raise their singing and dancing to the standards of a "Primordial Chaos girl group."
Just as he tried slow-roasting a Chaos chicken over low heat with Samadhi True Fire—only to turn it into an indescribable lump of charcoal—the thick, riveted gates outside Purple Firmament Palace were knocked upon in an exceptionally proper, even slightly cautious manner.
Thump... thump thump...
The sound was not loud, but it carried obvious reverence and hesitation.
"Hm? Someone actually knocked?" Xiao Kuang was rather surprised. Normally, not even ghosts came knocking at Purple Firmament Palace. Had the sun risen in the west today? "Who is it? Selling insurance or checking the water meter? The door isn't locked. Come in yourself!"
The gates slowly opened a crack, and a figure in an imperial robe and crown, with Solar True Fire faintly circulating around him, walked in somewhat awkwardly. It was none other than the Demon Emperor, Di Jun.
As he entered the hall and saw its familiar, eye-searing decor, along with Xiao Kuang sprawled in a massage chair while holding a charred stick—the failed roast chicken—Di Jun's eye twitched uncontrollably. Still, he quickly lowered his head and bowed respectfully.
"Di Jun of the Demon Race pays respects to the Dao Ancestor."
Xiao Kuang froze for a moment, then blinked. "Oh, Little Di? What a rare guest! What brings you here for a visit? Are you short on virtue... ah, no, short on merit, or did you get into another fight with those water monkeys?"
Di Jun choked on the overly "friendly" form of address and forced himself to reply, "In answer to the Dao Ancestor, neither is the case. This junior... this junior has come to submit... a thought report." As he said those words, he felt his teeth ache.
"A thought report?" Xiao Kuang was even more confused. He scratched his head. "What thought report? Since when did I collect those? Did you knock on the wrong door? Jieyin and Zhunti next door seem to be into that sort of thing."
Di Jun fell silent. He raised his head and looked at the utterly genuine confusion on Xiao Kuang's face, his doubts growing stronger. Could the cold and imposing Dao Ancestor who had punished them with written confessions last time not be the same person as the one before him? Or was this some state of the Dao Ancestor's that they simply could not comprehend?
He did not dare ask further. Instead, he cautiously took out a scroll from his sleeve, forged from Solar Divine Gold, engraved with countless tiny runes, and radiating blazing heat and majesty. He offered it up with both hands.
"May the Dao Ancestor judge clearly. After the last... conflict between the witches and demons, you personally descended and reprimanded us juniors for disrupting the Primordial Chaos. You ordered the Demon Race to remain confined and reflect, and commanded this junior to write an eight-thousand-word confession along with regular thought reports... This is the first report. Please review it, Dao Ancestor."
Xiao Kuang was left dumbfounded. Me? Personally descending? Reprimanding them? A confession? Eight thousand words? What part of that sounds like me?
He instantly understood—Heavenly Dao, that bastard, must have hijacked his account again while he was not paying attention!
"Cough, cough!" He immediately coughed twice, forcibly suppressing the bewilderment on his face and assuming the profound expression of someone who had just remembered everything. Taking the heavy Solar Divine Gold scroll—which could crush a Golden Immortal to death—he casually weighed it in his hand. "Mm... there was such a matter. I handle countless affairs each day, so I occasionally forget minor matters. Present it."
He opened the scroll and saw it densely filled with Dao-pattern writing. The entire thing was packed with stock phrases such as "This subject deserves ten thousand deaths," "I should not have acted impulsively," "I have failed the expectations of Heavenly Dao," "I shall reflect deeply," and "I shall strive to build a harmonious Primordial Chaos." Every line overflowed with the feeling of someone being forced to go through the motions.
Xiao Kuang yawned as he read. This thing was even more sleep-inducing than a higher mathematics textbook.
But he was currently bearing the title of Dao Ancestor, so he could not simply say, "What kind of garbage is this? Take it away." He could only force himself to imitate the tone of some leader and say casually, "Mm... it is... reasonably profound. You have recognized that fighting is bad. That is worthy of affirmation."
Di Jun lowered his head, and the corner of his mouth twitched almost imperceptibly.
Xiao Kuang continued flipping through the scroll. Then he suddenly saw a section complaining about the difficulties of managing the Demon Race internally, how the various demon gods all had different agendas, and how they were hard to coordinate. His eyes immediately lit up!
Oh, I know this! Managing employees! At its core, it's the same as slacking off!
He immediately became energized. Closing the scroll, he sat upright—the massage chair lifting him along with it—and assumed the posture of someone about to point out the course of the world.
