Three Thousand Years of Sitting and Forgetting the Way of the Salted Fish

Xiao Kuang's parting words, "Five are here for a game, just need one more!" still echoed in the hall, mixed with Old Ancestor Minghe's stifled roars and the suppressed laughter and spitting blood of other mighty figures.

Just then--

[Heavenly Dao Faint Notification]: Beep... Detected Proxy's 'Second Sermon' has begun... According to the Primordial Era Basic Law Chapter XX, Article XX... Statutory sermon duration: three thousand years... Please maintain your state, Proxy... Timing has begun... zzzz...

This notification wasn't like the majestic, grand, or flustered style from before. Instead, it sounded like a programmer who had pulled an all-nighter and was mentally dazed, weakly reading out the notice before immediately falling asleep, even letting out a snore at the end.

Xiao Kuang: "..." All Primordial Era mighty figures: "..." Even Wangshu in the corner, her eternally frozen lips seemed to twitch.

Three thousand years? Just like that? No, just sitting for three thousand years?

Xiao Kuang scratched his head, looking at the bewildered, angry, desperate, and numb faces below, then at his comfortable massage chair.

"Alright, alright, three thousand years it is," he let out a huge yawn and slumped back into the massage chair, adjusting to a more comfortable position. He mumbled, "Since I'm idle anyway, I'll perform for you all... static enlightenment."

With that, he closed his eyes, tilted his head, and truly... stopped moving!

His breathing became extremely long and slow, his aura retracting to almost nothing, like a human-shaped stone. Only the massage chair faithfully hummed, creating an extremely bizarre combination of stillness and movement.

Inside the Purple Heaven Palace, a deathly silence fell.

All the mighty figures, whether the front-row VIPs like the Three Pure Ones, Nuwa, Jieyin, and Zhunti, or those standing in the back like Minghe, Zhen Yuanzi, the Twelve Ancestral Witches, Kunpeng, Hong Yun, East King Duke, and Queen Mother of the West, were all dumbfounded.

What kind of move was this? No sermon, just sleeping? And doing so for three thousand years in front of all the top mighty figures of the Primordial Era?

Where was Heavenly Dao? Heavenly Dao, do something! Aren't you going to smite him?!

Heavenly Dao (zzzzzz...): Huff... Can't smite... Lazy... Zzzz...

Primordial Lord of Heaven's face turned ashen, the hand gripping the Pangu Banner bulging with veins, wishing he could instantly blast this fraud to smithereens. But he didn't dare. Firstly, he couldn't win (authority cheat), and secondly... what if this "static enlightenment" was truly some supreme realm they couldn't comprehend?

Sect Master Tongtian, on the other hand, looked excited and whispered, "Eldest Brother, Second Brother, look! The Dao Ancestor's actions must have profound meaning! Silence is more profound than sound, and teaching through inaction is the greatest teaching! This is testing our patience and comprehension! I want to learn too!" With that, he imitated Xiao Kuang, striking a "seemingly relaxed yet actually enlightened" pose on his ergonomic chair, though it looked more like he was dozing off.

Laozi's mouth twitched. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and began reciting the Scripture of Purity and Tranquility, trying to force himself to accept reality. But his slightly trembling whisk revealed his inner turmoil.

Empress Nuwa covered her face with her hand, completely unable to watch. She began to seriously consider whether she should have added an "anti-speechlessness" gene when creating humans.

Jieyin and Zhunti exchanged glances, seeing the same despair and... a hint of strange schadenfreude in each other's eyes? The Dao Ancestor was asleep, did that mean they could sneak off to KTV early? But looking at the people around them, who were glaring (mostly at them, the Three Pure Ones and Minghe), they still didn't dare to move. They could only put on bitter faces, feign closing their eyes to sit upright, and silently calculate how much incense and wish power they would lose over these three thousand years.

The mighty figures in the back were even more awkward.

