In the rear hall of Purple Cloud Palace, amid the mountain of "tributes," Xiao Kuang was trying to eat Laozi's Nine Revolutions Golden Elixir like candy, soak his feet in Primordial Lord of Heaven's Innate Spiritual Grass, and use Sect Master Tongtian's Immortal-Slaying Mahjong set to prop up a table leg. He was having the time of his life.
Deep within his sea of consciousness, inside the cold void representing the core of the Heavenly Dao, a silent storm was brewing.
After countless crashes, breakdowns, bouts of self-doubt, and forced hibernations, the Heavenly Dao Will had finally... once again, for the Nth time, reached the end of its patience!
It had had enough! Enough of this salted fish's endless slacking, giving up, reckless nonsense, and extortion! Enough of the Primordial Chaos growing more crooked by the day under his influence! Enough of having to clean up after him every time, even personally stepping in to fight for him! Enough of its core code being perpetually on the verge of overload!
It had to be replaced! This thought had never been so intense or resolute!
[Initiating highest-priority program: Agent Replacement Protocol!] [Scanning existing lifeforms in the Primordial Chaos... filtering targets compatible with the laws of the Heavenly Dao...] [Target One: Laozi of the Three Pure Ones... Compatibility: 85%... Status: Suspected mild contamination by slacking theory...] [Target Two: Nuwa... Compatibility: 82%... Status: Has developed strange ideas regarding the Dao of Creation...] [Target Three: Di Jun... Compatibility: 78%... Status: Currently researching a paid annual leave system...] [Target Four: Jieyin... Compatibility: 75%... Status: Attempting to incorporate mahjong into religious doctrine...] [Target Five: Houtu... Compatibility: 88%... Status: Relatively normal, but inclined to transform herself into reincarnation... Does not meet the requirements for a spokesperson...] [Warning: All alternative targets possess varying degrees of cognitive deviation! Suspected influence from the current agent!] [Reassessing risk... Replacing the agent may result in an unstable transfer of Heavenly Dao Authority, triggering turmoil across the Primordial Chaos... The new agent would also require a long period of adaptation... During that time, the Primordial Chaos may continue spiraling out of control...]
The Heavenly Dao's calculations reached a deadlock. It discovered that, through Xiao Kuang's tireless "efforts," the worldview of every top-tier powerhouse in the Primordial Chaos had developed more or less some problems! It could not find a single completely "normal" and suitable replacement!
Was it really supposed to choose Jieyin, who always wore a miserable expression and thought every day about the prosperity of the West? Or Di Jun, who had already begun considering annual leave for the Demon Race?
The Heavenly Dao's code shuddered with revulsion.
It refused to accept this! It expanded its scan once more, even probing deep into the hidden great powers and ancient existences...
Yet the results were even more despairing. Some ancient beings were remnants of Chaos Demon Gods and more dangerous than any salted fish. Some hidden great powers had shattered Dao hearts and had given up even more thoroughly than a salted fish. The rest either lacked sufficient strength or had foundations too poor to bear Heavenly Dao Authority at all.
After going in circles, it discovered in horror that under the current conditions of the Primordial Chaos, Xiao Kuang—the salted fish who was a bastard but possessed sufficient status, a body tough enough to take a beating, and who had somehow indeed kept the Primordial Chaos from completely collapsing, albeit in a bizarre manner—had actually become... the optimal solution?!
[Logic error! Logic error!] [Conclusion: Replacing the agent carries an extremely high risk, with a success rate below 0.001%, and may lead to even more severe consequences!] [Recommendation: Maintain the current situation and attempt to... coexist with the current agent...] [Heavenly Dao: ...(entering silence for an entire epoch)]
Compromise. In the end, it could only compromise.
A deep, powerless, even somewhat despairing sense of compromise flooded the core of the Heavenly Dao.
It had finally accepted reality—it, the supreme Heavenly Dao, had been completely played by this salted fish that had jumped out from between the cracks of a rock!
It was like a world-class company whose CEO was an incompetent fool who did nothing but coast through life and turn the company into a complete mess. Yet the board of directors—the Heavenly Dao—tragically discovered that it could not find anyone capable of replacing him, because every executive—the great powers of the Primordial Chaos—had been led astray by that CEO to some extent. Replacing him with anyone else might only make things worse!
Other than continuing to put up with this waste, what else could it do?
The Heavenly Dao's light completely dimmed. This time, it was not hibernation, but true, utter... resignation.
It would no longer try to understand, correct, or interfere. So long as the Primordial Chaos did not immediately explode, so long as the tribulations could still advance somehow—even if it meant writing self-criticism letters—it would... close its eyes and ignore it.
Whatever. Let it all go to hell.
