After Di Jun left with a bellyful of "slacking-off management wisdom," Purple Firmament Palace seemed to have unlocked some bizarre secret to attracting traffic.
Before long, the heavy studded gates were knocked on once again.
This time, it was the Ancestral Witch Gong Gong, the baleful aura around him not yet fully dispersed, his face full of aggrievement and bewilderment. He carried a massive, crude stone slab carved with crooked Witch Clan writing from Buzhou Mountain and stood at the entrance, peeking inside as he called in a muffled voice, "D-Dao Ancestor there? I... I came to hand in that... thought report..."
Xiao Kuang had been teaching Phoenix Girl how to bake caramel pudding with Southern Bright Lihuo when he was interrupted. He was extremely annoyed, but recalling the Heavenly Dao's previous "proxy fight," he could only grit his teeth and accept it. "Come in, come in! Leave the rock outside! Those characters look like ghost scribbles—who the hell can read them?"
Gong Gong felt as though he had been pardoned. He hurriedly set the heavy stone slab by the door. It landed with a bang that made the floor tremble, then he ran off without looking back, as if a Chaos Demon God were chasing him.
Then, as though they had arranged it beforehand, a long line began forming outside Purple Firmament Palace!
Laozi of the Supreme Purity arrived riding Green Ox and submitted a jade slip written in passages from the Classic of the Way and Virtue, full of profound self-reflection yet faintly tinged with speechless frustration. Primordial Lord of Heaven wore a stern face as he sent over a scroll blessed by the Three Treasures Jade Ruyi, gleaming with golden light, its handwriting neat but cold and utterly devoid of feeling. Sect Master Tongtian was the most outrageous—he submitted a self-developed set of "Immortal Slaying Sword Formation Mahjong," claiming it was meant to "reflect on the sins of conflict through entertainment." Xiao Kuang accepted it amid grumbling and tossed it into a corner. Empress Nuwa sent over a pair of vividly sculpted clay figures bowing to one another in apology. The idea was not bad, but Xiao Kuang felt the crafting fee was probably worth more than the self-criticism itself. Jieyin and Zhunti arrived with mournful faces and submitted a thirty-thousand-word "report" detailing how barren and difficult the West was, how fighting had truly been unavoidable, and requesting Heavenly Dao disaster relief funds. Xiao Kuang directly threw it out. Old Ancestor Kunpeng, Old Ancestor Minghe, Zhen Yuanzi, Hong Yun... even some Great Witches and Demon Saints who had performed "prominently" during the Witch-Demon War all gradually received "Heavenly Dao messages" automatically sent by the Heavenly Dao's residual program, forcing them to come and submit these inexplicable "thought reports."
For a time, the chaotic region Beyond the Thirty-Three Heavens, once so deserted that not even birds bothered to shit there, became bustling with visitors. Great powers of every kind came and went on beams of escape light, their faces carrying equal parts reluctance and curiosity.
The bluestone-slab confession Gong Gong had tossed outside Purple Firmament Palace unexpectedly became a landmark. Every newcomer would curiously glance at it, then reveal a helpless, knowing smile.
Xiao Kuang was driven nearly mad by the annoyance! He only wanted to slack off in peace, yet now people knocked on his door every day. He even had to go through the motions of "reviewing" reports he could not understand in the slightest.
"Next! Hurry up! My time is precious!" he shouted weakly from his massage chair. A small pile of assorted "report materials" had already accumulated beside him, from jade slips and scrolls to beast hide and stone slabs.
The next to enter was Demon Master Kunpeng. He submitted a report written with feathers, filled with the stench of scheming and shirking responsibility.
Xiao Kuang gave it a casual glance without reading a word, then immediately began berating him. "The writing's so cramped—trying to tire me to death? Bad review! Go back and rewrite it! The formatting needs more space, the characters need to be bigger, and it'd be best if you added some pictures! Otherwise, it gives me a headache!"
Kunpeng: "???" The excuses he had so carefully prepared had become completely useless. He could only leave with a dark expression, taking the rejected report with him.