Leave? They didn't dare. Heavenly Dao had stipulated listening to the sermon for three thousand years. Even if the Dao Ancestor was asleep, the heavenly clock was still ticking! Leaving early would be counted as skipping class, what if they got targeted? Stay? For what? Sleep along with him? Sleep standing for three thousand years? Even if they were innate deities, that would be too shameful!

And so, the most bizarre scene in the history of the Primordial Era unfolded:

Inside the solemn (and now completely off-track) main hall of the Purple Heaven Palace. The Dao Ancestor was slumped in a massage chair, "statically enlightening" (sleeping). The six Saints (reserves) in the front row sat in ergonomic chairs, their expressions varied: angry, imitating, despairing, or reciting scriptures. Behind them stood a dense crowd of the Primordial Era's top mighty figures, each as if struck by a petrification spell, unable to move forward or backward, nor daring to sit (no seats, and no guts to cause trouble in front of the Dao Ancestor). They could only stand stiffly, their expressions like a group attending an extremely painful funeral.

Time trickled by. One year... ten years... a hundred years...

The hall was terrifyingly quiet, with only the hum of the massage chair, the extremely faint sound of breathing, and the occasional subtle "crack" from bones due to standing for too long (mainly the Ancestral Witches; they had strong physiques but stiff postures).

Wangshu went from cold observation to extreme speechlessness, and then to... numbness.

She looked at the youth sleeping without any regard for his image, then at the group of petrified Primordial Era elites below. She felt that the understanding she had accumulated over countless eons of slumber had been shattered in this short period.

Is this the current Primordial Era? Is this the spokesperson chosen by Heavenly Dao? Is this what pursuing the Great Dao looks like?

She even began to wonder if she had made a mistake by choosing to become the Taiyin and fall into slumber, missing out on some "exciting" segment?

Xi He and Chang Xi stood behind her, transitioning from nervous to drowsy. They had grown accustomed to the absurdity of the Purple Firmament Palace, and even felt that sleeping standing for three thousand years wasn't entirely unacceptable. It was better than being dragged by the Dao Ancestor to conduct "cross-dimensional phone call" experiments.

One thousand years passed.

The standing mighty figures began to display their unique abilities. Old Ancestor Minghe's body was faintly surrounded by the illusion of the Sea of Blood, pretending to cultivate Blood God Sons, but actually secretly relieving leg soreness. Zhen Yuanzi took out the Book of Earth, pretending to study the earth veins, but was actually reading to pass the time. Kunpeng conjured a pair of illusory wings, fanning them slightly, pretending to comprehend wind and speed, but was actually performing subtle stretching exercises. The Twelve Ancestral Witches were the most practical; they began to perform the first few movements of the broadcast gymnastics (Witch Race Combat Gymnastics) extremely slowly and imperceptibly, to prevent muscle stiffness. Hong Yun, along with East King Duke and Queen Mother of the West next to him, secretly played silent chess via divine sense.

The entire Purple Heaven Palace seemed to have transformed into a silent, collective performance art exhibition lasting three thousand years.

And the core of the exhibition, the salted fish that caused it all, was sleeping soundly on the massage chair. He even turned over, smacked his lips, and mumbled in his sleep, "Mmm... roasted Kunpeng wings... extra spicy..."

Kunpeng, standing in the back row, jolted violently, a chill running down his spine!

Heavenly Dao (mumbling in its sleep): ...Detected the Proxy continuously outputting 'Silent Dao Charm'... Efficiency of sentient beings' enlightenment... -99%... Mental state... continuously declining... Conforms to the transmission characteristics of the 'Salted Fish Great Dao'... Recording... Zzzz... Overtime pay... Settlement... Primordial Violet Qi... Zzzz...

This bizarre "three thousand years of silent sitting" had only just passed its one-third mark. All the mighty figures' hearts were filled with the same thought: How on earth were they going to endure the remaining two thousand years?!