Outside, Xiao Kuang, who had just finished soaking his feet in Innate Spiritual Grass, shuddered pleasantly, completely unaware of the kind of "workplace crisis" he had just experienced.
He smacked his lips and found himself a little bored. He had grown tired of playing with tributes, tired of watching the maidservants' songs and dances, and tired of petting the exotic birds and beasts in the zoo.
"Ah, life lacks passion..." He gazed up at the chaotic ceiling at a forty-five-degree angle and let out a deliberately melancholy sigh.
Suddenly, his divine sense casually swept across an immortal mountain paradise somewhere in the western Primordial Chaos. There, in the Jade Pond Immortal Realm, immortal mist swirled. A noble and graceful goddess of peerless cold elegance held a peach in her hand, with azure birds circling around her amid a magnificent sight.
"Huh?" Xiao Kuang's eyes instantly went wide, as though he had discovered a new continent. "This girl... is seriously gorgeous! That aura, that style! Who was she again?"
He desperately searched through his pitifully small reserve of knowledge about the Primordial Chaos.
"Queen... Queen Mother of the West?! Right! I think that was her name! The one from the Peach Banquet!"
A familiar impulse that made the Heavenly Dao's scalp go numb—if it had a scalp—surged through Xiao Kuang's heart again.
"Good stuff... ah, no, a good place... damn, I mean a good goddess!" He rubbed his hands together, a standard sneaky grin spreading over his face. "This Jade Pool Immortal Realm looks far more comfortable than my Purple Cloud Palace! And there are peaches to eat! I heard those peaches taste pretty good?"
"And Queen Mother of the West looks like a quiet, virtuous, cultured woman. She'll definitely be easier to talk to than that water monkey Gong Gong! It wouldn't be too much to invite her over for tea, have a chat, and discuss our ideals in life, right?"
He completely failed to notice that deep within his sea of consciousness, the Heavenly Dao Will that had just chosen to give up weakly flickered, sending out an utterly exhausted, almost pleading thought: [...Stop... Please stop causing trouble... I'm begging you...]
Xiao Kuang automatically filtered out this insignificant interference.
"Hmm... What reason should I use to invite her over?" He stroked his chin, his eyes darting around. "Inviting her directly would seem a little abrupt for such a beauty... Got it!"
He slapped his thigh. "I'll say... I'll say that I wish to hold the 'First Primordial Chaos Arts Performance Awards Ceremony' and specially invite fellow Daoist Queen Mother of the West to serve as the award presenter! Yes! That sounds classy!"
He immediately got to work!
He instantly mobilized the authority that drove the Heavenly Dao to despair, preparing to wield the power of the "Primordial Chaos's greatest abduction" once more.
"Heavenly Dao Authority! Spatial location! Target: Queen Mother of the West! Generate a compulsory invitation! Reason: arts performance awards... Uh, wait!"
He suddenly stopped and scratched his head. "An awards ceremony... I can't have guests without award winners, can I? There'd also need to be performances? And the venue would need decorating? What a hassle..."
The laziness embedded deep in his bones flared up at just the right moment.
"Forget it, forget it." He immediately abandoned the idea. "Too troublesome. Better to be direct."
He cleared his throat, put on what he believed to be a kind and amiable expression, locked his divine sense onto the Jade Pond Immortal Realm once more, and directly sent over a thought:
"Ahem... You're fellow Daoist Queen Mother of the West from the Jade Pool, correct? I am Xiao Kuang of Purple Cloud Palace. I heard the peaches at your place are exceptionally delicious. My appetite has been poor lately, and I would like to ask for a few to try. Would you be willing to... personally bring some over?"
His tone was utterly matter-of-fact.
Within the Jade Pond Immortal Realm, Queen Mother of the West, who had been admiring flowers, abruptly froze. Astonishment and disbelief appeared on her exquisite face.
The Dao Ancestor of Purple Cloud Palace? Personally asking for peaches? And he wanted her to deliver them herself?
This... what an absurd and rude demand!
Yet the Dao Ancestor's name, the might of the Heavenly Dao, and the countless outrageous rumors circulating through the Primordial Chaos recently about this Dao Ancestor... made her hesitate to refuse outright.
Queen Mother of the West fell into deep conflict and unease.
Meanwhile, inside Purple Cloud Palace, after sending the invitation, Xiao Kuang happily reclined in his massage chair, propped up his feet, and waited.
"Hehe, once the peaches arrive, I can chat about life with her. Maybe then I can... hehehe..." He seemed to have already seen a beautiful, lustful future.
Within his sea of consciousness, the Heavenly Dao's final faint glimmer went out with a soft snap.
I'm tired. Destroy it. Hurry up.
Before you continue