"Little Di, regarding the management problems you mentioned in this report, I have some different thoughts."
Di Jun was taken aback and hurriedly said respectfully, "Please enlighten this junior, Dao Ancestor!"
"Look," Xiao Kuang said patiently, "you always feel that the demon gods under you refuse to obey orders and are ineffective at their work, right? You think it is because they are not hardworking enough or loyal enough, right?"
Di Jun hesitated, then nodded. That was indeed one of his troubles.
"Wrong! Completely wrong!" Xiao Kuang slapped his thigh—the armrest of the massage chair. "The root of the problem is—you make them work too hard! Their work is too boring! You leave them no room at all to slack off!"
"Huh?" Di Jun was completely bewildered.
"Think about it," Xiao Kuang began instilling his salted-fish management philosophy. "Demon lives are long, cultivation is tedious, and who does not want to sneak in a little laziness now and then? You spend all day forcing them to cultivate, wage war, and expand territory, without giving them any private time. Who would not get sick of that? Who would not want to resist?"
"This..." Di Jun seemed to have grasped something, yet it still sounded utterly absurd.
"So, a brilliant leader does not blindly exploit his subordinates. He must understand... humane slacking off!" Xiao Kuang said smugly. "You need to actively create conditions for them to slack off! For example, stipulate that they work four hours a day, with the rest of the time free! Two days off every week! No, three days off! Then give them paid annual leave every year! If they complete their tasks well, reward them with Merit Points, so they can exchange them for good food and fun things!"
"That way, everyone will have something to look forward to and time to relax. Instead, they will be more willing to put in a little effort during 'working hours'! This is called balancing work and rest! It works better than snapping your whip from overuse!"
Di Jun listened with his mouth agape, his mind racing as he tried to understand this unprecedented "management philosophy." Paid annual leave? Merit Point rewards? Could... could this really work?
"And," Xiao Kuang continued more enthusiastically, "for troublemakers or those who are not proactive at work, do not always resort to fighting and killing. Punishments can be very 'slacking off' too! For example, sentence them to guard a warehouse for ten thousand years! That place is quiet and perfect for slacking off, but for battle-hungry types, it is even more unbearable than confinement! Or make them write a hundred-thousand-word work summary! I guarantee it will make them question their entire existence, and they will never dare slack off again!"
Di Jun instinctively imagined himself being punished with a hundred-thousand-word summary and immediately shuddered. That punishment... really was rather ruthless—for someone too lazy to write.
As he looked at the Dao Ancestor before him, eloquently expounding the Great Dao of slacking-off management, the sense of incongruity and reverence in Di Jun's heart became tangled together, growing exceedingly complicated. Every action and statement from this Dao Ancestor overturned his understanding.
Yet for some reason, Di Jun vaguely felt that this seemingly absurd theory... actually made a bit of crooked sense?
Perhaps... he really could try it? Set up a "two-day weekend" and a "Merit Point exchange list" for the Demon Race?
Seeing Di Jun sink into thought, Xiao Kuang nodded in satisfaction, feeling that he had once again successfully enlightened a lost lamb.
He sprawled back into the massage chair and waved a hand. "Alright, I have received the report. It was not bad. Go back and properly put the 'slacking-off management method' I taught you into practice. In your next report, focus on the results of that practice! Off you go!"
Di Jun snapped back to his senses and quickly bowed. "Thank you for your guidance, Dao Ancestor! This junior... this junior will certainly consider it carefully and attempt to put it into practice!" His tone actually carried a few hints of sincere gratitude and eager anticipation.
Carrying a bellyful of brand-new and utterly bizarre "management insights," Di Jun respectfully withdrew from Purple Firmament Palace.
Watching his retreating figure, Xiao Kuang proudly hummed a tune. I'm such a genius! I muddled through another round! And I even got a big chunk of gold for free—the Solar Divine Gold scroll! This thing should sell for quite a bit, right?
After leaving Purple Firmament Palace, Di Jun turned back to look at the palace within the chaos, his gaze unfathomably complicated.
He lowered his head to look at the draft of the "Demon Race Two-Day Weekend Trial Regulations" in his hand—which he intended to issue upon his return, inspired on the spot—then considered the possibility of "Merit Points exchanged for hot spring vacations." In the end, it all turned into a long, inscrutable sigh.
"This Dao Ancestor... truly is unfathomable..."
The structure of the Primordial Chaos seemed destined to quietly change once more in some strange direction.
Heavenly Dao shuddered in its sleep: Zzz... (For some reason, it felt like something bad had happened again...)
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