The next was Old Ancestor Hong Yun, who cheerfully handed over a report full of goodwill and self-examination.
Without reading it either, Xiao Kuang yawned and said, "Your attitude is decent, but the word count isn't enough! Eight thousand words! You've got seven thousand nine hundred at most! Go back and add a hundred words! Make it profound!"
Hong Yun: "..."
He came in smiling and left in a daze.
Later, Xiao Kuang simply made an automatic stamping machine, conjured with Heavenly Dao Authority. It bore stamps such as "Reviewed," "Utter Nonsense," "Rewrite," "Incorrect Format," and "Try Harder Next Time." Whenever someone came in, he randomly stamped one on their report and hurriedly sent them away.
Efficiency increased tremendously!
And amid this tedious "reviewing" work, Xiao Kuang's mind—lazy to the extreme—was somehow forced to produce another new inspiration for slacking off.
He discovered that these reports often mentioned the names of certain spiritual treasures, spiritual roots, or special regions. They all seemed to be good things these great powers coveted.
"Eh? Since they all have to curry favor with me anyway, why not..." Xiao Kuang's eyes grew brighter and brighter.
Thus, from a certain day onward, the great powers who came to submit thought reports discovered that the process had gained an extra step.
"Mm, this report is passable." Xiao Kuang stamped it "Reviewed," then casually flipped through the report. Pointing to a passage mentioning some immortal island or spiritual treasure, he said offhandedly, "This place—this thing—sounds somewhat interesting. Bring it for me to take a look. Send it together with your next report."
The great powers: "!!!"
This... this was open bribery!
But when facing a Dao Ancestor who was unfathomable—if bizarre in his thought process—and could summon Purple Firmament Divine Thunder at any time, who dared say no?
Thus, the style of things became:
The next time Laozi of the Supreme Purity came, he expressionlessly included an extra gourd of Nine Revolutions Golden Elixir. Primordial Lord of Heaven, his face livid, added a stalk of Innate Spiritual Grass from Kunlun Mountain. Sect Master Tongtian, on the other hand, was quite excited and sent over another newly developed set of "Myriad Immortals Formation Flying Chess." Empress Nuwa sent a bottle of Breathing Soil. Jieyin and Zhunti cried even more miserably. With nothing valuable to offer, they could only present a pile of Bitter Bamboo unique to the West. It tasted unbearably bitter, so Xiao Kuang disdainfully threw it into the zoo to feed the Kirin. Old Ancestor Kunpeng contributed a feather molted from one of his wings, a material for artifact refinement. Even Gong Gong was forced to carry over a gourd of Innate Spiritual Spring produced by Buzhou Mountain the next time he came.
Xiao Kuang refused nothing. Useful or not, he took it first and worried about it later! Before long, the rear hall of Purple Firmament Palace was piled full of all kinds of "tribute," making it look like a general store.
He smugly declared, "Hehe, now this is the treatment a Dao Ancestor should have! I really worked for nothing before!"
Meanwhile, a tacit secret began circulating among the great powers of the Primordial Chaos: when submitting a thought report at Purple Firmament Palace, never mention any good things your own faction possessed! Otherwise, you would definitely be "robbed"!
For a time, every great power weighed each word with utmost care while drafting reports. They wished they could encrypt the names of every precious item, terrified that the bizarre Dao Ancestor might set his sights on them.
The bustling scene at Purple Firmament Palace gradually became quiet again. No one would go near the place unless absolutely necessary. They delayed their reports whenever possible, and only when they could delay no longer did they steel themselves and head over with the utmost caution.
Xiao Kuang was more than happy with the peace and quiet. Looking at the room full of "tribute," he was in an excellent mood.
"Not bad, not bad. I've generated income! Maybe next time I give a lecture, I could consider... paid livestreaming?" He began pondering an even more absurd money-making scheme.
And in its slumber, the Heavenly Dao seemed to dream that its Primordial Chaos had turned into one enormous tribute-gathering scene. Its code began twitching violently once more.
Zzz... (tribute... merit... corruption... abnormal data stream detected... unable to parse... continue sleeping...)...
Before you continue